SAMANTHA AT CONEY ISLAND

[Illustration: _Marietta Holley_ [_Samantha_]]

SAMANTHA AT CONEY ISLAND

AND

A THOUSAND OTHER ISLANDS

BY

JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE

(Marietta Holley)

THE CHRISTIAN HERALD

Bible House, New York

COPYRIGHT, 1911

THE CHRISTIAN HERALD

THE PLIMPTON PRESS NORWOOD MASS U. S. A. 

CONTENTS

 CHAPTER ONE

 In Which the Coney Island Microbe Enters Our Quiet Home 1

 CHAPTER TWO

 We set sail for Thousand Island Park and have a real good time, but Josiah murmurs about Coney. 23

 CHAPTER THREE

 We seek Quiet and Happiness in their beautiful hants and mingle with the pleasure seekers of Alexandria Bay. 39

 CHAPTER FOUR

 We enjoy the hospitalities of Whitfield's aunt's boardin'-house at the Park, and my pardner goes a-fishin' 57

 CHAPTER FIVE

 Josiah's imagination about his fishin' exploits carries him to a pint where I have to rebuke him, which makes him dretful huffy 73

 CHAPTER SIX

 In which I draw the matrimonial line round my pardner and also keep my eye on Mr. Pomper 87

 CHAPTER SEVEN

 In which Josiah proposes to dance and Mr. Pomper makes an advance 101

 CHAPTER EIGHT

 In which Mr. Pomper declares his intenshuns an' gives his views on matrimony 123

 CHAPTER NINE

 In which Mr. Pomper makes a offer of marriage and Faith has a wonderful experience 147

 CHAPTER TEN

 We Hear a Great Temperance Sermon, but Josiah Still Hankers for Coney Island 163

 CHAPTER ELEVEN

 In Which We Return Home, and I Perswaide Josiah to Build a Cottage for Tirzah Ann 183

 CHAPTER TWELVE

 In Which Josiah Still Works at His Plan for Tirzah Ann's Cottage, and Decides to Send His Lumber C. O. W. 201

 CHAPTER THIRTEEN

 In Which Josiah and Serenus Depart Sarahuptishusly for Coney Island and I Start in Pursuit 211

 CHAPTER FOURTEEN

 The Curious Sights I Seen An' the Hair-Raisin' Episodes I Underwent in My Agonizin' Search for My Pardner 221

 CHAPTER FIFTEEN

 I Visit the Moon, the Witchin' Waves, Open Air Circus, Advise the Monkeys, Make the Male Statute Laugh, but Do Not Find Josiah 233

 CHAPTER SIXTEEN

 The Wonderful and Mysterious Sights I Saw in Steeple Chase Park, and My Search There for My Pardner 249

 CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

 In Which I Continue My Search for Josiah Through Dreamland, Huntin' for Him in Vain, and Return to Bildad's at Night, Weary and Despairin' 273

 CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

 Josiah Found at Last! the Awful Fire at Dreamland and the Terrible Sights I Saw There 293

 CHAPTER NINETEEN

 We Return to Jonesville and Josiah Builds Tirzah Ann's Cottage With Strange Inventions and Additions 309

 CHAPTER TWENTY

 Faith Comes to Visit Us. We Attend the Camp Meetin' at Piller Pint, and Faith Meets the Lover of Her Youth 327

ILLUSTRATIONS

 PAGE

 _Marietta Holley_ [_Samantha_] _Frontispiece_

 "_Serenus Gowdey tramped up and down our kitchen floor swingin' his arms and describin' the wonders of Coney Island. _" 8

 "_The old deacon couldn't stand such talk. He turned him outdoors, slammed the door in his face, and forbid Faith to speak to him again. _" 14

 "_I liked Castle Rest. It seemed a monument riz up to faithful, patient mothers by the hand of filial gratitude and love. _" 49

 "_I tried to stop him. I didn't want him to demean himself before the oarsmen tryin' to find boats that hadn't been hearn on in hundreds of years. _" 68

 "_'I won't wear a veil, ' sez he stoutly. But the next time a gale come from the sou'west I laid the brim back and tied the veil in a big bow knot under his chin. _" 83

 _"'What does ail you, Samantha, lockin' arms with me all the time--it will make talk! he whispered in a mad, impatient whisper, but I would hang on as long as Mr. Pomper wuz around. "_ 99

 _"As they come nigh me I riz up almost wildly and ketched holt of my pardner and sez I: 'Desist! Josiah Allen, stop to once!' The aged female looked at me in surprise. "_ 132

 "_'No, ' sez Mr. Pomper, 'I want it done as speedily as possible, fer my late lamented left me thirteen children, two pairs of triplets, two ditto of twins, and three singles. '_" 144

 "_Mr. Pomper, thinkin' he would see better, got up on the bench, and jest as he shouted out 'How firm a foundation, ' the bench broke and down he come. _" 169

 "_And then he would call in Uncle Nate Peedick and they would bend their two gray bald heads and talk about specifications and elevations till my brain seemed most as soft as theirn. _" 196

 "_'Serenus and Josiah are havin' a gay time at Coney Island. I've jest had a card from Serenus, ' sez Miss Gowdey. You could have knocked me down with a pin feather. _" 215

 "_I stood before what seemed to be a great city. Endless white towers riz up as if callin' attention to 'em. _" 227

 "_On we went under the waterfall, up, up, down, down, and finally shot out jest where we got in. _" 231

 THE WITCHING WAVES "_Folks get into little automobiles and steer 'em themselves. _" 236

 "_A boat full of men and women set out from the highest peak, shot down the declivity like lightnin' and dashed 'way out on the other side of the bridge. _" 239

 "_Rows of high-headed mettlesome hosses. _" 247

 "_I'm tellin' the livin' truth, as she towered up in front on me, her breast opened and a man's face looked out on me. _" 254

 "_As I went down with lightnin' speed I had'nt time to think much. _" 259

 "_Pretty soon it begun to move and one by one they wuz throwed off and went down I know not where. _" 261

 _"As I went into Dreamland it seemed as if all the folks in the city was there. "_ 267

 _"We got in a small boat and wuz carried round and round till we dived into a dark tunnel. "_ 277

 _"I went forward to see the Head Hunters. I sez to 'em 'I've hearn of your doin's and I want to advise you for your good_. '" 282

 _"It wuz a sight to see, acres and acres of sand dotted with men, wimmen, and children. "_ 287

 "_I rushed forwards and cried to the lordly beast above, jest ready to spring: 'Don't harm Josiah! Devour me instead. _'" 304

 "_I myself never sot foot on the Bowery; I wuzn't goin' to nasty up my mind with it, though I hearn there wuz some good things to be seen there. _" 314

 "_'The suller!' He stood agast, perfectly dumb-foundered but wuzn't goin' to give in he had made a mistake. It wuz too mortifying to his pride. _" 319

 "_I don't know how long they stood there, his eyes searchin' the dear face and findin' a sacred meanin' in it. _" 348

CHAPTER ONE

IN WHICH THE CONEY ISLAND MICROBE ENTERS OUR QUIET HOME

SAMANTHA AT CONEY ISLAND AND A THOUSAND OTHER ISLANDS

CHAPTER ONE

IN WHICH THE CONEY ISLAND MICROBE ENTERS OUR QUIET HOME

When Serenus Gowdey got back last fall from Brooklyn, where his twinbrother, Sylvester, lives, he couldn't talk about anything but ConeyIsland. He slighted religion, stopped runnin' down relations, politicswuz left in the lurch, and cows, hens, and crops, wuz to him as ifthey wuzn't. He acted crazy as a loon about that Island. 

Why, Sylvester'ses wife told Miss Dagget and she told the Editor ofthe Augur's wife, and she told Ben Lowry's widder, and she told theEditor of the Gimlet's mother-in-law, and she told me. It comestraight, that Serenus only stayed there nights and to a earlybreakfast, but spent his hull durin' time to Coney Island, and he atwin too. She said Sylvester felt so hurt she wuz afraid it wouldmake a lastin' hardness. And it made me enough trouble too, yesindeed! for he would come and pour out his praises of that frisky, frivolous spot into Josiah's too willin' ears, till he got him as wildas he wuz about it. 

Why, evenin's after he'd been there recountin' its attractions tillbed-time, Josiah would be so wrought up he'd ride night mairs most allnight. He'd spring up in bed cryin' out, "All aboard for ConeyIsland!" or, "There is the Immoral Railway! See the divin' girls, andthe Awful Tower. Get a hot dog; look at the alligators, etc. , etc. " Igin him catnip to soothe his nerve, but that didn't git the pizen outof his system; no, acres of catnip couldn't. 

Oh, how dead sick I'd git of their talk, Coney Island! Luna Park! Wellnamed, I'd say to myself, it is enough to make anybody luny to hear somuch about it. Steeple Chase! chasin' steeples, folly and madness. Dreamland! night mairs, most probable. Why, from Serenus' talk that Ihearn onwillingly about toboggan slides, merry-go-rounds, swings, immoral railways, skatin' rinks, diving girls, loops de loops, andbumps de bumps, trips to the moon and trashy shows of all kinds I gotthe idee there wuzn't nothin' there God had made, only the Ocean andthe little incubator babies, though them two shows wuzn't what youmight call similar and the same size. Why, I myself, with my powerfulmind, would git so cumfuddled hearin' his wild and glarin'descriptions, that my brain would seem to turn over under my foretop, and I didn't wonder at Josiah's bein' led away by it, much as Ilamented it, for he soon declared that go there he would. 

In vain I reminded him that he wuz a deacon and a grand-father. Hesaid he didn't care how many deacons he wuz, or how manygrand-fathers; he wuz goin' to see that beautiful and entrancin' placewith his own eyes. I tried to quell him down, but couldn't quell himworth a cent, with Serenus firin' him up on the other side. 

One Sunday, Elder Minkley preached an eloquent sermon describing theglories of the New Jerusalem, and Josiah said goin' home that fromSerenus' tell, the elder had gin a crackin' good description of ConeyIsland. 

I groaned aloud. And he sez, "You may groan and sithe all you're aminter; I shall see that magnificent place before I die. "

"Well, " sez I coldly, "I don't want to talk about it Sunday. Ifyou've got to talk about shows and Pleasure Huntin', do it week days, and don't pollute this sacred day with it. "

"Pollute nothing!" sez he, and we didn't speak for over two milds. Butanother weariness wuz ahead on me, and another strain on my overworkedear pans. Jest about this time, Whitfield Minkley, our Tirzah Ann'shusband, got jest as much carried away and enthused over some otherIslands, though he had more to show for his het up state of mind. Onethousand and seventy wuz the number of islands he fell voylently inlove with and tried to make us the same. He had been to Canada onbizness and went through them islands, and wuz overcome by theirextreme beauty. I'd heard that Whitfield's islands wuz as beautiful asanything this side of the Heavenly gardens. Still, with Serenus on oneside praisin' up Coney, and Whitfield on the other praisin' up hisislands, I got so dead tired of 'em that I wished there wuzn't asingle island on the hull face of the earth. Yes, extreme wearinesshad got me so low down as that. 

One evenin', Serenus had been there and talked three hours stiddy, describin' the charms and attractions of his island. The rush androar of the mechanical amusements, so wonderful they made scientificmen wonder. The educated animals that showed how fur animals could bemade to reason and understand. The constant hustle and bustle of theimmense crowds, ever comin', ever goin', ever movin', never stoppin'. He stood up some of the time describin' the wonders and splendorsthere, and tramped up and down our kitchen floor, swingin' his armsand actin', till, when he left at late bed-time, Josiah wuz pale withlongin', and when I got up to lock the door and let out the cat, myhead seemed to go round and round, and I had to hang onto the door nobto stiddy myself. 

And the very next forenoon Whitfield and Tirzah Ann and little Delightcome to spend the day. Her name is Anna Tirzah, but I called herHeart's Delight, she wuz so sweet and pretty, and we've shortened itinto Delight. I wuz glad to see 'em and done well by 'em in cookin'. Ihad a excelent dinner started--roast fowl and vegetables and orangepuddin', etc. --but Whitfield, jest as soon as he sot down, begun todescant on the beauty of his islands. I groaned and sithed out in thebuttery. "Islands agin! I had one island last night till bed-time, andnow I've got one thousand and seventy ahead on me. "

[Illustration: "_Serenus Gowdey tramped up and down our kitchen floorswingin' his arms and describin' the wonders of ConeyIsland. _" (_See page 7_)]

He begun jest as I put my potatoes on to bile, I wuz goin' to smash'em with plenty of cream and butter; I hearn him till dinner wuz onthe table, and I wuz turnin' out the rich, fragrant coffee and addin'the cream to it, and his praise on 'em wuz still flowin' in a stiddystream, and then I asked him, in one of his short pauses for breath, how Grout Nickelson's rumatiz wuz. 

He answered polite but brief, and resoomed the subject nearest anddearest. I then, with dizzy foretop and achin' ear pans, tried to turnhis mind onto politics and religion, no avail. I tried cotton cloth, carbide, lamb's wool blankets, Panama Canal, literatoor, X rays, hens'eggs, Standard Oil, the school mom, reciprocity, and the tariff; not amite of change, all his idees swoshin' up against them islands, andtryin' to float off our minds there with hisen. I thought of what I'dhearn Thomas J. Read about Tennyson's character, who "didn't want todie a listener, " and I sez in a firm voice, "I've had a letter fromCousin Faithful Smith. She's comin' here next spring to make avisit. "

Whitfield said he should love to see Cousin Faith, but whilst she wuzhere, we all ort to go to the Thousand Islands. 

Sez Josiah firmly, "We ort to take her to Coney Island, " and he wenton rehearsin' Serenuses praises, and the education and the bliss onecould git there. He rid his hobby nobly, but Whitfield, bein' youngand spry, could ride his hobby faster and furder, till finally Josiahgot discouraged, and sot still a spell, and then scratched his head, and went out to the barn. And Whitfield seated himself with ease onhis hobby, which pranced about us till, well as I love the children, Ifelt relieved to see 'em go, for my head felt as if the river wuzrushin' through it. And after they left and we driv over to the postoffice, it seemed as if the democrat wuz a boat and the dusty road abroad, liquid stream, down which we wuz glidin' and the neighin' ofthe old mair (we had to leave her colt to home) wuz the snort of asteamer. My dreams that night wuz about the Saint Lawrence, kinderswoshy and floatin' round. 

Well, the cold winter passed away, as winters will, if you havepatience to wait (or if you don't either, to be exact and truthful). The shiverin' earth begun to git a little warmer, kinder shookherself and partly throwed off the white fur robe she'd wore allhuddled round herself so long, and as the sun looked down closter andmore smilin' it throwed it clear off and begun to put on its new greenspring suit. Them same smiles, only more warm and persuadin' like, coaxed the sweet sap up into the bare maple tops in Josiah's sugarbush and the surroundin' world, till them same sunny smiles wuz packedaway in depths of sugar loaves and golden syrup in our store room. Wild-flowers peeped out in sheltered places; pussy willows bent downand bowed low as they see their pretty faces in the onchained brook;birds sung amongst the pale green shadders of openin' leaves; the westwind jined in the happy chorus. And lo! on lookin' out of our winderbefore we knowed it, as it were, we see Spring had come!

And with the spring come my expected visitor, Faithful Smith. She ismy own cousin on my own side, called by some a old maid. But shehain't so very old, and she's real good-lookin'--better than when shewuz a girl, I think, for life has been cuttin' pure and sweet meanin'sinto her face, some as they carve beauty into a cameo. She's kinderpale and her sweet soul seems to look right out at you from her softgray eyes, and the lay of her hull face is such that you would think, if the fire of happiness could be built up under it (in her soul), itwould light up into loveliness. 

She wuz disappinted some years ago (or I d'no what you would call it)when she sent the man away herself. But she had a Bo when she wuz agirl by the name of Richard West. Dick West wuz the fullest of fun youever see, though generous and good hearted; but he boasted on notbelievin' anything, and Faithful's father, bein' a church member ofthe closest kind, and she brung up as you may say, right inside thetabernacle, with her Pa's phylakracy hangin' on the very horns of thealtar, you may know what opposition Richard got from her Pa and herown conscience. Her conscience, as so many good girl's consciencesare, wuz a perfect tyrant, and drove her round--that, and her Pa. Hewanted to be a good man, but wuz bigoted and couldn't see no higherthan the top of the steeple, and didn't want to. And take these facts, with her deep true love for Richard, you may know she got tosstedabout more'n considerable. 

Richard would make fun right in meetin'--make fun of their religiousobservances--and finally, though he wuz good natured, and did all hispranks through light-hearted mischief and not malice, yet at last hedid git mad at the old deacon, who wuz comin' it dretful strong on himwith his doctrines and exhortin' him, tellin' him he wuz a lost souland had been from before his birth. Then Richard sassed him right backand told him he didn't believe in _his_ idee of the Deity. 

The old deacon couldn't stand such talk. He turned him outdoors, slammed the door in his face, and forbid Faith to speak to him again. She obeyed her Pa and her own conscience; but it seemed to take allthe nip out of her life. You see, she loved this young man; and whenanyone like Faith loves it hain't for a week or a summer, but forlife. 

He writ to her burnin' words of love and passion, for he loved her tooin the old-fashioned way Adam did Eve--no other woman round, you know. And the words he writ wuz, I spoze, enough to melt a slate stun, letalone a heart, tender and true. She never writ a word back, and atlast she wouldn't read his letters and sent 'em back onopened. Thatmadded him and he went on from bad to worse, swung right out intowickedness. He seemed to git harder and harder, and finally seein' hecould make no more impression on Faith than he could on white clearcrystal, he went off west, as fur as Michigan at first, so I hearn, and so on, I don't know where to. 

[Illustration: "_The old deacon couldn't stand such talk. He turned himoutdoors, slammed the door in his face, and forbid Faithto speak to him again. _" (_See page 13_)]

Well, Faith lived on in the old home, very calm and sweet actin', witha shadder on her pretty face, worryin' dretful about her lover, so itwuz spozed. But at last it seemed to wear off and a clear white lighttook its place on her gentle forward, as if her trouble had bleachedoff the earthly in her nature so her white soul could show throughplain. Mebby she'd got willin' to trust even _his_ future with theLord. 

Dretful good to children and sick folks and them that wuz in trouble, Faith wuz. Good to her Pa, who wuz very disagreable in his last days, findin' fault with his porridge and with sinners, and most of themround him. But she took care on him patient, rubbed his back andsoaked his feet, and read the Sams to him, and reconciled him all shecould, and finally he went out into the Great Onknown to find out hisown mistakes if he had made any, and left Faith alone. 

The house wuz a big square one with a large front yard with somePollard willers standin' in a row in front on't, through which thewind come in melancholy sithes into the great front chamber at nightwhere Faith slept, or ruther lay. And the moon fallin' through thewillers made mournful reflections on the clean-painted floor, and Ispoze Faith looked at 'em and read her past in the white cold rays andher future too. 

She hired a man and his wife to live in part of the house, and sheherself lived on there, a life as cold and colorless as a nun's. Butthere wuz them that said that she loved that young West to-day jest aswell as she did the day they parted, bein' one of the constant natersthat can't forgit; that she kep' his birthdays every year, butsarahuptishously, and on the anniversary of the day she parted withhim, nobody ever see her from mornin' till night. 

The tall Pollard willers wuz the only ones that could look down intoher chamber, and see how she looked, or what she wuz doin'. And theynever told, only jest murmured and sithed, and kinder took on about itin their own way. But the next day, Faith always looked paler andsweeter than ever, they said. 

Well, I wuz glad enough to see Faith. I think a sight on her and sheof me, and we had a real good time. Josiah sez to me the day aftershe come, "She is the flower of your family!"

And I told him I didn't know as I should put it in jest that way, andhe might jest as well be mejum, sez I, "You're quite apt to demean therelation on my side, and if you take it into your head to praise oneof the females, you no need to go _too_ high. "

"Well, " he repeated, "she is the flower of the Smith race. Of course, "sez he, glancin' at my liniment and then off towards the buttery fullof good vittles, "I always except _you_, Samantha, who I consider thefairest flower that ever blowed out on the family tree of Smith. "

Josiah is a man of excelent judgment. But to resoom backward, I had adretful good visit with Faith and enjoyed her bein' with us the bestthat ever wuz. Instead of makin' work she helped, though I told hernot to. She would wipe and I would wash, and we would git through thedishes in no time. She hunted round in my work basket and found somenightcaps I'd begun and would finish 'em, put more work on 'em than Ishould, for I slight my every day sheep's-head nightcaps. But shetrimmed 'em and cat-stitched 'em, till they wuz beautiful to lookupon. She wuz always very sweet and gentle in her ways. As wuz saidof her once, she entered a room so quietly and gracefully, she madeall the other wimmen there feel as if they'd come in on horse-back. Now that I hadn't seen her for some time, it seemed as if I hadn'tremembered how lovely and interestin' she wuz. 

We had a good visit talkin' about the world's work, and reciprocity, and Woman's suffrage--which we both believed in--and hens, bothsettin' and layin'. And we talked about the relation on our two sides. Of course, some of the wimmen hadn't done as we thought they ort to;but we didn't run 'em, only wuz sorry they wuz so different. 

There wuz Aunt Nancy John and Aunt Nancy Jim, widders of the two oldSmith twins. I told Faith I wuz sorry they wuzn't more like her motherand mine, our mothers wuz so much better dispositioned, and fur betterlookin', and didn't try to color their hair and act younger than theywuz; and Uncle Preserved's boy, a lawyer, I told Faith it wuz a pityhe wuzn't more like our Thomas Jefferson, though it wuzn't to beexpected that there _could_ be two boys amongst the relations sonearly perfect as Thomas Jefferson wuz; but I didn't act hauty, onlywuz sorry he hadn't turned out so well. 

And Uncle Lemuel's two girls, I said I wouldn't want it told out ofthe family, but they wuz extravagant and slack, and their housesdidn't look much like Tirzah Ann's and Maggie's house. But we hadn'tort to expect many such housekeepers as our children wuz. And wetalked about the Thousand Islands and she promised to go out withJosiah and me the next summer if nothin' happened. And Josiah then andthere, tried to make us promise to go to Coney Island on our waythere. "On our way, " sez I, "it would be five hundred milds out of ourway!"

"And well worth it!" sez he, "to see what Serenus see, and hear whatSerenus hearn. Why I git so carried away jest hearin' about thatmagnificent spot that I have to fairly hang onto myself to keep fromstartin' there to once bareheaded. "

"I know it, Josiah; you've acted luny about it. And if jest hearin'about it harrers your nerve so, what would seein' it do?"

"My nerve ain't harrered, " he sez. 

Sez I, "Can you deny I have had to give you quarts of catnip after youhave had a seancy with Serenus about that frivolous spot, full ofhilarity and temptation?"

"Because you have drownded out my insides with catnip, it hain't nosign I needed it. And I tell you, Samantha Allen, you may demean thatgrand glorious place all you're a minter; I shall see it ere long. Itis the shinin' gole I have rared up in front of me and I'm bound toset on it. "

Sez I, "If you hain't got any nobler gole than that ahead on you Ipity you from the bottom of my heart. " And to kinder skair him I sezagin, "Do you, a Christian deacon, want to act frisky and gopleasure-huntin' at your age?"

"Why, " sez he, "Serenus sez it is the most entrancin'ly beautiful andfascinatin' spot on earth. He sez, and can prove, it is the biggestplayground in the hull world, to say nothin' of what you can learnthere, and folks come from foreign countries jest to see it. Theirfirst question when they land is, 'Where is Coney Island? Lead me toit!'"

"Oh shaw!" sez I. 

"Well, it is so, and why should such droves of folks go there if ithain't worth it? Serenus sez and can prove, that a million folks gothere in one day sometimes, and hundreds of thousands most everyday. "

Sez I solemnly, "Do you remember the him, 'Broad is the road thatleads, ' you know where. 'And thousands walk together there. ' Do youwant to walk with 'em, Josiah?"

"Yes, I do, and lay out to. "

Oh how deep the pizen had gone into his solar system! I see scarin'didn't do no good, so I tried tender talk to wean him from the idee. Itold him I thought too much on him to resk him there in such crowds. He wuz too small boneded and his head too weak to grapple with thelures and temptations that would surround him, and I'd never give myconsent to his goin, ' much less lead him into temptation. 

"Lead your granny!" sez he in a rough axent. And that wuz all the goodmy lovin' talk did. 

Faith said she didn't care about goin'. But we took her to visit thechildren, though the day I took her to Whitfield's he had of course, jest like Josiah, to ride that hobby of hisen which raced and cavortedround us, till before night he got us both most as wild as he wuzabout the Islands. But she had to go from our house to Uncle OrnaldoSmithses, and had promised to visit friends out to Ohio durin' thesummer. I hated to have her go. 

CHAPTER TWO

WE SET SAIL FOR THOUSAND ISLAND PARK AND HAVE A REAL GOOD TIME, BUTJOSIAH MURMURS ABOUT CONEY. 

CHAPTER TWO

WE SET SAIL FOR THOUSAND ISLAND PARK AND HAVE A REAL GOOD TIME, BUTJOSIAH MURMURS ABOUT CONEY. 

Soon after, Whitfield wuz obleeged to go to Canada agin on thatbizness and go through them Thousand Islands, and said he felt likejumpin' off the boat, swimmin' ashore and buyin' the hull on 'em, theywuz so entrancin'ly lovely. But by holdin' onto his principles andpatience (of course he'd got quite a lot of patience, he'd beenmarried a number of years) he managed to git through without jumpin'off the boat and tacklin' the job of buyin' 'em, but said to himself, "If my life is spared to finish up that bizness I'll come back and buyten or a dozen. "

So sure enough on his way back he stopped off at Alexandria Bay andtackled a real estate agent to see what he would ask for a few islandsclose to the beautiful Bay. He had a idee, I spoze, of locatin' therelation on his side and hern round on the different Islands, mebbyan island apiece. But to his surprise and horrow he found that theprice for the smallest one wuz appallin'. But he vowed that if it tookevery cent of money he had (and he's quite well off) he would own apiece of one big enough for a house. 

So, after searchin' both by water and by land, he found a buildin'spot he felt able to buy. It wuz on one end of an island that wuzcalled Shadow Island, mebby because the shadder of the tall trees uponit wuz mirrored so plain in the water, makin' it look as if there wuzanother and fairer isle below. 

There wuz a big empty house standin' on one end of the Island, theowner bein' in Europe and not wantin' to rent it. There wuz a portionof it smooth and grassy, though the grass wuz kinder thin in places, the rocks come up so clost to the surface. But as I told Whitfield, stun is cleaner than dirt, and more healthy, unless you have 'em boththrowed at you, in that case dirt is more healthy. He said the spotwuz dry and there wuz some hemlock and pine trees standin' on one endon't, and under 'em wuz a carpet of the rich brown leaves and pineneedles that Whitfield thought would be beautiful for little Delightto play in. 

And on the spot he'd picked out for a house the soil wuz deep enoughfor a good suller. Tirzah Ann always did love sullers; she kinder tookto 'em. She has to go down suller most the first thing when she comeshome visitin'. She never seems to want anything, only to sort o' lookround. Some say her ma wuz so; but there is worse things to take tothan sullers, and I wuz glad enough there wuz a place there whereTirzah Ann could have one. 

Well, I declare I fell in love with the place myself. And he beset usto go out and see it, and early in the summer we sot sail, the hull onus, for the Thousand Island Park, a good noble campin' ground, thoughmiddlin' hot in some spots. I've been asked what made it so muchhotter there round the Tabernacle than it was up to Summer Land, wherethe Universalists wuz encamped. And I don't spoze it is because theybelieve in hotter places, but it kinder sets folks to thinkin'. Bothplaces are pleasant and cool enough in moderate weather. 

I hadn't no idee that so beautiful a spot wuz so nigh us. For as nearas we've lived to 'em, Josiah and I never laid eyes on them islandsbefore. But I've hearn of folks that lived within' hearin' of NiagaraFalls that never see that grand and stupendous wonder of the world;they didn't see it just because they _could_. Queer, hain't it? But itis a law of nater, and can't be changed. 

So one warm lovely mornin' we sot out. We went by way of Cape Vincentwhich we found afterwards wuzn't the nearest way, but we didn't care, for it gin us a bigger and longer view of the noble St. Lawrence. CapeVincent is a good-lookin' place, though like Josiah and myself, itlooks as if it had been more lively and frisky in its younger days. Pretty soon the big boat hove in sight. We embarked and got goodseats, Whitfield full of bliss to think he wuz started for hisislands. 

And sure enough, tongue can never tell the beauty and grandeur wefloated by that afternoon; nor pen can't, no, a quill pen made out ofa eagle's wing couldn't soar high enough. And my emotions, as I tookin that seen, would been a perfect sight if anybody could got holt of'em, as I rode along on that mighty river that is more like a oceanthan a river, holdin' the water that flows from the five great inlandseas of North America, the only absolutely tide-less river in theworld. It is so immense in size that the spring freshets that disturbsother big rivers has no effect on its mighty depths, though once in awhile, every three years, I think it is, the river draws in her oldbreath in an enormous sithe two or three feet deep, and stays so forsome time. I d'no what makes it nor nobody duz. But truly there isenough in this old world to sithe about, as deep sithes as a mortal ora river can heave. 

But to resoom forwards. The beautiful river bore us onwards, the greenshores receedin' on each side till pretty soon it got to be not muchshore but seemin'ly all river, all freshness and freedom and bluesparklin' water, and blue sky above. Nater wuz foldin' us in herfaithful arms and sweepin' us away from the too civilized world intothe freshness and onstudied beauty of her own hants. 

I sot there perfectly entranced, and nothin' occurred to break my raptmusin's save my pardner's request for a nut cake and a biled egg, anda longin' murmer about Coney Island and a wish that he wuz started forthere. But that didn't seem to quell my emotions down. I handed thefood to him with a hand that seemed some distance off from my realself. 

The first big island we went by wuz called Carleton. Standin' on it, loomin' up tall and solemn and mysterious, wuz some high stun towers. They stood up there as if tellin' us how little we knew. They lookedlike great exclamation points set there to express the futility of ourboasted knowledge. 

Who built them chimblys? Who started the fires under 'em? Who drinkedthe tea that wuz steeped there? What kind of tea wuz it? Did the waterbile? How did them tea drinkers feel and look and act while themchimblys carried off the smoke of their fire? What wuz their highestaspirations and idees? What wuz their deepest joy and keenest pain?What goles did they see ahead on 'em, and did they ever set down onthem goles? I can't tell nor Josiah can't. A hundred years ago onemoulderin' old head-stun leaned over the grave of one of that company. Wuz it a glad or a sad heart that rested there in that ancient grave?Well, the sadness or the joy is jest as much lost and forgot as thesmoke that wafted up towards the sky on the June and December mornin'sof 1600 odd. 

As I thought of all these things, them lofty towers riz up likegigantick skeleton fingers outstretched mockin'ly. They seemed to besayin' to me and Josiah and the world at large, "You may boast ofyour inventions, your marvels of this age, your civilization, yourglory, your pryin' into dark continents and unexplored regions of landand science. But what do you know anyway? Of what consequence are you?How soon your life and your memory will be utterly wiped out andforgotten. How soon the careless sun will forget the shadow you caston the earth's bosom. How soon the green grass of the forgettin' earthwill grow fresh and untrodden and cover up the traces of your eagerfootsteps, no matter how deep you thought you had made the track youwalked in. How soon it is all wiped away as if it had never been. AndMom Nater, instead of weepin' over your loss, goes on wreathin' newflowers for new hands to gather, and mebby forgits to drop even a budon the dusty mound where you lay sleepin'--the sleep of longforgetfulness. 

"Of what account are you anyway? Poor blind voyagers, floatin' by mejest as so many generations have gone past--canoe and white sailsfloatin' along, floatin' along, comin' in view of me in the fur bluehazy distance, comin' into the broad light before me and glidin' offand disappearin' in the shadows. Forever and ever, new ones comin, 'comin', goin', goin', year after year, generation after generation. And here we have stood calm, settled down, pintin' up into the heavenswhere our history is gathered up, where the ones that made our historyare gathered like the drops of spray from the river that has washed onthe shores at our feet, and then evaporated up agin into the bluesky. "

And as I lost sight of them stun towers in the distance, they seemedto say, "Float on, poor voyagers; float along with your pitiful littlecrumbs of knowledge and wisdom carried so proudly. How soon theshadows will drift apart to take you into 'em and then close up andhold you there forever. And out of the shinin' west new faces willcome growin' plainer and plainer as the boat draws near; they willshine out full and clear in front of me and then glide away into themist--I shall lose sight of 'em jest as I do of you to-day. Comin'!comin'! goin'! goin'! They will look at me and wonder jest as you doto-day, and I will say to 'em jest as I do to you, 'Hail andfarewell!'"

Oh what emotions I did have! And I hadn't more'n got to this pint inmy meditatin', when I hearn a voice on the off side on me (Josiah wuzon the nigh side). 

The voice said, "Oh how I wish I could be put back there jest aminute and see what them tall towers see when they wuz built!"

I felt that here wuz a congenial soul and I felt friendly to him asone would hail a familiar sail when they wuz floatin' on foreignwaters. The voice went on:

"Oh how I wish I could be a fly, and fly back there for a hour. "

Instinctively I looked round. The speaker weighed three hundred poundsif he did an ounce, and the idee of his bein' turned into a fly seemedto bring down my soarin' emotions more than considerable. Truly, weort to be careful how we handle metafors. If he'd said he wanted to bechanged into a elephant or a camel, or even a horse, it wouldn't haveseemed so curious, but a fly!!! Dear me!

Clayton is a good-lookin' drowsy sort of a place, and kinder mixed uplookin' from the aft forecastle, where I stood; but at last the littlefoot bridge that connected us with the shore wuz took up, the old boatgin a loud yell to skair the children and young folks back from thewater's edge, and the boat riders from fallin' off the boat, and wesot out agin and floated along. 

And now pretty soon the islands grew closter and closter together, and we wouldn't no more than go by one lovely one, than another moreperfect lookin' hove in sight, and then another and another, each oneseemin'ly more beautiful than the last. 

Some times we would go clost up to the shore, by islands whose greenforests swep' clear down to the water's edge, makin' the water lookgreen and cool and shady, and the water would narrow itself downbetween two houses seemin'ly jest to be accomodatin', and run alongbetween 'em like a little rivulet with water lilies and buttercupsdippin' down into it on each side and boys wadin' acrost. Jest thinkon't, that big noble-sized river, dwindlin' itself down jest toobleege somebody. 

And sometimes big houses would loom up jest above the water's edge, their daintily shaded winders lookin' down into the green waves andreflected there, anon a stately mansion would set back a little withtowers and pinnacles risin' above the green trees, and cool shadywalks windin' by summer houses and bright posy beds, and gayly dressedfolks walkin' along the beautiful paths, and mebby a pretty girlsettin' in a boat, and a hull fleet of boats filled with gay pleasureseekers would glide along like gayly plumed sea birds, and fur in thedistance and on every side white sails would sail on like bigger birdsof white plumage, all set out for the Isle of Happiness. 

I pinted out the metafor to Josiah. 

"Isle of Happiness?" he sez, sort o' dreamy like. "That's right. Serenus sez its everywhere, all over the place. "

"What place?" sez I, suspicion darkenin' my foretop. 

