DON QUIXOTE

 Volume II. 

 Part 29. 

 by Miguel de Cervantes

 Translated by John Ormsby

CHAPTER XXXII. 

OF THE REPLY DON QUIXOTE GAVE HIS CENSURER, WITH OTHER INCIDENTS, GRAVEAND DROLL

Don Quixote, then, having risen to his feet, trembling from head to footlike a man dosed with mercury, said in a hurried, agitated voice, "Theplace I am in, the presence in which I stand, and the respect I have andalways have had for the profession to which your worship belongs, holdand bind the hands of my just indignation; and as well for these reasonsas because I know, as everyone knows, that a gownsman's weapon is thesame as a woman's, the tongue, I will with mine engage in equal combatwith your worship, from whom one might have expected good advice insteadof foul abuse. Pious, well-meant reproof requires a different demeanourand arguments of another sort; at any rate, to have reproved me inpublic, and so roughly, exceeds the bounds of proper reproof, for thatcomes better with gentleness than with rudeness; and it is not seemly tocall the sinner roundly blockhead and booby, without knowing anything ofthe sin that is reproved. Come, tell me, for which of the stupidities youhave observed in me do you condemn and abuse me, and bid me go home andlook after my house and wife and children, without knowing whether I haveany? Is nothing more needed than to get a footing, by hook or by crook, in other people's houses to rule over the masters (and that, perhaps, after having been brought up in all the straitness of some seminary, andwithout having ever seen more of the world than may lie within twenty orthirty leagues round), to fit one to lay down the law rashly forchivalry, and pass judgment on knights-errant? Is it, haply, an idleoccupation, or is the time ill-spent that is spent in roaming the worldin quest, not of its enjoyments, but of those arduous toils whereby thegood mount upwards to the abodes of everlasting life? If gentlemen, greatlords, nobles, men of high birth, were to rate me as a fool I should takeit as an irreparable insult; but I care not a farthing if clerks who havenever entered upon or trod the paths of chivalry should think me foolish. Knight I am, and knight I will die, if such be the pleasure of the MostHigh. Some take the broad road of overweening ambition; others that ofmean and servile flattery; others that of deceitful hypocrisy, and somethat of true religion; but I, led by my star, follow the narrow path ofknight-errantry, and in pursuit of that calling I despise wealth, but nothonour. I have redressed injuries, righted wrongs, punished insolences, vanquished giants, and crushed monsters; I am in love, for no otherreason than that it is incumbent on knights-errant to be so; but though Iam, I am no carnal-minded lover, but one of the chaste, platonic sort. Myintentions are always directed to worthy ends, to do good to all and evilto none; and if he who means this, does this, and makes this his practicedeserves to be called a fool, it is for your highnesses to say, O mostexcellent duke and duchess. "

"Good, by God!" cried Sancho; "say no more in your own defence, mastermine, for there's nothing more in the world to be said, thought, orinsisted on; and besides, when this gentleman denies, as he has, thatthere are or ever have been any knights-errant in the world, is it anywonder if he knows nothing of what he has been talking about?"

"Perhaps, brother, " said the ecclesiastic, "you are that Sancho Panzathat is mentioned, to whom your master has promised an island?"

"Yes, I am, " said Sancho, "and what's more, I am one who deserves it asmuch as anyone; I am one of the sort--'Attach thyself to the good, andthou wilt be one of them, ' and of those, 'Not with whom thou art bred, but with whom thou art fed, ' and of those, 'Who leans against a goodtree, a good shade covers him;' I have leant upon a good master, and Ihave been for months going about with him, and please God I shall be justsuch another; long life to him and long life to me, for neither will hebe in any want of empires to rule, or I of islands to govern. "

"No, Sancho my friend, certainly not, " said the duke, "for in the name ofSenor Don Quixote I confer upon you the government of one of no smallimportance that I have at my disposal. "

"Go down on thy knees, Sancho, " said Don Quixote, "and kiss the feet ofhis excellence for the favour he has bestowed upon thee. "

Sancho obeyed, and on seeing this the ecclesiastic stood up from tablecompletely out of temper, exclaiming, "By the gown I wear, I am almostinclined to say that your excellence is as great a fool as these sinners. No wonder they are mad, when people who are in their senses sanctiontheir madness! I leave your excellence with them, for so long as they arein the house, I will remain in my own, and spare myself the trouble ofreproving what I cannot remedy;" and without uttering another word, oreating another morsel, he went off, the entreaties of the duke andduchess being entirely unavailing to stop him; not that the duke saidmuch to him, for he could not, because of the laughter his uncalled-foranger provoked. 

When he had done laughing, he said to Don Quixote, "You have replied onyour own behalf so stoutly, Sir Knight of the Lions, that there is nooccasion to seek further satisfaction for this, which, though it may looklike an offence, is not so at all, for, as women can give no offence, nomore can ecclesiastics, as you very well know. "

"That is true, " said Don Quixote, "and the reason is, that he who is notliable to offence cannot give offence to anyone. Women, children, andecclesiastics, as they cannot defend themselves, though they may receiveoffence cannot be insulted, because between the offence and the insultthere is, as your excellence very well knows, this difference: the insultcomes from one who is capable of offering it, and does so, and maintainsit; the offence may come from any quarter without carrying insult. Totake an example: a man is standing unsuspectingly in the street and tenothers come up armed and beat him; he draws his sword and quits himselflike a man, but the number of his antagonists makes it impossible for himto effect his purpose and avenge himself; this man suffers an offence butnot an insult. Another example will make the same thing plain: a man isstanding with his back turned, another comes up and strikes him, andafter striking him takes to flight, without waiting an instant, and theother pursues him but does not overtake him; he who received the blowreceived an offence, but not an insult, because an insult must bemaintained. If he who struck him, though he did so sneakingly andtreacherously, had drawn his sword and stood and faced him, then he whohad been struck would have received offence and insult at the same time;offence because he was struck treacherously, insult because he who struckhim maintained what he had done, standing his ground without taking toflight. And so, according to the laws of the accursed duel, I may havereceived offence, but not insult, for neither women nor children canmaintain it, nor can they wound, nor have they any way of standing theirground, and it is just the same with those connected with religion; forthese three sorts of persons are without arms offensive or defensive, andso, though naturally they are bound to defend themselves, they have noright to offend anybody; and though I said just now I might have receivedoffence, I say now certainly not, for he who cannot receive an insult canstill less give one; for which reasons I ought not to feel, nor do Ifeel, aggrieved at what that good man said to me; I only wish he hadstayed a little longer, that I might have shown him the mistake he makesin supposing and maintaining that there are not and never have been anyknights-errant in the world; had Amadis or any of his countlessdescendants heard him say as much, I am sure it would not have gone wellwith his worship. "

"I will take my oath of that, " said Sancho; "they would have given him aslash that would have slit him down from top to toe like a pomegranate ora ripe melon; they were likely fellows to put up with jokes of that sort!By my faith, I'm certain if Reinaldos of Montalvan had heard the littleman's words he would have given him such a spank on the mouth that hewouldn't have spoken for the next three years; ay, let him tackle them, and he'll see how he'll get out of their hands!"

