Letter of the Law

 by Alan E. Nourse

The place was dark and damp, and smelled like moldy leaves. Meyerhofffollowed the huge, bear-like Altairian guard down the slipperyflagstones of the corridor, sniffing the dead, musty air with distaste. He drew his carefully tailored Terran-styled jacket closer about hisshoulders, shivering as his eyes avoided the black, yawning cell-holesthey were passing. His foot slipped on the slimy flags from time totime, and finally he paused to wipe the caked mud from his trouser leg. "How much farther is it?" he shouted angrily. 

The guard waved a heavy paw vaguely into the blackness ahead. Quitesuddenly the corridor took a sharp bend, and the Altairian stopped, producing a huge key ring from some obscure fold of his hairy hide. "Istill don't see any reason for all the fuss, " he grumbled in a woundedtone. "We've treated him like a brother. "

One of the huge steel doors clicked open. Meyerhoff peered into theblackness, catching a vaguely human outline against the back wall. "Harry?" he called sharply. 

There was a startled gasp from within, and a skinny, gnarled little mansuddenly appeared in the guard's light, like a grotesque, twisted ghostout of the blackness. Wide blue eyes regarded Meyerhoff from beneathuneven black eyebrows, and then the little man's face broke into acrafty grin. "Paul! So they sent _you_! I knew I could count on it!" Heexecuted a deep, awkward bow, motioning Meyerhoff into the dark cubicle. "Not much to offer you, " he said slyly, "but it's the best I can dounder the circumstances. "

Meyerhoff scowled, and turned abruptly to the guard. "We'll have someprivacy now, if you please. Interplanetary ruling. And leave us thelight. "

The guard grumbled, and started for the door. "It's about time youshowed up!" cried the little man in the cell. "Great day! Lucky theysent you, pal. Why, I've been in here for years--"

"Look, Zeckler, the name is Meyerhoff, and I'm not your pal, " Meyerhoffsnapped. "And you've been here for two weeks, three days, andapproximately four hours. You're getting as bad as your gentle guardswhen it comes to bandying the truth around. " He peered through the dimlight at the gaunt face of the prisoner. Zeckler's face was dark with aweek's beard, and his bloodshot eyes belied the cocky grin on his lips. His clothes were smeared and sodden, streaked with great splotches ofmud and moss. Meyerhoff's face softened a little. "So Harry Zeckler's ina jam again, " he said. "You _look_ as if they'd treated you like abrother. "

The little man snorted. "These overgrown teddy-bears don't know whatbrotherhood means, nor humanity, either. Bread and water I've beengetting, nothing more, and then only if they feel like bringing itdown. " He sank wearily down on the rock bench along the wall. "I thoughtyou'd never get here! I sent an appeal to the Terran Consulate the firstday I was arrested. What happened? I mean, all they had to do was get aman over here, get the extradition papers signed, and providetransportation off the planet for me. Why so much time? I've beensitting here rotting--" He broke off in mid-sentence and stared atMeyerhoff. "You _brought_ the papers, didn't you? I mean, we can leavenow?"

Meyerhoff stared at the little man with a mixture of pity and disgust. "You are a prize fool, " he said finally. "Did you know that?"

Zeckler's eyes widened. "What do you mean, fool? So I spend a couple ofweeks in this pneumonia trap. The deal was worth it! I've got threemillion credits sitting in the Terran Consulate on Altair V, justwaiting for me to walk in and pick them up. Three million credits--doyou hear? That's enough to set me up for life!"

Meyerhoff nodded grimly. "_If_ you live long enough to walk in and pickthem up, that is. "

"What do you mean, if?"

Meyerhoff sank down beside the man, his voice a tense whisper in themusty cell. "I mean that right now you are practically dead. You may notknow it, but you are. You walk into a newly opened planet with yoursmart little bag of tricks, walk in here with a shaky passport and nopermit, with no knowledge of the natives outside of two paragraphs ofinaccuracies in the Explorer's Guide, and even then you're not contentto come in and sell something legitimate, something the natives mightconceivably be able to use. No, nothing so simple for you. You have topull your usual high-pressure stuff. And this time, buddy, you're payingthe piper. "

"_You mean I'm not being extradited?_"