"Why, Coney Island, " sez he, "that's the only Isle of Happiness I everhearn tell on. "

I gin him a look. "Would you compare Coney Island with the beautifulIsle of Happiness that the poets sing on?" I sez, severe like. 

"Where is it?" sez he. 

"Why, " sez I, "It ain't ennywheres. Its a metafor of the brain. "

"Is it ketchin'?" sez he. "Seems to me I've hearn tell of that diseasebefore!" And then before I could gin him an indignant response, hestuck his fingers in his ears and sot there grinnin' like a jimpanzeeall the time I wuz speakin' out my mind. But to resoom. 

Anon a bridge would rise up its fairy arch and connect two islandstogether, each one holdin' a mansion that looked like a palace, andthe bright awnin's of the winders, the pillars and pinnacles, and gaycolors, reflected in the water makin' fairy palaces below as well asabove, and made the hull seen as we journeyed on one of enchantment, that would made the grand Vizier of Bagdad turn green with envy. Andevery palace, mansion, and cottage had its pretty boat-house, with thewater layin' there smooth and invitin' waitin' for the boats to belanched on its bosom, actin' for all the world like a first classfamily stream, warranted to carry safe and not kick and act in theharness. And then mebby the very next minute it would swell itself outagin, and be twenty or thirty milds acrost, rushin', hurryin', anddashin' itself along, hastenin' to the sea. 

Actin' as if it had sunthin' dretful pressin' and important to tellit, and mebby it had. Who knows the language of the liquid waves asthey whisper to each other on sunny beaches and at the meetin' ofplacid waters, makin' love to each other like as not--one tellin' theother of the sweet cow-slip and ferny medders it had to leave at theloud call of its love, the River. The River murmuring back deep wordsof worship and gratitude at the feet of its newly arrived love. 

And then mebby the comin' rivulet complains, moanin' kinder low andsorrowful, as it swashes up on sharp stuny beaches, for what it leftbehind. Meadows and orchards full of May's rosy blossoms, low grassyshores fringed with flowers and fresh, shinin' grasses. And white, dimpled baby feet mebby that waded out in its cool shallows. Prettyfaces that bent over its sheltered pools, as in a lookin' glass, wavin' locks that scattered gold light down into the water, brighteyes that shone like stars above it. I shouldn't wonder a mite if itmissed 'em and tried to say so in its gentle, pensive swish, swash, swish. 

And then mebby the River resented it and kinder roared at it; mebbythat is what it is sayin' in its louder and more voylent tones, upbraidin' it for lookin' back to its more single and lonesome career, when it now has _Him!_ _Him!_ Rush! Roar! Crush! Roar! Roar!

We can't tell what the river is talkin' about, in its calm gentlemoods or its voylent ones. Who knows what the loud angry scream andscreech of the deep waves say as the tempest and storm presses down on'em and the Deep answers back in a voice of thunder, with its greatheart beatin' and heavin' up and throbbin' in its mad pain andfrenzy? Who knows what it is roarin' out, as it meets opposin' forces, wave and rock, and dashes aginst 'em--fightin' and dashin' and tryin'to vanquish 'em like as not? Who can translate the voice of thewaters? I can't, nor Josiah, nor nobody. 

CHAPTER THREE

WE SEEK QUIET AND HAPPINESS IN THEIR BEAUTIFUL HANTS AND MINGLE WITHTHE PLEASURE SEEKERS OF ALEXANDRIA BAY. 

CHAPTER THREE

WE SEEK QUIET AND HAPPINESS IN THEIR BEAUTIFUL HANTS AND MINGLE WITHTHE PLEASURE SEEKERS OF ALEXANDRIA BAY

Sometimes we would sail through the green water, so clost to the shorewe could almost pick off some of the cedar and pine boughs as we wentpast, and we could look off into the green and sunny aisles of thetrees into beautiful solitude and quiet. And we'd want to foller Quietand Happiness back into them beautiful hants. And then agin, we'dfloat by an island where there would be lots of white tents, withwimmen and children and men and boys standin' out wavin' theirhandkerchiefs and shoutin' to us, good natered and sociable. 

And agin we'd go by a kinder high island with a tall, noble mansionstandin' up on it with towers and balconies, and winders allornamented off, and flags a-flyin'. And every house and every tentin'ground had their own little wharfs runnin' down into the water andboats hitched to 'em, jest as we'd hitch the old mair and colt to ahitchin' post. And most of 'em had picturesque boat-houses painted uplike the houses. 

And all of these pretty houses and towers and flags and boats andeverything wuz reflected down into the water, so there wuz handsomepictures above, and still more extremely beautiful ones below. For thesunlight shadow pictures wuz more beautiful fur than the reality, asis often the case. Every little sail-boat and canoe had its whiteshadder floatin' along by it, shinin' out from the blue and sea-greensurface of the water. 

Josiah wuz turrible interested in tryin' to see if the reflections wuzexactly like the real seen up above, and he kept leanin' over the edgeof the boat tryin' to turn his head upside down so's to git a betterlook, and at last he nearly fell overboard into the water only Igrabbed him quick. 

Sometimes, --I don't know what made it, --there would be long lines oflight in different colors layin' on the water; long waveless furrowsof palest amethyst, lilock, pale rose-color, and pearl, soft green andblue, way off and near to, wide and long and changin' all the time. Why, some of the time it would seem as if the surface of the river wuza shinin' pavement made of them glowin' and lustrous colors, that youmight walk out on. And then agin, cold Reality would say to you thatif you tried it, you'd most probable git drownded. 

Anon we went by a island with a house standin' on it, the hull thingseemin'ly nothin' but house right in the strongest current of theriver, and on the end of the island wuz a wheel fixed that run all themachinery of the house, lightin' it, and pumpin' water, and runnin'the coffee mill and sewin' machine, and rockin' the cradle, for all Iknow. 

The river waitin' on 'em, and doin' it cheerful. A soarin' soul ofpower and might, so strong that a wink from its old eye-lids couldswallow up a fleet of ships, and a flirt of its fingers overthrow aarmy of strongest men and toss 'em about like leaves on an autumngale. To see such a powerful, noble body, that wuz used to doin' thebiggest kind of jobs, quietly bucklin' down pumpin' water to supply atea-kettle, and churn a little butter, mebby!

Why, thinks I, what a lesson to hired girls that is, they're always sofraid of doin' a little more than it is their place to do. They're sofraid of settin' back a chair, if it is their place to cook, and soafraid of bilin' a egg if it is their place to slick up the house. Why, it wuz a lesson in morals to see that big grand river crumplin'down to do housework for a spell. 

Frontenac Island used to be called Round Island, I guess because itwuz kinder square in shape. It is a handsome place with a immensehotel[A] settin' back most a quarter of a mild, and jined by a longrailed balcony with another, makin' room enough, it seemed to me, foran army. The broad, handsome path leadin' up to it wuz bordered withbeautiful flowers and shrubs, lookin' lovely against the vivid greenof the lawn. 

I liked the name Frontenac first rate, and Point Vivian, and the nameof the hotel on St. Lawrence Park, Lotus, seemed highly appropriatefor the idle hours of rest and pleasure in the balmy summer-time. 

And that park, while it could pass itself off for an island, wuzreally the main land. And if you wanted a doctor on a dark, stormynight, you could get one without going on the wild waves; and if yougot skairt in the night and sot off to run, you could run as fur asyou wanted to without gittin' drownded. 

I spoke to Josiah about this and he agreed with me, though he took theoccasion to bring in Coney Island, much to my shagrin. 

"I wish, " sez he, "I wish we could stop off somewheres and git a hotdog. "

"A hot dog?" sez I, consternation showin' in my foretop. "Don't youknow that dogs roamin' round loose and overhet in this sultry weatheris apt to git mad and bite you?"

"'Tain't that kind of animile I mean. I mean the kind they eat--inConey Island. "

"Do they eat dogs in Coney Island?" I asks in a faint voice. 

"Yes, " sez he. 

"And would you eat enny on't?"

"Why not?" sez he. 

"Why not?" I cries regainin' my voice to once. "Josiah Allen, have youbecame a canibal like them as lives in heathen lands and welcomescivilized folks with open mouths?"

"Oh, " sez he, "'tain't nothin' like that. These dogs hain't made o'people. No, they air made from sassiges and cooked in front of a opengrate fire. They call 'em hot dogs and Serenus sez--"

I didn't gin him no chance to tell what Serenus sez. I sez many thingsto him there and then that wuz calculated to make him forgit ConeyIsland for awhile. 

But to resoom forwards. We went by a big castle that wuz built up on ahill on a island of considerable size with quite a grove of trees onit. It wuz a noble, gray stun castle, with high towers and pinnaclesshinin' up toward the blue sky--Castle Rest, its name wuz, and Ithought most probable anybody could rest there first rate. The onethat built it and the one it wuz built for, had gone up into anothercastle to rest, the great Castle of Rest, whose walls can't be movedby any earthly shock. A good little mother it wuz built for, ahard-workin', patient, tired-out little mother, who wuz left with ahouse full of boys, and not much in the house, only boys. How sheworked and toiled to keep 'em comfortable and git 'em headed right, washin', cookin', makin', and mendin'; learnin' 'em truthfulness, honesty, and industry with their letters; teachin' 'em themultiplication table and the commandments; trimmin' off their childishfaults, same as she did their hair; clippin' 'em off with her ownanxious lovin' hands. Mebby puttin' a bowl on their heads and cuttin'round it, or else shinglin' 'em. But 'tennyrate doin' her best forthem, soul and body, till she got 'em headed right. Some on 'em givin'their hull lives to help men's souls, lovin' this old world mebby fortheir ma's sake, because it held so many other good wimmen; for theyjest about worshipped her all on 'em. And one of her boys, while therest of 'em wuz helpin' men and wimmen to build up better lives, hewuz buildin' up his creed of helpfulness and improvement in bricks andmortar, tryin' to do good, there hain't a doubt on't. 

Mebby them walls didn't stand so firm as the others did, and tottledmore now and then. Strange, hain't it, that solid bricks and stuns, that you feel and see, are less endurin' and firm than the things youcan't see--changed lives, faith, hope, charity, love to God, good-willto man, and that whiter ideals and loftier aims and desires may towerup higher than any chimbly that ever belched out smoke. 

Curious it is so, but so it is. But 'tennyrate this one son rode onhis sleepin' cars right into millions, and his first thought wuz howhe could please best the little Mother. So he built a castle for her. Tired little feet, walkin' the round of humble duties, waitin' on hersmall boys, did they ever expect to tread the walls of a castle? Herown too. I'll bet it seemed dretful big to her, or would anyway if ithadn't been so full, so runnin' over full of the love andthoughtfulness of all of her boys--and Love will fill and glorifycottage or castle. 

But here she come yearly and gathered her strong, stalwart sons abouther, welcomin' them with the same old tender smile, and constant love, and she, wropt completely round in the warm atmosphere of their loveand devotion. Year after year went happily by till the last time came, and she went away out of her high castle into a still higher one. ButI liked Castle Rest, for it seemed a monument riz up to faithful, patient mothers fur and near, rich and poor, by the hand of filialgratitude and love. 

Comfort Island is real comfortable lookin', and Friendly Island lookedfriendly and neighborly. And Nobby Island looked grand and statelyinstead of nobby, the great house settin' up there on a high rock withbig green lawns and windin' paths under the shade trees, and thebright faced posies on its tall banks peekin' over to see their facesin the deep water below, and mebby lookin' for the kind master who hadgone away to stay. 

[Illustration: "_I liked Castle Rest. It seemed a monument riz up tofaithful, patient mothers by the hand of filial gratitudeand love. _" (_See page 48_)]

And pretty soon our boat sorter turned round and backed up gracefulinto Alexandria Bay, and we hitched it there and lay off agin theharbor real neighborly. There wuz two hotels there in plain sight, each one on 'em as long as from our house to Miss Derias Bobbettses, all fixed off with piazzas and porticos and pillows and awnin's andhandsome colors from the basement clear up--up--up to the ruff, andthe grounds laid out perfectly beautiful. Grass plats and terraces andlong flights of stairs, and glowin' flower beds and summer houses andlong smooth walks and short ones, and everything. And folks all thetime santerin' up and down the terraces and walks, and up and down thepiazzas and balconies. 

It beat all what a lot of steam yots and sailboats there wuz all roundus. It seemed as if every island had a boat of its own and had sent'em all to Alexandria Bay that mornin'. I thought mebby they'd hearnwe wuz comin', and they wuz there to git a glimpse of us. ButWhitfield said the boats come to git the mail, and mebby it wuz so. 

Every yot wuz tootin' on its own separate engine; it made the seenlively but not melogious. One of the boats had a whistle that soundedas if you'd begin to holler down real low and then let your voice risegradual till you yelled out jest as loud as you could, and then dieddown your yell agin real low. 

It sounded curous. I hearn it wuz tryin' to raise and fall the eightnotes, and it riz and fell 'em I should judge. 

Some of the yots had a loud shrill whistle, some a little, fine clearone; then one would belch out low and deep some like thunder. And anonour steamer thundered forth its own deep belchin' whistle, and turnedround graceful and backed off, and puffed, puffed back agin down thebay. 

As we turned round, a bystander, standin' by, spoke of Bonnie Castle. It stood up sort o' by itself on a rock one side of Alexandria Bay. And I wondered if Holland's earnest soul that had thought so much on'tonce, ever looked down on it now. For instance when the full moon wuzhigh in the cloudless sky, and Bonnie Castle riz up fair as a dream, with blue clear sky above, and silence, and deep blue shinin' waterbelow--and silence. And mebby some night bird singin' out of thepretty green garden to its mate in the cool shadows. I wondered if thelovin' soul who created it ever looked down from the blessed life, with love and longin' to the old earth-nest--home of his heart. Ispozed that he did, but couldn't tell for certain. For the connectionhas never been made fast and plain on the Star Route to Heaven. Loverears its stations here and tries to take the bearin's, but we hain'tquite got the wires to jine. Sometimes we feel a faint jarrin' andthrill as if there wuz hands workin' on the other end of the line. Wefeel the thrill, we see the glow of the signal lights they hold up, but we can't quite ketch the words. We strain our ears through thedarkness--listening! listening!

Right acrost from Alexandria Bay is Heart Island; you'd know it atnight if you couldn't see the island, for a big heart of flashin'electric lights is lifted up on a high pole, that can be seen fur andnear. As well as the big shinin' cross of light that is lifted upevery night on another island nigh by in memory of a sweet soul thatused to live there, and is lookin' down on it now, more'n as likely asnot. 

Heart Island is owned by a rich New York man. It is almost coveredwith buildin's of different sizes and ruined castles (the ruins allnew, you know; ruined a-purpose), the buildin's made of the gray stunthe island is composed of. And there are gorgeous flower beds andlawns green as emerald, and windin' walks lined with statuary, andrare vases runnin' over with blossoms and foliage, and a long, coolharbor, fenced in with posies where white swans sail, archin' up theirproud necks as if lookin' down on common ducks and geese. There wuzancient stun architecture, and modern wood rustic work, and I sez toJosiah, "They believe in not slightin' any of the centuries; they'vegot some of most every kind of architecture from Queen Mary down toTaft. "

And he sez, "It is a crackin' good plan too; amongst all on 'emthey're sure to git some of the best. "

"Yes, " sez I, "and it shows a good-hearted sperit too, not wantin' toslight anybody. "

Jest then I heard a bystander say, "Amongst all the places to theIslands, this place and Browney's take the cake. "

Brownings is another beautiful place just round the corner where theflower-garlanded rocks looks down into the deep clear waters anxiousto see their own beauty. And a handsome residence a little back and abig farm full of everything desirable. 

Only a little way acrost from Alexandria Bay is Westminster Park, ahandsome little village, with a big hotel set back under its greentrees and lots of cottages round it. A nice meetin' house too, andeverything else for its comfort. And all the way to the Methodistplace we wuz bound for, fair islands riz up out of the water, crownedwith trees and houses and tents and everything. No sooner would you goby one, than another would hove in sight. Anon we come in sight of alittle village of houses fringin' the shore, called Fair View, and ournext stoppin' place wuz the Camp ground. I'd hearn, time and agin, they wuz so strict there you'd have to pay for every step you tookfrom the ship to your boarding place. And if you said anything, youwould have to pay so much a word; or if you sithed, you'd have to payso much a sithe, or breathe deep you would have to pay accordin' tothe deepness of your breath. 

But it wuzn't no such thing; we never paid a cent, and I sithed deepand frequent on the way up from the wharf, for weariness lay holt ofme and also little Delight. She preferred hangin' onto me ruther thanher parents. And I'd hearn that you'd be fined for laughin', and fora snicker or giggle; but I heard several snickers (Whitfield is fullof fun, and young folks _will_ be young folks, and talk and laugh) andnot one cent did we see asked for 'em. Why, I'd hearn that theywouldn't let a good smart whiff of wind land there on Sunday. Thetrustees kep' 'em off and preached at 'em, and made 'em blow offClayton way. 

And I wuz told that the Sea Serpent (you know he always duz likesummer resorts), took it into his head to go to the Islands one summerand happened to git to the Thousand Island Park on Sunday, and wuzswoshin' round in the water in front of the dock, kinder switchin' histail and actin'. And the trustees got wind on't and went down withrails and tracts and they railed at him, and exhorted him and made himfairly ashamed of bein' round on Sunday. And wantin' to do a clean jobwith him, bein' dretful mad at his bein' out on the Sabbath day, theygot a copy of their laws and restrictions governin' the Park, and theysaid when the serpent hearn that long document read over, he jestswitched his tail, kinder disgusted like, and turned right round inthe water and headed off for Kingston. 

But I don't believe a word on it. I don't believe much in the seaserpent anyway, and I don't believe it ever come nigh the ThousandIsland Park grounds--only the usual old serpent of Evil, that the goodChristians there fight agin all they can. 

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 [A] The great hotel which Samantha here describes was destroyed by fire in August last. 

CHAPTER FOUR

WE ENJOY THE HOSPITALITIES OF WHITFIELD'S AUNT'S BOARDIN'-HOUSE AT THEPARK, AND MY PARDNER GOES A-FISHIN'

CHAPTER FOUR

WE ENJOY THE HOSPITALITIES OF WHITFIELD'S AUNT'S BOARDIN'-HOUSE ATTHE PARK, AND MY PARDNER GOES A-FISHIN'

Whitfield's aunt kep' a small boardin'-house at the Park. Of course weknew it would be fur more genteel to go to the hotel, which loomed upstately, settin' back on its green lawn right in front of us, as theship swep' into the harbor. 

But Josiah sez, "The tender ties of relationship hadn't ort to, infact _musn't_ be broke by us, and Miss Dagget would probable feeldretful hurt if she knowed we wuz to the Park and had passed hercoldly by. " (She didn't ask half so much for our boards as the hoteldid; that wuz where the boot pinched on my pardner's old feet. )

Whitfield said we had better go to Aunt Dagget's that night anyway, sowe went. We found she lived in a good-lookin' cottage, and we hadeverything we needed for comfort. She wuz a tall, scrawny woman, withgood principles and a black alpacky dress, too tight acrost thechest, but she seemed glad to see us and got a good supper, broiledsteak, creamed potatoes, and cake, and such, and we all did justice toit--yes indeed. 

After supper we walked out to the post office, and round in front ofthe houses--very sociable and nigh together they are. It must bedretful easy to neighbor there, most too easy. Why, I don't see how awoman can talk to her husband on duty, if he goes in his stockin'feet, or stays out late nights, or acts; I don't see how she can dothe subject justice and not have everybody in the encampment know it. Too neighborly by fur!

But off some little distance, good-lookin' houses stood with Seclusionand Solitude guardin' their front doors--likely guards them be, andbeloved by Samantha. And back of the Island, glancin' through thetrees, wuz the same clear blue sparklin' waters of the St. Lawrence. They said they wuz Canada waters, but I didn't see no difference, thewater wuz jest as blue and sparklin' and clear. 

We retired early and our beds wuz quite comfortable, though as I toldJosiah, I had seen bigger pillers, and I wuz more settled in my mind, as to whether the feathers in 'em wuz geese or hen. 

He said he wuz glad to lay his head down on anything that would holdit up. 

And after I remembered that Miss Dagget's bed wuz jest the other sideof the thin board partition. I sez, "Yes, Josiah, with weariness and aeasy conscience, any bed will seem soft as downy pillows are. "

The next day I felt pretty mauger and stayed in my room most of thetime, though Josiah and the children sallied round considerable. Butafter supper I felt better and went out and set down on the piazzathat run along the front of the house, and looked round and enjoyedmyself first rate. 

Way off, between the trees and between the houses, I could see thedear old Saint meanderin' along, blue and gold colored where the sunstruck the shining surface. And, dearer sight to me, I could catch aglimpse through the interstices of the trees, of my beloved pardnerand little Delight in her white dress and flutterin' blue ribbonswalkin' along by his side. Whitfield and Tirzah Ann had gone santerin'off some time before. 

The hour and the seen wuz both beautiful and soothin'. The littlestreets between the houses stretched out on every side, some on 'embordered with trees. Gay awnings wuz over the doors and winders, flowering shrubs and posies set off the yards, and the piazzasornamented by the good-lookin' folks settin' out on chairs andbenches, the wimmen in light, pretty summer gowns, and there wuzbabies in their perambulators perambulatin' along and pretty childrenrunnin' and playin' about. 

Anon or oftener a group of good-lookin' cottagers would sally out oftheir houses and santer along, or a pedestrian in a hurry would walkby. It seemed like the land where it is always afternoon, that I'dhearn Thomas J. Read about, The island valley of Avilion, Where falls not rain or hail or any snow, Nor ever wind blows loudly-- Deep meadowed, happy, fair with orchard lawns And bowery hollows, crowned by summer sea. 

It wuz a fair seen! a fair seen! and my soul seemed attuned to itsperfect harmony and peace. When all of a sudden I hearn these strangeand skairful words comin' like a sharp shower of hail from a clearJune sky:--

"Malviny is goin' to _freeze_ to-night!"

There wuz a skairful axent on the word "freeze" that seemed to bringall of Malviny's sufferin's right in front of me. But so strong is mycommon sense that even in that agitatin' time I thought to myself, asI wiped the perspiration from my foretop, "Good land! what is Malvinymade of to be even comfortable cool to say nothin' of freezin'. " Andmy next thought wuz, "What sort of a place have I got into?" Truly, Ihad read much of the hardenin' effects of fashion and style, but Ilittle thought they would harden so fearful hard. None of these menand wimmen settin' on them piazzas had gin any more attention to theblood-curdlin' news that a feller creeter so nigh 'em wuz perishin', no more than if they'd seen a summer leaf flutterin' down from theboughs overhead. 

I thought of the rich man and Lazarus, only kinder turned round andfreezin' instead of burnin'. I felt bad and queer. But anon he drewnigh the porch I wuz settin' on and looked up into my face with thesame harrowin' statement, "Malviny is a-goin' to freeze to-night!"

And I said, with goose pimples runnin' down my back most as bad as Imistrusted as Malviny had, "Who is Malviny?"

He stopped and sez, "She is my wife. "

His indifferent mean madded me and I sez, "Well, you good-for-nothin'snipe you, instead of traipsin' all over the neighborhood tellin' ofyour wife's state, why hain't you to home buildin' a fire and heatin'soap stuns and bricks, and steepin' pepper tea?"

"What for?" sez he, amazed like. 

"Why, to keep Malviny from freezin'. "

"I don't want to stop it, " sez he. 

Sez I, "Do you want your wife to freeze?"

"Yes, " sez he. 

Sez I, lookin' up and apostophrizin' the clear sky that looked downlike a big calm blue eye overhead, "Are such things goin' on here in aplace so good that folks can't git a letter Sundays to save theirlives, or embark to see their friends if they're dyin' or dead; issuch a place, " I groaned, "to condone such wickedness!"

Sez the man, "What harm is there in Malviny's freezin'?"

Sez I, "You heartless wretch, you! if I wuz a man I'd shake some ofthe wickedness out of you, if I had to be shot up the minuteafterwards!"

"What harm is there in freezin' ice-cream?" sez he. 

Sez I, astounded, "Is that what Malviny's freezin'?"

"Yes, " sez he. 

I sunk back weak as a cat. 

Sez he, "I bring it round to the cottages every time Malviny freezes;they give me their orders if they want any. "

"Well, " sez I in a faint voice, "I don't want any. " Truly I felt thatI had had enough chill and shock for one day. 

Well, Whitfield and Tirzah Ann come in pretty soon and she wuz allenthused with the place. They'd been up the steep windin' way toSunrise Mountain, and gazed on the incomparable view from there. Looked right down into the wind-kissed tops of the lofty trees and allover 'em onto the broad panaroma of the river, with its innumerableislands stretched out like a grand picture painted by the one GreatArtist. They had seen the little artist's studio, perched like aeagle's nest on top of the mountain. Some dretful pretty picturesthere, both on the inside of the studio and outside. 

And they had stopped at the Indian camp, and Tirzah bought somebaskets which they see the Indians make right before their eyes out ofthe long bright strips of willow. And I spoze, seein' the brown deftfingers weavin' their gay patterns, Tirzah Ann wuz carried back somedistance into the land of romance and Cooper's novels, and "Lo thePoor Indian" Stories. She's very romantick. 

And she'd gone into the place where they blow glass right before youreyes and then cut your name on it. I couldn't do it to save my life. Imight jest as well give right up if I wuz told that I had got to blowjest a plain bottle out of some sand and stuff. And they blow out theloveliest, queerest things you ever see: ships in full sail with theropes and riggin' of the most delicate and twisted strands ofbrilliancy; tall exquisite vases with flowers twisted all about 'em. Posies of all kinds, butterflies, cups, tumblers, etc. They had beeninto all the little art and bookstores, full of pictures and needlework, shells, painted stuns, books, and the thousand and one souvenirsof all kinds of the Thousand Islands. When Josiah come in he said hehad interviewed ten or a dozen men about Coney Island--all on 'em hadbeen there--I wuz discouraged, I thought I might jest as well let himloose with Serenus. 

Well, Whitfield of course couldn't wait another minute, without seein'Shadow Island, so the next day we went over there right after dinner. Josiah proposed enthusiastickly to fish on the way there. Sez he, "Samantha, how I do wish we could git a periouger to go in. "

"A what?" sez I. 

"A periouger, " sez he, "that we could go fishin' in, a very uneekboat. "

"Uneek!" sez I, "I should think as much. Where did you ever ever hearon't?"

"In Gasses Journal, Gass used to go round in 'em. "

Sez I, "That book wuz published before George Washington wuz born, orBunker Hill thought on. "

"What of it?" sez he; "that wouldn't hender a periouger from bein' acrackin' good convenience to go round on the water in, and I'm goin'to try to git one to-day. I bet my hat they have 'em to ConeyIsland. "

I tried to stop him. I didn't want him to demean himself before theoarsmen and onlookers by tryin' to find boats that hadn't been hearnon in hundreds of years. But I couldn't git the idea out of his headtill after dinner. Then he wuz more meller and inclined to listen toreason. It wuz a oncommon good meal, and he felt quite softened downin his mean by the time he finished. And Whitfield's boatman he'dengaged come with a good sizeable boat and we sot sail for ShadowIsland. 

[Illustration: "_I tried to stop him. I didn't want him to demeanhimself before the oarsmen tryin' to find boats thathadn't been hearn on in hundreds of years. _" (_Seepage 67_)]

When we got there the sun wuz tingin' the tops of the trees with itsbright light, but the water on the nigh side, where we landed, wuzcool and green and shadowy. Dretful fresh and restful and comfortablethat hot muggy day. 

We disembarked on the clean little wharf and walked up to the lotWhitfield had bought. It wuz a pretty place in a kind of a hollerbetween high rocks, but with a full and fair view of the river on thenigh side, on the off side and on the back the tall trees riz up. Thesite of the house mebby bein' so low down wuz the reason that therewuz good deep earth there. Tirzah Ann spoke of that most the firstthing:--

"I can have a good suller, can't I?"

Whitfield spoke first of the view from the river, and little Delightsez, "Oh what soft pretty grass. "

Josiah looked round for a minute on the entrancin' beauty of the waterand the islands and up into the green shadders of the trees overhead, and then off into the soft blue haze that wrapped the beautiful shoresin the distance. After gazin' silently for a minute he turned to meand sez, "Didn't you bring any nut cakes with you? I'd like one to eatwhilst I think of another Island far more beautiful than this, where Iyearn to be. "

I groaned in spirit but handed him the desired refreshment, and thenwe talked over the subject of the cottage. Whitfield thought it wouldbe splendid for the health of Tirzah Ann and the children, to saynothin' of their happiness. She and Delight both looked kinderpimpin', and he sez, "Mother, I've got the lot, and now I am going tolay up money just as fast as I can for our house; I hope we can livehere in a year or two anyway. "

Well, we stayed here for quite a spell, Whitfield and Tirzah Annbuildin' castles higher than Castle Rest, on the foundations of theirrosy future, underlaid with youth and glowin' hope--the best-lookin'underpinnin' you can find anywhere. And little Delight rolled on thegreen moss and built her rosy castles in the illumined present, aschildren do. And I looked off onto the fur blue waters some as if Iwuz lookin' into the past. And furder off than I could see the water, the meller blue haze lay that seemed to unite earth and heaven, and Ilooked on it, and way off, way off, and thought of a good manythings. 

Josiah wuz tryin' to ketch a fish for supper; the boatman had a poleand fish hook, but he couldn't ketch any, he hadn't any nack; it takesnack to ketch fish as well as worms. 

CHAPTER FIVE

JOSIAH'S IMAGINATION ABOUT HIS FISHIN' EXPLOITS CARRIES HIM TO A PINTWHERE I HAVE TO REBUKE HIM, WHICH MAKES HIM DRETFUL HUFFY

CHAPTER FIVE

JOSIAH'S IMAGINATION ABOUT HIS FISHIN' EXPLOITS CARRIES HIM TO APINT WHERE I HAVE TO REBUKE HIM, WHICH MAKES HIM DRETFUL HUFFY

The next morning we went over to Alexandria Bay on a tower. We walkedup to the immense hotels past the gay flower beds that seemed to begrowing right out of the massive gray boulders, and great willer treeswuz droppin' their delicate green branches where gayly dressed ladiesand good-lookin' men wuz settin'. And in front wuz fleets of littleboats surroundin' the big white steamboats, jest as contented as bigwhite geese surrounded by a drove of little goslins. 

I'd hearn that the great hotel that wuz nighest to us looked by nightjest like one of the fairy palaces we read about in Arabian Nights, and one night we see it. From the ground clear up to the high ruff itwuz all ablaze with lines of flashin' light, and I sez instinctivelyto myself, "Jerusalem the golden!" and "Pan American Electric Tower!"And I d'no which metafor satisfied me best. 'Tennyrate this had thedeep broad river flowin' on in front, reflectin' every glowin' lightand buildin' another gleamin' castle down there more beautiful thanthe one on land. Josiah's only remark wuz "Coney Island!" Everythingseems to make him think on't, from a tooth pick to a tower. Tenthousand electric lights wuz the number that lit up that one house, soI hearn. 

The big engine and chimney they use to turn the water into gloriouslight, towers up behind the hotel, and made such a noise and shook thebuildin' so that folks couldn't stand it, and they jest collared thatnoise as Josiah would take a dog he couldn't stop barkin' by thescruff of the neck and lock it up in the stable, jest so they tookthat noise and rumblin' and snaked it way offen into the river in apipe or sunthin', so it keeps jest as still now up there as if itwuzn't doin' a mite of work. Queer, hain't it? But to resoom. 

It wuz indeed a fair seen to turn round when you wuz about half way upthe flower strewn declivity and look afar off over the wharf with itsgay crowd, over the boats gaily ridin' at anchor, and behold thefairy islands risin' from the blue waves crested with castles, andmansions and cottage ruffs, chimblys and towers all set in the greenof the surroundin' trees. 

And, off fur as the eye could see, way through between and around, wuzother beautiful islands and trees covered with spires and ruffspeepin' out of the green. And way off, way off like white specksgrowin' bigger every minute, wuz great ships floatin' in, and nearerstill would be anon or oftener majestic ships and steamers ploughin'along through the blue waves, sailin' on and goin' right by andmindin' their own bizness. 

Well, when at last we did tear ourselves away from the environin' seenand walk acrost the broad piazzas and into the two immense hotels, aswe looked around on the beauty of our surroundin's, nothin' but theinward sense of religious duty seemed strong enough to draw us back toThousand Island Park, though that is good-lookin' too. 

But the old meetin' house with its resistless cords, and the cast-irondevotion of a pardner wound their strong links round me and I wuz morethan willin' to go back at night. Josiah didn't come with us, he'dgone fishin' with another deacon he'd discovered at the Park. 

Well, we santered through the bizness and residence streets and wentinto the free library, a quaint pretty building full of good bookswith a memorial to Holland meetin' you the first thing, put up thereby the hands of Gratitude. And we went into the old stun church, whichthe dead master of Bonnie Castle thought so much on and did so muchfor, and is full of memories of him. Whitfield thinks a sight of hiswritings; he sez "they dignify the commonplace, and make common thingsseem oncommon. " Katrina, Arthur Bonniecastle, Miss Gilbert, TimothyTitcomb the philosopher, all seemed to walk up and down with Whitfieldthere. 

And while there we took a short trip to the Lake of the Isles, alovely place, where instead of boats full of gigglin' girls withparasols, and college boys with yells and oars, the water lilies floattheir white perfumed sails, and Serenity and Loneliness seem to kinderdrift the boat onwards, and the fashion-tired beholder loves to hastenthere, away from the crowd, and rest. 

Every mind can be suited at the Islands, the devotee of fashion canswirl around in its vortex, and for them who don't care for it thereare beautiful quiet places where that vortex don't foam and geyserround, and all crowned with the ineffable beauty of the St. Lawrence. 

And we sailed by the Island of Summer Land (a good name), where abeloved pastor and his children in the meetin' house settled down solong ago that Fashion hadn't found out how beautiful the ThousandIslands wuz. They come here for rest and recreation, and built theircottages along the undulatin' shore in the shape of a great letter S. It wuz a pretty spot. 

When the boat wuz ready to go back at night I wuz, and wuz conveyed insafety at about six p. M. To the bosom of my family. I say thispoetically, for the bosom wuzn't there when I got back; it hadn't comein from fishin' yet, and when it did come it wuz cross and fraxious, for the other deacon had caught two fish and he hadn't any. He said hefelt sick, and believed he wuz threatened with numony, but he wuzn't;it wuz only madness and crossness, that kinder stuffs anybody up somelike tizik. 