The duchess, as she listened to Sancho, was ready to die with laughter, and in her own mind she set him down as droller and madder than hismaster; and there were a good many just then who were of the sameopinion. 

Don Quixote finally grew calm, and dinner came to an end, and as thecloth was removed four damsels came in, one of them with a silver basin, another with a jug also of silver, a third with two fine white towels onher shoulder, and the fourth with her arms bared to the elbows, and inher white hands (for white they certainly were) a round ball of Naplessoap. The one with the basin approached, and with arch composure andimpudence, thrust it under Don Quixote's chin, who, wondering at such aceremony, said never a word, supposing it to be the custom of thatcountry to wash beards instead of hands; he therefore stretched his outas far as he could, and at the same instant the jug began to pour and thedamsel with the soap rubbed his beard briskly, raising snow-flakes, forthe soap lather was no less white, not only over the beard, but all overthe face, and over the eyes of the submissive knight, so that they wereperforce obliged to keep shut. The duke and duchess, who had not knownanything about this, waited to see what came of this strange washing. Thebarber damsel, when she had him a hand's breadth deep in lather, pretended that there was no more water, and bade the one with the jug goand fetch some, while Senor Don Quixote waited. She did so, and DonQuixote was left the strangest and most ludicrous figure that could beimagined. All those present, and there were a good many, were watchinghim, and as they saw him there with half a yard of neck, and thatuncommonly brown, his eyes shut, and his beard full of soap, it was agreat wonder, and only by great discretion, that they were able torestrain their laughter. The damsels, the concocters of the joke, kepttheir eyes down, not daring to look at their master and mistress; and asfor them, laughter and anger struggled within them, and they knew notwhat to do, whether to punish the audacity of the girls, or to rewardthem for the amusement they had received from seeing Don Quixote in sucha plight. 

At length the damsel with the jug returned and they made an end ofwashing Don Quixote, and the one who carried the towels very deliberatelywiped him and dried him; and all four together making him a profoundobeisance and curtsey, they were about to go, when the duke, lest DonQuixote should see through the joke, called out to the one with the basinsaying, "Come and wash me, and take care that there is water enough. " Thegirl, sharp-witted and prompt, came and placed the basin for the duke asshe had done for Don Quixote, and they soon had him well soaped andwashed, and having wiped him dry they made their obeisance and retired. It appeared afterwards that the duke had sworn that if they had notwashed him as they had Don Quixote he would have punished them for theirimpudence, which they adroitly atoned for by soaping him as well. 

Sancho observed the ceremony of the washing very attentively, and said tohimself, "God bless me, if it were only the custom in this country towash squires' beards too as well as knights'. For by God and upon my soulI want it badly; and if they gave me a scrape of the razor besides I'dtake it as a still greater kindness. "

"What are you saying to yourself, Sancho?" asked the duchess. 

"I was saying, senora, " he replied, "that in the courts of other princes, when the cloth is taken away, I have always heard say they give water forthe hands, but not lye for the beard; and that shows it is good to livelong that you may see much; to be sure, they say too that he who lives along life must undergo much evil, though to undergo a washing of thatsort is pleasure rather than pain. "

"Don't be uneasy, friend Sancho, " said the duchess; "I will take carethat my damsels wash you, and even put you in the tub if necessary. "

"I'll be content with the beard, " said Sancho, "at any rate for thepresent; and as for the future, God has decreed what is to be. "

"Attend to worthy Sancho's request, seneschal, " said the duchess, "and doexactly what he wishes. "

The seneschal replied that Senor Sancho should be obeyed in everything;and with that he went away to dinner and took Sancho along with him, while the duke and duchess and Don Quixote remained at table discussing agreat variety of things, but all bearing on the calling of arms andknight-errantry. 

The duchess begged Don Quixote, as he seemed to have a retentive memory, to describe and portray to her the beauty and features of the ladyDulcinea del Toboso, for, judging by what fame trumpeted abroad of herbeauty, she felt sure she must be the fairest creature in the world, nay, in all La Mancha. 

Don Quixote sighed on hearing the duchess's request, and said, "If Icould pluck out my heart, and lay it on a plate on this table here beforeyour highness's eyes, it would spare my tongue the pain of telling whatcan hardly be thought of, for in it your excellence would see herportrayed in full. But why should I attempt to depict and describe indetail, and feature by feature, the beauty of the peerless Dulcinea, theburden being one worthy of other shoulders than mine, an enterprisewherein the pencils of Parrhasius, Timantes, and Apelles, and the graverof Lysippus ought to be employed, to paint it in pictures and carve it inmarble and bronze, and Ciceronian and Demosthenian eloquence to sound itspraises?"

"What does Demosthenian mean, Senor Don Quixote?" said the duchess; "itis a word I never heard in all my life. "

"Demosthenian eloquence, " said Don Quixote, "means the eloquence ofDemosthenes, as Ciceronian means that of Cicero, who were the two mosteloquent orators in the world. "

"True, " said the duke; "you must have lost your wits to ask such aquestion. Nevertheless, Senor Don Quixote would greatly gratify us if hewould depict her to us; for never fear, even in an outline or sketch shewill be something to make the fairest envious. "

"I would do so certainly, " said Don Quixote, "had she not been blurred tomy mind's eye by the misfortune that fell upon her a short time since, one of such a nature that I am more ready to weep over it than todescribe it. For your highnesses must know that, going a few days back tokiss her hands and receive her benediction, approbation, and permissionfor this third sally, I found her altogether a different being from theone I sought; I found her enchanted and changed from a princess into apeasant, from fair to foul, from an angel into a devil, from fragrant topestiferous, from refined to clownish, from a dignified lady into ajumping tomboy, and, in a word, from Dulcinea del Toboso into a coarseSayago wench. "

"God bless me!" said the duke aloud at this, "who can have done the worldsuch an injury? Who can have robbed it of the beauty that gladdened it, of the grace and gaiety that charmed it, of the modesty that shed alustre upon it?"