Meyerhoff grinned unpleasantly. "I mean precisely that. You've committeda crime here--a major crime. The Altairians are sore about it. And theTerran Consulate isn't willing to sell all the trading possibilitieshere down the river just to get you out of a mess. You're going to standtrial--and these natives are out to get you. Personally, I think they're_going_ to get you. "

Zeckler stood up shakily. "You can't believe anything the natives say, "he said uneasily. "They're pathological liars. Why, you should see whatthey tried to sell _me_! You've never seen such a pack of liars as thesecritters. " He glanced up at Meyerhoff. "They'll probably drop a littlefine on me and let me go. "

"A little fine of one Terran neck. " Meyerhoff grinned nastily. "You'vecommitted the most heinous crime these creatures can imagine, andthey're going to get you for it if it's the last thing they do. I'mafraid, my friend, that your con-man days are over. "

Zeckler fished in the other man's pocket, extracted a cigarette, andlighted it with trembling fingers. "It's bad, then, " he said finally. 

"It's bad, all right. "

Some shadow of the sly, elfin grin crept over the little con-man's face. "Well, at any rate, I'm glad they sent you over, " he said weakly. "Nothing like a good lawyer to handle a trial. "

"_Lawyer?_ Not me! Oh, no. Sorry, but no thanks. " Meyerhoff chuckled. "I'm your advisor, old boy. Nothing else. I'm here to keep you frombotching things up still worse for the Trading Commission, that's all. Iwouldn't get tangled up in a mess with those creatures for anything!" Heshook his head. "You're your own lawyer, Mr. Super-salesman. It's allyour show. And you'd better get your head out of the sand, or you'regoing to lose a case like it's never been lost before!"

 * * * * *

Meyerhoff watched the man's pale face, and shook his head. In a way, hethought, it was a pity to see such a change in the rosy-cheeked, dapper, cocksure little man who had talked his way glibly in and out of morejams than Meyerhoff could count. Trading brought scalpers; it was almostinevitable that where rich and unexploited trading ground was uncovered, it would first fall prey to the fast-trading boys. They spread out fromTerra with the first wave of exploration--the slick, fast-talkingcon-men who could work new territories unfettered by the legalrestrictions that soon closed down the more established planets. Thefirst men in were the richest out, and through some curious quirk of theTerrestrial mind, they knew they could count on Terran protection, however crooked and underhand their methods. 

But occasionally a situation arose where the civilization and socialpractices of the alien victims made it unwise to tamper with them. Altair I had been recognized at once by the Trading Commission as acommercial prize of tremendous value, but early reports had warned ofthe danger of wildcat trading on the little, musty, jungle-like planetwith its shaggy, three-eyed inhabitants--warned specifically against theconfidence tactics so frequently used--but there was always somebody, Meyerhoff reflected sourly, who just didn't get the word. 

Zeckler puffed nervously on his cigarette, his narrow face a study introubled concentration. "But I didn't _do_ anything!" he explodedfinally. "So I pulled an old con game. So what? Why should they get soexcited? So I clipped a few thousand credits, pulled a little fastbusiness. " He shrugged eloquently, spreading his hands. "Everybody'sdoing it. They do it to each other without batting an eye. You should_see_ these critters operate on each other. Why, my little scheme waspeanuts by comparison. "

Meyerhoff pulled a pipe from his pocket, and began stuffing the bowlwith infinite patience. "And precisely what sort of con game was it?" heasked quietly. 

Zeckler shrugged again. "The simplest, tiredest, moldiest old racketthat ever made a quick nickel. Remember the old Terran gag about theBrooklyn Bridge? The same thing. Only these critters didn't wantbridges. They wanted land--this gooey, slimy swamp they call 'farmland. ' So I gave them what they wanted. I just sold them some land. "

Meyerhoff nodded fiercely. "You sure did. A hundred square kilos at aswipe. Only you sold the same hundred square kilos to a dozen differentnatives. " Suddenly he threw back his hands and roared. "Of all thethings you _shouldn't_ have done--"

"But what's a chunk of land?"