Well, Whitfield found a letter that made it necessary for him toreturn to Jonesville to once, and of course Tirzah Ann, like the fondwife and mother she wuz, would take little Delight and go with him. But after talkin' to Josiah, Whitfield concluded they would stay overone day more to go fishin'. So the very next mornin' he got a bigroomy boat, and we sot out to troll for fish. The way they do this isto hitch a line on behind the boat and let it drag through the waterand catch what comes to it. And as our boat swep' on over the glassysurface of the water that lay shinin' so smooth and level, not hintin'of the rocks and depths below, I methought, "Here we be all on us, menand wimmen, fishin' on the broad sea of life, and who knows what willtackle the lines we drop down into the mysterious depths? We sailalong careless and onthinkin' over rush and rapid, depth and shallow, the line draggin' along. Who knows what we may feel all of a sudden onthe end of the line? Who knows what we may be ketchin' ontirelyonbeknown to us? We may be ketchin' happiness, and we may be layin'holt of sorrow. A bliss may be jerked up by us out of the depth; agina wretchedness and a heart-ache may grip holt the end of the line. Poor fishers that we be! settin' in our frail little shallop on deepwaters over onknown depths, draggin' a onceasin' line along after usnight and day, year in and year out. The line is sot sometimes byourselves, but a great hand seems to be holdin' ours as we fasten onthe hook, a great protectin' Power seems to be behind us, tellin' uswhere to drop the line, for we feel sometimes that we can't helpourselves. "

I wuz engaged in these deep thoughts as we glided onwards. Josiah wuzwrestlin' with his hat brim, he would have acted pert and happy if ithadn't been for that. At my request he had bought a straw hat to coverhis eyes from the sun and preserve his complexion, and so fur is thatman from megumness that he had got one with a brim so broad that itstood out around his face like a immense white wing, floppin' up anddown with every gust of wind. He had seen some fashionable youngfeller wear one like it and he thought it would be very becomin' andstylish to get one for a fishin' excursion, little thinkin' of thediscomfort it would give him. 

"Plague it all!" sez he, as it would flop up and down in front of hiseyes and blind him, "what made me hear to you, goin' a-fishin' blindas a bat!"

Sez I, "Why didn't you buy a megum-sized one? Why do you always go toextremes?"

"To please you!" he hollered out from under his blinders. "Jest toplease you, mom!"

Sez I, "Josiah Allen, you know you did it for fashion, so why lay itoff onto me? But, " sez I, "if you'll keep still I'll fix it allright. "

"Keep still!" sez he, "I don't see any prospect of my doin' anythingelse when I can't see an inch from my nose. "

"Well, " sez I, "push the brim back and I'll tie it down with my braizeveil. "

"I won't wear a veil!" sez he stoutly. "No, Samantha, no money willmake me rig up like a female woman right here in a fashionable summerresort, before everybody. How would a man look with a veil droopin'down and drapin' his face?"

"Well, " sez I, "then go your own way. "

But the next time a gale come from the sou'west he wuz glad to submitto my drapin' him; so I laid the brim back and tied the veil in a bigbow knot under his chin. Then agin he reviled the bow, and said itwould make talk. But I held firm and told him I wuzn't goin' to tearmy veil tiein' it in a hard knot. And he soon forgot his discomposurein wearin' braize veils, in his happiness at the idee of ketchin'fish, so's to tell the different deacons on't when he got home. 

[Illustration: "_'I won't wear a veil, ' sez he stoutly. But the nexttime a gale come from the sou'west I laid the brim backand tied the veil in a big bow knot under his chin. _"(_See page 82_)]

Men do love to tell fish stories. Men who are truthful on every otherpint of the law, will, when they measure off with their hands how longthe fish is that they ketched, stretch out that measure more'nconsiderable. 

Well, as I say, as our boat glided on between the green islands, anonin shadder and then agin out in sunny stretches of glassy seas, Ilooked off on the glorified distance and thought of things even furderaway than that. Tirzah Ann wuz engaged in tryin' to keep the sun outof her face; she said anxiously she wuz afraid she would git a fewfrecks on her nose in spite of all she could do. Whitfield wuz amusin'Delight, and Josiah ever and anon speakin' of Coney Island and askin'if it wuzn't time to eat our lunch. So the play of life goes on. 

We didn't ketch much of anything, only I ketched considerable of aheadache. Tirzah Ann ketched quite a number of frecks; she complainedthat she had burnt her nose. Delight did, I guess, ketch quite anamount of happiness, for the experience wuz new to her, and childrencan't bag any better or more agreeable game than Novelty. AndWhitfield did seem to ketch considerable enjoyment; he loves to be outon the water. 

My pardner drew up one tiny, tiny fish out of the depths; it lookedlonesome and exceedingly fragile, but oh how that man brooded overthat triumph! And by the time we reached Jonesville and he relatedthat experience to the awe-struck neighbors it wuz a thrillin' andexcitin' seen he depictered, and that tiny fishlet had growed, in thefertile sile of his warm imagination, to such a length, that I toldhim in confidence out to one side, that if I ever hearn him go on soagin about it, and if that fish kep' a growin' to that alarmin'extent, I should have to tell its exact length; it wuz jest as long asmy middle finger, for I measured it on the boat, foreseein' troublewith him in this direction. 

It made him dretful huffy, and he sez, "I can't help it if you do havea hand like a gorilla's. "

It hain't so; I never wore higher than number 7. But I have never seenhim since pull out his hands so recklessly measurin' off thedimensions of that fish, or gin hints that it took two men to carry itup from the boat to the hotel, and insinuate on how many wuznourished on it, and for how long a time. 

No, I broke it up. But Josiah Allen hain't the only man that stretchesout the fish they have ketched, as if they wuz made of the best kindof Injy rubber. It seems nateral to men's nater to tell fibs aboutfish. Curious, hain't it? That is one of the curious things that layholt of our lines. And wimmen have to see squirmin' at their feet anonor oftener, game that flops and wriggles and won't lay still and growsall the time. 

CHAPTER SIX

IN WHICH I DRAW THE MATRIMONIAL LINE ROUND MY PARDNER AND ALSO KEEP MYEYE ON MR. POMPER

CHAPTER SIX

IN WHICH I DRAW THE MATRIMONIAL LINE ROUND MY PARDNER AND ALSO KEEPMY EYE ON MR. POMPER

The next mornin' Whitfield and Tirzah went home, Josiah and I thinkin'we would stay a few days longer. And what should I git but a letterfrom Cousin Faithful Smith sayin' that her Aunt Petrie beyond Kingstonwuz enjoyin' poor health, and felt that she must have Faith come andvisit her before she went West. So she wuz goin' to cut short hervisit to the Smithses and go to her Aunt Petrie's on her way to theWest, and as she had heard Josiah and I wuz to the Islands, she wouldstop and stay a few days with us there. And as the letter had beendelayed, she wuz to be there that very day on the afternoon boat. Soof course Josiah and I met her at Clayton. And I went to theboardin'-house keeper to see if I could git her a room. 

But she wuz full, Miss Dagget wuz; and when anybody is full there isno more to be said; so with many groanin's from my pardner, on accountof the higher price, we concluded we would git rooms at the hotel, that big roomy place, with broad piazzas runnin' round it and highruffs. And as Josiah said bitterly, the ruffs wuzn't any higher thanthe prices. And I told him the prices wuzn't none too high for what wegot, and I sez, "We are gittin' along in years and don't often rushinto such high expenses, so we'll make the venter. "

And he groaned out, "Good reason why we don't make the venter often, unless we want to go on the Town!"

And then he kinder brightened up and wondered if he couldn't make adicker with the hotel-keeper to take a yearlin' steer to pay for ourtwo boards. 

And I sez, "What duz he want of a yearlin' steer here in the midst ofa genteel fashion resort?"

And he snapped me up and said he didn't know as there wuz anythingonfashionable or ongenteel about a likely yearlin'. Sez he, "I'll betthey'd take it at Coney Island. "

"Well, what would he do with it here?" sez I. 

"Why, do as I do with it; let it grow up and make clear gain on itsgrowth. "

"Oh shaw!" sez I, "he couldn't have it bellerin' round amongst the gayand fashionable throng. "

"It wouldn't beller, " sez he, "if he fed it enough. "

I broke it up after a long talk, for I wouldn't let him demean himselfby askin' the question and bein' refused, and then he said he wuzgoin' to ask him if he would take white beans for his pay, or part ofit, or mebby, sez he, "he would like to take a few geese. "

"Geese!" sez I, "what would they want with geese squawkin' roundhere?"

"Why, " sez he, "you know they would look handsome swimmin' round inthe water in front of the hotel. And he might gin out, if he wuz amind to, that they wuz a new kind of swans; they do such things atConey Island. "

Sez I, "Are you a deacon or are you not? Are you a pillow in themeetin' house or hain't you a pillow?"

"I didn't say he had _got_ to do thus and so, I said he might if hewanted to. "

Sez I, "You keep your geese and pray to not be led into temptation. "And then the truth come out, he hated the geese and wanted to git ridof 'em. Men always hate to keep geese, it is one of their ways, thoughthey love soft pillows and cushions as well as wimmen do, or better, it is one of their curious ways to love the effects of geese dearlyand hate the cause and demean it. 

Well, by givin' up the best part of the forenoon to the job I groundhim down onto not tryin' to dicker with any barter, but to walk uplike a man and pay for our two boards. Faith is real well off andkinder independent sperited, and I knew she wouldn't let us pay forhern, and at last we got a good comfortable room for ourselves and onefor Faith, not fur from ourn. Both on 'em looked out onto thebeautiful river, and I had lots of emotions as I looked out on it, although they didn't rise up so fur as they would, if I hadn't hadsuch a tussel with my pardner, so true it is that chains of cumberin'cares and Josiahs drag down the aspirin' soul-wings for the timebein'. But I laid out to take sights of comfort in more tranquil andless dickerin' times, in lookin' out on the beauty and glory of thewaters, and fur off, into the beautiful distance lit with the mornin'srosy light, and "sunset and evenin' star. "

We sot off on the afternoon boat for Clayton. Faith seemed real gladto see us and we visey versey. And it wuz a joy to me to see heradmiration of the Islands as we swep' by 'em and round 'em on our wayto the Park. 

We got back in time to git ready for supper in pretty good sperits;the dinin' room wuz large and clean and pleasant, the waiters doin'all they could for us, and we had a good supper and enough on't. Andspeakin' of the waiters, most of 'em wuz nice boys and girls, tryin'to git an education; some on 'em had been to college and wanted toearn a little more money to finish their education, and some wuzlearnin' music and wanted more money to go on with their lessons--goodplan, I think--they will be as likely agin to succeed as if they wuzsot down and waited on. It is a good thing, as the Bible sez, "to bearthe yoke in your youth, " and though I spoze the yoke weighed downconsiderable heavy on 'em, specially on excursion days, and when therewuz folks hard to please, yet I thought they will come out all rightin the end. 

Some on 'em wuz studyin' for the ministry, and I thought they wouldgit a real lot of patience and other Christian virtues laid up aginthe time of need. Though here, as in every other walk of life, therewuz some that wuz careless and slack. 

But to resoom forwards. I see at the table there wuz the usual summertourists round me, care-worn fathers and weary dyspeptic mothers withtwo or three flighty, over-dressed daughters, and a bashful, pale sonor two, and anon a lady with a waist drawed in to that extent that youwondered where her vital organs wuz. And how could any live creeterbrook the agony them long steel cossets wuz dealin' the wearer? Youcould see this agony in the dull eyes, pale face and wan holler cheekswearin' the hectic flush of red paint. And the little pinted shues, with heels sot in the very center of the nerves, ready to bring onprostration, and blindness. 

Right by that agonized female would be a real lady. English, mebby, with a waist the size the Lord give and Fashion had not taken away. With good, sensible shues on, dealin' out comfort to the amiablefeelin' feet; rosy cheeks, bright eyes, all bearin' witness to thejoys of sensible dressin' and sensible livin'. 

And then there wuz bright pert-lookin' young wimmen, travelin' alonein pairs, and havin' a good time to all human appearance. Anongood-lookin', manly men, with sweet pretty wives and a roguish, rosylittle child or so. Sad lookin' widder wimmen, some in their weeds, but evidently lookin' through 'em. Anon a few single men withgood-lookin' tanned faces, enjoyin' themselves round a table of theirown, and talkin' and laughin' more'n considerable. Respectable, middle-aged couples, takin' their comfort with kinder pensive faces, and once in awhile a young girl as adorably sweet and pretty as onlyAmerican girls can be at their best. 

But on my nigh side, only a little ways acrost from us sot theponderous man I remembered on my journey thither who wanted to be afly. Furder and furder it seemed from amongst the possibles as hetowered up sideways and seemed to dwarf all the men round him, thoughthey wuz sizeable. And gittin' a better look at him, I could see thathe had a broad red face, gray side whiskers and one eye. That one eyeseemed to be bright blue, and he seemed to keep it on our table fromthe time we come in as long as we sat there. 

That evenin' in the parlor he got introduced to us. Mr. Pomper, hisname wuz, and we all used him well, though I didn't like "the cut ofhis jib, " to use a nautical term which I consider appropriate at awatering-place. 

But go where we would, that ponderous figger seemed to be near. At thetable he sot, where that one eye shone on us as constant as the sun tothe green earth. In our walks he would always set on the balcony towatch us go and welcome us back. And in the parlor we had to set underthe rakin' fire of that blue luminary. And if we went on the boats hewuz there, and if we stayed to home there wuz he. 

And at last a dretful conviction rousted up in me. It come the day wewent the trip round the Islands. We enjoyed ourselves real well, untilI discerned that huge figger settin' in a corner with that one eyewatchin' our party as clost as a cat would watch a mouse. Can it be, sez I to myself, that that man has formed a attachment for me?

No, no, it cannot be, sez I to myself. And yet I knowed such thingsdid occur in fashionable circles. Men with Mormon hearts hidden underGentile exteriors wuz abroad in the land, and such things as Imistrusted blackened and mormonized the bosom of Mr. Pomper, didhappen anon and oftener. And I methought if so, what must I do? Must Itell my beloved companion? Or must I, as the poet sez, "Letconcealment, like a worm in the rug, feed on my damaged cheek?"

But thoughts of the quick, ardent temper of my beloved companion bademe relinquish the thought of confidin' in him. No, I dassent, for Iknew that his weight wuz but small by the steelyards, and Mr. Pomper'ssize wuz elephantine, with probably muscles accordin'. No, I felt Imust rely on myself. But the feelin's I felt nobody can tell. ThinksI, "It has come onto me jest what I have always read and scorfed at";for I had always thought and said that no self-respectin' female needbe inviggled unless she had encouraged the inviggler, or had a hand inthe invigglin'. But alas! with no fault of my own, onless it wuz myoncommon good looks, --and of course them I couldn't help, --here I wuzthe heroine of a one-eyed tragedy, for I felt that the smoulderin'fire burnin' in that solitary orb might bust forth at any time andengulf me and my pardner in a common doom. 

But two things I felt I could do; I could put on a real lot ofdignity, and could keep a eagle watch onto my beloved pardner, and ifI see any sign of Mr. Pompers attacktin' him, or throwin' himoverboard, I felt the strength of three wimmen would be gin to me, andI could save him or perish myself in the attempt. In accordance withthem plans, when Mr. Pomper approached us bringin' us some easierchairs, I confronted him with a look that must have appauled hisguilty mind, and when he sez to me:

"It is a pleasant day, mom. "

I looked several daggers at him and some simiters, and never said aword. And when a short time afterwards he asked me what time of day itwuz, pretendin' his watch had stopped, I looked full and cold in hisface for several minutes before I sez in icy axents, "I don't know!"Every word fallin' from my lips like ice-suckles from a ruff in aJanuary thaw, and then I turned my back and went away from him. 

Vain attempt! What wicked arts men do possess! He pretended to believeI wuz deef, and with that pretext he dasted to approach still nearerto me and kinder hollered out:

"What time of day is it?"

I see I must answer him, or make a still more sentimental andromantick seen, and I sez, with extreme frigidity and icy chill, "Idon't know anything about it. "

[Illustration: _"'What does ail you, Samantha, lockin' arms with me allthe time--it will make talk!' he whispered in a mad, impatient whisper, but I would hang on as long as Mr. Pomper wuz around. " (See page 100)_]

And then I turned on my heel and walked off. In such noble and promptways did I discourage all his overtoors, and every time I see himapproach my pardner, if they wuz anywhere near the outer taff-rail ofthe boat, I would approach and lock arms with Josiah Allen, killin'two birds with one stun, for that act both ensured safety to myheart's idol, and also struck a blow onto Mr. Pomperses nefariousdesigns. He see plain that I idolized my pardner. Once or twice, sohardly is oncommon virtue rewarded in this world, Josiah spoke outsnappishly:

"What duz ail you to-day, Samantha, lockin' arms with me all thetime--it will make talk!" he whispered in a mad, impatient whisper, and he would kinder wiggle his arm to make me leggo'; but secure in myown cast-iron principles, I would hang on as long as Mr. Pomper wuzround. 

CHAPTER SEVEN

IN WHICH JOSIAH PROPOSES TO DANCE AND MR. POMPER MAKES AN ADVANCE

CHAPTER SEVEN

IN WHICH JOSIAH PROPOSES TO DANCE AND MR. POMPER MAKES AN ADVANCE

The day wuz a tegus one to me, borne down as I wuz by the constrainin'atmosphere of a onwelcome and onlawful attachment. And it took all theprinciple I had by me to git up even a emotion of pity for theone-eyed watcher, whose only recreation seemin'ly durin' that long, long day wuz to watch our party as clost as any cat ever watched a rathole, and to kinder hang round us. Faith kep' pretty clost to me allday and seemed to take a good deal of comfort watchin' the entrancin'scenery round us. 

Oh what beautiful sights! What enchantin' views of the water; or, ifthe light struck it jest right, the long, blue, undilating plain, dotted with gold points of light. Islands with the virgin foreststretchin' down to the edge of the water, and cool green shadderslayin' on the velvet and mossy sward as you could see as you lookedinto the green aisles. And all sorts of trees with different foliage, some loose and feathery, some with shinin' leaves, glitterin' wherethe rain had washed 'em the night before; some towerin' up towards theheavens, shakin' their heads at the sun; some droopin' down as ifweighted with their wealth of branches and green leaves; anon a treecovered with flowers, and then some evergreens, and anon one that hadketched in its brilliant leaves the red hectic of autumn fever andblazed out in crimson and yeller. And then a hull lot of evergreensstandin' up straight and tall by the water's edge, and as fur back asyou could see, but sort o' reachin' out their green arms towards theriver. And them on the edge, lookin' down into the clear depths andseein' there another island, a shadow island layin' beautiful andserene with nothin' disturbin' its beauty but the shinin' rippleswavin' the fairy branches below, like the soft wind rustlin' the treetops overhead. 

So we sailed on by hamlet and town, rounded tree-crowned promontores, swep' out into broader vistas stretchin' out like a lake, anon goin'by a big island lookin' like the shore of the mainland, goin' right upaginst it seemin'ly, as if the boat must strike it and git ontowheels and travel as a wagon if it calculated to proceed onwards atall. But jest as we would think in a nautical way: "Land ahoy! landahoy! oh, heave out and walk afoot, " jest as these nautical termswould be passin' through our alarmed foretops, the boat would turn itsprow slowly but graceful, round to a port-the-helm, or starboardditto, and we would glide out through a narrow way onbeknown to us, onto a long, glassy road layin' fair and serene ahead. 

Then more islands, then more narrer channels, then more broad ones. ByFiddler's Elbow, named Heaven knows for what purpose, for no fiddlenor no elbow wuz in sight, nothin' but island and water and rock allcrowned with green verdure. Mebby it dates back to the time we read ofwhen the stars sung together, and if stars sing, why shouldn't islandsdance, and if islands dance it stands to reason they must have afiddle and one on 'em must fiddle. I do not say this _is_ so, butthrow out this scientific theory as one of singular interest to theantiquarian and historian of the Thousand Islands. 

Anon we entered the Lost Channel, agin the antiquarian sperit isrousted up as we inquire, "When wuz it lost? and how long? And whenwuz it found agin, and who found it?" Way back in the dawn ofcreation, did the dimplin' channel git kinder restive and try to runoff by itself, and flow round and act? Or did the big leap downNiagara skair it so that it run away and never stopped runnin' untilit got all confused and light-headed among these countless islands, and wandered away and got lost and by the side of itself?

Deep antiquarian conundrums; stern geological interests! In grapplin'with 'em I leaned over the taff-rail of the boat and looked way downinto the blue green depths, seekin' a answer. But the shinin' waves ontop seemed to glitter mockin'ly and fur down, down in the green waves, there seemed to look back a sort of a pityin' gleam that said to me:

"Poor creeter! pass on with your little vague theories andconjectures; you don't know any more about me than the rest on 'em do, who have tried to write about me. " I felt kinder took back and queer. So vain are we that we don't like to have our carefully constructedtheories overthrown. But even as I mused, a voice said to the right ofme--a woman talkin' to her little boy:

"The Lost Channel was named from the fact that durin' a war a largebody of troops got lost here in the channel in the late autumn andcould not find their way out, and was overtaken by the bitter cold andperished here. "

Well, mebby if is so, I d'no. But I wuzn't knowin' to it myself, norJosiah wuzn't. Well, onheedin' our facts or fancies, the river bore usonwards on its breast. Past high green boulders risin' up from thewater with nothin' on 'em, not even a tree; jest gray rock lookin'some like a geni's castle frownin' down onto the intruders into theirrealm. Then anon a pile of high gray rocks crowned as the Sammist sez"with livin' green. " Then in a minute more a little landlocked baywith placid water sweepin' back into a pretty harbor, tree shaded, andmebby a boat anchored there like a soul at rest, or mebby a sail-boatwith two young hearts in it driftin' down the sea of their content, asthe tiny waves rippled round their oars. Then a grand big mansionlookin' down onto us kinder superciliously. Then a small, pretty farmhouse with snug outbuildings, a man lookin' at us from the open barndoor, and some children playin' round the doorstep. Then a big islandwith grassy shores or wooded depths; then a tiny island, not too bigfor a child's playhouse, and some that wuz only a bit of rock peekin'out of the water. 

And fur off all the time when we could see it wuz the blue hazydistance full of beauty; ever-changin' glimpses of loveliness, givin'place to new beauties. Fur off, fur off sometimes we could see distantpinnacles and towers, all bathed in the blue shinin' mist. And as therapt eyes of our Fancy gazed on 'em, they might have been the towersof the New Jerusalem, the Golden city, so dreamlike, so inexpressiblylovely did they seem faintly photographed aginst the soft blue distantheavens. 

But cold Reality said in her chillin' practical whisper, "It's nothin'but Gananoque or Clayton, " and she went on, "They hain't anything likethe New Jerusalem, either of them. "

Alas for us poor mortals! who drive or are driv by the two contendin'coharts of Imagination, Idealized Fancy and practical Reality. And shealways will have the last word, Reality will, and her voice is loudand shrill, and it penetrates into the warm, sweet Indian summer air, where Fancy dwells and where we sometimes visit her for briefintervals. Too brief! too brief! for cold Reality is always hangin'round; she is always up and dressed ready to put in her note. 

I mentioned the metafor to Josiah and he sez, "Yes, it minds me of theman who was brought up before the judge by his wife. She complained hehadn't spoke to her for five years. The judge ast him if that were so, and he said, 'Yes, that's so. ' 'But why, ' sez the judge, 'why hain'tyou spoke to your wife for five years?' And the man sez, 'Because Ididn't want to interrupt her. '" Josiah declares it is true, but Ibelieve it is jest a slur on wimmen. 

But to resoom. Swiftly, silently we sped on with the islands about us, the blue sky overhead and the shadow islands below. And innumerableboats appeared far and near, some with white sails lifted, andfollowed below by a white shadow sail, and anon a big steamer wouldglide along, loaded down to its gunwale with crowds of gay pleasureseekers, who would wave their snowy handkerchiefs and salute us, thesteamer backin' 'em with its deep grum voice. Or anon we could see abig dark barge sailin' along, and Fancy would whisper to us as wegazed on its mysterious dark sides without a soul in sight:

"It may be the phantom of some old Pirate ship, condemned for itssins to cruise along forever in strange waters, homesick for itsnative seas. " But Reality spoke right up jest as she always will andsaid it wuz probable some big lake steamer heavy loaded with grain orsome great Canadian boat. And then a new seen of beauty would driftinto our vision and take our minds off and carry 'em away somedistance. Oh, it is no wonder that Faith's soft eyes grew more tenderand luminous. 

Josiah felt the beauty of the seen, he felt it deeply, but everybodyknows that beauty affects folks differently, it always seems tosharpen up my dear companion's appetite, and three cookies in as manyminutes wuz offered up on the shrine of his vivid appreciation, andtwo nut cakes. 

We got back to our hotel, the sun about an hour high. Jest before ourbark swep' into the haven, and while Josiah and Faith had crossed overto the opposite side of our bark, I hearn a voice on the off quarterwindward, and I turned round and see to my dismay that it wuz Mr. Pomper. He sez to me in a low voice, while his looks spoke volumes ofyellow colored literatoor: "I wish to speak a few words to you alone, mum. Can you give me the opportunity?"

I looked him full in that eye of hisen, a hauty cold look, a look asmuch as 40 degrees below freeze, and said nothin' else but jest thatlook. 

"I have somethin' very important to say to you. Can you hear me?"

Words wuz risin' to my tongue that would wither him forever, and endthe vile persecutions I wuz undergoin', when before I could speak thegang plank wuz charged back agin Mr. Pomper's foot in a way that madehim leap back like a sportive elephant, and for the moment I wuz free. But as I wended my pensive way up to the hotel, I made up my mind thatif he ever approached me agin I would plainly tell him what wuz what, and so end my purturbations of mind; for I felt if it wuz to go onmuch longer I should lose a pound of flesh, and mebby a pound and ahalf, in the stiddy wearin' persecution I wuz undergoin'. And thatnight at dinner as I ketched the light smoulderin' in that lonely orb, as it wuz bent on our table, and the corner in parlor and piazza wherewe wuz ensconced, I wondered anew what wuz the attractions that kep'Mr. Pomper so stiddy at my shrine, And I got so that I almost hatedthe good looks that wuz ondoin' him and me too. And I looked into theglass dreamily as I wadded up my back hair and did up the front, andpinned my cameo pin onto my rich cotton and wool parmetty, andwondered if it wuzn't my duty to leave off that pin, and change thatparmetty for calico, and sort o' frowzle up my hair onbecomingly inorder to wean him from me. But alas! my principles did not seem ableto git up onto that bite, so weak are we poor mortals after all ouraspirin' efforts. 

One curious thing I have ever noticed among men (and wimmen too) andthat is the ease and facility with which they will slip out ofstatements and idees they have promulgated, and turn around in theirtracts as easy and graceful as a dummy before a show case. Now therewuz a party to be gin to the hotel for a charitable purpose, each manand woman present givin' 25 cents, and then havin' a social timeafterwards, and as the object wuz good I sez to my pardner, "I wouldlike to attend to it. " And he acted fairly skairt and horrow struck atthe idee and went on eloquent about old folks at our ages, and withour professions, and our rumatiz, follerin' up gayety and show. Sezhe, "The place for us evenin's is in our own room readin' our Biblesand Tracks. "

And I sez as I calmly wadded up my back hair and smoothed my foretop, "Well, I spoze I can go alone if you feel so. "

Then another thought seemed to roust him up; Jealousy seemed to strikeher sharp prongs into his slender side, and he sez bitterly, "Yes, goin' down alone into a perfect mawlstrom of men flirtin' andactin'!"

"The mawlstrom won't hurt me, " sez I, "I hain't goin' nigh it. " Buteven as I spoke I thought of Mr. Pomper, and sez to myself, Can I helphim from comin' nigh me? And as if in answer to my onspoken thoughtsmy pardner sez:

"Mawlstroms will draw anybody in onbeknown to them; they're deadlydangerous!" And I see him gin a kin' of a shiver. I wuz touched to theheart by the thought of his devotion, and as I fastened my cameo pinmore firmly into the rich folds of parmetty at my neck, I sez:

"Dear Josiah, I don't know but you're right. I feel as though I wantyou near me to protect me. " That melted his heart, but alas, did notaffect his pocket book, and he sez, "I would go down with you in aminute, Samantha, but jest consider on the 50 cents we would spendthere, how much comfort that would bring to some lonely widder, mebbya blind woman, who is a-hunger and ye fed her not. "

I looked stiddy at him and sez I, "Josiah Allen, will that poor widdergit that fifty cents?"

He answered evasive, and I went on, "It is easy to make the excusethat the money you are asked for in charity will do so much more goodsomewhere else, but, " sez I sternly, "the money don't git there, andyou know it. " He still kep' his hand in his pocket round that pocketbook I believe, whilst he took a new tact: "The air, Samantha, in thatroom will be stiflin', and if I should take you into that place andyou should stifle, I should die away myself, I couldn't live a minutewithout you, dear Samantha, " sez he. 

Well, my tizik wuz pretty bad in crowded places and suffice it to say, that though his arguments didn't convince me, they sort o' overpoweredme for the time bein', and we stayed in our own room. 

Now to show the facility with which folks will turn right round andrevolve, I will tell how Josiah seemin'ly forgot mawlstroms, bad air, rumatiz, ages, meetin' housen, principles, etc. , and turned rightround on the pivot of his inclination. A day or two after he hearddown in the office about the dancin' parties they had in the parloranon or oftener, and he come up into our room enthused with the ideeand wanted to branch out and go that night, and I sez:

"What about mawlstroms and gayety, Josiah Allen?"

"Oh, " he sez, "I shall be there to protect you, Samantha, no mawlstromcan draw you in and destroy you, whilst I have a drop of blood left inmy veins! I'll protect you here, and I'd protect you at Coney Island, "sez he--(that idee never left his mind I believe). 

"What about the bad air?" sez I. 

"Oh the winder will probable be open, and you can take your turkeyfeather fan with you. " And then I dropped my half jocular tone and sezin deadly earnest:

"Be I leanin' on a Methodist pillow or be I not? Have I a deacon by myside or haven't I?"

But Josiah seemed calm and even gay sperited under my two reproachfulorbs that poured their search lights into his very soul, and he sez:

"From all I hear it hain't a wicked dance at all, but jest a prettydancin' party down in the parlor, jined in by men and wimmen and theirchildren and mebby their grand-children, and it is always so sweet, "sez he, "to see a man and his grand-children dancin' together. Oh, ifDelight wuz only here!" sez he. 

I riz up and sez in almost heart breakin' axents:

"Josiah Allen, be you a thinkin' of dancin' yourself?"

"No, " sez he, "no, Samantha, I jest want to look on a spell, that'sall. "

But there wuz a look in his eyes that I hated to see, for I had seenit many times in the past, and it had always foreboded trials to meand humiliation to my pardner. How queer human critters be! whatstrange and mysterious tacts they will git on and how they will follerup them tacts and fads of theirn. But I d'no as human critters are anyworse about follerin' up their tacts and fads and follerin' 'em blind, than old Mom Nater is. Now who hain't noticed her queer moods and howprolonged they be, and how sudden and onexpected they will come ontoher? When she takes it into her head to have a pleasant spell ofweather, how she'll foller it up, clear skies, pleasant days andnights for weeks and weeks. And if she takes it into her head to haveit rain, how she will keep the skies drippin' right along for most allsummer. And then when she has a dry spell, how dry she is! no matterhow much the dwindlin' creeks and empty wells and springs complain, she has got to carry out her own idees till she gits ready to change. 

Josiah Allen, since I had been his pardner had took many a fad intohis old head, which he had carried out as only Nater or a man cancarry 'em, onreasonable, mysterious, out of season, but bound to let'em run. Sometimes in the past it had been a desire for singin' basethat had laid holt on him, base in every sense the word can be used. Then agin he had painful and prolonged spells of wantin' to be genteeland fashionable, then anon political ambition had rousted up his rustyold faculties and for months and months Coney Island had been histheme, and wuz now, and so on through a long roll of characters he haddesired to play in the drama of life. 

But _dancin'!_ never did I expect to see that man with his age and hisprofession and his achin' old bones, wantin' to dance. But so it wuz, as will be seen in the follerin' pages. Queer as a dog folks are onthis planet, and I d'no but the Marites and Jupiters and Saturnses arejest as queer. But to quit eppisodin' and resoom forwards agin. 

I have always found that it hain't best to draw the matrimonial ropetoo tight round your pardner's jungular veins. I see he wuz sot ongoin' and I felt I would ruther he would go with me who could havesome savin' control over him, than to have him git reckless and sallyoff alone. So it wuz settled that we should go that night at earlycandle light. And Faith wuz to go with us. Yes, I, Josiah Allen'swife, had gin my consent to go to a dance. But jest so the environin'cord of circumstances gits us all wound up in its tangles time andagin. And as the way of poor weak mortals is, havin' made up my mindto go I tried to bring to mind all the mitigatin' circumstances Icould. I thought of how the lambs capered on the hillside, how theleaves on the trees danced to the music of the south wind, and howeven the motes swung round with each other in the sunlight. And then Ithought of how David danced before the ark, and how Jeptha's daughterdanced out to meet her father (to be sure she had her head took offfor it, but I tried to not dwell on that side of the subject). Andthen I remembered how I did love music, and in spite of myself I feltkinder chirked up thinkin' I should enjoy quite a long spell on't. Andthinkses I, if dancin' is a little mite off from the hite Methodistsort to stand on, music is the most heavenly thing we can lay holt ofbelow, so I sort o' tried to even up them two peaks in my mind and laya level onto 'em and try to make myself believe they struck about afair plane of megumness, and shet my eyes to the idee that it slantedoff some and wuz slippery. 

Oh what weak creeters we be anyhow! Well, that night there wuz goin'to be a extra big party, and I wuz for startin' at once after supper, for truly I felt that I wuz performin' a hard and arjous job, and asmy way is I wuz for tacklin' it to once and gittin' over it. Yes, Ifelt it wuz goin' to be a wearin' job to git Josiah Allen to thatparlor durin' them festivities and back agin with no damage or scandalarisin' from the enterprise. 

But Faith sez, "It will be too early, they won't begin to dance tilleight. We eat at six. " And I sez, "For the land's sake! if I'd got todance I should begin early and stop early, so's to git a little rest. "And she sez:

"Young folks don't think about that. "

Well, we compromised on half past seven (most bed-time). And whenFaith knocked at our door at that epoch of time we wuz all ready. Josiah had carefully combed his few locks of gray hair upwards overhis bald head, had donned a sweet smilin' look, and a cravat, gayerfur than I approved of (he'd bought it durin' the day onbeknown tome). And I had arrayed my noble figger in my usual cotton and woolbrown dress, brightened up at the neck and sleeves with snowy collarand cuffs, and further enriched by the large cameo pin. I also carrieda turkey feather fan that harmonized in color with my dress. I lookedexceedingly well and felt well. 

And Faith, I sez proudly to myself, a sweeter face and prettier dresswon't be seen there to-night. She did look lovely. Her soft eyesshone, her cheeks looked pinky, her hair, a sort of a golden brownwith some gray in it, crinkled back from her white forward and wuzgathered in a loose knot on the top of her head with a high silvercomb. Her dress wuz thin and white and gauzy, and though it wuzconsiderable plain it wuz made beautiful by the big bunch of palepink roses at her belt and bosom, jest matchin' her cheeks in color. 

I wuz proud of her. And I felt quite well about my other companion, for as I glanced at the small kerseymear figger and pert bald head, Isez to myself, "He makes a much better escort than none at all. "

CHAPTER EIGHT

IN WHICH MR. POMPER DECLARES HIS INTENSHUNS AN' GIVES HIS VIEWS ONMATRIMONY

CHAPTER EIGHT

IN WHICH MR. POMPER DECLARES HIS INTENSHUNS AN' GIVES HIS VIEWS ONMATRIMONY

As our party sort o' swep' gracefully down into the hall, we thoughtwe would step outdoors for a minute for a breath of fresh air. Itlooked gay and almost fairy-like out there. The two broad piazzas wuzall lit up with colored lights and baskets of posies hung down between'em full of bloom, and the broad piazzas and wide flight of stepsleadin' up to 'em wuz full of folks in bright array, walkin' andtalkin' and laughin' makin' the seen more fair and picture-like. Andin front wuz the long grassy lawn with its gay flower beds, and thelong walk down to the wharf all sparklin' with lights, and beyend, infront of it all, lay the deep river, with its sighin' voice borne inon the stillness, jest as in the hearts of every one of that throng, way back beyend the gayety and sparklin' mirth lay the deep sea oftheir own inner life, with its melancholy hantin' memories, itssighin' complainin' voices, its deeps that nobody else could fathom. 