"Who?" replied Don Quixote; "who could it be but some malignant enchanterof the many that persecute me out of envy--that accursed race born intothe world to obscure and bring to naught the achievements of the good, and glorify and exalt the deeds of the wicked? Enchanters have persecutedme, enchanters persecute me still, and enchanters will continue topersecute me until they have sunk me and my lofty chivalry in the deepabyss of oblivion; and they injure and wound me where they know I feel itmost. For to deprive a knight-errant of his lady is to deprive him of theeyes he sees with, of the sun that gives him light, of the food wherebyhe lives. Many a time before have I said it, and I say it now once more, a knight-errant without a lady is like a tree without leaves, a buildingwithout a foundation, or a shadow without the body that causes it. "

"There is no denying it, " said the duchess; "but still, if we are tobelieve the history of Don Quixote that has come out here lately withgeneral applause, it is to be inferred from it, if I mistake not, thatyou never saw the lady Dulcinea, and that the said lady is nothing in theworld but an imaginary lady, one that you yourself begot and gave birthto in your brain, and adorned with whatever charms and perfections youchose. "

"There is a good deal to be said on that point, " said Don Quixote; "Godknows whether there be any Dulcinea or not in the world, or whether sheis imaginary or not imaginary; these are things the proof of which mustnot be pushed to extreme lengths. I have not begotten nor given birth tomy lady, though I behold her as she needs must be, a lady who contains inherself all the qualities to make her famous throughout the world, beautiful without blemish, dignified without haughtiness, tender and yetmodest, gracious from courtesy and courteous from good breeding, andlastly, of exalted lineage, because beauty shines forth and excels with ahigher degree of perfection upon good blood than in the fair of lowlybirth. "

"That is true, " said the duke; "but Senor Don Quixote will give me leaveto say what I am constrained to say by the story of his exploits that Ihave read, from which it is to be inferred that, granting there is aDulcinea in El Toboso, or out of it, and that she is in the highestdegree beautiful as you have described her to us, as regards theloftiness of her lineage she is not on a par with the Orianas, Alastrajareas, Madasimas, or others of that sort, with whom, as you wellknow, the histories abound. "

"To that I may reply, " said Don Quixote, "that Dulcinea is the daughterof her own works, and that virtues rectify blood, and that lowly virtueis more to be regarded and esteemed than exalted vice. Dulcinea, besides, has that within her that may raise her to be a crowned and sceptredqueen; for the merit of a fair and virtuous woman is capable ofperforming greater miracles; and virtually, though not formally, she hasin herself higher fortunes. "

"I protest, Senor Don Quixote, " said the duchess, "that in all you say, you go most cautiously and lead in hand, as the saying is; henceforth Iwill believe myself, and I will take care that everyone in my housebelieves, even my lord the duke if needs be, that there is a Dulcinea inEl Toboso, and that she is living to-day, and that she is beautiful andnobly born and deserves to have such a knight as Senor Don Quixote in herservice, and that is the highest praise that it is in my power to giveher or that I can think of. But I cannot help entertaining a doubt, andhaving a certain grudge against Sancho Panza; the doubt is this, that theaforesaid history declares that the said Sancho Panza, when he carried aletter on your worship's behalf to the said lady Dulcinea, found hersifting a sack of wheat; and more by token it says it was red wheat; athing which makes me doubt the loftiness of her lineage. "

To this Don Quixote made answer, "Senora, your highness must know thateverything or almost everything that happens me transcends the ordinarylimits of what happens to other knights-errant; whether it be that it isdirected by the inscrutable will of destiny, or by the malice of somejealous enchanter. Now it is an established fact that all or most famousknights-errant have some special gift, one that of being proof againstenchantment, another that of being made of such invulnerable flesh thathe cannot be wounded, as was the famous Roland, one of the twelve peersof France, of whom it is related that he could not be wounded except inthe sole of his left foot, and that it must be with the point of a stoutpin and not with any other sort of weapon whatever; and so, when Bernardodel Carpio slew him at Roncesvalles, finding that he could not wound himwith steel, he lifted him up from the ground in his arms and strangledhim, calling to mind seasonably the death which Hercules inflicted onAntaeus, the fierce giant that they say was the son of Terra. I wouldinfer from what I have mentioned that perhaps I may have some gift ofthis kind, not that of being invulnerable, because experience has manytimes proved to me that I am of tender flesh and not at all impenetrable;nor that of being proof against enchantment, for I have already seenmyself thrust into a cage, in which all the world would not have beenable to confine me except by force of enchantments. But as I deliveredmyself from that one, I am inclined to believe that there is no otherthat can hurt me; and so, these enchanters, seeing that they cannot exerttheir vile craft against my person, revenge themselves on what I lovemost, and seek to rob me of life by maltreating that of Dulcinea in whomI live; and therefore I am convinced that when my squire carried mymessage to her, they changed her into a common peasant girl, engaged insuch a mean occupation as sifting wheat; I have already said, however, that that wheat was not red wheat, nor wheat at all, but grains of orientpearl. And as a proof of all this, I must tell your highnesses that, coming to El Toboso a short time back, I was altogether unable todiscover the palace of Dulcinea; and that the next day, though Sancho, mysquire, saw her in her own proper shape, which is the fairest in theworld, to me she appeared to be a coarse, ill-favoured farm-wench, and byno means a well-spoken one, she who is propriety itself. And so, as I amnot and, so far as one can judge, cannot be enchanted, she it is that isenchanted, that is smitten, that is altered, changed, and transformed; inher have my enemies revenged themselves upon me, and for her shall I livein ceaseless tears, until I see her in her pristine state. I havementioned this lest anybody should mind what Sancho said about Dulcinea'swinnowing or sifting; for, as they changed her to me, it is no wonder ifthey changed her to him. Dulcinea is illustrious and well-born, and ofone of the gentle families of El Toboso, which are many, ancient, andgood. Therein, most assuredly, not small is the share of the peerlessDulcinea, through whom her town will be famous and celebrated in ages tocome, as Troy was through Helen, and Spain through La Cava, though with abetter title and tradition. For another thing; I would have your gracesunderstand that Sancho Panza is one of the drollest squires that everserved knight-errant; sometimes there is a simplicity about him so acutethat it is an amusement to try and make out whether he is simple orsharp; he has mischievous tricks that stamp him rogue, and blunderingways that prove him a booby; he doubts everything and believeseverything; when I fancy he is on the point of coming down headlong fromsheer stupidity, he comes out with something shrewd that sends him up tothe skies. After all, I would not exchange him for another squire, thoughI were given a city to boot, and therefore I am in doubt whether it willbe well to send him to the government your highness has bestowed uponhim; though I perceive in him a certain aptitude for the work ofgoverning, so that, with a little trimming of his understanding, he wouldmanage any government as easily as the king does his taxes; and moreover, we know already ample experience that it does not require much clevernessor much learning to be a governor, for there are a hundred round about usthat scarcely know how to read, and govern like gerfalcons. The mainpoint is that they should have good intentions and be desirous of doingright in all things, for they will never be at a loss for persons toadvise and direct them in what they have to do, like thoseknight-governors who, being no lawyers, pronounce sentences with the aidof an assessor. My advice to him will be to take no bribe and surrenderno right, and I have some other little matters in reserve, that shall beproduced in due season for Sancho's benefit and the advantage of theisland he is to govern. "