Meyerhoff shook his head hopelessly. "If you hadn't been so greedy, you'd have found out what a chunk of land was to these natives beforeyou started peddling it. You'd have found out other things about them, too. You'd have learned that in spite of all their bumbling and fussingand squabbling they're not so dull. You'd have found out that they'remarsupials, and that two out of five of them get thrown out of theirmother's pouch before they're old enough to survive. You'd have realizedthat they have to start fighting for individual rights almost as soon asthey're born. Anything goes, as long as it benefits them asindividuals. "

Meyerhoff grinned at the little man's horrified face. "Never heard ofthat, had you? And you've never heard of other things, too. You'veprobably never heard that there are just too many Altairians here forthe food their planet can supply, and their diet is so finicky thatthey just can't live on anything that doesn't grow here. Andconsequently, land is the key factor in their economy, not money;nothing but land. To get land, it's every man for himself, and the loserstarves, and their entire legal and monetary system revolves on thatprinciple. They've built up the most confusing and impossible system ofbarter and trade imaginable, aimed at individual survival, with land asthe value behind the credit. That explains the lying--of course they'reliars, with an economy like that. They've completely missed the conceptof truth. Pathological? You bet they're pathological! Only a fool wouldtell the truth when his life depended on his being a better liar thanthe next guy! Lying is the time-honored tradition, with their entirelegal system built around it. "

Zeckler snorted. "But how could they _possibly_ have a legal system? Imean, if they don't recognize the truth when it slaps them in the face?"

Meyerhoff shrugged. "As we understand legal systems, I suppose theydon't have one. They have only the haziest idea what truth represents, and they've shrugged off the idea as impossible and useless. " Hechuckled maliciously. "So you went out and found a chunk of ground inthe uplands, and sold it to a dozen separate, self-centered, half-starved natives! Encroachment on private property is legal groundsfor murder on this planet, and twelve of them descended on the samechunk of land at the same time, all armed with title-deeds. " Meyerhoffsighed. "You've got twelve mad Altairians in your hair. You've got a madplanet in your hair. And in the meantime, Terra's most valuable uraniumsource in five centuries is threatening to cut off supply unless theysee your blood splattered liberally all the way from here to theequator. "

Zeckler was visibly shaken. "Look, " he said weakly, "so I wasn't sosmart. What am I going to do? I mean, are you going to sit quietly byand let them butcher me? How could I defend myself in a legal setup like_this_?"

Meyerhoff smiled coolly. "You're going to get your sly little con-manbrain to working, I think, " he said softly. "By Interplanetary Rules, they have to give you a trial in Terran legal form--judge, jury, courtprocedure, all that folderol. They think it's a big joke--after all, what could a judicial oath mean to them?--but they agreed. Only thingis, they're going to hang you, if they die trying. So you'd better getthose stunted little wits of yours clicking--and if you try to implicate_me_, even a little bit, I'll be out of there so fast you won't knowwhat happened. "

With that Meyerhoff walked to the door. He jerked it inward sharply, andspilled two guards over on their faces. "Privacy, " he grunted, andstarted back up the slippery corridor. 

 * * * * *

It certainly _looked_ like a courtroom, at any rate. In the front of thelong, damp stone room was a bench, with a seat behind it, and a smallstraight chair to the right. To the left was a stand with twelvechairs--larger chairs, with a railing running along the front. The restof the room was filled almost to the door with seats facing the bench. Zeckler followed the shaggy-haired guard into the room, noddingapprovingly. "Not such a bad arrangement, " he said. "They must havegotten the idea fast. "

Meyerhoff wiped the perspiration from his forehead, and shot the littlecon-man a stony glance. "At least you've got a courtroom, a judge, and ajury for this mess. Beyond that--" He shrugged eloquently. "I can't makeany promises. "

In the back of the room a door burst open with a bang. Loud, harshvoices were heard as half a dozen of the huge Altairians attempted topush through the door at once. Zeckler clamped on the headset to histranslator unit, and watched the hubbub in the anteroom with growingalarm. Finally the question of precedent seemed to be settled, and agroup of the Altairians filed in, in order of stature, stalking acrossthe room in flowing black robes, pug-nosed faces glowering withself-importance. They descended upon the jury box, grunting andscrapping with each other for the first-row seats, and the judge tookhis place with obvious satisfaction behind the heavy wooden bench. Finally, the prosecuting attorney appeared, flanked by two clerks, whotook their places beside him. The prosecutor eyed Zeckler with coldmalevolence, then turned and delivered a sly wink at the judge. 