And while we stood there, I wrapped in reverie and a gray zephyrshawl, a broad beam of light wuz cast from somewhere fur off, shinin'full and square first one side then the other side of the river. Nearer and nearer it seemed to be comin' towards us, and wherever thatlight fell a picture wuz brung quick as a flash of lightnin' out ofthe darkness. 

It seemed some like the day of Judgment shinin' through the darknessof men's lives and bringin' out the hidden things. Way out in thedistance where nothin' could be seen but blackness and shadows, thebeam would fall and a island would stand out plain before us, houseswith men and wimmen on the piazzas, a boat house, a boat with men andwimmen and children in it. You could see for one dazzlin' minute thecolor of their garments, and the motion of their hands and arms, thenthe sea of darkness would engulf 'em agin, and on the nigh side out ofthe darkness would shine out a vision of the shore with trees standin'up green and stately, and you could see the color of leaf and boughand almost the flutter of their leaves. A green lawn, rosy flowerbeds, a pretty cottage, faces at the windows, agin darkness swallowedit up, and broad and brilliant the great shaft of light lay on theblackness, and on the shinin' water fur ahead a boat stood out vivid. Its white sail shone, the young man at the helm with uplifted head wuzwavin' a greetin', the girl in the other end of the boat looked like apicture in her broad hat and white wrap, and beyend 'em and all round'em, wuz little boats, and fur ahead a big steamer. 

Anon it wuz turned sideways, and a dark mysterious craft wuz seensailin' by mysteriously, one of the big lake vessels goin' I know notwhere. Anon a dazzlin' flash swep' right across us, bringin' Faith andme and my pardner out into almost blindin' relief, his bald headshinin' in the foreground, his cravat gleamin' almost blindin'ly, andwith music and bright light shinin' from the cabin winders, and decksloaded with gay passengers, the Search Light Steamer swep' up to thewharf. 

The ball had not yet arrove at its hite when we entered the festivioushall, so we readily found seats in a commogious corner. On one side onme wuz my pardner, on the off side sot Faith in her serene beauty. Infront of me and on each side the gay crowd of dancers. 

Pretty young girls arrayed in every color of the rain-bow. Handsomeyoung men, ditto homely ones, little children as pretty as posies withtheir white dresses and white silk stockin's and slippers dancin' asgayly as any of the rest, all on 'em big and little, graceful andawkward, swingin', turnin', glidin' along, swingin', turnin', allkeepin' time to the sweet swayin' tones of the music, music thatseemed sometimes to bear my soul off some distance away and swing itround and dance with it a spell, and then whirl it back agin to thePresent and Josiah. It wuz a queer time, but very riz up and enjoyablein spite of some little sharp twinges that come anon or oftener, whichmight have been conscience, but which I tried to lay off ontorumatiz. 

Two wimmen wuz talkin' near us, sez one of 'em, "There he goes agin, see him prancin' round. " And she motioned to a young chap I'd noticedwho seemed to be the most indefatigable dancer in the hull lot, andhis face wuz determined lookin', as if his hull life depended ongallopin' round the room, and as if he never wuz goin' to stop. 

"See him, " sez the woman, "that young man's father and grand-fatherwould have swooned away if they'd thought that any of their kin woulddance. "

"Wuz they so good?" sez the other woman. 

"No, " wuz the reply, "they had all sorts of narrowness, sins andconiptions, but they thought dancin' wuz the wickedest thing everdone. This boy wuz brought up as strict as a he nun, and now see himprancin' round!"

And I spoke up and sez, "I hope he will prance off some of themhereditary sins, if he's got to prance. " They looked round at meconsiderable cool and I said no more. But everybody wuzn't so clostmouthed, for pretty soon a old lady come and sot down in a chair bythe side of me--Faith had moved a little back--and she sez:

"I want to dance; I love it dearly. "

I looked up at her in amaze. Her cheeks wuz fell in. Her brow wuzyellered and furrowed with years, and though her dress wuz gay shecouldn't conceal Time's ravages. 

"Dance, " sez I kinder dreamily and brow beat, "well, why don't youdance?"

Sez she, "I don't know any of the gentlemen here. "

I felt a movement on my nigh side and see that Josiah wuz leanin'forward in deep interest, and thinkses I, he is sorry for her folly, he has a noble heart. Well, ere long she riz up and went out into thehall, and I mused on what I had so often mused on--how necessary itwuz for everybody to keep on their own forts--sixty years had fledsince dancin' wuz her becomin' fort, now a rockin' chair and knittin'work wuz her nateral fort, but she didn't realize it. 

Well, the dancin' kep' on, the music pealed out sweet peals, heavenlysweet, heavenly sad, and I wuz carried some distance away from myselfand heeded not what wuz passin' by my side. Anon a dance come on thatwuz called a German. In some of the figgers they seemed to be givin'presents to each other, and had these presents kinder strung onto 'em, same as savages ornament themselves with beads and things, thoughthese wuz quite pretty lookin' and seemed made up of posies andribbins and pretty little trinkets. And then the lights wuz loweredand I see a long line of figgers come glidin' in, keepin' step to themusic, each one bearin' a pretty little colored lantern. And as Ilooked on my eyes wuz almost stunted and blinded by a sight I see. Whowuz the couple bringin' up the rear? Wuz it--it could not be--but yetit _wuz_ my pardner, leadin' in the ancient dame, who wuz footin' itmerrily on her old toes, or as merrily as she could, liable to falldown every step with rumatiz and old age. And what did my pardner bearin his hand!

That very day in goin' about the place he found in a store an old tinlantern, a relic of the past someone had left there to be sold. It wuza lantern that used to be in vogue before Josiah Allen wuz born, aanteek tin lantern with holes in the sides, and one candle power. Hehad bought it greedily, sayin' it wuz jest like one his grandpa hadwhen he wuz a child. 

He had left it in the office, and had lit that lantern and wuz nowhangin' along in the rear of that gay procession, with that mummy-likefigger, a jest, a byword and a sneer, for laughter riz up round 'emand sneers follered 'em as they swep' onwards. As they come nigh me Iriz up almost wildly and ketched holt of my pardner and sez I:

"Desist! Josiah Allen, stop to once!"

The aged female looked at me in surprise and feeble remonstrance, andsez she:

"Can it be that you're jealous?"

[Illustration: _"As they come nigh me I riz up almost wildly andketched holt of my pardner and sez I: 'Desist! JosiahAllen, stop to once!' The aged female looked at me insurprise. " (See page 131)_]

Even in that awful moment my powers of deep reasonin' didn't desert meand I said:

"If I wuz goin' to be jealous I wouldn't be of a animated mummy, orlivin' skeleton!" And to my companion I sez, "Josiah Allen, if youdon't set down here by me, I will part with you to once before thefirst Square or Justice I can ketch!"

He see determination on my eye-brow, and as they wuz in the extremerear of the line, and it didn't break up nothin', I ketched thelantern out of his hand and blowed it out, and put it under his chairas he sot down in it. And then to her I sez with a almost frozenpoliteness:

"I'd advise you, mom, to soak your feet and go to bed. "

She vanished. But to my pardner my voice lost that icy coldness andbecome het up with indignation, and I sez, "What tempted you, JosiahAllen, to make a perfect fool of yourself--a show for hollowworldlings to sneer at!"

"Fool!" sez he in bitter axents, "you call me that when I wuz strictlyactin' out what you've always ordered me to do. You've always told meto be good to females, to put myself out and make a martyr of myselfif necessary for their good. But it is the last time!" sez hebitterly, "the very last time I will ever have anything to do withyour sect in any way, shape or manner. I get no thanks from you foranything I do, and the worm may jest as well turn first as last. "

"Do you pretend to say, Josiah, that you did this to please me?"

"Yes mom, I do! I did it to please you, and to take that woman's part. You hearn her say she wanted to dance, but no man wuz forthcomin'. "

"Dance!" sez I, "dance at ninety years old!"

"She hain't much more'n eighty, " sez he, "I don't believe. But anyway, you won't git me into such a scrape agin. Your sect may be trod on forall that I care. They may set round till they grow to their chairs andbe trompled down into the ground--and I jest as soon tromple on a fewmyself, " sez he recklessly. 

Oh dear me! what a mysterious curous trial pardners be more'n half thetime! but still I feel that they pay after all. 

Let him talk as he would I knew he wuz only carryin' out that fad totry to be genteel and fashionable, and oh how much trouble I've seen, from first to last, with that sperit in my pardner!

Well, we didn't stay down much longer. Faith had stepped out of thelong winder behind us and wuz lookin' off onto the glorified riverdurin' this _contrary temps_, and as I glanced out of the winder tolook for her I see the huge form of Mr. Pomper hoverin' in theforeground, and I sez to Josiah, "I think it is time to retire and goto bed. "

And Faith bein' ready to go, we ascended to our rooms. As we passedone of the landin' places on the staircase where some chairs wuzplaced, I see the ancient dame settin' and sarahuptishously rubbin'her ankle jints. She straightened up and looked kinder coquetishly atmy pardner, but he swep' by her as if she wuz so much dirt under hisfeet. Truly he seemed to be carryin' out his plan of ignorin' my sectand passin' 'em by scornfully. I may see trouble with that sperit inhim yet. 

The next mornin' Josiah wanted Faith and I to go out with him fishin'and have a fish dinner, a sort of a picnic, on some island on thefishin' grounds. That's quite a fashionable entertainment. They fishtill they git real hungry I spoze, and then the boatman puts into somesheltered cove, and the party goes on shore, builds a fire and cookssome of the fish they have got, and make coffee, and with the nicelunch they took from the hotel, they have a splendid dinner I spoze, and take sights of comfort. 

Why lots of folks there would go out day after day early in themorning, and stay until night, and then would walk proudly in with along string of fish, and would lay 'em on the desk in the office, anda admirin' crowd would gather round to look at 'em and wonder how muchthey weighed. Why wimmen and children would catch fish so big that itis a wonder they could draw 'em into the boat, and I spoze they didhave help from the stronger sect (stronger arms I mean). And besidesthe fish I spoze they ketch happiness and health. 

Well, Josiah wuz rampant to go. He said he wanted to surprise thecrowd in the hotel and the hull of Well's Island with the fish hewould git, and then I spoze the idee of the dinner wuz drawin' himonward. I brung up several arguments, such as the danger, fatigue, etc. , but he stood firm. But I had one weepon left that seldom failed, and as a last resort I drawed that weepon, and he fell woonded toonce. Sez I, "Do you have any idee, Josiah Allen, how much it is goin'to cost you?"

His linement fell. He hadn't thought on't. I see him silently draw aboatman into a corner and interview him, and I hearn no more about afishin' picnic. 

The very evenin' after this, Fate and Mr. Pomper gin me a chance tocarry out the plan I'd laid out heretofore. Josiah had stepped over tothe post office, and Faith had walked over with him at my request, forshe had a headache, and I told him to walk down to the wharf with herand see if the cool air wouldn't do her good. So she had put a blacklace scarf over her pretty golden hair and went off with him. 

Well, there wuz big doin's at the Tabernacle that night, and it wuz aoff night for music, and I found the parlor nearly deserted when Iwalked in and sot down in my accustomed easy chair. And no sooner hadI sot down seemin'ly than Mr. Pomper's massive form emerged onto theseen, and he drawed up a chair and sot down by my side. 

Agreably to the plans I had laid down in my mind, I did not object tothe move. But though a picture of calmness on the outside, inwardly Iwuz callin' almost wildly on my powers of memory, tryin' to think jestwhat Malviny had done, one of the immortal Children of the Abbey, whenLord Mortimer approached her with his onlawful suit, and I tried alsoto recall what the Mountain Mourner had done in like circumstances, but before I had half done interviewin' them heroines in sperit mymind wuz recalled into the onwelcome present by Mr. Pomper's voice inmy left ear:

"I asked you, Josiah Allen's wife, " sez he, "to listen to me, for Ifelt that you wuz the most proper person for me to state my feelingsto. Since you and your party have entered this house, " sez he, "I havehad a great conflict goin' on between my mind and my heart. "

"Ah indeed! have you?" sez I, liftin' my nose at a angle of from fortyto fifty degrees. 

"Yes, " sez he, "I have had a great struggle between my heart and mycommon sense, and in the battle that ensued, Common Sense and Reasonhas had to retire into the background, and Heart has triumphed. "

"It is a great pity!" sez I, "Common Sense and Reason had much bettercome out ahead, " and agin I lifted my nose to its extremest limit, andlooked swords and prunin' knives at him. 

"That is just what most folks would say, I am aware, but listen to mystory before you judge. I must reveal to you the state of my heart andaffections!"

How sure it is that when a kag is tapped the contents will run out nomatter whether it is wine or water. At them bold words accompanied bythe ardent rollin' of that lone orb, my well-laid plans all left mymind, nothin' wuz left but pure principle and devotion and loyalty tomy pardner. The full kag emptied its contents over his nefariouspurposes, and I bust out almost onbeknown to me and sez:

"It is no use; it is vain, it is worse than vain! it is wicked!"

"What, " sez he, "is she engaged to another?"

"Who?" sez I, turnin' like lightnin' and facin' him. 

"Why, Miss Smith, your niece or grand-child who is with you. Thatbeauchious creature!" sez he. 

"Faithful Smith!" sez I faintly, "is she the one you are talkin'about?"

"Yes, " sez he, "your grand-daughter, is she not?"

"My grand-daughter!" sez I in deep contempt, "she is my own cousin onmy own side. "

"I thought, " sez he, "from her looks and yours that she might be yourgrand-child, but that is of no moment, " sez he. 

"It is of moment!" sez I, "she is uncle Leander Smith's own child, and though she is a few years younger than I be, it has always beensaid and thought all over Jonesville and Loontown that I hold my ageto a remarkable extent. And though I think my eyes of Faith I won'tthank you or anyone else for callin' her my grand-child!"

"But yet, " sez he, "that's a tender, sweet relationship. What I wantto say to you is in relation to Miss Smith, she looks sad butbeauchious. I like her looks. You may have noticed that I haveoccasionally glanced in the direction of your party. "

"Yes, " sez I, "Heaven knows I have noticed it!"

"Yes, " sez he, "as I have looked upon her face from day to day aconflict has been wagin' in my heart, and though you may be surprisedat the result (for I am very wealthy) I have decided to make her gladand joyous once more. "

He paused, as if for a reply, and I sez, "How did you mean to tacklethe job?"

"By makin' her my wife, " sez he. 

The mystery wuz all explained, my dignity and my beloved pardner'ssafety all assured. I felt a feeling of infinite relief, and yet Ifelt like a fool, and I blamed him severely for this ridiculous_contrary temps_ that had occurred in my mind. 

"Of course, " sez he, "it is a great rise for her, I have hearn thatshe hain't worth much, as I count wealth, and as we are speakin' inconfidence, I will say that there is a rich widder here who has hopesof me, and mebby I've gin her some encouragement, kinder accidental, as you may say, but I ort to know better. Widdowers can't be toocareful; they do great harm, let 'em be as careful as possible. Theytromple right and left over wimmen's hearts do the best they can. Butsince I have seen Miss Smith and witnessed her sad face I have done asight of thinkin'. Here the case lays, the widder is strong, she canstand trouble better. The widder is happy, for she has got that whichwill make any woman happy--health, wealth, and property. And I've beenturnin' it over in my mind that mebby Duty is drawin' me away from thewidder and towards the maid. It hain't because the widder is homely asthe old Harry that influences me, no not at all. But the thought oflightenin' the burden of the sad and down hearted, makin' the mournfuleyes dance with ecstasy, and the skrinkin' form bound with joylike--like--the boundin' row on the hill tops. Now as the case standsmarry I will and must. My wife has already been lost for a period ofthree months lackin' three weeks. She sweetly passed away murmurin', 'I am glad to go. '"

"No wonder at that!" I sez, "no wonder!"

"Yes, she wuz a Christian and she passed sweetly up into the Hevings, thank the Lord!" sez he lookin' acrost onto Faith's sweet face, forshe had come back and set down acrost the room. 

"She is better off, I hain't a doubt on't!" sez I fervently. 

"I don't know about that. I did well by her, and she felt as well asmyself, that to be my wife wuz a fate not often gin to mortalwimmen. "

"That is so!" sez I fervently, "that is so!"

"Yes she wuz proud and happy durin' her life. I did everything forher. I killed a chicken durin' her last sickness onasked, jest tosurprise her with soup. She lived proud and happy and died happy. "

"I hain't a doubt that she died happy. "

"No, " sez he, "and now I must make a choice of her successor. It is ahard job to do, " sez he. 

"No doubt on't, " sez I, "no doubt on't!"

"Yes, whatever woman I choose, some must be left, pinin' on theirstems, to speak poetically. I can't marry every woman, that's plain tobe seen. "

"Yes, thank Heaven! that's a settled thing, " sez I lookin' longin'lyat my pardner, who wuz leanin' aginst the door and conversin' with theman of the house on his chosen theme, for anon or oftener I hearn thewords--Coney Island! Dreamland--Luny Park, etc. , etc. 

"No, and my choice made, I want it done as speedily as possible, formy late lamented left as a slight token of her love thirteen childrenof all ages, rangin' from six months up to twelve years, two pairs oftriplets, two ditto of twins, and three singles. 

"My wealth lays in land mostly. I never believed in idle luxuries, only comfort, solid comfort, and my wife will have a luxurious home ofa story and a half upright, and a linter, groceries and necessariesall provided, and all she will have to do will be the housework andgently train and care for the minds and bodies of the little ones, with some help from the oldest set of triplets, and make my home aginan oasis of joy, a Eden below. Oh! how happy she will be!" sez he, "Nestlin' down like a wanderin' dove in the safety and peace and prideof married life. When can I see Miss Smith?" sez he. "Or will you tellher in advance of her good fortune?"

[Illustration: "_'No, ' sez Mr. Pomper, 'I want it done as speedily aspossible, fer my late lamented left me thirteen children, two pairs of triplets, two ditto of twins, and threesingles. '_" (_See page 143_)]

"No indeed!" sez I, "I make no matches nor break none. You will haveto do your own errents. "

CHAPTER NINE

IN WHICH MR. POMPER MAKES A OFFER OF MARRIAGE AND FAITH HAS AWONDERFUL EXPERIENCE

CHAPTER NINE

IN WHICH MR. POMPER MAKES A OFFER OF MARRIAGE AND FAITH HAS AWONDERFUL EXPERIENCE

Faith had got up and gone out onto the piazza, and he riz upponderously and proudly and follered her. And onless I put cotton inmy ears, I couldn't help hearin' what wuz said. I could hear his proudaxent and her low gentle voice in reply. 

Sez he, "Miss Smith, of course you hain't known me long, but I feelthat we are well acquainted. I have watched you when you hain't knownit. "

I could imagine just how wonderingly the soft gentle eyes wuz raisedto his as he went on:

"Yes, I have kep' my eye on you, and I will say right out that I likeyour looks and your ways, and I feel that you are worthy of beingpromoted to the high honor I am about to heap onto you, by askin' youto be my wife. "

I heard a little low, skairt ejaculation and a chair pushed back. 

"Your wife! oh no, no, you are mistaken!"

Then his voice in soothin' axents, "There, set down agin, set down. Iknew you'd take it so. I knew it would overcome you, but I say you areworthy on't, and you needn't never be afraid I'll throw it in yourface that I am rich and you--and you----"

Then I hearn a swish of a dress float along, quick steps acrost thepiazza, a door shet, and anon Mr. Pomper come back to me. 

"Jest as I told you, mom, stunted, " sez he, "fairly stunted and brokedown by the suddenness of the good news. I'll give her time to gitused to the idee. I won't say no more at present. "

"No, " sez I dryly, "I wouldn't if I wuz in your place, I'd go and rubsome ile into my head or sweat it, or sunthin'. "

"What for?" sez he in surprise, "why should I bathe my head, orannoint it?"

"Oh nothin', " sez I, "if you don't think it needs softenin' up andilluminatin'. "

Well, I went up to my room and in a few minutes Faith come in, and shewent right by me and looked in the glass. She wuz pale and seemed tobe kinder tremblin'. She studied her face intently in the lookin'glass, then sez she, "What is there in my face, what have I done?"sez she, "How have I looked, that that awful man dare insult me? Oh, Imust have looked weak or acted weak, or he wouldn't have dared to!"and she busted out cryin'. 

And I sez soothin'ly, "It hain't the worst thing that could happen toyou. A offer of marriage hain't like a attack of yeller fever, orcholera, or even the janders, nor, " sez I, "it hain't like losin'friends, or a plague of grasshoppers, or----"

And I spoze there hain't no tellin' onto what hites of eloquence Imight have riz to cheer her up. But all of a sudden she bust outa-laughin' with the tears standin' in her big eyes and runnin' downher cheeks. 

"There, " sez I, "you see I'm right, don't you?"

"Oh you dear, delicious Samantha!" sez she, and she throwed her armsround me and kissed me. I kissed her back and then I went on brushin'my hair for the night. I hadn't nothin' on but my skirts and dressin'sack, but I didn't mind her. And she went and sot down by the winderand looked off into the west. Fur off the blue hazy distance lay likeanother country. The moonlight lay on the waters, a white sail furoff seemed to float into dreamy mist. She sot there still, and a queerlook seemed to come into her face. I felt that she wuz thinkin' ofhim, the lost lover of her youth. I felt that she wuz with him and notwith me. I thought from the looks of her face she might think he hadbeen insulted by the rude feet that had assayed to walk into thekingdom where he had rained, and rained still, I believe. Sez I tomyself, mebby she is walkin' with him in the past, and mebby in thefuter, how could I tell, I felt queer and wadded up my hair withemotions that never before went into them hair pins. 

After I had finished I sot down, as my habit is, to read a few versesof Skripter, to sort o' carry with me in my journey through theunknown realms of Sleep. And as I make a practice of openin' whereverI happen to--or I don't really like that word happen--I let the bookopen where it will, and I wuz jest readin' these words:

"Ye have seen all that the Lord did before your eyes, the signs andthe great miracles. "

When I hearn through my readin', as one will, the whistle of the nightboat comin' in, and the noise of many steps goin' along the walkbelow. Then I opened the book agin and went on with my readin':

"The secret things belong unto the Lord our God, but these things thatare revealed belong to us. "

When sunthin' made me look up, Faith wuz bendin' forward lookin' outof the winder, though she couldn't see anyone that wuz passin' onaccount of the ruff, and I see a look that I never see before on anyface, it wuz all rousted up, illuminated, glad, triumphant, sad, glowin', blessed, and everything else. 

And I said, "What is it, Faith, what do you see?"

Sez she, "I don't know. "

And I said then, "What do you think it is?"

And she sez, "Cousin Samantha, do you think that those who are faraway ever return to the hearts that are mourning for them? Is thereany way that souls can meet while the bodies are far apart?"

"Why yes, " sez I, "I have always thought so, I have always thoughtthey had some way of tellin' us they wuz nigh without usin' languagewe know anything about. Many is the time I've expected visitors that Ihadn't seen or hearn from in some time, and sure enough they'd comejest as I seemed to think they would. And letters! how many a time allof a sudden I would most know I wuz goin' to git a letter fromsomebody, and sure enough when Josiah would go to the post office he'dbring it back with him. How them folks hundreds of milds away managedto let me know they wuz thinkin' of me on paper, or how I knew thesefriends wuz approachin' onbeknown to me, I don't know nor Josiahdon't. 

"There wuzn't no U. S. Stamp on these messages, nor earthly handsdidn't bring the tidin's of these visitors. No the post-masters andmessengers on that mysterious Route keep perfect silence as to wherethey be, or who they be. But they are at work all the same, though whothey work for, or how they work, how can we tell? The strange rays oflight that flash through the darkness of dense bodies makin' visiblewhat has been onseen since the creation, hasn't discovered thesehighways yet, mebby they will. The strange new air route messages thattravel acrost the stormy Atlantic may run right acrost thesemysterious highways, " and for a minute my mind follered off on themstrange, strange tracks, Marconi roads lighted by X-rays and leadin'who knows where. 

When my mind kinder come back agin to what we wuz talkin' about Iresoomed, "And if this happens to us as it duz time and agin in regardto friends and well wishers, how much more it is likely to be true ofthose we love and who love us. This strange knowledge and fore-warnin'is not material, it is independent of the body or any workin's of themind that we understand, and how do we know how fur reachin' anduniversal that law is if our eyes wuz not held so we could discern it?If these fine senses wuz not so unused, and as you may say bed-rid bydisuse, how do we know how truly near to us may be those who in ourblindness we say are fur away, how do we know but their spiritualself, their real self, may be nearer to us than our neighbors in theflesh, and those who sit by our firesides, though our mortal eyes maynot see them, and oceans and seas may divide us and mebby the DeepestRiver. What do we know about the onseen roads that lay all about us, leadin' from Loontown and Jonesville and from one continent to theother, and mebby up through the clear fields of Light? What do we knowabout them still mysterious streets windin' mebby from our home andhearts to Thomas Jefferson's, and so on, mebby from star to star? Andwhat do we know of the travelers that go up and down on 'em andoutward and homeward? These roads don't need any surveyor to lay 'emout, or path-master to clear 'em of snow and dirt, no weeds grow up bythe wayside, nor dirt lays in the track. 

"No, clear and broad and unobstructed the luminous pathways may layall round us onknown to us. Noiseless chariots, swifter than ourimaginations can grasp now, may cleave these star routes, connectingone land to another, and mebby jinin' immense distances to our planet, as easy as we can hitch up and go to Jonesville. 

"We don't see these noiseless conveyances, lighter and swifter thanthought, nor the forms they waft to us from afar. We can't hear theirvoices, but our soul listens! We feel their nearness! For a blessedmoment we are thrilled with the bliss of their presence, their fullcomprehension of pity and love. 

"'Dear ones!' our heart cries, 'where are you? Come nearer! Let oureyes behold you!' Our soul peers longin'ly through the mist of earthlyblindness, looking! listening!'"

I wuz carried some distance away from myself by my deep eppisodin'when a sigh from Faith brung me down and landed me on terry firmy aginand I sez, "Why do you ask this question to-night, dear?"

"Because, " sez she in a tremblin' voice, "I feel that someone longgone and lost is near me to-night, I feel the presence nearer than youare now, " sez she, puttin' her little white tremblin' hand on my own. 

"I am not mistaken, " sez she with streaming eyes, "I know that inwhatever world or distant way that soul may be dwellin', it is with meto-night. It frightens me!" sez she, white as a cloth, "And it fillsme with the blessedness of Heaven!" And she smiled with her bigluminous eyes. She wuz tremblin' like a popple leaf. 

"Well, well, " sez I, "shet up the winder, and take a little catniptea. I'll steep it on my alcohol lamp, and go to bed. You've beenexcited too much to-night. " I knew, though she didn't say so, that thevery idee of catnip wuz repugnant and oncongenial to her at that time, but I felt that I had reason and common sense on my side. Faithfulhain't over strong, and had been through considerable excitement, besides I hearn the distant step of my pardner, and his voiceparleyin' with the hall boy for sunthin'. 

And though the subject broached by Faith, and believed in by me, wuzas interestin' to me as a subject could be, yet I felt then, and feelnow, that though transcendentalism may be more agreable talkin'matter, and may be indulged in at times, yet such commonplace subjectsas herb drink has to be brung forwards and sort o' hung onto by ourminds, in order to anchor 'em as it were to the land of Megumness, where I would fain tarry myself and have my near and dearest dwell. But Faith said she didn't want any catnip, and jest before Josiah comein she kissed me good night, and I said, "Good night, dear, and 'Godbe with you till we meet again. '"

I knew she thought everything of that him, and thought mebby it wouldsort o' quiet her some since she rejected the paneky I spoke of. Buther face at the very last looked white and riz up and luminous, andher eyes shone. I felt queer. 

The next day wuz Sunday and Josiah and I went to the Tabernacle tomeetin'. Faith havin' a headache didn't go. But before I go anyfurder I will back up the boat and moor it to the shore, while I tellyou what the result wuz so fur as Mr. Pomper wuz concerned. At thebreakfast table next mornin' he cast languishin' glances at Faith, andthen looked round the room proudly as much as to say:

"Gentlemen and ladies, behold my choice, and I hain't sorry I choseher out of the throng of waitin' wimmen. "

But some time durin' that day he found out his mistake. I don't knowexactly how Faith managed to pierce the rhinocerous hide of hisself-conceit with the truth, but she did somehow let him know that hisattentions wuz futile, futiler than he ever mistrusted his attentionscould be. 

But he wuzn't danted and down-casted more'n several minutes, I guess, for anon I see him walkin' with a woman almost as ponderous as he wuz, and as she wuz all janglin' with black jet and as humbly as humblycould be, I mistrusted that he had gone back to his allegiance to thewidder, and I think he looked happier than I had ever seen him. Helooked as if he wuz rejoiced that his temporary thraldom to sentimentwuz over, and common sense and practical gain wuz in the ascendancyagin. And though it hain't much matter, I will say I read hismarriage in the paper the next week:

"Amaziah Pomper to Euphrasia, relict of Elnathan Fatt. "

But I d'no as Faith knew anything about it, for she didn't stay withus only a few days longer, she went on to visit her aunt Petrie and soon to the Ohio, makin' a solemn promise to me to stop and visit us onher way home the last of September. Well, I will now onhitch the boatand row back, and then let it sail on down the stream of history. As Isaid, the next day after that singular experience of Faith's wuzSunday, and my pardner and I went to the Tabernacle. We wuz told thatthere wuz to be oncommon exercises that day owin' to the visit of agreat Evangelist from the West. Lots of folks had come on the nightboats so as to be there to hear him. For if the angel Gabriel wantedto preach there to lost sinners, he couldn't land there on Sundayunless he swum or come cross lots (that is, unless he flowed down). The folks on that island are too good to let anyone come there tomeetin' unless they come sarahuptishously. I asked a trustee once whyit wuz wicked for folks to ride there to meetin'. 

And he said, "A merciful man is merciful to his beast. "

Sez I, "A steamer hain't a beast, and if it wuz, it wouldn't tucker itout much to come over from the bay or Clayton. " And he said thesailors would have to toil to git 'em there. 

"So the driver and the horses have to toil to git sinners to meetin'on the main land, " sez I. And he said, "The steamers would make noiseand confusion, and disturb the sweet Sabbath calm. " I felt there wuzsome truth in this, though it wouldn't make nigh so much noise as thethousands of church bells clangin' out church time in cities andvillages. 

Sez he, "If we allowed boats to land here we should be overrun withexcursionists who don't care for Sunday as a day of holy quiet andrest, and our peaceful Sabbath would be turned into a carnival ofpleasure seekers, flirtations, giggles, brown paper parcels, eggshells, cigar smoke and sandwiches. "

And I sez, "Like as not that is so. " And I felt that mebby he wuz inthe right on't. But some don't like it and feel that they'd ort totake the resk. 

CHAPTER TEN

WE HEAR A GREAT TEMPERANCE SERMON, BUT JOSIAH STILL HANKERS FOR CONEYISLAND

CHAPTER TEN

WE HEAR A GREAT TEMPERANCE SERMON, BUT JOSIAH STILL HANKERS FORCONEY ISLAND

Ever since I had been to the Thousand Island Park, my mind had roamedonto that idee of the Tabernacle with a sort of or. It is a bigimpressive word and one calculated to impress a stranger andsojourner. And so when we made up our minds to attend to it I almostinstinctively put on my best alpacky dress (London brown) and I alsorun a new ribbin into my braize veil and tied it round my bunnet so itwould hang in graceful folds adown the left side of my frame, I alsoput on my black mitts and my mantilly with tabs; of course I carriedmy faithful umbrell. 

I looked well. Faith had a bad headache, I guess the job of gittin'that information into Mr. Pomper's head had tuckered her out, so I andmy pardner sot off alone. All the way there my mind wuz real riz upthinkin' I wuz goin' to see sunthin' very grand lookin' andscriptural, and I said over and over to myself a number of times withdeep respect and or, "Tabernacle! Tabernacle!"

Yes, I felt some as if I wuz the Queen of Sheba and Josiah wuzSolomon, though I might have knowed, my pardner lacked the firstingregient in Solomon's nater, wisdom. And I probable wuzn't so dressyas Miss Sheba, 'tennyrate I hadn't no crown or septer, a brown strawbunnet and umbrell meetin' my wants better, but not nigh so dashylookin'. But my feelin's all come from the name of the place we wuzbound for, and the patriarchical, Biblical past my mind wuz rovin'round in. Yes, my mind wuz rousted up and runnin' on the trimmin's ofthe Ark and Temple. I thought like as not I should see purple curtainshung on shinin' poles, jest so many cubits long and high, and gorgeouscarpets to walk on and ornaments and fringes and tossels. 

I would not ask questions, but I wuz prepared for splendid lookin'things and lots of 'em. Well, if you'll believe me there wuzn't athing there that I expected to see, not a ornament or curtain ortossel, and nothin' but jest common ground to walk on like our sullerbottom or dooryard. And long benches all through it as fur as the eyecould reach almost. 

The platform wuz big as most meetin' housen, but bare and plain, andthere wuz what seemed to be sheets hung up round the hull concern, though rolled up so we could see out all round us. There wuz only oneway it come up to my idees, and that wuz the cubits. I should think itwuz jest about as many cubits long and broad as anything ever wuz orever will be. They say it will hold five thousand folks, and I shouldjudge they wuz all there that mornin', and had brung their childrenand relations on both sides. 

They wuz havin' a song service when we went in, and to hear fivethousand voices or so fillin' that Tabernacle full of high andinspirin' melody, wuz indeed a treat. It filled it so full that itoozed out of the sheets on all sides and soared up through theencirclin' green trees, up, up towards the blue sky, and no knowin'how much furder it did go upwards, clear up to Heaven like as not, forthat place we have always been told is the home of music. It wuzsunthin' to remember as long as you lived to hear that great flood ofmelody flow out and swash and sway round us, bearin' us some distanceaway from ourselves. 

My Josiah tuned up and sung jest as loud as any of 'em, but hissingin' would have sounded better if he had sung the tune the restdid. He sung the tune he had always been used to singin' hims in, heis dretful sot on it, and don't like to change. But as he seemed toenjoy it so much, and the great rush of melody wuz so powerful hisvoice wuz onnoticed. The him wuz, "How firm a foundation ye saints ofthe Lord. "

Mr. Pomper wuz jest ahead on us, and thinkin' he would see better, Ispoze had got up on the bench, and jest as he shouted out with therest, "How firm a foundation, " the bench broke and down he come, butin the big volume of sound, his yell of fright wuzn't heard no morethan the note of a mosquito in a cyclone. 