The duke, duchess, and Don Quixote had reached this point in theirconversation, when they heard voices and a great hubbub in the palace, and Sancho burst abruptly into the room all glowing with anger, with astraining-cloth by way of a bib, and followed by several servants, or, more properly speaking, kitchen-boys and other underlings, one of whomcarried a small trough full of water, that from its colour and impuritywas plainly dishwater. The one with the trough pursued him and followedhim everywhere he went, endeavouring with the utmost persistence tothrust it under his chin, while another kitchen-boy seemed anxious towash his beard. 

"What is all this, brothers?" asked the duchess. "What is it? What do youwant to do to this good man? Do you forget he is a governor-elect?"

To which the barber kitchen-boy replied, "The gentleman will not lethimself be washed as is customary, and as my lord and the senor hismaster have been. "

"Yes, I will, " said Sancho, in a great rage; "but I'd like it to be withcleaner towels, clearer lye, and not such dirty hands; for there's not somuch difference between me and my master that he should be washed withangels' water and I with devil's lye. The customs of countries andprinces' palaces are only good so long as they give no annoyance; but theway of washing they have here is worse than doing penance. I have a cleanbeard, and I don't require to be refreshed in that fashion, and whoevercomes to wash me or touch a hair of my head, I mean to say my beard, withall due respect be it said, I'll give him a punch that will leave my fistsunk in his skull; for cirimonies and soapings of this sort are more likejokes than the polite attentions of one's host. "

The duchess was ready to die with laughter when she saw Sancho's rage andheard his words; but it was no pleasure to Don Quixote to see him in sucha sorry trim, with the dingy towel about him, and the hangers-on of thekitchen all round him; so making a low bow to the duke and duchess, as ifto ask their permission to speak, he addressed the rout in a dignifiedtone: "Holloa, gentlemen! you let that youth alone, and go back to whereyou came from, or anywhere else if you like; my squire is as clean as anyother person, and those troughs are as bad as narrow thin-necked jars tohim; take my advice and leave him alone, for neither he nor I understandjoking. "

Sancho took the word out of his mouth and went on, "Nay, let them comeand try their jokes on the country bumpkin, for it's about as likely I'llstand them as that it's now midnight! Let them bring me a comb here, orwhat they please, and curry this beard of mine, and if they get anythingout of it that offends against cleanliness, let them clip me to theskin. "

Upon this, the duchess, laughing all the while, said, "Sancho Panza isright, and always will be in all he says; he is clean, and, as he sayshimself, he does not require to be washed; and if our ways do not pleasehim, he is free to choose. Besides, you promoters of cleanliness havebeen excessively careless and thoughtless, I don't know if I ought not tosay audacious, to bring troughs and wooden utensils and kitchendishclouts, instead of basins and jugs of pure gold and towels ofholland, to such a person and such a beard; but, after all, you areill-conditioned and ill-bred, and spiteful as you are, you cannot helpshowing the grudge you have against the squires of knights-errant. "

The impudent servitors, and even the seneschal who came with them, tookthe duchess to be speaking in earnest, so they removed thestraining-cloth from Sancho's neck, and with something like shame andconfusion of face went off all of them and left him; whereupon he, seeinghimself safe out of that extreme danger, as it seemed to him, ran andfell on his knees before the duchess, saying, "From great ladies greatfavours may be looked for; this which your grace has done me today cannotbe requited with less than wishing I was dubbed a knight-errant, todevote myself all the days of my life to the service of so exalted alady. I am a labouring man, my name is Sancho Panza, I am married, I havechildren, and I am serving as a squire; if in any one of these ways I canserve your highness, I will not be longer in obeying than your grace incommanding. "

"It is easy to see, Sancho, " replied the duchess, "that you have learnedto be polite in the school of politeness itself; I mean to say it is easyto see that you have been nursed in the bosom of Senor Don Quixote, whois, of course, the cream of good breeding and flower of ceremony--orcirimony, as you would say yourself. Fair be the fortunes of such amaster and such a servant, the one the cynosure of knight-errantry, theother the star of squirely fidelity! Rise, Sancho, my friend; I willrepay your courtesy by taking care that my lord the duke makes good toyou the promised gift of the government as soon as possible. "

With this, the conversation came to an end, and Don Quixote retired totake his midday sleep; but the duchess begged Sancho, unless he had avery great desire to go to sleep, to come and spend the afternoon withher and her damsels in a very cool chamber. Sancho replied that, thoughhe certainly had the habit of sleeping four or five hours in the heat ofthe day in summer, to serve her excellence he would try with all hismight not to sleep even one that day, and that he would come in obedienceto her command, and with that he went off. The duke gave fresh orderswith respect to treating Don Quixote as a knight-errant, withoutdeparting even in smallest particular from the style in which, as thestories tell us, they used to treat the knights of old. 

CHAPTER XXXIII. 

OF THE DELECTABLE DISCOURSE WHICH THE DUCHESS AND HER DAMSELS HELD WITHSANCHO PANZA, WELL WORTH READING AND NOTING

The history records that Sancho did not sleep that afternoon, but inorder to keep his word came, before he had well done dinner, to visit theduchess, who, finding enjoyment in listening to him, made him sit downbeside her on a low seat, though Sancho, out of pure good breeding, wanted not to sit down; the duchess, however, told him he was to sit downas governor and talk as squire, as in both respects he was worthy of eventhe chair of the Cid Ruy Diaz the Campeador. Sancho shrugged hisshoulders, obeyed, and sat down, and all the duchess's damsels andduennas gathered round him, waiting in profound silence to hear what hewould say. It was the duchess, however, who spoke first, saying:

"Now that we are alone, and that there is nobody here to overhear us, Ishould be glad if the senor governor would relieve me of certain doubts Ihave, rising out of the history of the great Don Quixote that is now inprint. One is: inasmuch as worthy Sancho never saw Dulcinea, I mean thelady Dulcinea del Toboso, nor took Don Quixote's letter to her, for itwas left in the memorandum book in the Sierra Morena, how did he dare toinvent the answer and all that about finding her sifting wheat, the wholestory being a deception and falsehood, and so much to the prejudice ofthe peerless Dulcinea's good name, a thing that is not at all becomingthe character and fidelity of a good squire?"

