From the Bookshelf Winning the diplomacy game by Rachel Sproston Be ahead of the game in the workplace "One hundred per cent of the fatigue of the sedentary worker in good health is due to psychological factors," says Dr Brill, quoted in Dale Carnegie's bestselling book How to Enjoy Your Life and Your Job. Although readers may disagree, feeling overwork has clear physical symptoms, the idea forces readers to reconsider fatigue, which is perhaps the first step to alleviating it. Positive experiences with people make life and work happy and fun, whereas negativity in either domain manifests itself in a whole host of undesirable ways. Clearly delineated into four parts and 21 short chapters, the book is like a mini-reference guide for readers seeking direction to improve human interaction or when discourse fails to give the desired results. Reading a book like this in 2008 however begs the question that with soft skills training readily available in the workplace today, why successful people need extra support to improve the way they conduct themselves both personally and professionally. The answer is clear. Disputes in the office and at home continue to escalate, often involving educated people trained to know better. Carnegie underlines the fact that winning an argument or taking the moral high ground may lead to a tremendous feeling of personal satisfaction, but it will not help you win friends, respect or repeat business. In the first chapter of the book Carnegie insists that to truly enjoy life and work, people must discover their niche, their strengths and their true self and leverage on these. Indeed, "There was only one chance in 300,000 billion that the person who is specifically you would be born," he explains (p.17). However, to encourage readers to see things from different perspectives, the book underscores the fact that even when it is obvious we are correct and the other person is wrong, we must avoid highlighting this at all costs. Carnegie advises using linguistic strategies which soften the impact of our discourse, for example: "I believe," rather than "I know," and "It appears to me that...," as opposed to "It's obvious that..." He acknowledges that consenting to differ or agreeing with an idea you do not believe in often entail a degree of deference and obsequiousness. So in essence the book advises you be your natural self at all times but when you disagree with someone, do not say so in your natural blunt way but employ the utmost diplomacy to win favour. It's a kind of modified naturalness he advocates which most sensitive, astute people can master. One striking aspect of the text which is its best selling point is how the reader creates a mental tick box of the diplomatic measures he or she already employs to achieve the desired results when interacting with people. "Be sincere," tick, "Admit to your own mistakes," tick, "Show appreciation," tick, "Don't criticise, condemn or complain," not quite. It is tempting to question why praising a person who has caused you a tremendous amount of extra work should not be a reminder of their lack of diligence, knowledge or ability. However, Carnegie says it can be done and in a similar way to training animals and children with praise and reward, we should highlight the positive aspects of colleagues' work and then question the mistakes using rhetoric along the lines of: "I always have problems spelling that word too, so I keep a little spelling book to help me." According to Carnegie, this method is far superior to angry yelling and the desired improvements will appear in no time. People matters Interpersonal skills remain key in any business context. Paul Chan, principal consultant, Dale Carnegie Training Hong Kong, joins hands with celebrity and seminar favourite Lawrence Cheng ( 鄭 丹 瑞 ) and offers insights at Career Times' "A Marvellous Way to Sell Yourself" seminar on 20 May 2008. For details, log on to www.careertimes.com.hk. Content highlights: Winning an argument may lead to feelings of personal satisfaction but will not help win friends, respect or repeat bussiness Creating a mental tick box of diplomatic measures helps to achieve desired results when interacting with people Highlighting positive aspects of colleagues' work and then questioning mistakes using rhetoric can effectively generate desired improvements About the authors Dale Carnegie was born in 1888 in Missouri, USA to poor parents In 1912, the first Dale Carnegie course began and in 1936 his famous book How to Win Friends and Influence People was published His focus was on sales techniques, effective speaking courses and bettering human relations In 1955, Dale Carnegie passed away but his legacy of core principles remains to this day Now with more than seven million graduates, Dale Carnegie Training continues to cater to the needs of the business community worldwide More than 2,700 professional instructors currently offer Dale Carnegie Training in about 75 countries in 25 languages Taken from Career Times 4 April 2008 Your comments are welcome at [email protected]