In the intervals of silence Josiah sot and made comments to me on thesurroundin' seen, that alas made me know his mind wuzn't riz up onsuch hites as mine wuz. He commented on the looks of the men aroundhim, and cast the idee in my face that there wuzn't any on 'em so goodlookin' as he wuz, or nigh so distinguished in their means. I feltsorry to think he wuz so blinded, though of course he looks good tome. And he talked about the wimmen and advanced the idee that theywell might take pattern by his pardner in their looks and deportment. Josiah after all is a man of good sense. 

[Illustration: "_Mr. Pomper, thinkin' he would see better, got up onthe bench, and jest as he shouted out 'How firm afoundation, ' the bench broke and down he come. _"(_See page 168_)]

As I looked round me, I liked the place more and more. What need wuzthere of upholstery and carpets? Brussels never turned out such acarpet as old Mom Nater had spread all round that Temple of hern. OldGobelin never wove such tapestry. No Empress of the wonder-laden Eastever had hung in her boodore such a marvelous green texture as droopeddown in emerald canopies above us. No golden lamp ever gin such alight as sifted down over the matchless green overhead, to light thatsolemn sanctuary. No organ ever gin out such sweet sound as the birdswarbled anon or oftener. No jeweled ornaments ever sparkled on a altarlike the emerald and gold winged butterflies flutterin' round thatsacred hant, amongst the wild flowers that blossomed even up to thedoor. And it seemed as if the soul could soar up easier somehow whenyou could look right into the blue mystery of the sky, the tracklesspath that souls mount up on in prayer and praise. Somehow plaster andmortar seem more confinin'. Though I d'no as it really makes anydifference. Heaven is over all, and the soul's wings can pierce theheaviest material, bein' made in jest that strong and delicate way, but yet it seemed more free and soarin' somehow, and as if the pathheavenward wuz clearer. 

The breezes kind of hung off and didn't come in. Josiah said they wuzafraid to land on Thousand Island Park for fear of bein' fined fortravelin' on Sunday, but it wuzn't so, they didn't come because it wuzso sultry and kinder muggy. 

I'd hearn that the man who wuz goin' to preach wuz a dretful smartman, a Evangelist and Temperance Lecturer. A man so gifted and goodthat folks would go milds and milds to hear him, he seemed to hold thesecret of inspirin' men and wimmen, and rousin' 'em out of their coldicy states, and drawin' 'em right along towards the mounts hehabitually stood on. He'd done sights of good, sights on it. 

And anon I see a stir round the preacher's stand that made me know thespeaker of the day, the great Revivalist and Temperance worker hadcome. And most immegiately a tall figger passed through the crowd thatmade way for him reverentially. There wuz a smile and a good look onhis face for all the bretheren round him, some like a benediction, only less formal. As he come out on the stand and stood before us Icould see that there wuz a light shinin' on his face as if ketchedfrom some heavenly and divine power. His eyes wuz soft and deeplookin', as if he knew jest how mean and weak humanity wuz, and wuzsorry for folks, and would like to tell 'em the secret he had foundout, how to overcome the world, the flesh, and the devil, speciallythe devil. 

His smile wuz sad and sweet, jest about half-and-half. His featureswuz good, and his hair, which wuz light brown to start with, wuzconsiderable gray round his forward. His voice wuz like the sound ofdeep waters that penetrates through all lighter voices and that youhear through 'em all, jest as you hear the voice of the great Riverthrough all the murmurin's of the trees and bird song on the shore. Hegin out a him in that sweet melogious voice that wuz as good assingin' or better. The him told how, though we could not climb up intoHeaven to bring the Lord Christ down, yet how love had still itsOlivet and Faith its Galilee. And one verse wuz:

 The healing of that seamless dress Is by our beds of pain; We touch it in life's care and stress And we are strong again. 

And oh the truth of them verses! As that man read and prayed andspoke, that seamless dress seemed to float along by us, worn by thepityin' Christ, we laid holt on it with our yearnin' longin's andoutreachin' sperits, and felt that strength had gone out of it intoour souls. 

His prayer seemed to bring Heaven so near to us that we could almostlook in. He asked the Lord to draw nigh to us, and He did. He askedHim to help us bear our daily trials and temptations, and the wearywearin' cares of life, and we felt that He would help us. We felt thatthat sweet strong appeal for the Comforter to come into our lives tobless and strengthen us for good work, wuz answered then and there. 

The Word he read wuz that incomparable chapter in Hebrews, in whichPaul tells of the mighty works wrought by faith, of them who throughfaith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, stopped the mouths oflions, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. Women received their deadraised to life agin. And on to the end of that matchless chapter. 

And the text wuz, "Wherefore seeing we are encompassed about by sogreat a cloud of witnesses let us lay aside every weight and the sinthat doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the racethat is set before us. "

And then follered a sermon that wuz better than any I ever hearn in mylife, and I have sot under splendid preachers in my day. But this, though delivered in simple language wuz so helpful, lifting us, holding us up, so we could ketch a glimpse of the right way andinspire us with the strength to foller it. 

He pinted out to us the sins that so easily beset us, easily indeed. Not the old sins of Adam and Noah and the rest--patriarchal sins thatmade us feel reproachful towards the old sinful patriarchs andcomfortable toward ourselves. No, he pinted out the besettin' sinsthat are rampant and liable to ruin us in the nineteen hundreds. Afterspeakin' of the other deadly sins that are liable to lay holt on us, such as oncharitableness, envy, jealousy, bigotry, intolerance, injustice, over-weaning ambition, and other personal and nationalsins, he spoke at length of that monster sin, that national disgrace, Intemperance. 

I spoze it wuz some as if when you tapped a barrel filled with purewater, why pure water would flow out of it. And I spoze he wuz so fullof his great life work aginst that gigantick evil Intemperance, thatthem ideas had to flow out when the plug of silence wuz removed. Andreadin' what he had about them who through faith had stopped the mouthof lions, escaped the edge of the sword, I spoze he wanted to make hishearers feel that they too could so arm themselves with faith and thepower of His might, as to stop the mouths of these nineteenth centurylions, overthrow the laws entrenched in lion-like strength in thestronghold of National protection, and escape the edge of the sword ofpersonal greed and selfishness, and put to flight the army of thealiens from God and the good of humanity. 

And I spoze when he thought of them wimmen who had received their deadraised to life agin, he thought of the yearly sacrifice toIntemperance, the thousands and thousands of husbands, sons, brotherswho are struck by the death blight now, makin' ready to fall intothose oncounted graves. And he wanted to roust 'em up and save theirsouls and bodies alive and give them back to these wimmen agin, raisedfrom the dead. 

Yes, his warnin's and appeals wuz all directed to this present timeand preached to us. He never mentioned them old Egyptians who wuz alldead and drownded out years ago, both by the Red sea, and the longswosh of the sea of Time, or the old Jews and Hebrews, nor he didn'tdwell on science or philosophy, but he pressed the truth home to thehearts of his hearers, how the Lord Jesus had once dwelt upon earth, how He had passed through all the cares and sufferings that we wuzpassing through, how He wuz tempted by the sins, pained by the griefsof the world, and how He pitied us and would help us. 

As I say, instead of Bible crimes that had been committed centuriesago, he dwelt strong and as if his hull heart wuz in his words on thatterrible national crime back of most all the other sins and crimes ofto-day. That stands a huge black shape blocking up the world'sprogress, that we ort to try our best to fight aginst, and how we hada Helper. And his idee wuz that good men, clergymen and such, who arewont to stand off and look down on the battlefield, ort to buckle ontheir armor and join in the warfare. And he said that if sometimesthe battle smoke hid the form of our great High Priest and Helper wemustn't forgit that He wuz there, lookin' on, seeing how the battlewent between the Right and the Wrong, and giving His help towards theright side in His own good time, and he gin us to understand that:

 All the blood that falls in righteous cause, Each crimson drop shall nourish snowy flowers, And quicken golden grain bright sheaves of good, That under happier skies shall yet be reaped. 

"For, " sez he:

 When Right opposes Wrong, shall Evil win? Nay, never; but the years of God are long. 

And he counseled his hearers to keep on and work--work and follow theleadin' of Him who shall conquer all sin and evil. 

It wuz a grand and powerful effort. It wuzn't so flowery as I'vehearn, but the strength, the pathos of it wuz wonderful. I didn'twonder as I hearn him talk of what I'd been told that day by differentones of how people flocked to hear him, how he might have the choiceof big city churches with big salaries accordin', but he had chosen tostay by the common people. Had elected that he would not have wealthand station, that he would go about tellin' of the love of God, urgin'men to accept Him, goin' about doin' good. 

As we listened to him, everything seemed possible, the right seemedpossible to do, it almost seemed as if we felt the crown restin' onour tired foretops. And he ended the sermon as he had begun it with afew words from the Book, "Now bretheren quit ye like men, besteadfast, strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. " And thenagin he breathed out his very soul in prayer, and we wuz lifted upsome distance towards the Better Country. As he ended his words we allheaved some long sithes and seemed to fall down some distance, andfound ourselves to our great surprise still on the old earth. 

A enthusiastick little woman, who'd shouted out, "Amen!" with the bestof 'em sez to me, "Wasn't that sermon a grand one?"

"Yes, " sez I, "it come right from his heart, and went to mine. Itlifted me up some distance above the earth, " sez I. 

"Yes, " sez she, "the Elder is one of the saints on earth, but we areafraid he hain't long for this world. "

"Why?" sez I. 

"He don't take any care of himself. He lives alone with an oldhousekeeper who is dretful slack and don't have any faculty, and hedon't have things for his comfort, though he don't complain. He gitsno end of money, but gives it all away, or it is wasted to home. Iwent to his house once on business, --I am from the West, " sezshe, --"and it wuz so bare and desolate lookin' that I almost cried. Heort to marry, " sez she, "I have five daughters myself, and threeonmarried nieces and they all say the same thing, that he ought to bemarried to some woman who would jest worship him, for no woman couldhelp it, and take care on him. For, " sez she with a shrewd look, "thesmartest men and the most spiritual ones are the most helpless, cometo things of this world. "

"Yes, " sez I, "our minister to Jonesville could no more make a mess ofcream biscuit than he could fly. He is great on the Evidences, and agreat Bible expounder, but he couldn't sew on a button so it wouldn'tpucker the cloth, if he should cry like a babe. "

"No, " sez she, "I presume not, my girls are splendid with the needle, and good cooks, and so religious--it's a sight! and so are mysister's three girls, though they don't quite come up to my five. "

Well, there wuz a stir in the crowd. The Elder had come down and wuzshakin' hands right and left with them that crowded up to him. Thelittle woman pressed towards him and I wuz drawed along in her wake bythe crowd, some as a stately ship is swep' on by a small tug and theflowin' waves. And anon, after shakin' hands with her, he took my handin hisen. A emotion swep' through me, a sort of electric current thatconnects New Jerusalem to Jonesville and Zoar. He bent his full sweetpenetratin' look onto me, it seemed to go through my head clear to myback comb, and he sez, "Have I met you before?"

"Yes, " sez I, "in sperit, we have met, I want to thank you for thewords you have said this day. It seems to me I shall be good for sometime, it seems that I _must_ after hearin' your discourse, and I wantto thank you for it, thank you earnest and sincere. "

He smiled sort o' sad and yet riz up, and sez, "We are all wayfarershere on a hard journey, and if I can help anyone along the way, it isI who should be thankful, and, " sez he, "may God bless you, sister!"

And he passed on. 

But he seemed to leave a wake of glory behind him as he went, somelike the glow on the water when the sun walks over it, a warmin' lifegivin' influence that comes from a big soul filled with light andgoodness. I seemed to be riz up above the earth all the way back tothe hotel, though in body I wuz walkin' afoot by the side of mypardner. He too wuz enthused by the sermon--I had reconized his littletreble voice shoutin' out "Amen!" and he said now that it wuz grand, powerful!

"Yes, " sez I, "and good and holy and tender!"

"Yes indeed!" sez he. And he added, "Speakin' of tenderness, I do hopethe beef will be tenderer than it wuz yesterday. I don't believe theyhave such beef to Coney Island. "

CHAPTER ELEVEN

IN WHICH WE RETURN HOME, AND I PERSWAIDE JOSIAH TO BUILD A COTTAGE FORTIRZAH ANN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

IN WHICH WE RETURN HOME, AND I PERSWAIDE JOSIAH TO BUILD A COTTAGEFOR TIRZAH ANN

The next afternoon Faith started on her visit to her aunt beyendKingston. And immegiately after her departure, Josiah said he'd got togo home right away. Sez he, "It hain't right to leave Ury to bear allthe brunt of the work alone. "

Sez I, "Ury has got over the hardest of the work, and writ so. "

"Well, " sez he, "I'm a deacon and I can't bear the thought ofreligious interests languishin' for my help. "

Sez I, "Seven folks wuz baptized last Sunday: the meetin' house wuznever so prosperous. "

And then he went on and said political ties wuz drawin' him, and hebrung up fatherly feelin's for the children, and cuttin' up burdocks, and buildin' stun walls, and etcetery. But bein' met with plain CommonSense in front of all these things, he bust out at last with the truereason: "I hain't no more money to spend here, and I tell you so, Samantha, and I mean it!"

And I sez, "Why didn't you say so in the first place, it would havebeen more noble. "

And he said a man didn't care much about bein' noble when they'd gotdown to their last cent (he's got plenty of money, though I wouldn'twant it told on, for rich folks are always imposed upon, and chargedhigher). 

Well, suffice it to say, we concluded to go home the next day and didso. And though I felt bad to leave the horsepitable ruff where I'denjoyed so much kind and friendly horspitality yet to the true homelover there are always strong onseen ties that bind the heart to theold hearth stun, and they always seem to be drawin' and tuggin' tillthey draw one clear back to the aforesaid stun and chimbly. Josiahpaid for our two boards like a man, and we embarked for Clayton andfrom thence traveled by cars and mair to our beloved home. 

And right here let me dispute another wicked wrong story, we never hadto pay a cent for gittin' offen the Thousand Island Park. It is a basefabrication to say folks have to pay to git out. They let us out jestas free and easy as anything, and I thought they acted kinder smilin'and good feelin'. What a world of fibs and falsehoods we are livin'in!

We got home in time for supper and at my companion's request I tookoff the parfenalia of travel, my gray alpacky, and havin' enrobedmyself in a domestic gingham of chocklate color and a bib apron, Iproceeded to help Philury git a good supper. The neighbors all flockedin to see us and congratulate us on our safe return from the perilsand temptations of worldly society. And Josiah wuz indeed in his gloryas he told the various deacons and church pillows that gathered roundhim from time to time, of all his fashionable experiences anddangerous exploits while absent. 

Of course my time wuz more took up by my female friends, but anon oroftener I would ketch the sound of figgers in connection with fishthat wuz astoundin' in the extreme. But when I would draw nigh thesubject would be turned and the attention of the pillows would bedrawed off onto yots, summer hotels, Tabernacles, etc. , etc. Well suchis life. But anon the waves of excitement floatin' out insensibly fromthe vortex in which we had so lately revolved round in, graduallyabated and went down, and the calm placid surface of life inJonesville wuz all we could see as we looked out of our turretwinders--(metafor). 

Gradually the daily excitement of seein' the milk cans pass morningand night, and the school children go whoopin' schoolward andhomeward, wuz the most highlarious excitement participated in. A fewcalm errents of borryin' tea and spice, now and then a tin peddler anda agent, or a neighborhood tea drinkin', wuz all that interrupted ourdays serene. 

And old Miss Time, that gray headed old weaver, who is never still, but sets up there in that ancient loom of hern a weavin', while herpardner is away mowin' with that sharp scythe of hisen from mornin'till night, and from night till mornin', jest so stiddy did she keepon weavin'. Noiseless and calm would the quiet days pass into her oldshuttle (which is jest as good to-day as it wuz at the creation). Silent days, quiet days, in a broad stripe, not glistenin' or shiny, but considerable good-lookin' after all. Then anon variegated withmoon lit starry nights, blue skies, golden sunsets, deep dark, moonless midnights, all shaded off into soft shadders. 

And then givin' way to a stripe of hit or miss, restless hours, dayswhen the "Fire won't burn the stick and the kid refuses to go, " smallexcitements, frustrated ambitions, etc. 

Anon a broad gray stripe, monotony, deadly monotony, and lonesomeness, gray as a rat both on 'em, all loosely twisted together makin' a widemelancholy stripe. Then a more flowery piece, golden moments, mountsof soul transfiguration, full understandin', divine hopes andraptures, heart talks, illuminations, all striped in with images ofgolden rod, evergreen trees pintin' up into the friendly blue heavens, that leaned down so clost you could almost see into the Sweet Beyond. Singin' rivulets, soarin' birds, green fields, rosy clouds. Anon aplain piece, some slazy, as the shuttle seemed to go slower and kinderlazy, and then agin quick strong beats that made the web firm asiron. 

Mebby that wuz the time that old Mr. Time hung up that old scythe ofhisen for a few minutes on the top bars of the loom, and got in andfooted it out for his pardner for a spell, while she rested her oldfeet or wound her bobbins for another stripe. But such idees arefutile, futiler than I often mean to be. 'Tennyrate and anyway all thetime, all the time the shuttles moved back and forth to and fro, andold Miss Time's tapestry widened out. 

That summer my pardner had a oncommon good streak of luck, he sold twocolts and a yearlin' heifer for a price that fairly stunted us both, it wuz so big. And his crops turned out dretful well, and he jest laidup money by the handfuls as you may say. And one day we wuz talkin'about what extreme good luck we'd had for the past year, and we alsotalked considerable about Tirzah Ann and little Delight, and how theywuz both pimpin' and puny. The older children away to school wuz doin'first rate both in health and studies, but Tirzah Ann's health wuzsuch that Whitfield had to keep a girl and pay doctor's bills, and Isez to Josiah:

"I am sorry for 'em as I can be, and if this goes on much longer theredon't seem much chance of Whitfield's buildin' his house on ShadowIsland this summer. "

And Josiah sez, "No indeed! if he can pay the doctor's bills and help, he will do well. But, " sez he, "he is goin' to have quite a good jobup to his folkses. "

His uncle, Jotham Minkley, who is forehanded and a ship builder up inMaine, had invited Whitfield to come and take charge of some biznessfor him, and he said he must bring Tirzah Ann and Delight. So it wuzarranged that they wuz goin' to stay for some time. We all thought thechange would do Tirzah Ann good, and then Whitfield had been promisedgood pay for his work. And then wuz the time I tackled my pardner onthe subject I had thought over so long. He looked so sort o' mournfulover the hard times Whitfield wuz havin', and Tirzah Ann's andDelight's enjoyment of poor health, that I thought now wuz theappinted time for me to onfold this subject to him. This idee wuz thatwhile Whitfield and Tirzah Ann wuz away up to Maine we should build apretty little house for 'em on Shadow Island. "For, " sez I, "thehealth and life of Tirzah Ann and Delight may hang in the balances, and if anything will help 'em I believe that dear old Saint Lawrencewill. " But Josiah demurred strongly on account of the expense. In factI had to use some of my strongest arguments to convince him of thefeasibility of my plans. 

One of my arguments wuz that in all probability all our property wouldbefore long descend onto the children, and so why not use some now for'em, while they wuz sufferin' for the use on't. That wuz one of myarguments, and my other one wuz, that he couldn't take any of hisproperty with him. But he had got kinder mad and when I told him in asolemn tone, "Josiah Allen, you know you can't take any of yourproperty with you when you die, " he snapped out, "I don't know whetherI can or not; it won't be as _you_ say about it. "

"Well, " sez I, in lofty axents and quotin' Skripter, "there is onlyone way you can take your property with you, and that is to send it onbefore you. Make friends with the Mammon of your wealth so that whenyou fail here it may receive you into a everlastin' habitation. Turnit into angels of Gratitude and Love that may be waitin' to welcomeyou. Do good with your money. Lend to the Lord, " sez I. 

And Josiah wuz so pudgicky, he snapped out, "I didn't know as the Lordwanted to borry any money. "

But I gin him such a talkin' to that I brung him to a sense of hissinful talk, and right then while he wuz conscience smut for as muchas seven minutes, I brung him round to the idee of buildin' the house. But it wuz a gradual bringin'. 

Of course he begged and beseeched to build it on Coney Island. Sezhe, "I wouldn't begrech the money but spend it lavish, if the housesot there. I could go there and spend months and months of perfectbliss, and learn more there in one day than I could in years inJonesville. "

"Where would you build it?" sez I in frosty axents. 

"Well, the top of one of them tall mountains in Luna Park Serenustells on would be a good spot, near the beautiful waterfall where theboats full of happy Hilariors dash down the steep declivity and boundway off onto the water and sail away. The view would be so lively andinspirin', it would be equal to havin' a brass band in your bedroom. "

"Yes, jest about like that, " sez I. "Do you know what them mountainsare made of? They're jest about as solid as your idees. "

"Well, I might build it on the other side of Surf Avenue, nigh thatlong line of dashin' horses Serenus depicters, that go racin' andcavortin' round and round, bearin' the gay and happy Hilariors ontheir backs. "

"How much do you spoze a lot would cost there, Josiah, if you wuzravin' crazy enough to want it? All the property in Jonesvillewouldn't buy a spot big as a table cloth, and I d'no as it would atowel. "

"Well, " sez he real sulky, "I can let my mind dwell on it, can't I?That is some comfort. "

"I wouldn't think on't too much, you don't want to tire your mind, ithain't over strong, you know. "

It beats all how sometimes when you are doin' your very best for yourpardners, they don't like it. He acted huffy. 

But at last it wuz settled, Tirzah Ann's cottage wuz to be begun theminute they left, it wuz to be kep secret from 'em, and we wuz to havea surprize party there, to welcome 'em home. Well, from the very dayit wuz settled begun my trials with Josiah Allen about the plan. Myidee wuz to employ a first rate architect, but he sez:

"I can tell you, Mom, if that plan is made I shall make it. Therehain't an architect in the country that could begin with me in drawin'up this plan. " Oh how I sithed and groaned when I see his sotness, andknowed he wuz no more fit for the job than our old steer to give musiclessons on the banjo. 

He went to the village that afternoon and obtained two long blankbooks (oh that they could have stayed blank) and three quires offool's cap paper (well named) and a bottle of red ink and one of blueink, besides black, and a dozen pencils of different colors, and afterthese elaborate preparations he begun drawin' up his plans. 

He would roll up his sleeves, moisten his hands, and go to work earlyin the mornin', and set and pour over 'em all day, every stormy day, and every night he sot up so late goin' over 'em that he mostunderminded his health, to say nothin' of the waste of my temper andkerseen. And then he would call in uncle Nate Peedick and they wouldbend their two gray bald heads together and talk about"specifications" and "elevations" and "ground plans" and "sullerplans" till my head seemed to turn and my brain seemed most as soft astheirn. 

[Illustration: "_And then he would call in Uncle Nate Peedick and theywould bend their two gray bald heads and talk aboutspecifications and elevations till my brain seemed most assoft as theirn. _" (_See page 195_)]

And sometimes Serenus Gowdey would be called in to aid in theirdeliberations, though their talk always led off onto Coney Island andrested there, he didn't git no other idees out of him. Josiah nevercalled on a woman for advice and counsel, not once, though a womanstood nigh him who wuz eminently qualified to pass a first classjudgment on the plan. But no, it wuz males only who gin him theirdeepest thoughts and counsels. Once in awhile I would ask how manystories he wuz layin' out to have it, and how big it wuz goin' to be, and every time I asked him he said:

"Wimmen's minds wuz too weak to comprehend his views. It took a man'smind to tackle such a subject and throw it. "

And that would mad me so that it would be some time before I would askhim agin, and then curosity would git the better of me and I would askhim agin sunthin' about it, but his reply wuz always the same:

"Wimmen's minds wuz too weak and tottlin' to tackle the subject. " Soall the light I could git wuz to hear him talk it over with some man. I see that there wuz a great difference of opinion between 'em. Josiah, true father of Tirzah Ann, seemed anxious mainly to unitedisplay and cheapness. Uncle Nate seemed more for solidity andcomfort. Sez Josiah to him:

"It is my idee to have the house riz up jest as high as the timberswill stand, the main expense anyway is the foundation and floorin' andI would rise up story after story all ornamented off beautiful andcheap, basswood sawed off in pints makes beautiful ornaments, and whata show it would make round the country, and what air you could git upin the seventh or eight story. "

So he would go on and argy, regardless of common sense or Tirzah Ann'slegs. And then Uncle Nate would reply:

"Josiah, safety lays on the ground, and in this climate more liableeach year to tornadoes and cyclones, the only safety lays in spreadin'out on the ground. Build only one story, " sez he, "and a low one atthat, and let it spread out every way as much as it wants to. "

"But, " sez Josiah, "to have every room on the bottom would take up allthe lot and lap over into the river. "

"Better do that, " sez Uncle Nate, "than to have your children andgrand-children blowed away. Safety is better than sile, " sez hesolemnly. And then I hearn 'em talkin' about a travelin' woodhouse. Josiah advoctated the idee of havin' the woodhouse made in the form ofa boat, only boarded up like a house, and have big oars fixed onto thesides on't so's it could be used as a boat, and a house. Sez he:

"How handy it would be to jest onmoor the woodhouse and row over tothe main land and git the year's stock of wood, and then row backagin, cast anchor and hitch it onto the house agin. " But Uncle Natedemurred. He thought the expense would be more than the worth of usin'it once a year. 

"Once a year!" sez Josiah. "You forgit how much kindlin' wood a womanuses. " Sez he, "When she that wuz Arvilly Nash worked here I believewe used a woodhouse full a day. If we had a floatin' woodhouse here, we should had to embark on it once a day at least and load it up withshavin's and kindlin' wood. Samantha is more eqinomical, " sez he. 

"But, " sez Uncle Nate, "I hearn that Whitfield's folks wuz layin' outto use a coal oil stove durin' the summer. "

Josiah's face fell. "So they be, " sez he. 

But he wuz loath to give up this floatin' woodhouse and went on:

"How handy it would be for a picnic, jest fill the woodhouse full ofHighlariers and set off, baskets, bundles and all. It would do awaywith parasols; no jabbin' 'em into a man's eyes, or proddin' his earswith the pints of umbrells. Or on funeral occasions, " sez he, "jestload the mourners right in, onhitch the room and sail off. Why itwould be invaluable. "

But Uncle Nate wuz more conservative and cautious. He sez, "What if itshould break loose in the night and start off by itself? It would bea danger to the hull river. How would boats feel to meet a woodhouse?It would jam right into 'em and sink 'em--sunk by a woodhouse! Itwouldn't sound well. And row boats would always be afraid of it, they'd be thinkin' it would be liable to come onto 'em at any timeonbeknown to 'em, 'twouldn't have no whistle or anything. "

"Yes it would, " sez Josiah hautily; "I laid out to fix it somehow witha whistle. "

"But it couldn't whistle itself if it sot off alone. "

"Well, " sez Josiah, scratchin' his head, "I hain't got that idee quiteperfected, but I might have a self actin' whistle, a stationary selfmovin' gong, or sunthin' of that kind. " But I didn't wait to hear anymore; I left the room, and I shouldn't wonder if I shet the doorpretty hard. 

CHAPTER TWELVE

IN WHICH JOSIAH STILL WORKS AT HIS PLAN FOR TIRZAH ANN'S COTTAGE, ANDDECIDES TO SEND HIS LUMBER C. O. W. 

CHAPTER TWELVE

IN WHICH JOSIAH STILL WORKS AT HIS PLAN FOR TIRZAH ANN'S COTTAGE, AND DECIDES TO SEND HIS LUMBER C. O. W. 

Wall the next evenin', Josiah would make the plan all over, would rubout red marks and put in blue ones, and then rub 'em out with histhumb and fore finger, and then anon, forgittin' himself, he'd rub hisforward with the same fingers, till he looked like a wild Injunstarted for war. And he would sithe heart breakin' sithes, and moistenhis hands in his mouth, and roll up his shirt sleeves, and toil andtoil till he seemed to git a new plan made after Uncle Nate's idees, as squatty and curous lookin' as I ever see as I glanced at it in acursory way. And he would work at that till some new man come roundwith some new idee and then he would (goin' through with all themotions and acts I have depictered) make a new one. And so it went ontill finally in the fullness of time Josiah produced a dockumentwhich he said wuz the finest plan ever drawed up in America. 

Sez he, "I have at last reached perfection. "

"I spoze you'll let me see it now it is finished, " I sez. 

"Yes, " sez he, "I've always been willin' to give you all the chances Icould of improvin' and enlargin' your mind, all that a woman's mind isstrong enough to bear. I am willin', Samantha, that you should look atit and admire it, now it is too late for you to advocate anychanges. "

Sez I coldly, "If I am goin' to see the plan, bring it on. "

He laid it before me with a hauty linement and stood off a few stepsto admire it. It wuz drawed up handsome, with little ornaments in blueand yeller ink runnin' all round the porticos and piazzas, which wuzin red ink. But on a closer perusal I sez to him:

"What room is this where the walls and ceilin' are all ornamented offso?"

"The settin' room, " sez he. 

Sez I, "Where are the winders?"

"The winders?" sez he, lookin' closter at it. 

"Yes, " sez I, "as the ornaments are all fastened on now there hain'tno winders and no room for any. "

"By thunder!" sez he, the second time in my life that I ever hearn himuse that wicked swear word. 

And I sez, "I should think you would be afraid to be so profane, you adeacon and a grand-father!"

But he paid no attention to my remarks, but sez agin out loud andstrong, "By thunder! I forgot the winders. "

"You profane man you!" sez I, pintin' to another room, "what room isthis?"

Sez he in a lower and more mortified tone, "It is the parlor. "

Sez I, "How be you goin' to git out of this room if you wuz built intoit? There hain't no door nor no place for one. You couldn't git out ofthe room unless you climbed up through the chimbly and emerged ontothe ruff, and, " sez I, "there hain't a sign of a stairway to git upinto the chambers, nor no chamber doors. "

But all the answer my pardner made wuz to snatch up the paper and tearit right through the middle, and sez he, "There, I hope you'resatisfied now! it is all your doin's!"

Sez I, "How, Josiah?" I spoke with calmness, for a long life passed bythe side of a man had taught me this great truth, that every man fromAdam to Josiah will blame a woman for every mistake and blunder theymake, no matter of what name or nater, from bringin' sin into theworld, to bustin' off a shirt button. 

So I sez with composure, "How did I do it, Josiah?"

"Well, " sez he, "the day I finished that plan you had company, and youand Miss Gowdey and she that wuz Submit Tewksbury kep' up such aconfounded clackin' that a man couldn't hear himself think!"

Sez I, "Josiah, you finished the plan the next day. "

"Well, " sez he, "I kep' thinkin' of the clack. Now, " sez he, "I'mgoin' to build a house by rote and not by note. I will git me awayfrom wimmen, and when I'm on the lot with the timber before me, mymind will work clear. "

Sez I, "Do hear to me now; do git a good builder to lay out the plan, one that knows how. "

"Well, I shan't do no such thing!"

Sez I, "Then do git a first rate carpenter!"

"No, Samantha, I shan't git any man to be bossin' me round. I shallgit some humble man that knows enough to drive a nail, to carry outmy views and be guided by me. There is so much jealousy in every walkof life now, that when a man that shows originality and genius comesforth from the masses, there is immegiately a desire to keep him backand hide his talents. " Sez he, "I'm afraid of this sperit so I amgoin' to git a man that can do what I tell him and ask no questions;in these conditions, " sez he, "I can swing right out and do justice tomyself. "

"Then you do have some few fears about your plans yourself?"

Sez he, "Let me once git into a place where my mind can work, I'llshow what I can do, let me once git away from meddlin' and clack. "

But that night of his own accord (I'd had a uncommon good supper) heacted real affectionate and more confidentialer than he had for weeks, an' he sez, "There is one thing, Samantha, I'm bound to have, and thatis a mullin' winder. "

"A what?" sez I. "A mullin winder; what is that?"

"Why a winder made out of mullins, " sez he hautily. 

Sez I, "How do you make it? Mullin leaves are thick and the stalkstougher than fury, how do you make winders out of 'em?"

"That, " sez he proudly, "is the work of a architect to take stalks ofthe humble mullin and transfer it into a tall and stately winder. "

Sez I, "I don't believe it can be done. How would you go to work to doit?"

Sez he, "It would be fur from me, Samantha, to muddle up a woman'sbrains any more than they be muddled naturally, tryin' to inform herhow this is done. I only say there will be a mullin' winder in thehouse. "

Sez I, "Hain't you goin' to have a bay winder?"

"That depends on whether there will be room for the bay. But as to theventilation, on that pint my plans are made. I believe a house shouldbe ventilated to the bottom instead of the top. Air goes up instead ofdown, a house should be ventilated from the mop boards, I think someof havin' em open like a trap door to let the air through. SimeBentley sez have a row of holes bored right through the sides of thehouse to let in the air, and when you didn't want to use 'em plug 'emup, when you want a little air take out one stopple, when you want agood deal take out a hull row of plugs. That's a good idee, " sezJosiah, "but I convinced him that it lacked one important thing, theair didn't come up from the bottom as I consider it necessary forhealth and perfect ventilation. "

Sez I dryly, "You might have the holes bored through into the suller!"My tone wuz as irony as a iron tea-kettle, but he didn't perceive it. 

"That is a woman's idee, " sez he, "rip up a breadth of carpet everytime you want a little air, keep a man down on his knee jints the hullof the time tackin' down carpets and ontackin' 'em. Nothin' ever madea woman so happy as to see a man down on his marrer bones tackin' downa carpet, unless it is seein' him takin' it up and luggin' itoutdoors, histin' it up on a line and beatin' it. No, my idee is theonly right one, ventilate from the mop boards. "

Well, true to his hauty resolution to not share his grand success andtriumph with anybody he went the next day and hired a man by the nameof Penstock. He had been a good carpenter in his day, but his brainhad kinder softened, yet he could work quite fast, and sez Josiah:

"He's jest the man for me. He won't be jealous, he will carry out myviews and not steal my plans or my credit. There is a lumber dealerout to the Cape owin' me for a horse, and I propose to buy of him andhave the things landed at Shadow Island. " Sez he, "I am a solidinfluential man, and they will send the boards and charge 'em to me, or send 'em C. O. W. "

"C. O. W. ?" sez I. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, " sez he, "that's a bizness phrase wimmen don't understand, we menuse it often. "

"But what duz it mean? Most things mean sunthin', at least they do inwimmen's bizness. "

"Well, I don't want to muddle up your head with such things, Samantha, but if you must know, it means Collect All Winter, meanin' that I canhave till spring to pay it up. "

"How do you spell all?" sez I. 

"Why o-w-l of course. "

And I sez, "With wimmen that spells owl, a bird that pertends to greatwisdom but don't know anything. Send your things C. O. W. By allmeans!" sez I wore out. "Send 'em along and spell your all, o-w-l. Ithink it is a highly figurative and appropriate expression. "

"Well, that is what I thought you would say as fur as you could seeinto it, " sez he hautily, and in the same axent he asked me if I hadpacked up a extra pair of socks for him. 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

IN WHICH JOSIAH AND SERENUS DEPART SARAHUPTISHUSLY FOR CONEY ISLANDAND I START IN PURSUIT

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

IN WHICH JOSIAH AND SERENUS DEPART SARAHUPTISHUSLY FOR CONEY ISLANDAND I START IN PURSUIT

That afternoon I see Josiah and Serenus leanin' on the barnyard fencetalkin' dretful earnest, I spozed about the Plan. But when I went toput my milk pans in the sun I hearn the same old story Coney Island!Dreamland! Luny! Bowery! etc. , and I hurried into the house. WhenJosiah come in he sez, "I guess I'll invite Serenus to go with me. "

Sez I, "Why should you invite him to go to Shadow Island?"