At these words, Sancho, without uttering one in reply, got up from hischair, and with noiseless steps, with his body bent and his finger on hislips, went all round the room lifting up the hangings; and this done, hecame back to his seat and said, "Now, senora, that I have seen that thereis no one except the bystanders listening to us on the sly, I will answerwhat you have asked me, and all you may ask me, without fear or dread. And the first thing I have got to say is, that for my own part I hold mymaster Don Quixote to be stark mad, though sometimes he says things that, to my mind, and indeed everybody's that listens to him, are so wise, andrun in such a straight furrow, that Satan himself could not have saidthem better; but for all that, really, and beyond all question, it's myfirm belief he is cracked. Well, then, as this is clear to my mind, I canventure to make him believe things that have neither head nor tail, likethat affair of the answer to the letter, and that other of six or eightdays ago, which is not yet in history, that is to say, the affair of theenchantment of my lady Dulcinea; for I made him believe she is enchanted, though there's no more truth in it than over the hills of Ubeda. "

The duchess begged him to tell her about the enchantment or deception, soSancho told the whole story exactly as it had happened, and his hearerswere not a little amused by it; and then resuming, the duchess said, "Inconsequence of what worthy Sancho has told me, a doubt starts up in mymind, and there comes a kind of whisper to my ear that says, 'If DonQuixote be mad, crazy, and cracked, and Sancho Panza his squire knows it, and, notwithstanding, serves and follows him, and goes trusting to hisempty promises, there can be no doubt he must be still madder and sillierthan his master; and that being so, it will be cast in your teeth, senoraduchess, if you give the said Sancho an island to govern; for how will hewho does not know how to govern himself know how to govern others?'"

"By God, senora, " said Sancho, "but that doubt comes timely; but yourgrace may say it out, and speak plainly, or as you like; for I know whatyou say is true, and if I were wise I should have left my master longago; but this was my fate, this was my bad luck; I can't help it, I mustfollow him; we're from the same village, I've eaten his bread, I'm fondof him, I'm grateful, he gave me his ass-colts, and above all I'mfaithful; so it's quite impossible for anything to separate us, exceptthe pickaxe and shovel. And if your highness does not like to give me thegovernment you promised, God made me without it, and maybe your notgiving it to me will be all the better for my conscience, for fool as Iam I know the proverb 'to her hurt the ant got wings, ' and it may be thatSancho the squire will get to heaven sooner than Sancho the governor. 'They make as good bread here as in France, ' and 'by night all cats aregrey, ' and 'a hard case enough his, who hasn't broken his fast at two inthe afternoon, ' and 'there's no stomach a hand's breadth bigger thananother, ' and the same can be filled 'with straw or hay, ' as the sayingis, and 'the little birds of the field have God for their purveyor andcaterer, ' and 'four yards of Cuenca frieze keep one warmer than four ofSegovia broad-cloth, ' and 'when we quit this world and are putunderground the prince travels by as narrow a path as the journeyman, 'and 'the Pope's body does not take up more feet of earth than thesacristan's, ' for all that the one is higher than the other; for when wego to our graves we all pack ourselves up and make ourselves small, orrather they pack us up and make us small in spite of us, and then--goodnight to us. And I say once more, if your ladyship does not like to giveme the island because I'm a fool, like a wise man I will take care togive myself no trouble about it; I have heard say that 'behind the crossthere's the devil, ' and that 'all that glitters is not gold, ' and thatfrom among the oxen, and the ploughs, and the yokes, Wamba the husbandmanwas taken to be made King of Spain, and from among brocades, andpleasures, and riches, Roderick was taken to be devoured by adders, ifthe verses of the old ballads don't lie. "

"To be sure they don't lie!" exclaimed Dona Rodriguez, the duenna, whowas one of the listeners. "Why, there's a ballad that says they put KingRodrigo alive into a tomb full of toads, and adders, and lizards, andthat two days afterwards the king, in a plaintive, feeble voice, criedout from within the tomb--

They gnaw me now, they gnaw me now, There where I most did sin. 

And according to that the gentleman has good reason to say he wouldrather be a labouring man than a king, if vermin are to eat him. "

The duchess could not help laughing at the simplicity of her duenna, orwondering at the language and proverbs of Sancho, to whom she said, "Worthy Sancho knows very well that when once a knight has made a promisehe strives to keep it, though it should cost him his life. My lord andhusband the duke, though not one of the errant sort, is none the less aknight for that reason, and will keep his word about the promised island, in spite of the envy and malice of the world. Let Sancho he of goodcheer; for when he least expects it he will find himself seated on thethrone of his island and seat of dignity, and will take possession of hisgovernment that he may discard it for another of three-bordered brocade. The charge I give him is to be careful how he governs his vassals, bearing in mind that they are all loyal and well-born. "

"As to governing them well, " said Sancho, "there's no need of charging meto do that, for I'm kind-hearted by nature, and full of compassion forthe poor; there's no stealing the loaf from him who kneads and bakes;'and by my faith it won't do to throw false dice with me; I am an old dog, and I know all about 'tus, tus;' I can be wide-awake if need be, and Idon't let clouds come before my eyes, for I know where the shoe pinchesme; I say so, because with me the good will have support and protection, and the bad neither footing nor access. And it seems to me that, ingovernments, to make a beginning is everything; and maybe, after havingbeen governor a fortnight, I'll take kindly to the work and know moreabout it than the field labour I have been brought up to. "

"You are right, Sancho, " said the duchess, "for no one is born readytaught, and the bishops are made out of men and not out of stones. But toreturn to the subject we were discussing just now, the enchantment of thelady Dulcinea, I look upon it as certain, and something more thanevident, that Sancho's idea of practising a deception upon his master, making him believe that the peasant girl was Dulcinea and that if he didnot recognise her it must be because she was enchanted, was all a deviceof one of the enchanters that persecute Don Quixote. For in truth andearnest, I know from good authority that the coarse country wench whojumped up on the ass was and is Dulcinea del Toboso, and that worthySancho, though he fancies himself the deceiver, is the one that isdeceived; and that there is no more reason to doubt the truth of this, than of anything else we never saw. Senor Sancho Panza must know that wetoo have enchanters here that are well disposed to us, and tell us whatgoes on in the world, plainly and distinctly, without subterfuge ordeception; and believe me, Sancho, that agile country lass was and isDulcinea del Toboso, who is as much enchanted as the mother that boreher; and when we least expect it, we shall see her in her own properform, and then Sancho will be disabused of the error he is under atpresent. "