In a moment the room was a hubbub as it filled with the huge, bumbling, bear-like creatures, jostling each other and fighting for seats, growling and complaining. Two small fights broke out in the rear, butwere quickly subdued by the group of gendarmes guarding the entrance. Finally the judge glared down at Zeckler with all three eyes, andpounded the bench top with a wooden mallet until the roar of activitysubsided. The jurymen wriggled uncomfortably in their seats, exchangingwinks, and finally turned their attention to the front of the court. 

"We are reading the case of the people of Altair I, " the judge's voiceroared out, "against one Harry Zeckler--" he paused for a long, impressive moment--"Terran. " The courtroom immediately burst into anangry growl, until the judge pounded the bench five or six times more. "This--creature--is hereby accused of the following crimes, " the judgebellowed. "Conspiracy to overthrow the government of Altair I. Brutalmurder of seventeen law-abiding citizens of the village of Karzan at thethird hour before dawn in the second period after his arrival. Desecration of the Temple of our beloved Goddess Zermat, Queen of theHarvest. Conspiracy with the lesser gods to cause the unprecedenteddrought in the Dermatti section of our fair globe. Obscene exposure ofhis pouch-marks in a public square. Four separate and distinct chargesof jail-break and bribery--" The judge pounded the bench fororder--"Espionage with the accursed scum of Altair II in preparation forinterplanetary invasion. "

The little con-man's jaw sagged lower and lower, the color draining fromhis face. He turned, wide-eyed, to Meyerhoff, then back to the judge. 

"The Chairman of the Jury, " said the Judge succinctly, "will read theverdict. "

The little native in the front of the jury-box popped up like a puppeton a string. "Defendant found guilty on all counts, " he said. 

"Defendant is guilty! The court will pronounce sentence--"

"_Now wait a minute!_" Zeckler was on his feet, wild-eyed. "What kind ofrailroad job--"

The judge blinked disappointedly at Paul Meyerhoff. "Not yet?" he asked, unhappily. 

"No. " Meyerhoff's hands twitched nervously. "Not yet, Your Honor. Later, Your Honor. The trial comes _first_. "

The judge looked as if his candy had been stolen. "But you _said_ Ishould call for the verdict. "

"Later. You have to have the trial before you can have the verdict. "

The Altairian shrugged indifferently. "Now--later--" he muttered. 

"Have the prosecutor call his first witness, " said Meyerhoff. 

Zeckler leaned over, his face ashen. "These charges, " he whispered. "They're insane!"

"Of course they are, " Meyerhoff whispered back. 

"But what am I going to--"

"Sit tight. Let _them_ set things up. "

"But those _lies_. They're liars, the whole pack of them--" He broke offas the prosecutor roared a name. 

The shaggy brute who took the stand was wearing a bright purple hatwhich sat rakishly over one ear. He grinned the Altairian equivalent ofa hungry grin at the prosecutor. Then he cleared his throat and started. "This Terran riffraff--"

"The oath, " muttered the judge. "We've got to have the oath. "

The prosecutor nodded, and four natives moved forward, carrying hugeinscribed marble slabs to the front of the court. One by one the chunkswere reverently piled in a heap at the witness's feet. The witnessplaced a huge, hairy paw on the cairn, and the prosecutor said, "Do youswear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, sohelp you--" he paused to squint at the paper in his hand, and finishedon a puzzled note, "--Goddess?"

The witness removed the paw from the rock pile long enough to scratchhis ear. Then he replaced it, and replied, "Of course, " in an injuredtone. 

"Then tell this court what you have seen of the activities of thisabominable wretch. "

The witness settled back into the chair, fixing one eye on Zeckler'sface, another on the prosecutor, and closing the third as if inmeditation. "I think it happened on the fourth night of the seventhcrossing of Altair II (may the Goddess cast a drought upon it)--or wasit the seventh night of the fourth crossing?--" he grinnedapologetically at the judge--"when I was making my way back through towntoward my blessed land-plot, minding my own business, Your Honor, afterweeks of bargaining for the crop I was harvesting. Suddenly from theshadow of the building, this creature--" he waved a paw atZeckler--"stopped me in my tracks with a vicious cry. He had a weaponI'd never seen before, and before I could find my voice he forced meback against the wall. I could see by the cruel glint in his eyes thatthere was no warmth, no sympathy in his heart, that I was--"

"Objection!" Zeckler squealed plaintively, jumping to his feet. "Thiswitness can't even remember what night he's talking about!"