"Oh he's got such good judgment, " sez he. 

I felt dubersome, but bein' so mellered in sperit by his consentin' tobuild the cottage I didn't stand out. And they started the nextmornin' at sunrise for Shadow Island as I spozed. Till the next daybut one Miss Gowdey come over to borry a drawin' of tea and she sez, "Serenus and Josiah are havin' a gay time at Coney Island. I've jesthad a card from Serenus. "

You could have knocked me down with a pin feather. But so powerful ismy mind, though it seemed to roll to and fro under my foretop and myknees wobbled under me, I did up the tea with marble composure and apiece of paper, and she sot off with it, and then I fell into arockin' chair with almost frenzied forebodin's. What! _what_ wuzJosiah Allen doin' in that place of folly and fashion? Could he keephis innocence amidst the awful temptations? I'd hearn there wuz placesthere where folks stood on their heads; wuz his brain strong enough tostand the jolt?

Spozein' them iron horses should kick him over? Spozein' he gotwrecked on the Immoral railway? Or went up on the Awful Tower and felloff? Spozein' the elephants should tread on him? Or theboyconstructors or tigers git after him? Or he should go to the moonand git lost there and be obleeged to stay? Oh the wild fears thatraced through my foretop; mebby they wuzn't reasonable but they goredme jest the same. What must I, what could I do? I couldn't tell. 

[Illustration: "_'Serenus and Josiah are havin' a gay time at ConeyIsland. I've jest had a card from Serenus, ' sez MissGowdey. You could have knocked me down with a pinfeather. _" (_See page 214_)]

But all of a sudden I thought of what Serenus said about a woman twicemy size dressed in gaudy red, forever takin' after folks--What wouldJosiah do if she took after him? And no doubt she would, for looked atthrough the magnifying lens of Absence and Anxiety he looked passinglybeautiful. As I thought of her I knowed what I would do. Sez I, "Iwill go and tear him away and bring him back to duty and his mournin'pardner. "

But how could I go, wuz my next thought? How dast I venter therealone? I lacked both courage and a summer suit. But when did Samanthaever fail to lay holt of Duty's apron strings when they dangled infront of her? Better go clothed in a righteous purpose and a oldparmetty than in the richest new alpacky and a craven sperit. 

I knowed that if I had wanted a hobble skirt or a hayrem, or a hipcosset there wuz no time to git 'em. But Heaven knows I didn't want'em, treasurin' as I did the power to walk and breathe. Suffice it tosay the next mornin' the risin' sun gilded my brown straw bunnet andumbrell as I descended from the car at the Grand Central. 

Havin' walked round and round, and through and through that immensedepo, huffin' it from as fur as from our house to Jonesville, gittin'lost time and agin, and bein' found and sot right by onlookers andbystanders, in the fullness of time I emerged out on't with a deepsithe of relief. 

Believin' as I do that the great beneficent Power that fills the etherabout us, will bring us the help our sperit desires if we ask for it, it didn't surprise me that almost the first man I met after I left thepress and turmoil of the throng, wuz Deacon Gansy, who moved fromJonesville and is now runnin' a provision store in New York. 

I inquired for my cousin Bildad Smith of Coney Island and told him Iwuz goin' there. Sez I, "You know Bildad's wife is runnin' down. "Which wuzn't a lie, but on the very edge on't, for what did I care forher enjoyment of poor health? And he said he wuz goin' down there inhis delivery auto to carry 'em some fresh butter and eggs and he wouldtake me. I thought it wuzn't a chance to refuse. Bildad runs a eatin'house on Coney Island. 

So I sot off with Deacon Gansy, and after goin' through Chaos andDestruction on lower New York streets, and Williamsburg bridge, andacrost it, for all the folks in New York and Brooklyn wuz there thatday--and after passin' through crowded, hustlin', bustlin' streets, wefound ourselves anon on the broad beautiful Ocean Avenue smooth asglass and as broad as from our house to hern that was SubmitTewksbury's and I guess wider. Bordered on each side with four rows ofnoble trees with paths between 'em. The deacon said there wuz over'leven thousand trees along that avenue, and I didn't dispute him. 

He got real talkative and kinder bragged on how much money he wuzmakin', said he'd bought a place up in Harlem, and sez he, "I've gotanother auto for pleasure drivin'. "

Sez I, "_Is_ it pleasure to drive a car through such crowded places aswe've been through to-day?"

And he said it wuz, if folks wouldn't act mean. Sez he, "Last Sunday Itook my wife out in the country and a old man in a buggy kep' right infront of me and wouldn't turn out, and I had to squeeze throughbetween him and the ditch. "

"Did you git through safe?" sez I. 

"Yes, I did, but I had to bend my mud guard right up agin his hoss'sside and scraped the skin raw, and raked its collar off. "

"What did the old man say?" sez I. 

"I never heard such language out of the mouth of man, and of course asa deacon I couldn't listen to such profanity, so I hurried rightaway. "

"Hadn't you ort to return the hoss collar, Deacon?"

"Oh no, I couldn't stop to listen to such wicked talk. "

That wuz jest like deacon Gansy; he thought he wuz awful religious butI always felt dubersome about it. 

But on we went through the matchless beauty of the drive. And anon weketched a view of the blue tostin' waves of the Atlantic, the air jestas fresh and invigoratin' as when it blowed unto Columbuses wearyforetop when he discovered us. And like his dantless cry to hisfearful pilot, so my soul echoed the same cry to my deprestin' fears:

"Sail on, and on, and on, " to the goal of our own desires. Our twoquests wuz some different, he wuz seekin' a new continent and I an oldJosiah. But I knowed the Atlantic breezes never blowed on two moredetermined and noble linements than hisen and mine. And I felt that wewould have been real congenial if he hadn't died too soon, or I beenborn too late. 

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

THE CURIOUS SIGHTS I SEEN AN' THE HAIR-RAISIN' EPISODES I UNDERWENT INMY AGONIZIN' SEARCH FOR MY PARDNER

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

THE CURIOUS SIGHTS I SEEN AN' THE HAIR-RAISIN' EPISODES I UNDERWENTIN MY AGONIZIN' SEARCH FOR MY PARDNER

Bildad's folks wuz glad to see me. They visited us jest before theymoved there, so I felt free. But not one word did I say about my questfor Josiah. No, such is woman's deathless devotion to the man sheloves, I'd ruther face the imputation of frivolity and friskiness, andI spoze they think to this day I went to Coney Island out of curosityand Pleasure Huntin', instead of the lofty motives that actuated me. Iknowed Bildad's wife wuz most bed-rid so I would be free to conduct mysearch with no gossip or slurs onto Josiah. 

And another reason for goin' there: I knowed the savin' sperit of mypardner, and I thought he would ruther git a free meal than to keephis incognito incog. And sure enough Bildad's first words wuz, "Whydidn't you come with Josiah yesterday? He wuz here to dinner. "

"Where is he now?" sez I. 

Sez Bildad, "The last time I see him he wuz startin' to take a trip tothe Moon. "

Oh what a shock that wuz, Josiah goin' to the moon; and yet even as hespoke I felt a relief, knowin' man's fickle nater, that the onlyinhabitant I ever hearn on in the moon wuz an old man instead of awoman. For few indeed are the men that will stand without hitchin, 'and as for girl blinders, they won't wear 'em, much as they need 'emfrom the cradle to the grave. 

"When wuz he layin' out to return?" sez I in a tremblin' voice. 

"Oh they take trips there every half hour. "

Thinks I, to-day I go there myself, and Josiah Allen will come down toearth agin' if I know myself. But not one word did I say to demean mypardner. Breakfast wuz ready and I sot down. But my emotions filled meup. I couldn't seem to have any place for meat vittles, I couldn't eatanything but some bread and butter and a glass of milk. A femalesettin' by me sez, "You're not goin' to eat loose milk, are you?"

"Loose!" sez I, "Why should milk be tied up? I never wuz afraidon't. "

"I mean milk that hain't bottled, " sez she. "I wouldn't eat loosemilk for the world. " And she being enthusiastick gin a long eulogy ofthe good men who wuz tryin' to save poor babies by givin' 'em puremilk, and she talked bitter about the men who opposed the idee forfear it would pauperize the babies. 

And I told her it wouldn't make much difference with the babiespizened by microby milk whether they died pauperized or onpauperized. 

Well, I didn't know whether the milk wuz loose or tight, but I eat itrapidly, so's to begin my hunt. I'd slep' some on the cars, and when Ihad changed my parmetty waist for a brown gingham shirt waist, andwashed my face, and brushed back my hair, I wuz ready to start. Theroom they gin me wuz so small I thought I would have to go out in thehall to change my mind. But I did manage to change my waist. Bildad'sold colored woman wuz singin' as she made the bed in the next roomthat old him "Pull for the Shore. " She sung:

 "Pull for the shore, brother, Pull for the shore, Heed not the rollin' pins, Bend to the oar--

 Leave the poor old straddled wreck And pull for the shore. "

She didn't git the words right, but her voice wuz melogious, and as Ilistened my soul parodied the words to suit my needs. Yes, I felt thatI must "bend to the oar" of my purpose, I must not "heed the rollin'waves" of weariness and anxiety, must leave "the poor old strandedwreck" of my domestic happiness and security and pull for Josiah. 

Luny Park wuz only a few steps from Bildad's and anon I stood beforewhat seemed to be a great city, gorgeous below and way up above thethronged streets and mountains and flower-decked declivities, endlesswhite towers riz up as if callin' attention to 'em. And I didn't knowbut the place had been lied about, and I asked a bystander if any of'em wuz meetin' house steeples. 

He laughed in derision at me, and I passed on and come to a lot ofgirls dressed up in red, and settin' in chariots like them old Romanfemales used to go to war in. I asked one on 'em if she wuz layin' outto go to Mexico, and she replied "Ten cents, " and shoved out a pieceof paper to me. 

[Illustration: "_I stood before what seemed to be a great city. Endlesswhite towers riz up as if callin' attention to 'em. _"(_See page 226_)]

I see she wuz luny as the park, but didn't argy, and passed on furderwhen a man out of a row of great tall men dressed in red, took thepiece of paper from me. He took it right out of my hand, and if thereis anything wrong goin' on between him and the girl that gin it to meI hain't to blame, and want it understood that I hain't. 

Anon I see a dancin' pavilion big enough for all the folks inJonesville and Zoar to dance in at one time. But I never thought ofdancin' or two-steppin' myself, though the music wuz enticin' to themeasy enticed. But knowin' the infinite variety of fads my pardner hadindulged in, I cast some searchin' glances at the dancers andtwo-steppers as I went past, but to my relief I see that he wuz notamong 'em. 

On the left side, as I strolled along, I see a big butcher shop, withhull sides of beef, mutton, pork, hams, chickens, etc. , hangin' up. And a long counter, piled full of invitin' lookin' pieces ready toroast or brile. The butcher in a clean white apron stood behind thecounter. Everything looked good and clean, but I'd hearn of city meatgivin' toe main pizen, and knowin' Josiah's fondness for meatvittles--I asked anxiously, "Are you sure the critters this meat comefrom hadn't got cow consumption, or hog cholera?"

A friendly female standin' by said, "Every mite of that is candy. "And she offered me a piece of sassidge, and asked which I preferred, wintergreen or peppermint. 

I answered mekanically that I seasoned my sassidge with sage andpepper. Agin she affirmed that everything in the butcher shop wuzcandy. 

I didn't argy, but merely said, "It is enough to deceive the veryelectioneers. "

Sez she, "I spoze you mean politicians, and that's so, if they'redeceived anyone can be. "

I wuz talkin' Bible but didn't explain, and walked onwards. The F. F. (friendly female) come too, and pretty soon we come to what theycalled a new-matic tube and the F. F. Explained it to me, sez she, "You are shet into a car made of iron and it runs with a deafenin'roar into a dark tunnel, and all to once the car slides down twentyfeet and dashes through another dark tunnel and then comes out whereyou went in. If it wuzn't for the dretful noise, " sez she, "it wouldseem like a grave. Don't you want to try it?"

"No, mom, " sez I, "I shan't git into any coffin' and grave till mytime comes. "

"Well, " sez she, "I'm goin' into the Scenic Railway, won't you cometoo?" And not wantin' to act hauty and high-headed I bought a ticketand went in with her. It looked some like a great high rock with acavern hollered out, and a huge devil's head with a waterfall flowin'out of its mouth. I knowed the devil couldn't hurt us as long as hekep' his mouth full of water. So we got on a car with about ten otherfolks and they locked us in and we went right up I calculated abouthalf a mild, though I didn't measure, and then we sailed off and firstI knew there wuz Havana Harbor, war ships, forts, etc. , and the city. But we didn't stop for refreshments, for all of a sudden down we wentprobably half a mild right straight down. I ketched holt of the F. F. And she ketched holt of me. When all to once we wuz to the North Pole, ice, snow drifts, white bears, etc. , surrounded us and a sign with Dr. Cook on it. 

The F. F. Riz up and yelled to the conductor to stop. Sez she, "I wantto get out to the Pole, I want to discover it! I want to git my namein the papers! I want to be talked about!" sez she. 

We wuz goin' up a tremengous mountain, and he sez, "Set down or you_will_ git your name in the death notices. "

Whether he laid out to kill her I don't know, for she set down. Andjest then somebody yells, "Here we go down to the bottomless pit. "

I sez to the F. F. , "I can't believe it! 'Tain't so! It must bePugatory!"

But there wuz the sign, "Hell. "

[Illustration: "_On we went under the waterfall, up, up, down, down, and finally shot out jest where we got in. _" (_Seepage 232_)]

"Oh!" I groaned out in agony, "what have I ever done to merit this!Have I ever been mean enough to Josiah?" But there they wuz, fierypits, big devils and little ones with pitchforks and darts, etc. Onlyone thought assuaged my torment, my Josiah wuzn't there. But in aminute up we went, up--up--and come out to an open place, where I seewhat I thought wuz Heaven, but it wuz only Coney Island, but afterwhat I'd been through even that worldly frivolous spot looked heavenlyto me. On we went under the waterfall, up, up, down, down, through hotcountries and cold, and finally shot out jest where we got in. 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I VISIT THE MOON, THE WITCHIN' WAVES, OPEN AIR CIRCUS, ADVISE THEMONKEYS, MAKE THE MALE STATUTE LAUGH, BUT DO NOT FIND JOSIAH

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I VISIT THE MOON, THE WITCHIN' WAVES, OPEN AIR CIRCUS, ADVISE THEMONKEYS, MAKE THE MALE STATUTE LAUGH, BUT DO NOT FIND JOSIAH

The Witching Waves is a track that moves up and down in waves. Scientific folks say that it is a mechanical wonder. I couldn't seehow it wuz done. I couldn't make one to save my life. Folks git intolittle automobiles and steer 'em themselves and first they know someunseen power under 'em lifts the track right up, and of course theircar goes too with it. Then anon the track will go way down, and theywith it, mebby meetin' another car down there, and they will be allmixed up, but first they know the track will hist up agin under 'emand they have to foller it up agin. Dretful curious spot, well calledWitching Waves. But every owner of an auto sees curious times, andfeels witchin' waves, yes indeed!

Why, I hearn about a little girl who happened to hear a man swearin'dretfully at sunthin and he apoligized. 

"Oh, " sez she, "I'm used to it, my papa owns a car. " But 'tain'tnecessary to swear at 'em, it don't do no good, besides the wickednesson't. 

[Illustration: THE WITCHING WAVES "_Folks get into little automobilesand steer 'em themselves. _" (_See page 235_)]

But jest as I wuz moralizin' on this, I hearn a bystander talkin'about the Trip to the Moon. And rememberin' what Bildad said I sot outfor the air-ship that took folks there. To tell the truth, I'd alwayshankered to see what wuz on the moon. Not to see that old man of themoon (no, Josiah wuz my choice); but I always did want to know whatwuz on the other planets, and though I'm most ashamed to say it, afterall my talk agin Coney Island, yet if it hadn't been for the kankerin'worm of anxiety knawin' at my vitals, I should have enjoyed myselffirst rate as the air-ship sailed off, with a stately motion, for themoon. 

I had watched the passengers with a eagle vision but no Josiahembarked, but the air-ship sailed off, the earth receeded, we wuz inthe clouds, anon we passed through a big thunder storm, I wuz almostlost in thought watchin' sea and ocean when the captain called out:

"The Moon! the Moon!"

And we alighted and got off, I a-thinkin' what and who wuz I to see inthet place I'd always hankered for. Strange shapes indeed, foreign toour earth, birds, dragons, animals of most weird shape. Anon I see alittle figger, queer-lookin' as you might spoze. I accosted the littleMoony, my first words bein' not a question of deep historicalresearch, you would expect a woman with my noble brain would ask, about that onexplored country. No, my head didn't speak, it wuz myheart, that gushed forth in a agonized inquiry. 

"Have you seen Josiah? Have you seen my beloved pardner? Is he in themoon?"

His words in reply wuz in moon language, nothin' I ever hearn inJonesville or Zoar, and anon he begun to sing in that moony language, and I see I wuz wastin' time, I must conduct my quest myself. 

But oh, the seens I passed through! And oh, the queer moon landscapes!the queer moony animals and moon creeters I passed! But all in vain, no Josiah blessed my longin' vision. And with my brain turnin' overand my heart achin', I agin entered the air-ship and returned to terrycotta; or mebby I hain't got it right in my agitation, mebby I'd ortto say visey versey. 'Tennyrate I found myself out in Luny Park agin. 

Well, what wuz to be my next move? Fur up a steep hite I see waterpourin' down a deep abyss and a boat full of men and wimmen set outfrom the highest peak, shot down the declivity like lightnin' anddashed 'way out in the water on the other side of the bridge where Iwuz standin'; but my idol wuz not among 'em. 

I see a great checker-board raised up, so big it wuz played with humancreeters instead of beans or kernels of corn. But no Josiah wuz theremovin' and jumpin', or bein' jumped as the case might be. 

[Illustration: "_A boat full of men and women set out from the highestpeak, shot down the declivity like lightnin' and dashed'way out on the other side of the bridge. _" (_Seepage 238_)]

On one side riz up a high mountain full of green shrubs and flowers, and windin' round and round from the bottom clear to the top, wentcars filled with men and wimmen, boys and girls, up, up, down, down, as fur as from our house to Betsy Bobbet Slimpsey's; but no Josiah wuzamong the winders up or the winders down. 

Even as I looked, a elephant passed me with stately tread, bearin' onhis richly ornamented back a small-sized man with a bald head; but itwuzn't Josiah's baldness or his small, meachin' figger. 

Two high tiers of balconies stretched along on one side, ornamentedoff with white pillows and posies where folks could set and eat theirgood meals, and enjoy the music and the never ceasing gayety. Beneath'em, above 'em and beyond 'em, as fur as they could, see, towers, pinnacles, battlements, steeples, palms, flowers, color, light, music, and the endless, endless procession of pleasure hunters passin' below. Rich men, poor men, wimmen in satin and serge, shiffon and calico, babies, boys and girls. 

I made the calculation that about a million folks could beaccommodated on them balconies. I may have got one or two too many; Ididn't stop to count. 

Lower down run a low, ornamented ruff, coverin' hundreds of littletables where folks could set and git soft drinks and hard. The harddrink's true to its name everyway. For when did the Whiskey Demon everturn out anything but hard, from the time it exhilerates the consumertill it drives him away from love, home, friends, happiness, and atlast gives him a final hard push, sendin' him into a onlamentedgrave!

But truly no one has time to moralize or eppisode to any extent amidstthe music, laughter and gay voices, the endless procession passin' by. To most a seen of happiness, but to me they seemed like shadders; theReality of life, my beloved pardner, wuz lost, lost to me. A pleasantlookin' female standin' by, seein' the emotion in my face, and wantin'to cheer me up, I spoze, sez:

"Have you tried the Loop de Loop?"

I answered with a sad dignity, "Yes, I've done considerable tattin' inmy day. "

"Mebby you'd like to try the Bump de Bump. "

I sez, "No, I've enjoyed enough of that since comin' in here. "

Sez she, "Have you seen the monkeys keepin' house?"

"No, " sez I, "but I will. " And sure enough, there wuz a big family ofmonkeys housekeeping. Some eatin' dinner in the dining room, somedoin' different kinds of housework, sweepin', operatin' the dumbwaiter, payin' bills, etc. Some in the settin' room readin' thenewspaper. And there is a band of sixty monkey musicians. And I hearnthey're learnin' bridge whist; I wuz sorry to hear that, and I sez tothe oldest and wisest lookin' monkey:

"You'll sup sorrow if you go into bridge whist, gamblin' and wastin'good daylight in civilized sports, when you might be hangin' from treetops, and chasin' each other 'round stumps, in a honest, oncivilizedway. If you don't look out your ladies will foller the example of theFour Hundred and be thinkin' of a divorce and big alimony next. "

He looked impressed by my noble anxiety on their behaff, but didn'tsay nothin'. But mebby he'll hear to me. A little boy standin' by sez, "Ma, Jimmy Bates sez that he and I and everybody descended frommonkeys--did I, ma?"

"I don't know, " sez she, "I never knew much about your father'sfamily. "

I didn't stay long at the Open Air Circus, though it wuz a big placeand sights goin' on there; bare-backed riders, Japanese jugglers andacrobats, tight-rope walkers, elephants and camels with folks on theirbacks, with Arabians and East Indians in their native costumes takin'care of 'em. 

Not fur off I see a male statute; lots of folks wuz congregated infront of it, and I went up too, and I sez to a female bystander, "Ialways did love to see statutes. But this one's linement is humblierthan most on 'em. "

When if you'll believe it it turned round and sez, "Thank you, mom, for the compliment. " It acted mad. 

Another man stood like a statute, and the woman I had spoke to sez, "You can git a dollar if you can make that man laugh. "

And I sez, "I can. "

Sez she, "I don't believe it; I've read to him lots of the humorousstories in the late magazines, and he looked fairly gloomy when I gotdone. "

And I sez, "I don't wonder at that, I do myself. They're awfuldeprestin'. "

And she sez, "I've held up in front of him the funny coloredsupplements to the Sunday papers, and I thought he'd cry. "

"Well, " sez I, "I've pretty nigh shed tears over 'em myself, they mademe so onhappy. "

"How be you goin' to make him laugh?" sez she. 

"You watch me and see, " sez I. So I went up to him and got his eye andtold him over a lot of laws our male statesmen have made, and aremakin'. License laws of different kinds, but all black as a coal. Howa little girl of twelve or fourteen, pronounced legally incapable ofbuyin' or sellin' a sheep or a hen, can legally sell her virtue andruin her life. How pizen is licensed by law to make men break the law, and then they are punished and hung by the law for doin' what the lawexpected they would do. 

How a woman can protect her dog by payin' a dollar, but can't protecther boy with her hull property and her heart's blood. How mothers areimportuned by male statesmen to bring big families into a world fullof temptation and ruin, but have no legal rights to protect them fromthe black dangers licensed by these law-makers. 

His face looked so queer, I worried some thinkin' I should git him tocryin' instead of laughin'; but I hurried and told him how ourstatesmen would flare up now and then and turribly threaten the Mormonwho keeps on marryin' some new wives every little while, and thenelect him to Congress, and sculp his head on our warship to showforeign nations that America approves of such doin's. And I told himhow girls and boys, hardly out of pantalettes and knee breeches, couldgit married in five minutes, but have to spend months and money tobreak the ties so easily made and prove they are morally fit to carefor the children born of that careless five minute ceremony. 

His linement looked scornful at the idee. And I told him how they taxwimmen without representation, and then spend millions rasin' statutesto our forefathers for fightin' agin the same thing. And how statesmentrust wimmen with their happiness, their lives and their honor, butdeny 'em the rights they give to wicked men, degenerates, and menwhose heads are so soft a fly will slump in if it lights on 'em. Tosuch men (as well as better ones) they give the right to govern thewimmen they love, their good inteligent wives and mothers, rule 'emthrough life, and award punishment and death to 'em. 

"And such men, " sez I, "say wimmen don't know enough to vote. "

The very idee wuz so weak and inconsistent that it made the manstatute hysterical, and he bust out into a peal of derisive laughter, and I took my dollar and walked off, though I knowed enough could besaid on this subject to make a stun statute hystericky. I lay out tosend the dollar to the W. C. T. U. 

Jest after this I met Bildad, and he sez, "I jest see Josiah; he wuzin Steeple Chase Park, talkin' with some girls there. "

I didn't wait to ask what they wuz talkin' about, I hoped it wuzreligion, but felt dubersome, and hurried there fast as I could. Icrossed the automobile track where crowded cars wuz runnin' all thewhile round and round, past the rows of big high headed mettlesomehosses (this is a pun; they wuz made of metal). 

But I passed 'em all as if they wuzn't there; for my mind wuz all tookup with the thought, should I find my pardner there talkin' with themgirls, and if so, what would be the subject of their conversation?Josiah is sound; but the best of men have weak spots in their armorwhich the glance of a bright eye will oft-times pierce through and dodamage. So, to protect my dear pardner from danger, I pressed forwardand wuz let in by a good-lookin' man for twenty-five cents. He gin mea paper locket and told me to be sure and not lose it. It had a man'sface on it, and I d'no but he thought I would treasure it on accountof that. 

I didn't argy with him, but jest looked him coldly in the face andsez, "I am no such a woman, I have got a pardner of my own, though Ican't put my hand on him this minute. " And I passed on. 

[Illustration: "_Rows of high-headed mettlesome hosses. _"]

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

THE WONDERFUL AND MYSTERIOUS SIGHTS I SAW IN STEEPLE CHASE PARK, ANDMY SEARCH THERE FOR MY PARDNER

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

THE WONDERFUL AND MYSTERIOUS SIGHTS I SAW IN STEEPLE CHASE PARK, ANDMY SEARCH THERE FOR MY PARDNER

Steeple Chase Park is most as big as Luny Park, but is mostly one hugebuildin' covered with glass, and every thing on earth or above, orunder the earth, is goin' on there, acres and acres of amusements(so-called) in one glass house. 

As I went in, I see a immense mirror turnin' round and round seemin'lyinvitin' folks to look. But as I glanced in, I tell the truth when Isay, I wuzn't much bigger round than a match, and the thinness made melook as tall as three on me. 

"Oh, " sez I, "has grief wore my flesh away like this? If it keeps on Ishan't dast to take lemonade, for fear I shall fall into the straw andbe drowned. "

A bystander sez, "Look agin, mom!"

I did and I wuzn't more'n two fingers high, and wide as our barndoor. 

I most shrieked and sez to myself, "It has come onto me at last, griefand such doin's as I've seen here, has made me crazy as a loon. " And Istarted away almost on a run. 

All of a sudden the floor under me which looked solid as my kitchenfloor begun to move back and forth with me and sideways and back, toand fro, fro and to, and I goin' with it, one foot goin' one way, andthe other foot goin' somewhere else; but by a hurculaneum effort Ikep' my equilebrium upright, and made out to git on solid floorin'. But a high-headed female in a hobble skirt, the hobbles hamperin her, fell prostrate. I felt so shook up and wobblin' myself, I thought alittle Scripter would stiddy me, and I sez, "Sinners stand on slipperyplaces. "

"I see they do!" she snapped out, lookin' at me; "but I can't!"

I sez to myself as I turned away, "I'll bet she meant me. " But bein'tuckered out, I sot down on a reliable-lookin' stool, the high-headedwoman takin' another one by my side--there wuz a hull row of folkssettin' on 'em--when, all of a sudden, I d'no how it wuz done or why, but them stools all sunk right down to the floor bearin' us with 'emonwillin'ly. 

I scrambled to my feet quick as I could, and as I riz up I see rightin front on me the gigantick, shameless female Bildad had as good astold me Josiah had been flirtin' with. I knowed her to once, thegaudy, flashin' lookin' creeter, bigger than three wimmen ort to be;she wuz ten feet high if she wuz a inch. As she come up to me withmincin' steps, I sez to her in skathin' axents:

"What have you done with my innocent pardner? Where is Josiah Allen?Open your guilty breast and confess. " And now I'm tellin' the livin'truth, as she towered up in front on me, her breast did open and aman's face looked out on me. My brain tottled, but righted itself withrelief, for it wuz not Josiah; it wuz probable some other woman'shusband. But I sez to myself, let every woman take care of her ownhusband if she can; it hain't my funeral. 

And I hurried off till I come out into a kinder open place with somegood stiddy chairs to set down on, and some green willers hangin' downtheir verdant boughs over some posy beds. Nothin' made up about 'em. Oh how good it looked to me to see sunthin' that God had made, and manhadn't dickered with and manufactured to seem different from what itwuz. Thinks I, if I should take hold of one of these feathery greenwiller sprays it wouldn't turn into a serpent or try to trip me up, orwobble me down. They looked beautiful to me, and beyond 'em I couldsee the Ocean, another and fur greater reality, real as life, ordeath, or taxes, or anything else we can't escape from. 

[Illustration: "_I'm tellin' the livin' truth, as she towered up infront on me, her breast opened and a man's face looked outon me. _" (_See page 253_)]

Settin' there lookin' off on them mighty everlastin' waves, foreverflowin' back and forth, forth and back, the world of the flimsy andthe false seemed to pass away and the Real more nigh to me than it didin the painted land of shams and onreality I had been passin' through. And as I meditated on the disgraceful sight I had seen--that gaudy, guilty creeter with a man concealed in her breast. For if it wuzn't aguilty secret, why wuz the door shet and fastened tight, till thesearchlight of a woman's indignant eyes brought him to light?

Thinkin' it over calmly and bein' reasonable and just, my feelin'sover that female kinder softened down, and I sez to myself, what ifthere wuz a open winder or door into all our hearts, for outsiders tolook in, what would they see? Curious sights, homely ones andbeautiful, happy ones and sorrowful, and some kinder betwixt andbetween. Sacred spots that the nearest ones never got a glimpse on. Eyes that look acrost the coffee pot at you every mornin' neverketched sight on 'em, nor the ones that walk up and down in themhidden gardens. Some with veiled faces mebby, some with reproachfulorbs, some white and still, some pert and sassy. 

Nothin' wicked, most likely; nothin' the law could touch you for; butmost probable it might make trouble if them affectionate eyes oppositecould behold 'em, for where love is there is jealousy, and a lovin'woman will be jealous of a shadder or a scare-crow. It is nateralnater and can't be helped. But if she stopped to think on't, sheherself has her hid-away nooks in her heart, dark or pleasantlandscapes, full of them, you never ketch a glimpse on do the best youcan. And jealous curosity goes deep. What would Josiah see through myheart's open door? What would I see in hisen? It most skairs me tothink on't. No, it hain't best to have open doors into hearts. Lots oftimes it would be resky; not wrong, you know, but jest resky. 

Thus I sot and eppisoded, lookin' off onto the melancholy ocean, listenin' to her deep sithes, when onbid come the agonizin' thought, "Had Josiah Allen backslid so fur and been so full of remorse anddespair, that his small delicate brain had turned over with him, andhe had throwed himself into the arms of the melancholy Ocean? Wuz herdeep, mournful sithes preparin' me for the heart-breakin' sorrow?" Icouldn't abear the thought, and I riz up and walked away. As I did soa bystander sez, "Have you been up on the Awful Tower?"

"No, " sez I, "I've been through awful things, enough, accidental like, without layin' plans and climbin' up on 'em. " But Hope will alwayshunch Anxiety out of her high chair in your head and stand up on it. Ithought I would go upstairs into another part of the buildin' andmebby I might ketch a glimpse of my pardner in the dense crowd below. 

And if you'll believe it, as I wuz walkin' upstairs as peaceful as ourold brindle cow goin' up the south hill paster, my skirts begun tobillow out till they got as big as a hogsit. I didn't care about itsbein' fashion to not bulge out round the bottom of your skirts buthobble in; but I see the folks below wuz laughin' at me, and it maddedme some when I hadn't done a thing, only jest walk upstairs peaceable. And I don't know to this day what made my clothes billow out so. 

But I went on and acrost to a balcony, and after I went in, a gatesnapped shet behind me and I couldn't git back. And when I got to theother side there wuzn't any steps, and if I got down at all I had toslide down. I didn't like to make the venter, but had to, so I triedto forgit my specs and gray hair and fancy I wuz ten years old, in apig-tail braid, and pantalettes tied on with my stockin's, and sotoff. As I went down with lightnin' speed I hadn't time to think much, but I ricollect this thought come into my harassed brain:

Be pardners worth all the trouble I'm havin' and the dretfulexperiences I'm goin' through? Wouldn't it been better to let him gohis length, than to suffer what I'm sufferin'? I reached the floorwith such a jolt that my mind didn't answer the question; it didn'thave time. 

All to once, another wind sprung up from nowhere seemin'ly, and triedits best to blow off my bunnet. But thank Heaven, my good green braizeveil tied round it with strong lutestring ribbon, held it on, and Isee I still had holt of my trusty cotton umbrell, though the wind hadblowed it open, but I shet it and grasped it firmly, thinkin' it wuzmy only protector and safeguard now Josiah wuz lost, and I hastenedaway from that crazy spot. 

[Illustration: "_As I went down with lightnin' speed I had'nt time tothink much. _" (_See page 258_)]

As I passed on I see a hull lot of long ropes danglin' down. On top of'em wuz a trolley, and folks would hang onto the handle and slidehundreds of feet through the air. But I didn't venter. Disinclinationand rumatiz both made me waive off overtures to try it. 

Pretty soon I come to a huge turn-table, big as our barn floor. It wuzstill and harmless lookin' when I first see it, and a lot of folks gotonto it, thinkin' I spoze it looked so shiny and good they'd like topatronize it. But pretty soon it begun to move, and then to turnfaster and faster till the folks couldn't keep their seats and one byone they wuz throwed off, and went down through a hole in the floor Iknow not where. 

As I see 'em disappear one by one in the depths below, thinks I, isthat where Josiah Allen has disappeared to? Who knows but he ismoulderin' in some underground dungeon, mournin' and pinin' for me andhis native land. Of course Reason told me that he couldn't mouldermuch in two days, but I wuz too much wrought up to listen to Reason, and as I see 'em slide down and disappear, onbeknown to myself I spokeout loud and sez:

"Can it be that Josiah is incarcerated in some dungeon below? If heis, I will find and release him or perish with him. "

A woman who looked as if she belonged there, hearn me and sez, "Who isJosiah?" "My pardner, " sez I, and I continued, "You have a kind face, mom; have you seen him? Have you seen Josiah Allen?"

[Illustration: "_Pretty soon it begun to move and one by one they wuzthrowed off and went down I know not where. _" (_Seepage 260_)]

"Describe him, " sez she, "there wuz a man here just now hunting forsome woman. "

"Oh, he is very beautiful!"

"Young?" sez she. 

"Well, no; about my age or a little older. "

"Light complexion? Dark hair and eyes? Stylish dressed?"

"No, wrinkled complexion, bald, and what few hairs he's got, gray. "

She smiled; she couldn't see the beauty Love had gilded his imagewith. 

Sez I, "If he's incarcerated in some dungeon below, I too will mountthe turn-table of torture, and share his fate or perish on the turntable. "

Sez she, "There is no dungeons below; the folks come out into a vastplace as big as this. There is just as much to see down there as thereis here, just as many people and just as much amusement. "

"Amusement!" sez I in a holler voice. 