"All that's very possible, " said Sancho Panza; "and now I'm willing tobelieve what my master says about what he saw in the cave of Montesinos, where he says he saw the lady Dulcinea del Toboso in the very same dressand apparel that I said I had seen her in when I enchanted her all toplease myself. It must be all exactly the other way, as your ladyshipsays; because it is impossible to suppose that out of my poor wit such acunning trick could be concocted in a moment, nor do I think my master isso mad that by my weak and feeble persuasion he could be made to believea thing so out of all reason. But, senora, your excellence must nottherefore think me ill-disposed, for a dolt like me is not bound to seeinto the thoughts and plots of those vile enchanters. I invented all thatto escape my master's scolding, and not with any intention of hurtinghim; and if it has turned out differently, there is a God in heaven whojudges our hearts. "

"That is true, " said the duchess; "but tell me, Sancho, what is this yousay about the cave of Montesinos, for I should like to know. "

Sancho upon this related to her, word for word, what has been saidalready touching that adventure, and having heard it the duchess said, "From this occurrence it may be inferred that, as the great Don Quixotesays he saw there the same country wench Sancho saw on the way from ElToboso, it is, no doubt, Dulcinea, and that there are some very activeand exceedingly busy enchanters about. "

"So I say, " said Sancho, "and if my lady Dulcinea is enchanted, so muchthe worse for her, and I'm not going to pick a quarrel with my master'senemies, who seem to be many and spiteful. The truth is that the one Isaw was a country wench, and I set her down to be a country wench; and ifthat was Dulcinea it must not be laid at my door, nor should I be calledto answer for it or take the consequences. But they must go nagging at meat every step--'Sancho said it, Sancho did it, Sancho here, Sanchothere, ' as if Sancho was nobody at all, and not that same Sancho Panzathat's now going all over the world in books, so Samson Carrasco told me, and he's at any rate one that's a bachelor of Salamanca; and people ofthat sort can't lie, except when the whim seizes them or they have somevery good reason for it. So there's no occasion for anybody to quarrelwith me; and then I have a good character, and, as I have heard my mastersay, 'a good name is better than great riches;' let them only stick meinto this government and they'll see wonders, for one who has been a goodsquire will be a good governor. "

"All worthy Sancho's observations, " said the duchess, "are Catoniansentences, or at any rate out of the very heart of Michael Verinohimself, who florentibus occidit annis. In fact, to speak in his ownstyle, 'under a bad cloak there's often a good drinker. '"

"Indeed, senora, " said Sancho, "I never yet drank out of wickedness; fromthirst I have very likely, for I have nothing of the hypocrite in me; Idrink when I'm inclined, or, if I'm not inclined, when they offer it tome, so as not to look either strait-laced or ill-bred; for when a frienddrinks one's health what heart can be so hard as not to return it? But ifI put on my shoes I don't dirty them; besides, squires to knights-errantmostly drink water, for they are always wandering among woods, forestsand meadows, mountains and crags, without a drop of wine to be had ifthey gave their eyes for it. "

"So I believe, " said the duchess; "and now let Sancho go and take hissleep, and we will talk by-and-by at greater length, and settle how hemay soon go and stick himself into the government, as he says. "

Sancho once more kissed the duchess's hand, and entreated her to let goodcare be taken of his Dapple, for he was the light of his eyes. 

"What is Dapple?" said the duchess. 

"My ass, " said Sancho, "which, not to mention him by that name, I'maccustomed to call Dapple; I begged this lady duenna here to take care ofhim when I came into the castle, and she got as angry as if I had saidshe was ugly or old, though it ought to be more natural and proper forduennas to feed asses than to ornament chambers. God bless me! what aspite a gentleman of my village had against these ladies!"

"He must have been some clown, " said Dona Rodriguez the duenna; "for ifhe had been a gentleman and well-born he would have exalted them higherthan the horns of the moon. "

"That will do, " said the duchess; "no more of this; hush, Dona Rodriguez, and let Senor Panza rest easy and leave the treatment of Dapple in mycharge, for as he is a treasure of Sancho's, I'll put him on the apple ofmy eye. "

"It will be enough for him to be in the stable, " said Sancho, "forneither he nor I are worthy to rest a moment in the apple of yourhighness's eye, and I'd as soon stab myself as consent to it; for thoughmy master says that in civilities it is better to lose by a card too manythan a card too few, when it comes to civilities to asses we must mindwhat we are about and keep within due bounds. "

"Take him to your government, Sancho, " said the duchess, "and there youwill be able to make as much of him as you like, and even release himfrom work and pension him off. "

"Don't think, senora duchess, that you have said anything absurd, " saidSancho; "I have seen more than two asses go to governments, and for me totake mine with me would be nothing new. "

Sancho's words made the duchess laugh again and gave her fresh amusement, and dismissing him to sleep she went away to tell the duke theconversation she had had with him, and between them they plotted andarranged to play a joke upon Don Quixote that was to be a rare one andentirely in knight-errantry style, and in that same style they practisedseveral upon him, so much in keeping and so clever that they form thebest adventures this great history contains. 

CHAPTER XXXIV. 

WHICH RELATES HOW THEY LEARNED THE WAY IN WHICH THEY WERE TO DISENCHANTTHE PEERLESS DULCINEA DEL TOBOSO, WHICH IS ONE OF THE RAREST ADVENTURESIN THIS BOOK

Great was the pleasure the duke and duchess took in the conversation ofDon Quixote and Sancho Panza; and, more bent than ever upon the plan theyhad of practising some jokes upon them that should have the look andappearance of adventures, they took as their basis of action what DonQuixote had already told them about the cave of Montesinos, in order toplay him a famous one. But what the duchess marvelled at above all wasthat Sancho's simplicity could be so great as to make him believe asabsolute truth that Dulcinea had been enchanted, when it was he himselfwho had been the enchanter and trickster in the business. Having, therefore, instructed their servants in everything they were to do, sixdays afterwards they took him out to hunt, with as great a retinue ofhuntsmen and beaters as a crowned king. 

They presented Don Quixote with a hunting suit, and Sancho with anotherof the finest green cloth; but Don Quixote declined to put his on, sayingthat he must soon return to the hard pursuit of arms, and could not carrywardrobes or stores with him. Sancho, however, took what they gave him, meaning to sell it the first opportunity. 