The judge looked startled. Then he pawed feverishly through his bundleof notes. "Overruled, " he said abruptly. "Continue, please. "

The witness glowered at Zeckler. "As I was saying before this loutishinterruption, " he muttered, "I could see that I was face to face withthe most desperate of criminal types, even for Terrans. Note the shapeof his head, the flabbiness of his ears. I was petrified with fear. Andthen, helpless as I was, this two-legged abomination began to shower mewith threats of evil to my blessed home, dark threats of poisoning myland unless I would tell him where he could find the resting place ofour blessed Goddess--"

"I never saw him before in my life, " Zeckler moaned to Meyerhoff. "Listen to him! Why should I care where their Goddess--"

Meyerhoff gave him a stony look. "The Goddess runs things around here. She makes it rain. If it doesn't rain, somebody's insulted her. It'svery simple. "

"But how can I fight testimony like that?"

"I doubt if you _can_ fight it. "

"But they can't prove a word of it--" He looked at the jury, who werelistening enraptured to the second witness on the stand. This one wastestifying regarding the butcherous slaughter of eighteen (or was ittwenty-three? Oh, yes, twenty-three) women and children in the suburbanvillage of Karzan. The pogrom, it seemed, had been accomplished by anenergy weapon which ate great, gaping holes in the sides of buildings. Athird witness took the stand, continuing the drone as the room grewhotter and muggier. Zeckler grew paler and paler, his eyes turningglassy as the testimony piled up. "But it's not _true_, " he whispered toMeyerhoff. 

"Of course it isn't! Can't you understand? _These people have no regardfor truth. _ It's stupid, to them, silly, a mark of low intelligence. Theonly thing in the world they have any respect for is a liar bigger andmore skillful than they are. "

Zeckler jerked around abruptly as he heard his name bellowed out. "Doesthe defendant have anything to say before the jury delivers theverdict?"

"Do I have--" Zeckler was across the room in a flash, his pale cheekssuddenly taking on a feverish glow. He sat down gingerly on the witnesschair, facing the judge, his eyes bright with fear and excitement. "Your--Your Honor, I--I have a statement to make which will have a mostimportant bearing on this case. You must listen with the greatest care. "He glanced quickly at Meyerhoff, and back to the judge. "Your Honor, " hesaid in a hushed voice. "You are in gravest of danger. All of you. Yourlives--your very land is at stake. "

The judge blinked, and shuffled through his notes hurriedly as a murmurarose in the court. "Our land?"

"Your lives, your land, everything you hold dear, " Zeckler said quickly, licking his lips nervously. "You must try to understand me--" he glancedapprehensively over his shoulder "now, because I may not live longenough to repeat what I am about to tell you--"

The murmur quieted down, all ears straining in their headsets to hearhis words. "These charges, " he continued, "all of them--they'reperfectly true. At least, they _seem_ to be perfectly true. But in everyinstance, I was working with heart and soul, risking my life, for thewelfare of your beautiful planet. "

There was a loud hiss from the back of the court. Zeckler frowned andrubbed his hands together. "It was my misfortune, " he said, "to go tothe wrong planet when I first came to Altair from my homeland on Terra. I--I landed on Altair II, a grave mistake, but as it turned out, a veryfortunate error. Because in attempting to arrange trading in thatfrightful place, I made certain contacts. " His voice trembled, and sanklower. "I learned the horrible thing which is about to happen to thisplanet, at the hands of those barbarians. The conspiracy is theirs, notmine. They have bribed your Goddess, flattered her and lied to her, coerced her all-powerful goodness to their own evil interests, preparingfor the day when they could persuade her to cast your land into thefiery furnace of a ten-year-drought--"

Somebody in the middle of the court burst out laughing. One by one thenatives nudged one another, and booed, and guffawed, until the risingtide of racket drowned out Zeckler's words. "The defendant is obviouslylying, " roared the prosecutor over the pandemonium. "Any fool knows thatthe Goddess can't be bribed. How could she be a Goddess if she could?"