After I left her, I see a whisk broom hangin' up in a handy place, andit had a printed liebill on it, "This whisk broom free. " And as myparmetty dress had got kinder dusty a slidin' and wobblin' as I hadslode and wobbled, I went to brush off my skirt with it, when all ofa sudden somebody or sunthin' gin me a stunnin' blow right in my armthat held the brush. I dropped it without waitin' to argy the matter, and I don't know to this day who or what struck me and what it wuzfor. But my conscience wuz clear; I hadn't done nothin'. 

I santered on and entered an enclosure seemin'ly made of innocentlookin' fence rails. I wuz kinder attracted to it, for it looked somelike the rail fence round our gooseberry bushes. But for the landssake! it wuzn't like any fence in Jonesville or Zoar, for though itlooked innocent, it shet me in tight and I couldn't git out. 

I wandered round and round, and out and in, and it wuz a good halfhour before I got out, and I d'no but I'd have been there to this day, if a man hadn't come and opened a gate and let me out. Only onethought kep' up my courage in my fruitless wanderings. It wuz all donein plain sight of everybody, and I could see for myself that Josiahwuzn't kep' there in captivity. 

There wuz a tall pole in the middle of the Amaze, as they call it(well named, for it is truly amazin'), and the liebill on that poleread, "Climb the pole and ring the bell on it, and we will give you aprize. "

I didn't try to climb that pole, and wouldn't if I had been a athleet. How did I know but it would turn into a writhin' serpent, and writhewith me? No, I thought I wouldn't take another resk in that dredfulspot. And I wuz glad I thought so, for jest a little ways off, somehonest, easy lookin' benches stood invitin' the weary passer-by to setdown and rest and recooperate. And right there before my eyes somegood lookin' folks sot down on 'em trustin'ly, and the hull bench fellover back with 'em and then riz up agin, they fallin' and risin' withit. 

I hastened away and thought I would go up into the second story aginand mebby ketch sight of my pardner, for the crowd had increased. Andas I stood there skannin' the immense crowd below to try to ketch aglimpse of my lawful pardner, all to once I see the folks below wuzlaughin' at me. I felt to see if my braize veil hung down straight andgraceful, and my front hair wuz all right, and my cameo pin fastened. But nothin' wuz amiss, and I wondered what could it be. The balconywuz divided off into little spaces, five or six feet square, and Istood in one, innocent as a lamb (or mebby it would be moreappropriate to say a sheep), and leanin' on the railin', and one sassyboy called out:

"Where wuz you ketched? Are you tame? Wuz you ketched on the Desert ofSara? Did Teddy ketch you for the Government?" and I never knowed tillI got down what they wuz laughin' at. 

The little boxes in the balcony wuz painted on the outside torepresent animal cages. On the one where I had been wuz painted thesign Drumedary. Josiah Allen's wife took for a drumedary--The idee!

But the view I got of the crowd below wuz impressive, and though itseemed to me that everybody in New York and Brooklyn and the adjacentvillages and country, wuz all there a Steeple Chasin', yet I knowedthere wuz jest as many dreamin' in Dreamland and bein' luny in LunyPark. And Surf Avenue wuz full, and what they called the Bowery ofConey Island, and all the amusement places along the shore. And all on'em on the move, jostlin' and bein' jostled, foolin' and bein' fooled, laughin' and bein' laughed at. 

Why, I wuz told and believe, that sometimes a million folks go toConey Island on a holiday. And I wuz knowin' myself to over threethousand orphan children goin' there at one time to spend a happy day, the treat bein' gin 'em by some big-hearted men. Plenty to eat anddrink, and a hull day of enjoyment, candy, pop corn, circus, etc. , bright day, happy hearts, how that day will stand out aginst the dullgray background of their lives! And them men ort to hug themselvesthinkin' the thought, over three thousand happinesses wuz set down totheir credit in the books of the Recordin' Angel. And I sez to myself, "Samantha, you ort to speak well of anything that so brightens thelives of the children of the great city. "

As I went into Dreamland Park, it seemed agin as if all the folks inthe city wuz there in the immense inner court, surrounded byamusements on every side. They wuz comin' and goin', talkin', laughin', hurryin', santerin', to and fro, fro and to. Lots on 'emtalkin' language I never hearn before, but I thought, poor things, younever had the advantage of livin' in Jonesville, so I overlooked it in'em. 

[Illustration: _"As I went into Dreamland it seemed as if all the folksin the city was there. " (See page 266)_]

I see most the first thing as I entered, a place called Creation, andfeelin' dubersome that any thing more could be created than what I'dseen that day, I bought a ticket and went in, and to my glad surprise, I found it wuz some like a prayer meetin'. For a man with a loudpreachin' voice quoted a lot of Scripter most the first thing. Afterwe all got seated it turned dark as pitch all in a minute. But youcould dimly see a vast waste of water, kinder movin' and swashin' toand fro, as if some great force wuz workin' down below. And out of thedarkness we hearn that Voice:

"In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth, and the Earthwuz without form and void, and darkness wuz on the face of the deep. "

Anon the fiery energy that wuz makin' a planet, wuz hearn in deafenin'peals of thunder, and blazed through the sky in sheets of lightnin'and dartin' balls of flame, quietin' down some after awhile. And theVoice continued:

"The spirit of God moved on the face of the deep. And God said, Letthere be light; and there wuz light. "

And slowly a faint light dawned and growed brighter and brighter andfleecy clouds appeared. The sky growed golden and rosy in the east, and the sun come up in splendor. Livin' forms appeared in the water, monsters of all kinds and sizes, queerer than any dog I ever see, andthe Voice went on:

"And God separated the water from the land. " Little peaks of landemerged from the water or it seemed as if the water receeded fromthem, and gradually the dry land appeared, and soon queer livin' formsappeared on it. And gradually, with green grass and verdure, it becomefit for the home of man, and then Adam and Eve appeared. They wuzn'tclothed in much besides innocence, but somehow they didn't look soimmodest as some of the fashonably dressed females of to-day, withdekolitay and peek-a-boo waists, and skin-tight drapery. 

There wuz good Bible talk and sacred music all through the show. And Ifelt as if I had looked on and seen a world made right before my eyes, and that I would dearly love to make a few myself if I had time, andJosiah wuz willin'. I wuz highly delighted with it and said as much tothe female who sot next to me. She had a discontented, onhappy face, and I guess she had enough to make her so, for her husband who sot byher kep' findin' fault with her all the time, till at last sheturned--for you know a angle worm will turn if it is trod onenough--and she sez to me, but meant it for her pardner I knowed:

"The lecturer ort to gone on and told how sneakin' mean Adam treatedhis wife, eatin' the apple, I'll bet down to the very core, and thenmisusin' her for givin' it to him, and puttin' all the blame on herfor bringin' sin into the world, when he wuz jest as much to blame asshe wuz. "

Sez her husband, "You have to slur men all the time, don't you? Youcan't see or hear anything without findin' sunthin' to complain ofabout men. I despise such a sperit; men don't have it. "

Now, I love justice, and I hate to see my sect imposed upon, and thenwhenever or wherever I travel, I always bear with me the honorarytitle I won honorably. Jest as men take with 'em on sea or land theirtitles of B. A. Or D. D. , just so I ever carry the title, won by highminded and strenous effort, Josiah Allen's wife, P. A. AndP. I. --Public Adviser and Private Investigator. Here, I thought, isneed for a P. A. So I sez to her, yet in a voice her pardner couldn'thelp hearin':

"I hearn once of a husbands' meetin' in a revival, when the ministerasked every man to git up who had complaints to make about his wife. Every man sprung to his feet to once, except one lone man by the door. And the minister sez, 'My friend, you are one man in a million whohave no complaints to make about your wife. ' The man sez, 'That hain'tit; I'm paralyzed, I can't _git_ up. '"

I d'no as the husband I aimed this at took it kind or not, but hedidn't nag his wife any more in my hearin'. 

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

IN WHICH I CONTINUE MY SEARCH FOR JOSIAH THROUGH DREAMLAND, HUNTIN'FOR HIM IN VAIN, AND RETURN TO BILDAD'S AT NIGHT, WEARY AND DESPAIRIN'

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

IN WHICH I CONTINUE MY SEARCH FOR JOSIAH THROUGH DREAMLAND, HUNTIN'FOR HIM IN VAIN, AND RETURN TO BILDAD'S AT NIGHT, WEARY AND DESPAIRIN'

Creation wuz such a good show I felt considerable rested and refreshedwhen it wuz over. And I thought the woman looked quite a littleperter; it duz down-trod folks lots of good to have somebody taketheir part. I felt kinder good to think I had lightened a sisterfemale's sperit a little, and wuz walkin' along quite comfortable inmind when like an arrow out of a bo, the old pain and anxiety stabbedme afresh. Another hour gone and Josiah Allen not found! What shall Ido? Where shall I turn the eyes of my spectacles? Jest as I wuz askin'this question to my troubled soul I hearn a boy speak to another oneabout a futur' state of punishment in sich a vulgar and familiar waythat I turned round to once, carryin' out my roll of PromisicousAdviser, and I sez, "You wicked boys you, to talk so light of yourfuture states, I wonder you dast! If I wuz your mother and had hadyour bringin' up, you wouldn't dast!"

They looked real impudent at me, and one on 'em sez, "You hain't themoney to go with, that's what ails you. "

I sez solemnly, "Riches is a snare. I know how hard it is for the eyeof a needle to have a camel git through it; I know how the rich manlonged for a drop of water. And you'd better meditate on these thingsand try to git used to heat, instead of talkin' light about 'em!" Idon't know how much longer I should have gone on as a P. A. And P. I. But the woman I had befriended stepped up and sez, "He means the showthere. " And lookin' up, if you'll believe it, I see the words "HellGate, " and sez she, "I have got two tickets and my husband don't careabout goin', won't you go with me?"

I thought to myself, he probably thinks he'll have chances to sampleit in the futur, but mebby he wuz jest sulky. But I only sez to her, "It is the last place I ever laid out to go unless I wuz obleeged to. But lead on, " sez I recklessly, "I'll foller. " For the thought hadcome to me onbid, How did I know how fur Josiah Allen hadback-slided? How did I know but I'd find him there?

[Illustration: _"We got in a small boat and wuz carried round and roundtill we dived into a dark tunnel. "_]

But to my great surprise--and I wish Elder Minkley could see it, Ithought mebby it would modify his sermons some--the first thing we seewuz a great trough of water, and I said to the woman in surprise, "Inever expected that folks would go to this hot place by water!" Butwe got into a small boat and wuz carried round and round like awhirlpool, till the boat got in the very center, when it dived downinto a dark tunnel. 

At the further end we climbed out onto a platform, and found ourselvesin a long, low-vaulted place, some like a immense tunnel. We couldjest ketch a glimpse of a light way off at the end, and we sot off forit, I lookin' clost and sharp on every side for my pardner, hopin' anddreadin' to find him there. When all of a sudden, the most terrificyells and shrieks sounded on every side and we see cages of wildanimals on both sides of us movin' up and down howlin' and snarlin'. 

Sez the woman, "They're men dressed up as wild beasts. "

Sez I, "Have they got to stay here always? Do you spoze it is wrongdoin' that has changed 'em into wild animals?" Sez I, "Judgin' fromthe papers some on 'em wouldn't need much of a turn. " But oh, Igroaned to myself, "Is Josiah Allen turned into a bear or a cammyleapord! Is he here? I don't believe, " sez I to myself, "he has everbeen bad enough to be turned into anything worse than a sheep or arooster. " And as I didn't hear any blattin' or crowin', and knowedthat if he had seen me he would have tried to communicate with hisbeloved pardner, I felt hopeful he wuzn't there. 

We went on and as soon as we got out she asked me if I didn't want tosee the Incubator babies, and bein' agreeable to the idee, we went andsee 'em. There they lay in glass cases, pretty little creeters lookin'like wee bits of dolls, I felt sad as I looked down on 'em, andthought on the hard journey them tiny feet must set out on from themglass boxes. What rough crosses the little fingers had got to graspholt of, and onbeknown to me my mind fell onto the follerin' poetry--

 "Our crosses are made from different trees, But we all of us have our Calvaries; We may climb the mount from a different side, But we all go up to be crucified. "

Of course, I knowed there would be some bright posies wreathed roundthe crosses; but there would be thorns in them. And though the roadmight be soft and agreeable in spots, yet I knowed well what hardrocks there wuz in the highway of life to stub toes on, evencommon-sized toes, and it did seem a pity such little mites of feethad got to git stun bruises on 'em. 

Poor little creeters! I thought, little do you know what sadness andecstacy, what grief and joy, gloom and glory lays ahead on you. I wuzsorry for 'em, sorry as a dog. 

And then I didn't like the idee of the little helpless creeters bein'laid out on exhibition, like shirt buttons, or hooks and eyes, to bestared on by saint and sinner, by eyes tender or cruel--and voiceslovin' and hateful to comment on. I felt that the place for littlebabies wuz to home in the bedroom. And I thought nothin' would temptme, if Josiah wuz a infant babe, to place him on exhibition likeHamburg edgin', or bobbinet lace. The very idee wuz repugnant to me. And I wuz more than willin' when the female asked me if I didn't wantto go and see the midgets, and we went. 

And you don't know what interestin' little creeters they wuz, mindin'their own bizness and midgetin' away. Actin' out a little play jest asif a company of dolls had come to life, talkin' and actin'. Theyseemed to be jest as happy and contented as if they wuz eight or tenfeet high and heavy accordin'. 

As we left this place the female ketched sight of her husband. Hebagoned hautily to her with one finger, and she hastened to jine him. Such is females. And so true it is that love in either sect will riseup above naggin', or any other kind of pardner meanness. 

I went forward alone to see the Head Hunters. And I looked on thebrown little folks with a feelin' of pity. How did I know they hadever had good advice? I felt here wuz a noble chance for a P. A. 

So I sez to 'em, "I've hearn of your doin's, and I want to advise youfor your good. " They looked at me real stiddy and I went on, "You maythink you hain't so guilty because you only take folkses heads. Butfor the lands sakes! did you ever stop to think on't? What can they dowithout their heads? Of course, " sez I reasonably, "there is adifference in heads. Some folkses heads hain't got so much sense in'em as others. I've seen 'em myself that I've thought a good woodenhead would be jest as useful. But they are the best they've got, andthey're attached to 'em, and they can't git along without 'em. And Ialways thought you might jest as well take their hull bodies whilstyou wuz about it. Don't you see that is so? When it is pinted out toyou by a P. A. ?"

[Illustration: _"I went forward to see the Head Hunters. I sez to 'em'I've hearn of your doin's and I want to advise you foryour good_. '" (_See page 281_)]

They kinder jabbered over sunthin' to themselves, and I sez as Iturned away, "Now, don't let me hear of any more such doin's! Becontented with the heads you've got, and don't try to git somebodyelses that don't belong to you. " Sez I, "Sunthin' like that, namelystealin' the interior of folkses heads, has been done time and aginamong more civilized folks, and it don't work; they git found out. "

I left 'em getisculatin' and jabberin' in that strange lingo and am inhopes they wuz promisin' to quit their Head Huntin', but can't tellfor certain. 

As I santered along a female asked me if I had seen the Divin' Girls, sez she, "There is a immense pond of water, and they are the bestdivers and swimmers in the world. "

But I sez, "Nobody can dive into deeper depths than I have dovento-day. "

"The ocean?" sez she. 

"Oceans of anxiety, " sez I, "rivers of grief. " I spoze my dretfulemotions showed on my linement, and to git my mind off she sez, "Youort to see the aligators. "

I'd hearn they had immense tanks of water as long as from our house toPhilander Dagget's, holdin' thousands and thousands and thousands ofaligators, from them jest born, to them a hundred years old, from themthe size of your little finger weighin' a few ounces, to them big aselephants, weighin' two tons. 

But I told her I could worry along for years without aligators, Inever seemed to hanker for 'em, I wouldn't take 'em as a gift if I hadto let 'em have the run of the house. Humbly things! though I spozethey hain't to blame for their looks, or their temperses, which arefierce. And I didn't go into the big animal house, thinkin' I wuz sodog tired that I would go back to Bildad's and come back the next dayand see all the animals and birds and the hundreds of other shows I'dhad to slight that day, enough to devour days of stiddy sight seein'. The Siege of Richmond, The Great Divide, Switzerland, Congress ofNations, Indian Village, The Orient, Bathin' Pavilions, Japanese TeaGardens, and etc. 

I did want to see the Shimpanzee who duz everything but talk. And Ithought mebby the reason he wuz so close-mouthed wuz because he hearnso much talkin' he wuz sick on't, as I wuz, and made a sample ofhimself. But if he did nobody follered it, no indeed! Why, you jestspozen a hundred swarms of bees big as giants, with buzzes bigaccordin', all a swarmin' and a buzzin', and you'll git a little ideeof the noise and tumult of Coney Island. But you won't spozen' furenough, I don't believe. Yes, I laid out to spend considerable time inDreamland next day. But little did I think of what a day might bringforth, and have got it to think on like them that lose friends, "Ohwhy didn't I do thus and so? And now it is too late to wait on 'em, and pay attention to 'em?" But I'm leadin' a melancholy horse up to amournin' wagon, before the thills are on, so I'll stop eppisodin' andresoom forwards. Jest outside the gate of Dreamland I met Bildad, andhe sez, "Have you found Josiah yet?"

"No, " I sez in despairin' axents, "I hain't seen hide nor hair onhim. "

And he sez, "Mebby he's gone in bathin'. "

"No, " I sez, "He took a bath in the wash-tub the night before he comehere, and he hain't a man that will wash oftener than he has to. "

Sez he, "Hundreds of folks take sand baths, lay in the sand and throwit at each other, cover themselves up in it. "

"What for?" I sez. 

"Oh, jest for fun. They'll go into the water mebby, and then comeashore and roll and tumble in the sand, men, wimmen, and children, mostly foreigners, " sez he. 

I sez, "It don't seem as if Josiah would go into that bizness; healways despised sand. "

"Well, " sez he, "as I come by there jest now, I see somebody thatlooked like Josiah, goin' towards the beach with a girl by him. "

I turned onto my heel to once and asked sternly, "Where is that beach?And where is that sand?" He told me and I made for it to once. Ihain't got a jealous hair in my head, but I thought I'd go. Well, itwuz a sight to see, acres and acres of sand dotted with men, wimmen, and children. And beyond, the melancholy ocean, also dotted withswimming heads, with bodies attached, so I spozed. Well might Atlanticbe melancholy to see such sights, hundreds of folks comin' out of thewater, hundreds goin' in, and other hundreds walkin' or rollin' in thesand or throwin' it at each other or half covered up with it. 

And as for the clothes they had on, I thought no wonder the Ocean andI sithed to see it, no money would tempt me to wear 'em to mill ormeetin', or to let Josiah wear 'em. They didn't look decent. Eitherthey wuz scrimped for cloth, or they wanted to look so; whichever wayit wuz, I pitied 'em. 

[Illustration: _"It wuz a sight to see, acres and acres of sand dottedwith men, wimmen, and children. " (See page 286)_]

But where wuz Josiah? On every side wuz folks settin' and walkin', andmounds of sand with sometimes a head stickin' out, or a foot, or aarm, or a nose. I had hard work to keep from treadin' on 'em. Therewould be little hillocks of sand with mebby a child's head or footstickin' out. 

Anon a mound over a fat man or a woman big as a hay stack. I walkedalong for some time keepin' a clost watch on every side, but no Josiahdid I see nor no mound I felt wuz hisen, till jest as I wuz ready todrop down with fatigue with my arjous work to keep from treadin' onfolks, I ketched sight of a nose stickin' out of a small mound that Ithought sure I reconized. My heart bounded at the sight. My first lookwuz to see if any girl mound wuz nigh him. But there wuzn't nothin'but some children's heads and feet stickin' about, and I hastened tothat nose and poked the sand from it with my umbrell cryin':

"Dear Josiah! Is this indeed your nose? Have I found you at last?"

When to my horrow a fierce red whiskered face rared itself up from thesand, and jabbored at me in a onknown tongue; onknown the words, butthe language of anger can be read in any tongue. Hisen betokened themost intense madness, and I spoze that in my agitation I might havejabbed him some with my umbrell, and I hastened away, tromplin' as Idid so in my haste on various heads and arms, and follered by loudbusts of what I most know wuz blood curdlin' profanity, though notJonesville swearin'. 

Well, I wuz tired out and discouraged. No Josiah, no pardner! I feltsome like a grass widder, or I guess it wuz more like a real widder. 'Tennyrate my feelin's wuz too awful to describe, so lonesome, socast-down and deprested. And no knowin' as I would ever feel anybetter, no knowin' if that dear man would ever be found. And whatwould life be without him? Nothin' but a holler mockery filled withmovin' shadders, the Reality of life gone and lost. 

Night wuz comin' on apace and I thought I might as well abandon myquest for the time, so I returned to Bildad's feelin' some as if I wuza sickly serial readin'--"To be continued in our next. " For I knowedthat I would resoom the search bright and early, and find that man orperish in my tracks. 

Friday--onlucky day, as it has always been called--had gone to jinethe days of the past. I sot on the piazza at Bildad's lookin' out onthe seen that, bewilderin' as it wuz by daylight, wuz ten times morebewilderin'ly beautiful by night. Like stars in the tropics, theelectric lights flashed out over the hull place, the greatest numberof electric lights in the same space in the world, I wuz told andbelieve. 

Every pinnacle, battlement, tower, balcony, winder, ruff, wuz edgedwith the blazin' fire embroidery. And the tall mountains, palaces, graceful bridges, piers, pleasure places of all kinds, looked fairylike, under the friendly hand of Night. And 'way up to the veryheavens Dreamland tower lifted itself, a gigantic shaft of dazzlingbrilliancy, dominatin' the hull island. Passingly beautiful tower bynight or day, the first thing the homesick mariner sees as heapproaches his Homeland. 

Thousands and thousands and thousands of gay pleasure seekers trod thewalks to and fro. Thousands and thousands more, rich and poor dined inthe gay restaurants and balconies, surrounded with flowers and lightand music. And still other thousands enjoyed the myriad amusementsafforded them. Bildad's sister, who wuz on a visit there fromHoboken, thinks it aristocratick, and herself more refined and rare torun the place down. Lots of folks do that; they go there and stay frommornin' till night, go up in the Awful Tower, take in everyBump-de-Bump and Wobble-de-Wobble, and then turn up their nosestalkin' to outsiders about it, as fur as their different noses willturn. She was lame at the time from tromplin' all over the place forthe past week. But she sez to me (with her nose turned up as fur as itcould, bein' a pug to start with):

"It is Common people who come here mostly. " And she kinder glared atme as if mistrustin' I wuz one of 'em. 

And I sez, "Well, you know, Lucindy, who it wuz the common peoplereceived gladly, and who dwelt among them? And you know Lincoln said, 'It must be the Lord liked the common people, He made so many on'em. '"

She didn't reply, only with her nose, which looked disdainful. And Isez to myself in astonishment, "Can this be Samantha, praisin' up whatshe has always run down?" But I had to own up to myself that though Ihad seen many places more congenial to me, yet I wuz glad that so manypeople, some of 'em cut off from the beauty of life, could come herequickly and easily, and forgit their cares and toil for awhile, and gohome refreshed and ready to take up their burdens agin. And thechildren, God bless them! I knowed it wuz indeed to them, the bigWonder Place, and beauty spot of the world and their life. 

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

JOSIAH FOUND AT LAST! THE AWFUL FIRE AT DREAMLAND AND THE TERRIBLESIGHTS I SAW THERE

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

JOSIAH FOUND AT LAST! THE AWFUL FIRE AT DREAMLAND AND THE TERRIBLESIGHTS I SAW THERE

I didn't go out that evenin', weariness and rumatiz both kep me tohome a settin' on that piazza. And in vain for me did the countlesslights burn and blaze. The great tower that lighted up the deep breastof the Atlantic, for milds and milds, couldn't light up my gloomysperit. 

Where wuz my Josiah? Where wuz the pardner of my youth? In vain didthe melogious music blare out its loudest blares, it brought no bam tomy sperit. I sot and looked on the countless hosts passin' by as ifthey wuzn't there, the man I loved wuz not among 'em. I sot there lostin mournful thought till the endless crowd gradually dispersed. Themusic ceased, the lights went out. The hand of Midnight let down herdark mantilly of repose, spangled with stars, Silence sot on thethrone Noise had vacated. 

The great City of Mirth wuz asleep. Only the Atlantic and Samanthaseemed awake, the Ocean's deep voice sounded out in the sameontranslated language it has from the creation, and will I spoze tillthere is no more sea. Ontranslated to most, but to me it thunderedout, Swish!--Swosh!--Roar! Where is Josiah? Where is Josiah? Where?Where? Swish!--Swosh!--Roar!

I didn't want to go to bed, but knowed I needed rest for anotherarjous day of Husband huntin'. I retired to bed but not to sleep. Anxiety and Grief lay on both sides on me and crowded me, and proddedme with their sharp elbows. 

But I spoze I must have droze off, for all to once I wuz passin'through a great silent city. Hours and hours I trod up and down broadstun highways, through endless parks and Pleasure Places, climbin'interminable flights of marble stairs, walkin' through immense picturegalleries. Days and days went by, whilst I wuz conductin' this questthrough a deserted city, searchin' for sunthin' I couldn't name. Tillat last I lay wore out, on a couch, and Josiah wuz bendin' over me. Hehad a small green hat sot rakishly on one side, a red neck-tie flashedout, a immense cigar wuz in his mouth, out of which streamed a flameof fire. As he bent over me, and I see his dissolute linement andmean, I groaned out, "Oh Josiah, is it thus we meet?"

"We meet as Highlariers!" sez he gayly, and bent still closter, Ispozed he wuz goin' to kiss me. And so philosophical is my mind asleepor awake, I thought even then, the law couldn't touch him for it if hedid. But before his face met mine, that immense flaming cigar sot fireto the piller case. The flames riz up round me, the smoke entered mynostrils and nose. 

I sprung up. Josiah had disappeared, but the smell of fire remained. Ihurried to the winder. As I had last seen it all the great pleasureground seemed fast asleep. Gone wuz the tread of the innumerablemultitude. The music of the bands wuz hushed, the cries of thedifferent venders and showmen, automobiles, wagons, the stiddy soundof machinery running the mechanical amusements, and the constant soundof footsteps and voices, that filled the day full, wuz all hushed. Even to the long onshapely animal house Night had brought silence. Thehull place looked like a City of Dreams, only the eternal waveswashin' up on the beach, seemed to emphasize the silence. 

But what wuz that I see over the dim ruffs? A slender spiral of flameshootin' up through the shadows, and on Dreamland tower a rosy blushseemed to grow on its whiteness. As I watched the flame, it grewlarger and larger, and my heart most stopped beatin', for I knowedwhat a fire would mean in them unsubstantial buildin's. And somewherethere under them flimsy ruffs was my Josiah!

The flame increased! Coney Island wuz afire! Made sensitive byanxiety, I had reconized the smoke borne to me on some vagrantbreeze. 

The long elaborate dream of mine hadn't lasted a second. It wuz stagedin the _real_ Dream Land, for the awful drayma so soon to be enactedthere, by the terrible actor, Fire! The most fearful and tragic actoron the hull stage of life. 

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Thus did I scream as I throwed on my clothes, I thought at the top ofmy voice, but I don't spoze it wuz much above a whisper, for Bildad'sfolks didn't hear me in the next room, through the thin wall, till Irushed to their door and knocked, cryin' out:

"Bildad, git up! Josiah is afire!"

"What you say?" he called back. 

"Dreamland is afire! Josiah is in danger! But I will save him orperish!" And I ketched up a two quart pail of water, and rushed outdoors. You can't recall your exact thoughts at such a time, yet I havea ricellection of thinkin'--Josiah is small boneded, and two quarts ofwater might put him out if he had jest got afire. But where wuz theidol of my soul? I spoze every woman on Coney Island thought themthoughts whether she remembers it or not. Where is _he_? Will heescape? And men wuz thinkin', Where is _she_? Is she safe? Love putsthe question, and Fear and Horrer answers it. 

As I rushed along cryin' Fire! winders wuz throwed up, doors opened, and in less time than I can tell on't, Surf Avenue wuz full of people. Frenzied cries and shouts rung through the air. And as the flames rizhigher and higher, so did the shrieks and yells of the crowd, whichhad swelled to a mob; bells clanged, fire wagons raced and jangled. 

Quicker than any seen wuz ever changed at a theatre the Quiet Nightwuz turned into Pandemonium. Men, wimmen and children rushin' everywhich way--police--firemen--fire bells clangin'--men shoutin'--wimmenshriekin'--and every minute the flames increased!

The firemen did what they could, they worked like giants, but theelement they wuz workin' aginst wuz more powerful than man. Anonburnin' timbers fell with a crash, clouds of smoke wropped us roundand choked us, the firemen sent up streams of water that turned tomountains of steam. 

I wuz carried by the screechin' mob hither and yon with no will of myown. Another element wuz added to the dretful seen. Someone criedout:

"The wild animals are loose!"

Wimmen fainted, and men, wimmen and children screamed louder thanever, expectin' any minute a tiger or lion or leapord to rush at 'em, or a maddened elephant to tromple 'em down. 

They said the sight at that time in the animal house wuz enough toturn the soundest brain, for to save the animals they had to let 'emloose. And as they couldn't be driven out, at last it wuz a greatwrithin', strugglin' mass of animal forms appallin' to see, while theears wuz deafened by the maddened cries of leapords and hyenas--thewild jabberin' of monkeys, snarlin' and growlin' of panthers, tigersand bears, roarin' of lions--hybrids--hissin' of serpents--pitifulfrightened neighing of ponies, trumpetin' of elephants. A greatscreamin', roarin, hissin', writhin', fightin' mass!

But as they refused to be driven to safety, the keepers after heroicefforts to save 'em, give 'em a more merciful death. It took furgreater heroism to do this, for some of 'em wuz dear pets, and it wuzlike slayin' their own children, and they aimed their revolvers at 'emthrough tearful eyes. 

A bareheaded bystander sez, "The fire started in Hell Gate. "

Sez I, "Jest what you could expect of that place, I never hearn nogood of it yet. "

But the wild crowd surged to and fro. Earth and Heaven seemed filledwith the dretful roar and confusion--

It wuz a riot of deafenin' noise and clamor below, and fur fur above, Dreamland Tower flamed up a immense pillar of fire, blazin' out forthe last time over sea and land, and with a dyin' effort atdecoration, crashed down, sendin' up a shower of golden sparks ahundred feet high. 

Jest then a woman sez, "The little Incubator Babies have beenforgotten. "

"Not by me!" I sez, and I strove to push my way towards 'em, the womantoilin' along by my side through the inferno of clamor, steam, smoke, and shriekin' rushin' humanity. But jest before we got there we metthe good doctors and nurses who wuz bearin' 'em to safety, and I sezto the woman, "It will be a shame if them helpless mites are everbrought back to this place of danger. "

"Danger!" the words rousted up afresh my agonized fears. Where wuzJosiah? Where wuz my idol? The woman tried to comfort me, for I wuznow cryin' aloud, and callin' on his name. 

She sez, "He will escape; men can git round so much easier thanwimmen. "

"Have you a husband in this dretful place?" sez I. 

"No, " sez she, "only their dust, I have got three in a vase on mymantle piece in Surf Avenue. " Instinctively I thought "she'd hadhusbands to burn, but some wimmen can't get one to save their lives, and them that get one can't keep track on him. "

But I d'no whether she saved her vase or not, for we wuz parted by thehustlin', tearin', scramblin' mob, and I wuz carried in anotherdirection, choked and blinded, and tossted and torn. 

I hearn someone say, "Black Prince is loose, the biggest lion of all!"And sure enough, wild and crazy with the fiery heat and noise, thegreat beast rushed up and down, the crowd givin' him the Right of Way. And at last he clim' up onto a battlement and looked down on the madseen below, the shoutin' yellin' mob bore me onwards, so I stood onlya stun's throw from the spot. 

Never agin will there be such a seen presented to the eye of man, asthat kingly form, standin' up above the crowd aginst the background oflurid flame. 

But who wuz that standin' directly beneath, in the very middle ofdanger? My heart bounded so it most broke through my bodist waist. 

Did I not know that small boneded figger? That bald head lit up by theglare of flames? It wuz! it wuz Josiah! My pardner-huntin' wuz ended, but wuz it to be death at the gole? That agonizin' thought made me bythe side of myself, and entirely onbeknown to me I rushed forwards andcried to the lordly beast above, jest ready to spring:

"Don't harm Josiah! Devour me instead!"

[Illustration: "_I rushed forwards and cried to the lordly beast above, jest ready to spring: 'Don't harm Josiah! Devour meinstead. _'" (_See page 303_)]

I knowed I would make a better meal for it; Josiah is lean and boney. But I won't try to make myself out better than I am; I didn't think ofthe lion's digestion, and how Josiah would set on his stomach. My onlythought wuz to save my pardner. And with a herculaneum effort Ireached his side, and snatched him away jest as a shot rung out andthe noble beast fell, his great, shaggy head restin' on thebalustrade, lookin' down on the crowd below as if in questionin' agonyand contempt, as though his last thoughts wuz:

"Did you tear me away from my own free, beautiful, tropical forest forsuch a fate as this? Where is man's boasted wisdom and power? I couldhave cared for myself, lived and died in happiness and safety, butcivilized man has ruined and destroyed the wild beast. "

 * * * * *

The rest of that seen is like a dream to me. I guess when the heavydread and fear I had carried so long, wuz lifted from my brain, itmade me light-headed. 'Tennyrate, it don't seem as if I come fully tomyself, till Josiah and I wuz takin' leave at Bildad's with ticketsfor Jonesville in our pockets. 

The agony I had went through there, and my joy in his recovery wuzsuch, that I didn't throw Josiah's waywardness in his face (not muchof any). But if you'll believe it--and I don't spoze you will--heturned the tables 'round, and blamed me. That is often done bypardners of both sects, when they feel real guilty, to try to drawattention off their own misdoin's, by findin' fault with theirpardners. It has been done time and agin, and I spoze will be, as longas man is man, and woman is woman. 

When I told him that I rid down there with Deacon Gansey, that manacted jealous and mad as a hen. He never liked him, they fell outyears ago about a rail fence, and wuz hurt. But now he acted furious, and his last words to Bildad wuz:

"I want you to have a funeral for Deacon Gansey before I see you agin, and I'll pick out the him I want you to sing at his funeral:

 "Believein', we rejoice, To see the cuss removed. "

But I spoke right up and sez, "Don't you bury him till he is dead, Bildad, no matter who tells you to. "

And Josiah didn't like that, or acted as if he didn't; mebby he wuzsubterfugin' to draw off attention. Truly, pardners is a mysteriousproblem, and it takes sights of wisdom and patience to solve' em, andsometimes you can't git the right answer to 'em then, male or female. 