The appointed day having arrived, Don Quixote armed himself, and Sanchoarrayed himself, and mounted on his Dapple (for he would not give him upthough they offered him a horse), he placed himself in the midst of thetroop of huntsmen. The duchess came out splendidly attired, and DonQuixote, in pure courtesy and politeness, held the rein of her palfrey, though the duke wanted not to allow him; and at last they reached a woodthat lay between two high mountains, where, after occupying variousposts, ambushes, and paths, and distributing the party in differentpositions, the hunt began with great noise, shouting, and hallooing, sothat, between the baying of the hounds and the blowing of the horns, theycould not hear one another. The duchess dismounted, and with a sharpboar-spear in her hand posted herself where she knew the wild boars werein the habit of passing. The duke and Don Quixote likewise dismounted andplaced themselves one at each side of her. Sancho took up a position inthe rear of all without dismounting from Dapple, whom he dared not desertlest some mischief should befall him. Scarcely had they taken their standin a line with several of their servants, when they saw a huge boar, closely pressed by the hounds and followed by the huntsmen, makingtowards them, grinding his teeth and tusks, and scattering foam from hismouth. As soon as he saw him Don Quixote, bracing his shield on his arm, and drawing his sword, advanced to meet him; the duke with boar-spear didthe same; but the duchess would have gone in front of them all had notthe duke prevented her. Sancho alone, deserting Dapple at the sight ofthe mighty beast, took to his heels as hard as he could and strove invain to mount a tall oak. As he was clinging to a branch, however, half-way up in his struggle to reach the top, the bough, such was hisill-luck and hard fate, gave way, and caught in his fall by a broken limbof the oak, he hung suspended in the air unable to reach the ground. Finding himself in this position, and that the green coat was beginningto tear, and reflecting that if the fierce animal came that way he mightbe able to get at him, he began to utter such cries, and call for help soearnestly, that all who heard him and did not see him felt sure he mustbe in the teeth of some wild beast. In the end the tusked boar fellpierced by the blades of the many spears they held in front of him; andDon Quixote, turning round at the cries of Sancho, for he knew by themthat it was he, saw him hanging from the oak head downwards, with Dapple, who did not forsake him in his distress, close beside him; and CideHamete observes that he seldom saw Sancho Panza without seeing Dapple, orDapple without seeing Sancho Panza; such was their attachment and loyaltyone to the other. Don Quixote went over and unhooked Sancho, who, as soonas he found himself on the ground, looked at the rent in his huntingcoatand was grieved to the heart, for he thought he had got a patrimonialestate in that suit. 

Meanwhile they had slung the mighty boar across the back of a mule, andhaving covered it with sprigs of rosemary and branches of myrtle, theybore it away as the spoils of victory to some large field-tents which hadbeen pitched in the middle of the wood, where they found the tables laidand dinner served, in such grand and sumptuous style that it was easy tosee the rank and magnificence of those who had provided it. Sancho, as heshowed the rents in his torn suit to the duchess, observed, "If we hadbeen hunting hares, or after small birds, my coat would have been safefrom being in the plight it's in; I don't know what pleasure one can findin lying in wait for an animal that may take your life with his tusk ifhe gets at you. I recollect having heard an old ballad sung that says, By bears be thou devoured, as erst Was famous Favila. "

"That, " said Don Quixote, "was a Gothic king, who, going a-hunting, wasdevoured by a bear. "

"Just so, " said Sancho; "and I would not have kings and princes exposethemselves to such dangers for the sake of a pleasure which, to my mind, ought not to be one, as it consists in killing an animal that has done noharm whatever. "

"Quite the contrary, Sancho; you are wrong there, " said the duke; "forhunting is more suitable and requisite for kings and princes than foranybody else. The chase is the emblem of war; it has stratagems, wiles, and crafty devices for overcoming the enemy in safety; in it extreme coldand intolerable heat have to be borne, indolence and sleep are despised, the bodily powers are invigorated, the limbs of him who engages in it aremade supple, and, in a word, it is a pursuit which may be followedwithout injury to anyone and with enjoyment to many; and the best of itis, it is not for everybody, as field-sports of other sorts are, excepthawking, which also is only for kings and great lords. Reconsider youropinion therefore, Sancho, and when you are governor take to hunting, andyou will find the good of it. "

"Nay, " said Sancho, "the good governor should have a broken leg and keepat home;" it would be a nice thing if, after people had been at thetrouble of coming to look for him on business, the governor were to beaway in the forest enjoying himself; the government would go on badly inthat fashion. By my faith, senor, hunting and amusements are more fit foridlers than for governors; what I intend to amuse myself with is playingall fours at Eastertime, and bowls on Sundays and holidays; for thesehuntings don't suit my condition or agree with my conscience. "

"God grant it may turn out so, " said the duke; "because it's a long stepfrom saying to doing. "

"Be that as it may, " said Sancho, "'pledges don't distress a good payer, 'and 'he whom God helps does better than he who gets up early, ' and 'it'sthe tripes that carry the feet and not the feet the tripes;' I mean tosay that if God gives me help and I do my duty honestly, no doubt I'llgovern better than a gerfalcon. Nay, let them only put a finger in mymouth, and they'll see whether I can bite or not. "

"The curse of God and all his saints upon thee, thou accursed Sancho!"exclaimed Don Quixote; "when will the day come--as I have often said tothee--when I shall hear thee make one single coherent, rational remarkwithout proverbs? Pray, your highnesses, leave this fool alone, for hewill grind your souls between, not to say two, but two thousand proverbs, dragged in as much in season, and as much to the purpose as--may Godgrant as much health to him, or to me if I want to listen to them!"

"Sancho Panza's proverbs, " said the duchess, "though more in number thanthe Greek Commander's, are not therefore less to be esteemed for theconciseness of the maxims. For my own part, I can say they give me morepleasure than others that may be better brought in and more seasonablyintroduced. "

In pleasant conversation of this sort they passed out of the tent intothe wood, and the day was spent in visiting some of the posts andhiding-places, and then night closed in, not, however, as brilliantly ortranquilly as might have been expected at the season, for it was thenmidsummer; but bringing with it a kind of haze that greatly aided theproject of the duke and duchess; and thus, as night began to fall, and alittle after twilight set in, suddenly the whole wood on all four sidesseemed to be on fire, and shortly after, here, there, on all sides, avast number of trumpets and other military instruments were heard, as ifseveral troops of cavalry were passing through the wood. The blaze of thefire and the noise of the warlike instruments almost blinded the eyes anddeafened the ears of those that stood by, and indeed of all who were inthe wood. Then there were heard repeated lelilies after the fashion ofthe Moors when they rush to battle; trumpets and clarions brayed, drumsbeat, fifes played, so unceasingly and so fast that he could not have hadany senses who did not lose them with the confused din of so manyinstruments. The duke was astounded, the duchess amazed, Don Quixotewondering, Sancho Panza trembling, and indeed, even they who were awareof the cause were frightened. In their fear, silence fell upon them, anda postillion, in the guise of a demon, passed in front of them, blowing, in lieu of a bugle, a huge hollow horn that gave out a horrible hoarsenote. 