Zeckler grew paler. "But--perhaps they were very clever--"

"And how could they flatter her, when she knows, beyond doubt, that sheis the most exquisitely radiant creature in all the Universe? And _you_dare to insult her, drag her name in the dirt. "

The hisses grew louder, more belligerent. Cries of "Butcher him!" and"Scald his bowels!" rose from the courtroom. The judge banged forsilence, his eyes angry. 

"Unless the defendant wishes to take up more of our precious time withthese ridiculous lies, the jury--"

"Wait! Your Honor, I request a short recess before I present my finalplea. "

"Recess?"

"A few moments to collect my thoughts, to arrange my case. "

The judge settled back with a disgusted snarl. "Do I have to?" he askedMeyerhoff. 

Meyerhoff nodded. The judge shrugged, pointing over his shoulder to theanteroom. "You can go in there, " he said. 

Somehow, Zeckler managed to stumble from the witness stand, amid riotousboos and hisses, and tottered into the anteroom. 

 * * * * *

Zeckler puffed hungrily on a cigarette, and looked up at Meyerhoff withhaunted eyes. "It--it doesn't look so good, " he muttered. 

Meyerhoff's eyes were worried, too. For some reason, he felt a surge ofpity and admiration for the haggard con-man. "It's worse than I'danticipated, " he admitted glumly. "That was a good try, but you justdon't know enough about them and their Goddess. " He sat down wearily. "Idon't see what you can do. They want your blood, and they're going tohave it. They just won't believe you, no matter _how_ big a lie youtell. "

Zeckler sat in silence for a moment. "This lying business, " he saidfinally, "exactly how does it work?"

"The biggest, most convincing liar wins. It's as simple as that. Itdoesn't matter how outlandish a whopper you tell. Unless, of course, they've made up their minds that you just naturally aren't as big a liaras they are. And it looks like that's just what they've done. Itwouldn't make any difference to them _what_ you say--unless, somehow, you could _make_ them believe it. "

Zeckler frowned. "And how do they regard the--the biggest liar? I mean, how do they feel toward him?"

Meyerhoff shifted uneasily. "It's hard to say. It's been my experiencethat they respect him highly--maybe even fear him a little. After all, the most convincing liar always wins in any transaction, so he gets moreland, more food, more power. Yes, I think the biggest liar could gowhere he pleased without any interference. "

Zeckler was on his feet, his eyes suddenly bright with excitement. "Waita minute, " he said tensely. "To tell them a lie that they'd have tobelieve--a lie they simply couldn't _help_ but believe--" He turned onMeyerhoff, his hands trembling. "Do they _think_ the way we do? I mean, with logic, cause and effect, examining evidence and drawingconclusions? Given certain evidence, would they have to draw the sameconclusions that we have to draw?"

Meyerhoff blinked. "Well--yes. Oh, yes, they're perfectly logical. "

Zeckler's eyes flashed, and a huge grin broke out on his sallow face. His thin body fairly shook. He started hopping up and down on one foot, staring idiotically into space. "If I could only think--" he muttered. "Somebody--somewhere--something I read. "

"Whatever are you talking about?"

"It was a Greek, I think--"

Meyerhoff stared at him. "Oh, come now. Have you gone off your rockercompletely? You've got a problem on your hands, man. "

"No, no, I've got a problem in the bag!" Zeckler's cheeks flushed. "Let's go back in there--I think I've got an answer!"

The courtroom quieted the moment they opened the door, and the judgebanged the gavel for silence. As soon as Zeckler had taken his seat onthe witness stand, the judge turned to the head juryman. "Now, then, " hesaid with happy finality. "The jury--"

"Hold on! Just one minute more. "

The judge stared down at Zeckler as if he were a bug on a rock. "Oh, yes. You had something else to say. Well, go ahead and say it. "

Zeckler looked sharply around the hushed room. "You want to convict me, "he said softly, "in the worst sort of way. Isn't that right?"

Eyes swung toward him. The judge broke into an evil grin. "That'sright. "

"But you can't really convict me until you've considered carefully anystatement I make in my own defense. Isn't that right?"