As we left Surf Avenue I looked back on the blackened ruins of whathad been the fair City of Dreamland, the broken totterin' remains ofthat glorious tower, the black tangled masses of iron and steel, theruins of the great animal house mixed with the ashes of a hundred andtwenty animals, and I see with my mind's eye that great flat plain ofblackened ruins, all cleared away, and green velvety grass, and trees, and fountains sprayin' over shrubs, and flowers, and white smoothpaths windin' through the bloom and verdure clear down to the cleansand of the water's verge. And the high fence of Exclusion that shetsthem from other fair parks along the shore removed, thousands andthousands and thousands of happy children playin' there in the pureair, takin' in in one summer day enough strength to last 'em through acrowded, suffocatin', weary week. And grown folks, rich and poor, tired of city sights and sounds, strollin' about or settin' oncomfortable seats lookin' off on the water, or watchin' the play oftheir children, the fresh air blowin' some of their cares and troublesaway. 

CHAPTER NINETEEN

WE RETURN TO JONESVILLE AND JOSIAH BUILDS TIRZAH ANN'S COTTAGE WITHSTRANGE INVENTIONS AND ADDITIONS

CHAPTER NINETEEN

WE RETURN TO JONESVILLE AND JOSIAH BUILDS TIRZAH ANN'S COTTAGE WITHSTRANGE INVENTIONS AND ADDITIONS

I told Josiah I hoped my vision would come true, and they would makean open park of Dreamland, so the millions who visit Coney Islandcould git a good look at Mom Nater and old Ocean. "And heaven knows, "sez I, "there would be amusements enough left in Luny, and SteepleChase Park, and other resorts all along the shore. " And he said hedidn't care a dum what they did with it. Sez he, "They needn't buildit up on my account, for I won't patronize 'em any more!" And I toldhim, "I guessed he wouldn't be missed, specially Sundays andholidays. " And he said, "Miss me or not, they needn't try to git methere agin, and they may jest as well give up hopin' to, first aslast. "

Sez I, "Can't you be megum, Josiah? You wuz all carried away with it, and now you're turned agin it; what makes you turn so _fur_? Can'tyou see the good side to it?"

"No, I can't, and won't!"

So we went home some like the Baptist and the Methodist who had apublic meetin' to argy their two beliefs, on which they wuz dretfulsot, and they converted each other, so the Baptist went home aMethodist, and the Methodist a Baptist. 

I'd been considerable sot agin it, but I went home with the eye of myspectacles able to look on both sides. The side I didn't like, that itshares with other Pleasure Resorts. And its good side, as a carelightener, and diversion to toil. And a golden Pleasure House to themillions of children who go there every year, many of 'em poorchildren who get there their only glimpse of rest and light heartedenjoyment. 

But my dear pardner can't be megum; that quality wuz left out when hewuz manufactured. And now if anyone sez Coney Island, he starts forthe barn. 

Serenus come home a few days after we did. He'd been on the Bowery ofConey Island that night, Josiah havin' refused to go to such a lowdownplace with him. So as it often is in this strange world, thewrong-doer comes out ahead, for the _present_. He made a night of itwith Jim Cobb, a rural cousin, and not a hair of his head wuzscorched, nor the smell of fire on his garments. 

But I wuz proud that Josiah withstood temptation, and told him that Iwould ruther he had got afire, and burned considerable, than had himyield to the tempter. 

I myself never sot foot on the Bowery; I wuzn't goin' to nasty up mymind with it, though I hearn there wuz some good things to be seenthere. Folks told me I'd ort to gone to Brighton, and Atlantic City, and see the milds of beautiful Pleasure places along the ocean, but Isez, "I thank you, but I've seen enough, " though there wuz sightsthere that I would loved to see. 

Among 'em wuz that Mother's Camp, where thousands and thousands ofpoor children and their mas go to spend a day in the bracin'atmosphere. And the children have pure milk, and their mas good tea, and they can go there day after day all they want to. How the childrenlook forward to it, and their mas too. 

[Illustration: "_I myself never sot foot on the Bowery; I wuzn't goin'to nasty up my mind with it, though I hearn there wuz somegood things to be seen there. _" (_See page 313_)]

The goodness and helpfulness of such places along the beach, wropstheir bright mantillys over some of the other places not so good andmakes folks more lenitent to 'em, as they endure a poor husband forthe sake of his good wife, and visey versey. 

A few days after we got home, Josiah took Penstock and they sot offfor a two weeks' stay at Shadow Island. And a few days after they gotthere he writ me that they had broke ground for the cottage. And thatvery day I got my feet wet down to the creek paster huntin' for aturkey's nest, and come down with inflamatory rumatiz, and couldn'twalk a step for upwards of four weeks, and Ury's wife come and tookcare on me. My head felt bad too, Coney Island had been too much forme--

Well, Josiah would come home Sundays all wrought up and enthusiastickboastin' what a model house it wuz, jest perfect, and what new andmagnificent discoveries he had made to lighten labor, which he wuzgoin' to git patented and probable make our everlastin' fortune, aswell as make Tirzah Ann perfectly happy. And I'd set with my foot on apiller, and hear him go on and forebode and forebode, and I groanedmore about the house than I did with the pain in my lim, though thatwuz fearful. 

Well, after it had been goin' on for about four weeks, one Saturdaywhen he come home over Sunday, he said the house wuz all up andnearin' completion, and he carried the idee if he didn't come rightout and say it, that there wuzn't a mansion in the New Jerusalem thatwent ahead on't. My rumatiz and head wuz quite a little better, and heproposed that I should go back with him Monday mornin' on a shorttower and see the house, and be a humble witness and admirer of hisglorious triumph (he didn't say these words right out but carried theidee plain in his linement, and hauty demeanor). Well, I concluded togo, and Philury bandaged up my lim in soft flannel moistened withanarky, and packed various bottles of linement, etc. , in my portmantyand Ury took us to the train. 

Well I will pass over our voyage to Shadow Island, but in the fullnessof time we arrove there, and stood in front of the cottage. The seenall round it wuz fair indeed, but the structure looked queer, queer asa dog. There wuz piazzas and porticos, and ornament piled on ornamentcropped out on every side. It wuz weighted down with cheap littlesawed out peaks and pints, and triangles perforated with holes forornaments, but the hull thing looked shiftless, tippin' and lop sided. I stood lookin' at it in silence for a long time, it looked so queerthat it sort o' stunted and brow beat me, and my first words wuz spokeas much to my own soul as to my companion, "It looks strange, passin'strange!"

"Yes, " sez Josiah, "hain't it a uneek plan?"

"Yes, " sez I, "a uneeker one wuz never seen on this planet. " And aginI seemed to lose myself in strange emotions, it looked so awful, akind of or mingled with my indignation and regret. 

"Nobody will steal them idees!" sez he proudly. 

"No, " sez I sadly, "you're safe from that. " And I sez, as I looked upat the queer, lop sided, flighty, vain thing, "It leans overconsiderable, Josiah Allen, it is very tippin'. "

He looked worried, but sez in a sort of apology way, "I had it leanover one side on account of havin' rain water dripp offen the eaves, and have the snow slide off in drifty times. Ruffs have been known tofall in, and I wanted to ensure Tirzah Ann's havin' a ruff over herhead anyway. "

Agin I looked on in solemn or, and sez wonderin'ly, "What will TirzahAnn say when she sees it?"

"I don't care, " sez he, "what she sez! if she don't like it she canlump it!"

But I could see that the tippin' sides wuz done through a mistake, andhe wuz tryin' to cover it up with a mantilly of bravado andboastfulness. I agin kep' silence for quite a spell, and my nextwords, so fur as I remember 'em, wuz, "Where is the suller?"

He stood agast and repeated, "The suller!" He looked perfectlydumb-foundered but wuzn't goin' to give in he made a mistake, it wuztoo mortifyin' to his pride, so sez he in faint axents:

"I laid out to build it after the house wuz done. " Sez I, "What wuzyou goin' to do with the dirt?"

"Why, I laid out, " sez he lookin' helplessly round for a excuse, "Ilaid out to bring it up in baskets, " and he went on brightenin' up asa idee struck him--"I've observed, Samantha, that dirt is handy forhouse plants, or to plant seeds in the spring of the year. "

Sez I dryly, "I guess three or four hundred wagon loads won't beneeded for house plants, and after Tirzah Ann sees all that dirtlugged up her suller stairs and through her kitchen she won't havemuch time or ambition for posies. "

[Illustration: "_'The suller!' He stood agast, perfectly dumb-founderedbut wuzn't goin' to give in he had made a mistake. It wuztoo mortifying to his pride. _" (_See page 318_)]

"Well, " sez he, a bright idee occurrin' to him, "it will be a firstrate job for the men to do rainy days. In buildin' a house therehain't much a man can do durin' a hard thunder storm, or hail storm, but they can go right on with the suller jest as well as though it wuza sunshiny day. That is one great thing that architects haveheretofore overlooked, work that men can do durin' cyclones--I havemet that want, " sez he proudly. 

"I should think as much, " sez I mekanically, for my thoughts wuzn'tthere, they wuz afar with Tirzah with her poor health, and the blowthat had got to come onto her, when she see this thing that wuz raredup in front of me. 

Well, I went round to the kitchen door, the winders all seemed sot intottlin' and shaky, and my pen fails me to tell the looks of them backdoor steps, they wuz very high here, for the land sloped off sudden, but suffice it to say that I wouldn't trust even one foot on 'em for adollar bill. There wuz a great long concern that looked like a hugewooden arm that come out of the settin' room winder on that side andseemed to reach down to the water, and sez I, "What, for the land'ssake! is that?"

"That, " sez he proudly, "is the crownin' work of my life! that willmake me famous and enormously rich when it becomes known to theworld. That is a attachment to hitch onto the sewin' machine, thechurn, the coffee mill or any domestic article where foot or handpower is used, and is to be used in pumpin' water. "

"Pumpin' water!" sez I coldly, "what for?"

"Oh, for drinkin', for irrigatin', or for any use that water is usedfor, puttin' out fires, or anything. "

Sez I coldly, "Do you spoze that Tirzah Ann with her health, is goin'to set at her sewin' machine and do fine sewin', and at the same timepump water from hour to hour?"

"Yes, " sez he, "and hain't it a beautiful thought, how it will add toher sweet content and happiness as she sets sewin' on Whitfield'sshirts, and thinkin' at the same time she is benefittin' the world atlarge, quietly and unostentatiously sewin' on gussets, and makin' thedesert blossom like a rosy all round her; how happy she will be, " sezhe. 

Sez I, "It is a crazy idee! crazy as a loon! What under the sun wouldshe want to pump hundreds and hundreds of barrels of water for? Half abarrel would last 'em a day for all their work. "

He murmured sunthin' about a fountain, that might be sprayin' up inthe front yard, and how beautiful it would be, and enjoyable. 

And I sez, "Could you set and enjoy yourself lookin' on a fountainrisin' up and dashin' jewels of spray all round you, and thinkin' thatevery drop wuz bein' pumped up by the weary feet of your own girl byyour first wife? That poor delicate little creeter's tired feet, toilin' on hour by hour and day by day. "

He looked real bad, he hadn't thought so fur, and I went on, "Don'tyou know it would make the sewin' machine go so hard that no womancould run it a minute, let alone for days and weeks?" His linementfell two or three inches. I see he gin up it needed more strength torun it. "And it looks like furiation too, " sez I. 

"Look!" He snapped out, "What do you spoze I care for looks!"

But I see his idees wuz all broke up, as well they might be, TirzahAnn pumpin' water all day with her feet! the idee!

Well, out on one side of the house I see a great pile of bricks, theyseemed to be divided in two piles, one wuz good sound bricks, and onewuz broken some, and I sez, "What are these bricks divided off sofur?"

"That, " sez he, "is a sample of how men see into things. "

"How?" sez I. 

"Well, I'll tell you. " And he went on proudly, as if glad to git achance to show off how fur seem' and eqinomical he wuz, and to recoverfrom the machinness that had settled down on him like a dark mantilly, while we discussed the suller and pump attachment. 

"I got them bricks at a bargain. I hain't got enough good bricks forthe hull chimbly, and so I'm goin' to have 'em begin the chimbly ontop instead of the usual way of beginin' at the bottom, and then I cansee jest how fur my good bricks will go. "

"How be you goin' to make the top bricks stay up?" sez I, "a layin' upon nothin'?"

"That is a man's work, " sez he, "a woman couldn't understand it if Ishould explain it. "

"No, " sez I, "Heaven knows no woman on earth would ever understandthat idee!"

Well, all I could do he would go that very afternoon and engage amason to do the work, build the chimbly after his views, beginin' ontop instead of the bottom. But though deeply mortified at it, that wuzjest the move that sot me free from my anxieties about the house, forthe mason, who wuz a great case for a joke, made so much fun of theidee, and of the hull structure, that my companion threw up the hulljob and told me that the house might go to----for anything he cared. Iwill never tell the place he said the house might go to, it is toowicked to even think on calmly, it begun with an H and that is allthat I will ever tell to anybody. 

Well, when Whitfield and Tirzah Ann come back from Maine and went toShadow Island to see that strange queer lookin' buildin, I spozeWhitfield laughed till his sides ached. Tirzah cried, they say; criedpartly out of sentiment to think her Pa had showed such affection forher as to build the cottage, and partly because it looked so awful, itmade her hystericky. 

But Whitfield sobered down, and when he come back to Jonesville actedgood to Josiah, he seemed to be real thankful to Josiah and me forbuildin' it, and his grateful, affectionate ways kinder took the edgeoffen Josiah's humiliation, but then he would probable have spruntedup anyway--mortification never prayed on him for more'n a short time. 

Well, the end on't wuz, Whitfield hired a good carpenter to overseethe work, and some strong workmen who wuz able to lift and lug, therewuz plenty of lumber, and in four weeks the house wuz transmogrifiedinto a good lookin' cottage. They built on a L, I believe they calledit, which they're to use as a store room, and under that Tirzah Ann isto have her suller, Whitfield wuzn't the man to deprive her of thatcomfort. And in some way they straightened up the house, and put in awinder here and there, tore off lots of the ornaments, but left onsome of the piazzas, and balconies, and things, and it wuz a prettyand commogious lookin' cottage. They painted the hull concern a softbuff color, with red ruffs that looked real picturesque settin' backaginst the dark green of the trees. 

And sure enough the first week in September we had our party there. Itwuzn't a surprise--no, Heaven knows the surprise wuz when we firstlaid eyes on the house as Josiah left it--but it wuz a very agreableparty. Tirzah Ann did well by us in cookin' (of course we helped her)and we all stayed three days and two nights; Thomas J. And Maggie andthe children, and Josiah and me. Tirzah Ann and Whitfield stayedlonger, so's to leave everything in first rate order for another year. They sot out some pretty shrubs and made some posy beds under thewinders, and planted bulbs in 'em, that they spozed would rise up andbreak out in sunny smiles when they met 'em another summer. They layout to take sights of comfort in that house--yes indeed!

And I shouldn't be at all surprised if it ended by our all havin'cottages there for summer comfort. It looks like it now. Though I told'em I'd ruther have our cottage on the main land pretty nigh to 'em;there's places where the land juts out into the river havin' all thelooks of a island on the fore side, and on the hindside more soliditysomehow. 

And with the society of the Saint on the front side, and Safety on thehind side, it seems as if anybody could take considerable comfortthere. 

CHAPTER TWENTY

FAITH COMES TO VISIT US. WE ATTEND THE CAMP MEETIN' AT PILLER PINT, AND FAITH MEETS THE LOVER OF HER YOUTH

CHAPTER TWENTY

FAITH COMES TO VISIT US. WE ATTEND THE CAMP MEETIN' AT PILLER PINT, AND FAITH MEETS THE LOVER OF HER YOUTH

Accordin' to her promise Faithful Smith come to Jonesville in the falland we wuz glad enough to see her. 

We had laid our plans to attend the Camp Meetin' at Piller Pint, andat last the time arriv. The day before the great meetin', the sky wuzrosy in the mornin', the distant lake looked blue, and everything bidfair for a good spell of weather. 

Josiah iled up the old double harness and washed the democrat off andrubbed it down with shammy skin till it shone like glass. And Iprepared a glass can of baked beans brown and crispy, but sweet andrich tastin' as beans know how to be when well cooked, then I briledtwo young chickens a light yeller brown, and basted 'em well withmelted butter, and had a new quart basin of as good dressin' asJonesville ever turned out, and I've seen good dressers in my day. And a quart can of beautiful creamed potatoes all ready to warm up, two dozen light white biscuit, a canned strawberry pie, and a dozensugar cookies reposed side by side in a clean market basket, and by'em lay peacefully a little can of rich yeller butter and one ofbrittle cowcumber pickles, and one dozen deviled eggs. 

A better lunch wuz never prepared in the precincts of Jonesville. 

Oh! and I had some jell too, and cream cheese, and the next mornin' Imade two quarts of coffee all ready to warm up in Sister Meechum'stent (she had gin permission), and a can of sweet cream to addrichness to it, and lump sugar accordin'. 

I felt that these wuz extraordinary preparations, but didn't begrech'em, part on 'em wuz on Faith's account. Well, as I say, thepreparations wuz all completed the day before exceptin' the coffee andcreamed potatoes, and them wuz accomplised early in the mornin' whileI wuz gittin' breakfast, and we all sot off triumphant at nine A. M. 

It wuz a clear cool mornin' in lovely autumn. Old Nater hadn't as youmay say finished up her fall job of colorin' and paintin', but she wuzall rousted up tendin' to it. 

All along the smooth highway leadin' to the lake, trees and bushesbent over the roadside tinged with crimson and yeller and russetbrown, and red, and shaded gold colors mingled with the rich green ofthe faithful cedars and hemlocks and pines. Sometimes up a high pinetree or ellum a wild ivy had clum and wuz hangin' on with one hand andwavin' out to us its banner of gold and crimson as we passed. And furoff the maple forest looked like a vast mass of rose and amber andgolden brown, mingled with the deep green of spruces and cedars, andfurder off still a blue haze lay over all like a soft veil partlyhidin' and partly revealin' the glory of the seen. And ever and anonthe blue flashin' waters of the lake could be seen like the soul in awoman's face, givin' life and meanin' to the picture. 

Well, anon as we clumb a hill, the hull lake bust out on our vision, it lay spread out broad and beautiful and calm, with the breezesripplin' its blue surface into waves, and the sunshine sparkling onits bosom, and down under the hill on a pint of land that stretchedout into the water stood the noble grove of trees where the campmeetin' wuz held. That wuz Piller Pint. 

We descended a hill, driv along half a mild or so till we come to afence and a open pair of bars, in front of which stood two muscularattendants and one on 'em sez, "We take a small fee from them thatenter. "

Sez Josiah, lookin' gloomy, "I spozed religion wuz free. "

"It is free, " sez the man, "but this is only to smooth its way, put upseats and such. "

Sez Josiah, "I didn't know that Religion had to set down. "

"Sinners have to set, " sez the man. 

Sez Josiah, "We hain't sinners. " But I hunched him and sez, "Pay yourfee and go on. " So after a deep sithe he produced his old leatherwallet and fished up ten cents out of its depths, and we proceededon. 

The grove wuz a large one, acres and acres of big trees on every side, and vehicles of every description from smart canopy top buggies, andSarah's, and automobiles, down to one horse sulkies and ricketybuck-boards, and horses of every size and color wuz hitched to 'em. And on the fallen tree trunks sot wimmen and girls, young boys, children, and pairs of lovers wuz walkin' afoot amidst the deep greenaisles. Way in the green depths of the woods you could see the glimpseof a woman's dress, or see the head of a horse lookin' out peaceful. 

But we advanced a little furder as the road led out amongst the treesand pretty soon we come in sight of a large round tent where themeetin' wuz held, and from which we could hear the voice of hims andoratory, along on both sides of the immense tent, so's to leave a roadbetween, wuz rows of small tents where the campers dwelt. Theystretched on like two rows of white dwellings way off into the greenof the woods. Josiah and I are well thought on in Jonesville, and asfur out as Loontown and Piller Pint, and a man soon advanced and ginus an advantageous position, and Josiah hitched the mair and weadvanced into the amphitheatre. 

The tent riz up like a big white umbrell, or like great broodin' wingsoverhead, leavin' the sides free for the soft air to enter. There wuzrows of seats, boards laid on wooden supports and on one side a highwooden structure, open towards the seats, in which the preachers sotor stood. A wooden railin' run along in front of that rough pulpit. Under foot wuz the green moss and rich mold of the onbroken forest. And way up over the white tent the tall tree tops arched, and youcould look way up into the green aisles of light with glimpses ofsunshine between, castin' shady shadows and golden ones on the grassand moss below. 

Folks wuz settin' round of all sorts, some handsome, some humbly, somedressed up slick, some in rough common attire, but most on 'em lookedlike good sturdy farmers and their families. The old grand-ma ofninety with bent form and earnest face, side by side with her greatgrand-child. 

I myself with Josiah sot down by a large boneded woman with a big, calm, good-lookin' face. She had on a dress and mantilly of fadedblack cashmere; the mantilly wuz wadded, a pink knit woolen scarf wuzwound loose round her neck, she had a small hat of black straw trimmedwith red poppies, and she wore a pair of large hoop ear-rings. Herface had the calm and sunshine of perfect peace on it. Her husband, asmall pepper-and-salt iron gray man, with sandy hair and a multitudeof wrinkles, sot by her, and they had a young child elaboratelydressed in red calico between 'em. 

Beyond her sot a little slender woman in a stylish dark blue dress andturban, her face alert and eager, lit with deep gray eyes, had thepassion and zeal of a Luther or Wesley. On the nigh side of me sot twoyoung girls in pink and white muslin; a father and mother and threechildren wuz behind us, and on the seat in front wuz some young menand two old ones. I hearn the big calm woman say, "I shall be dretfuldisappinted if he don't come to-day. "

"So shall I, " sez the pepper-and-salt man, "I shall feel like turnin'right round and goin' back home, but I think he is sure to be here. "Bein' temporary neighbors I asked who it wuz that wuz expected. 

"Why, the great revivalist and preacher who is expected here to-day. "

Sez I, "Who is it?" The woman said she couldn't remember the name, buthe wuz the greatest preacher sence Wesley. He jest went about doin'good, folks would go milds and milds to hear him, and he drawed theirsouls and sperits right along with his fervor and eloquence. He is toa big meetin' at Burr's Mills to-day, but is expected here for sure. Two hundred had been converted under him at Burr's Mills. He had beenthere a week. 

I sez, "Whyee! is that so?"

"Yes, " sez the calm woman, and she went on to say, "I hear that heused to be a wicked man, but had some trouble that made him desperate, and finally driv him right into the Kingdom, and sence that he can'tseem to work hard enough for the Master. "

"Well, " sez I, "Saul the scoffer got turned into Paul the apostle, andthat same power is here to-day. "

"Speakin' of the power, " sez the woman, "two wimmen and a man had thepower last night, one girl lay speechless for hours, and when she cometo said she had been ketched right up into Heaven. She talkedbeautiful, " sez she. 

Sez I calmly, "That's jest what Paul said, he said he wuz caught up tothe Third Heaven. "

Sez Josiah, "That power don't come to earth to-day, Samantha. "

Sez I, "Who told you it didn't? I hain't hearn on't. Earth hain't nofurder from Heaven now than it wuz then, and the same God reigns. "

"Amen, " sez the pepper-and-salt man, I see he had zeal and religion, but I felt kinder flustrated to be "amened" to in public, and I lookedkinder meachin' I spoze, and the calm woman see I did. And she sez:

"Sister Calvin Martin lays there now in her tent with the Power. Shelay there all day yesterday and all night. "

Some of the boys before me begun to titter and snicker at anybody'shavin' the power, and I sez, eyein' 'em sternly, "Do you know whatyou're laughin' at, young men? You talk about it real glib, but haveyou any idee of the greatness and overwhelmin' might of the Forceyou're speakin' of? That Power wuz at Pentecost in cloven tongues offlame, and strange voices and words that no man could utter. Saullaughed at the Power but it struck him blind in the street, andketched him up into the Seventh Heaven. When that Power comes down onearth, let sinners quail, and saints look on with or and tremblin'. "

They looked real meachin'. But jest then the Experience meetin' begun, and a old man with thin white hair and white whiskers framin' his meekwrinkled face, come forward, and layin' his hand on the railin' sez ina kinder tremblin' voice, "Bless the Lord who has made His servantable to come to this temple in the wilderness, to witness the glory Hehas poured down on his people. Every camp-meetin' for years I havethought would be my last, but bless Him who has preserved me to thisday. "

"Yes, bless the Lord! Amen! amen!" wuz shouted on every side, and ashe stopped after a few minutes' exhortation, the other ministers andsome of the old bretheren crowded round the white headed old saint toshake his hand. 

Then a sweet faced little girl in a pink hat got up and said "the Lordwuz precious to her. "

"Amen! amen! Bless His name! He carries the lambs in His bosom!" saidthe white headed preacher. Then a pleasant lookin' middle-agedminister related this incident, "A young boy had been converted, andsaid he had a view of Heaven. A onbeliever tried to frighten him andasked him if he didn't tremble at the thought. Sez the boy, 'My feetare on the rock. '

"'But don't you tremble?' sez the infidel. 

"'Yes, ' sez the boy, 'I do, but the rock under my feet don'ttremble. '"

 "Oh, Jesus is a rock in a weary land, A weary land, a weary land-- Oh, Jesus is a rock in a weary land-- A shelter in the time of storm. "

High and clear this believin' song floated through our souls--and upto Heaven. 

Then a good lookin' young man arose and sez, "Did you ever hear of thedrunken horse jockey and thief down to Loontown? Well, I'm that manclothed and in my right mind. The Lord stopped me in my evil course, and I am His and He is mine. "

A bystander sez, "That is so, he is a changed man. " Then they allsung:

 "There is a fountain filled with blood, Drawn from Emmanuel's veins; And sinners plunged beneath its flood Lose all their guilty stains. Lose all their guilty sta-ains; Lose all their guilty sta-ains; And sinners plunged beneath that flood Lose all their guilty stains. "

That is a melogious chorus, but so kinder floatin' on, and back andforth, that I don't see how they can ever stop it when they begin. Ofcourse as wuz natural there wuz some there who wuz bashful and mademistakes. A tall slim young man got up, he wuz studying for theministry, sez he, "My friends, I am a stranger to you all, I am astranger to myself, and I trust, " sez he, "I am a stranger to myGod. "

He left out a "wuzn't, " he meant that he wuzn't a stranger to his God. Bashfulness wuz the cause. Madder red wuz pale compared to his facewhen he sot down, and his tongue wuz thick and husky. I wuz sorry forhim. Then a woman riz up with a black bunnet and veil on and whitecollar and cuffs; she looked like a Quakeress, and I believe that ifEmperors and Zars had stood before her she would have been onmoved, she wuz as calm and earnest as Ruth or Esther, or any of our good oldfour-mothers. Sez she:

"My friends, I see your faces to-day and watch the differentexpressions upon them. How will these faces look when we meet at theBar of God? Will peace be on them? Or dismay and everlastin' regret?"

"Oh yes! The Lord help! Let us hear from some one else!" A slightpause ensued and then there riz up this melogious appealin' old him:

 "Shall Jesus bear the cross alone, And all the world go free? No, there's a cross for every one, And there's a cross for me. "

A colored boy got up; he wuz tall and gant with big soft eyes full ofthe pathetic wisdom and ignorance of his race. He spoke kinder slowand sez, "I wuz sick once and I felt alone. I wuz afraid to die. Nowif I wuz sick I shouldn't be alone, nor afraid, I've got somebody withme. Jesus Christ is with me all the time. I hain't lonesome no more, nor 'fraid. "

"Tell your experience, Joe, tell it here!" shouted an old man. Joestepped forward, took the Bible offen the rustic stand, turned overthe leaves to the first page, and slowly and laboriously read, "Darkness was on the face of the earth--and God said, let there belight--and there wuz light. "

He closed the book and looked round with rapt luminous eyes. "That isme, " sez he, "that is my experience. "

"Amen! amen!" shouted the brethren. The little refined lookin' womanin the blue dress started this verse and sung it through almost alone, in a clear sweet voice:

 "I am but a traveller here, Heaven is my home. Earth's but a desert drear, Heaven is my home. Time's cold and chilling blast, soon will be over past, I shall reach home at last, Heaven is my home. "

"Amen! amen! Now let us hear from another. " And one after another roseand told of the goodness of God and what He had done for them. Thesweet earnest hims floated out ever and anon and over the place seemedto brood a Presence that boyed our sperits up as on wings, and I feltthat we wuz there with one accord, and my soul seemed lifted up furabove Jonesville and Josiah, and all earthly troubles. 

All to once a woman rose with a light on her face as if she wuzlookin' on sunthin' fur above this earth. She delivered a eloquentexhortation in words of praise and ecstasy. More and more earnest andeloquent she grew and lifted up from earthly influences. At last shelifted her hands and stepped out with a swayin' motion of her body, asif keepin' step to some onhearn melody that ears stuffed with thecotton of worldliness and onbelief wuzn't fine enough to ketch, andfinally her feet begun to keep step with that mysterious music, thatfor all I know might have been soundin' down from the ramparts of theNew Jerusalem. Round and round she slowly swayed and stepped. Wuz itto the rythm of that invisible music?

There wuz a look on her pure face as if she wuz hearin' sunthin' wedidn't. I wuz riz up and carried away some distance from myself. Whenstill lookin' up with that rapt luminous face she fell to the groundas prostrate as Saul did on the road to Jerusalem, and lay in thatstate, so I hearn afterwards, for a day and a night. Jest as she fellthat iron gray man yelled out, "Bless the Lord!"

And I sez, bein' all wrought up, "Don't you know when to say that, andwhen not to? She might have broke her nose. " He looked queer. 

In a few minutes I see a stir round the speakers' stand, and knew thespeaker of the day, the great revivalist from the West, had come. Andanon I see a tall noble figger passin' through the crowd that made wayfor it reverentially. And lo and behold! I see as I ketched a glimpseof his profile that it wuz the minister I had hearn at Thousand IslandPark. The same sweet smile rested on his face as he looked round onhis brethren and the crowd before him, some like a benediction, onlymore tender like, and a light seemed to be shinin' through hiscountenance, ketched from some Divine power. 

It wuz the same face I had framed that summer day in the Tabernacle atT. I. Park, and hung up in my mind right by the side of Isaiah and St. Paul. Yes, I see agin the broad white forward with the brown hairmixed with gray thrown back from it kinder careless, his eyes had thesame sweet sad expression, soft, yet deep lookin', and pitiful, as ifhe wuz sorry for us and would love to teach us the secret he had foundof how to overcome the world and its sins and sorrows. 

His prayer had the same power of lifting us up fur above the world andsettin' down our naked souls in the presence of Him who searcheth theheart, searchin' and probin' to our consciences, and yet consolin', puttin' us in mind of that text, "As a father pitieth his children"and yet wants 'em to mind. It wuz a prayer for help and as if we wouldgit it. 

He read in that same sweet, melogious voice I remembered so well, Paul's wonderful words about how he wuz led from the blackness ofunbelief up into the Great Light, and how he wuz caught up into theThird Heaven and saw things so great and glorious that it would not belawful for man to speak of them, and where he goes on to tell of hisbelief, his hope and his faith. The text wuz Paul's words when herecalls those divine hours up on the heights alone with God:

"Wherefore not being disobedient to the heavenly vision. "

And as he went on, as uplifted as I wuz, I felt fearful ashamed tothink how many times I had been disobedient to the Heavenly vision, the white ideals that shone out in my mind so high and clear in themornin' light, and I wuz so sure I could reach. But havin' set downto rest in the heat of the day, and bein' drawn off into the shaddersand thickets of environin' cares and perplexities, I didn't git nighenough to grasp holt of, and I whispered as much to my pardner. 

And he said he felt different, he had always ever sence he sot outmarched right straight towards the Kingdom. 

Sez I, "Josiah Allen, hain't you ever meandered at all from thatstraight and narrer way?"

"No mom, not a inch, not a hair's breadth. " I wuz dumb-foundered byhis conceit as many times as I had witnessed it. 

The sermon that follered wuz white and glowin' with the light ofHeaven. You could see that _he_ had not been disobedient to thatDivine vision that had been revealed to him. The deep sweet look ofhis eyes told of them supreme heights his own soul had reached. Upliftin', sympathizin', soul searchin', callin' on the best in everyheart there to rise up and try to fly Heavenward. 

His looks and words rousted up my soul and carried me off so fur fromthe world and Piller Pint, that I lost sight entirely of the crowdaround me. But anon I hearn a voice at my side and I see Faith hadcome back onbeknown to me (she had been in Sister Meechum's tentmendin' a rent in her dress). But when I looked at her I realized howthe face of St. Stephen looked. It sez, "His face shone like the faceof an angel. " Faith's looked jest so, only tears wuz slowly droppin'from her eyes and runnin' down her white cheeks. Sez I, whisperin' toher with or in my axents, "What is it, Faith? What is it, dear? Is it the Power?"

I most knew it wuz, and I wuz mekanically turnin' it over in my mindwhat I should do with her if she fell over prostrate, and where Ishould lay her out. When she turned, her glowin' awe-struck eyes helda world of joy and glory in each one on 'em. 

"Yes, it is the Power, the power and goodness of God. " And shewhispered in blissful axents, "It is Richard, Richard redeemed andworking for my Master. "

I see it all, it wuz the lost lover of her youth, I read it in herface. You could have knocked me down with a clothes-pin aimed by ainfant. 

"How come he here?" sez I in a onbelievin' way. 

"God sent him!" She whispered. "He sent this blessedness to me, toknow his soul is saved, that he is working for Him. "

I felt queer. 

That afternoon they met under a ellum tree. He'd found out she wuzthere, and asked for a interview, which I see that she granted him. Itwuz a pretty spot, clost to the water, with trees of droopin' ellumsand some maples, and popples touched with fire and gold. The autumnleaves made a sort of canopy over their heads, and all round 'em wuzthe soft melancholy quiet of the fall of the year. He stood therewaitin' for her. 

"Faith!"

"Richard!"

 * * * * *

I don't know how long they stood there, her little cold hands held inhis big warm palms, his eyes searchin' the dear face and findin' asacred meanin' in it, and she in hisen. He wuz pale, his voicetrembled like the popple leaves overhead, and visey versey hern. 

The settin' sun glowed warm on the face of the water some as his eyesdid, readin' her sweet face, and some of that fire seemed to glow inhis deep blue eyes. 

"I had been so wicked, Faith, I had done so much harm, I said I wouldnever seek my own happiness, I would work only for my fellowcreatures, striving if I might undo some of my evil work, but I seeto-day that I have been an egotist. God would not be offended at myhappiness if I could win the dear woman I have loved all these years. You have forgiven me, Faith, I see it in your sweet eyes. "

[Illustration: "_I don't know how long they stood there, his eyessearchin' the dear face and findin' a sacred meanin' init. _" (_See page 347_)]

Agin he paused, and nothin' broke the silence but the murmur of theblue waters swashin' up on the beach, and furder off through the treessome belated campers jest drivin' onto the ground sung out with clearvoices, "God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform. "

"He led me here to-day. I had not seen your face for twenty years, butthis morning, at day dawn, I stood at my open window striving todecide to which place I should go to-day. Through a mistake I wasexpected in two places. And as I stood thinking, your face dawned onmy inner vision as plainly as I see it now, and I _had_ to come here, something told me I must come. He led me here and you also. He has ameaning in this----shall we read it together, Faith?"

And through the arched vista of autumn leaves they could see that thesky beyend the Pint gleamed out like a city of golden palaces. Theyseemed to be goin' through its gates----into the glory beyend.