The judge looked uncomfortable. "If you've got something to say, goahead and say it. "

"I've got just one statement to make. Short and sweet. But you'd betterlisten to it, and think it out carefully before you decide that youreally want to convict me. " He paused, and glanced slyly at the judge. "You don't think much of those who tell the truth, it seems. Well, put_this_ statement in your record, then. " His voice was loud and clear inthe still room. "_All Earthmen are absolutely incapable of telling thetruth. _"

Puzzled frowns appeared on the jury's faces. One or two exchangedstartled glances, and the room was still as death. The judge stared athim, and then at Meyerhoff, then back. "But you"--he stammered. "You're"--He stopped in mid-sentence, his jaw sagging. 

One of the jurymen let out a little squeak, and fainted dead away. Ittook, all in all, about ten seconds for the statement to soak in. 

And then pandemonium broke loose in the courtroom. 

 * * * * *

"Really, " said Harry Zeckler loftily, "it was so obvious I'm amazed thatit didn't occur to me first thing. " He settled himself down comfortablyin the control cabin of the Interplanetary Rocket and grinned at theoutline of Altair IV looming larger in the view screen. 

Paul Meyerhoff stared stonily at the controls, his lips compressedangrily. "You might at least have told me what you were planning. "

"And take the chance of being overheard? Don't be silly. It had to comeas a bombshell. I had to establish myself as a liar--the prize liar ofthem all, but I had to tell the sort of lie that they simply could notcope with. Something that would throw them into such utter confusionthat they wouldn't _dare_ convict me. " He grinned impishly at Meyerhoff. "The paradox of Epimenides the Cretan. It really stopped them cold. They_knew_ I was an Earthmen, which meant that my statement that Earthmenwere liars was a lie, which meant that maybe I wasn't a liar, in whichcase--oh, it was tailor-made. "

"It sure was. " Meyerhoff's voice was a snarl. 

"Well, it made me out a liar in a class they couldn't approach, didn'tit?"

Meyerhoff's face was purple with anger. "Oh, indeed it did! And it put_all_ Earthmen in exactly the same class, too. "

"So what's honor among thieves? I got off, didn't I?"

Meyerhoff turned on him fiercely. "Oh, you got off just fine. You scaredthe living daylights out of them. And in an eon of lying they never haverun up against a short-circuit like that. You've also completely botchedany hope of ever setting up a trading alliance with Altair I, and thatincludes uranium, too. Smart people don't gamble with loaded dice. Youscared them so badly they don't want anything to do with us. "

Zeckler's grin broadened, and he leaned back luxuriously. "Ah, well. After all, the Trading Alliance was _your_ outlook, wasn't it? What apity!" He clucked his tongue sadly. "Me, I've got a fortune in creditssitting back at the consulate waiting for me--enough to keep me on silkfor quite a while, I might say. I think I'll just take a nice, longvacation. "

Meyerhoff turned to him, and a twinkle of malignant glee appeared in hiseyes. "Yes, I think you will. I'm quite sure of it, in fact. Won't costyou a cent, either. "

"Eh?"

Meyerhoff grinned unpleasantly. He brushed an imaginary lint fleck fromhis lapel, and looked up at Zeckler slyly. "That--uh--jury trial. TheAltairians weren't any too happy to oblige. They wanted to execute yououtright. Thought a trial was awfully silly--until they got their moneyback, of course. Not too much--just three million credits. "

Zeckler went white. "But that money was in banking custody!"

"Is that right? My goodness. You don't suppose they could have lostthose papers, do you?" Meyerhoff grinned at the little con-man. "Andincidentally, you're under arrest, you know. "

A choking sound came from Zeckler's throat. "_Arrest!_"

"Oh, yes. Didn't I tell you? Conspiring to undermine the authority ofthe Terran Trading Commission. Serious charge, you know. Yes, I thinkwe'll take a nice long vacation together, straight back to Terra. Andthere I think you'll face a jury trial. "

Zeckler spluttered. "There's no evidence--you've got nothing on me! Whatkind of a frame are you trying to pull?"

"A _lovely_ frame. Airtight. A frame from the bottom up, and you'reright square in the middle. And this time--" Meyerhoff tapped acigarette on his thumb with happy finality--"this time I _don't_ thinkyou'll get off. "

Transcriber's Note:

 This etext was produced from "Tiger by the Tail and Other Science Fiction Stories by Alan E. Nourse" and was first published in _If Magazine_ January 1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U. S. Copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and typographical errors have been corrected without note.