"Ho there! brother courier, " cried the duke, "who are you? Where are yougoing? What troops are these that seem to be passing through the wood?"

To which the courier replied in a harsh, discordant voice, "I am thedevil; I am in search of Don Quixote of La Mancha; those who are comingthis way are six troops of enchanters, who are bringing on a triumphalcar the peerless Dulcinea del Toboso; she comes under enchantment, together with the gallant Frenchman Montesinos, to give instructions toDon Quixote as to how, she the said lady, may be disenchanted. "

"If you were the devil, as you say and as your appearance indicates, "said the duke, "you would have known the said knight Don Quixote of LaMancha, for you have him here before you. "

"By God and upon my conscience, " said the devil, "I never observed it, for my mind is occupied with so many different things that I wasforgetting the main thing I came about. "

"This demon must be an honest fellow and a good Christian, " said Sancho;"for if he wasn't he wouldn't swear by God and his conscience; I feelsure now there must be good souls even in hell itself. "

Without dismounting, the demon then turned to Don Quixote and said, "Theunfortunate but valiant knight Montesinos sends me to thee, the Knight ofthe Lions (would that I saw thee in their claws), bidding me tell thee towait for him wherever I may find thee, as he brings with him her whomthey call Dulcinea del Toboso, that he may show thee what is needful inorder to disenchant her; and as I came for no more I need stay no longer;demons of my sort be with thee, and good angels with these gentles;" andso saying he blew his huge horn, turned about and went off withoutwaiting for a reply from anyone. 

They all felt fresh wonder, but particularly Sancho and Don Quixote;Sancho to see how, in defiance of the truth, they would have it thatDulcinea was enchanted; Don Quixote because he could not feel surewhether what had happened to him in the cave of Montesinos was true ornot; and as he was deep in these cogitations the duke said to him, "Doyou mean to wait, Senor Don Quixote?"

"Why not?" replied he; "here will I wait, fearless and firm, though allhell should come to attack me. "

"Well then, if I see another devil or hear another horn like the last, I'll wait here as much as in Flanders, " said Sancho. 

Night now closed in more completely, and many lights began to flitthrough the wood, just as those fiery exhalations from the earth, thatlook like shooting-stars to our eyes, flit through the heavens; afrightful noise, too, was heard, like that made by the solid wheels theox-carts usually have, by the harsh, ceaseless creaking of which, theysay, the bears and wolves are put to flight, if there happen to be anywhere they are passing. In addition to all this commotion, there came afurther disturbance to increase the tumult, for now it seemed as if intruth, on all four sides of the wood, four encounters or battles weregoing on at the same time; in one quarter resounded the dull noise of aterrible cannonade, in another numberless muskets were being discharged, the shouts of the combatants sounded almost close at hand, and fartheraway the Moorish lelilies were raised again and again. In a word, thebugles, the horns, the clarions, the trumpets, the drums, the cannon, themusketry, and above all the tremendous noise of the carts, all made uptogether a din so confused and terrific that Don Quixote had need tosummon up all his courage to brave it; but Sancho's gave way, and he fellfainting on the skirt of the duchess's robe, who let him lie there andpromptly bade them throw water in his face. This was done, and he came tohimself by the time that one of the carts with the creaking wheelsreached the spot. It was drawn by four plodding oxen all covered withblack housings; on each horn they had fixed a large lighted wax taper, and on the top of the cart was constructed a raised seat, on which sat avenerable old man with a beard whiter than the very snow, and so longthat it fell below his waist; he was dressed in a long robe of blackbuckram; for as the cart was thickly set with a multitude of candles itwas easy to make out everything that was on it. Leading it were twohideous demons, also clad in buckram, with countenances so frightful thatSancho, having once seen them, shut his eyes so as not to see them again. As soon as the cart came opposite the spot the old man rose from hislofty seat, and standing up said in a loud voice, "I am the sageLirgandeo, " and without another word the cart then passed on. Behind itcame another of the same form, with another aged man enthroned, who, stopping the cart, said in a voice no less solemn than that of the first, "I am the sage Alquife, the great friend of Urganda the Unknown, " andpassed on. Then another cart came by at the same pace, but the occupantof the throne was not old like the others, but a man stalwart and robust, and of a forbidding countenance, who as he came up said in a voice farhoarser and more devilish, "I am the enchanter Archelaus, the mortalenemy of Amadis of Gaul and all his kindred, " and then passed on. Havinggone a short distance the three carts halted and the monotonous noise oftheir wheels ceased, and soon after they heard another, not noise, butsound of sweet, harmonious music, of which Sancho was very glad, takingit to be a good sign; and said he to the duchess, from whom he did notstir a step, or for a single instant, "Senora, where there's music therecan't be mischief. "

"Nor where there are lights and it is bright, " said the duchess; to whichSancho replied, "Fire gives light, and it's bright where there arebonfires, as we see by those that are all round us and perhaps may burnus; but music is a sign of mirth and merrymaking. "

"That remains to be seen, " said Don Quixote, who was listening to allthat passed; and he was right, as is shown in the following chapter. 

CHAPTER XXXV. 

WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE INSTRUCTION GIVEN TO DON QUIXOTE TOUCHING THEDISENCHANTMENT OF DULCINEA, TOGETHER WITH OTHER MARVELLOUS INCIDENTS

They saw advancing towards them, to the sound of this pleasing music, what they call a triumphal car, drawn by six grey mules with white linenhousings, on each of which was mounted a penitent, robed also in white, with a large lighted wax taper in his hand. The car was twice or, perhaps, three times as large as the former ones, and in front and on thesides stood twelve more penitents, all as white as snow and all withlighted tapers, a spectacle to excite fear as well as wonder; and on araised throne was seated a nymph draped in a multitude of silver-tissueveils with an embroidery of countless gold spangles glittering all overthem, that made her appear, if not richly, at least brilliantly, apparelled. She had her face covered with thin transparent sendal, thetexture of which did not prevent the fair features of a maiden from beingdistinguished, while the numerous lights made it possible to judge of herbeauty and of her years, which seemed to be not less than seventeen butnot to have yet reached twenty. Beside her was a figure in a robe ofstate, as they call it, reaching to the feet, while the head was coveredwith a black veil. But the instant the car was opposite the duke andduchess and Don Quixote the music of the clarions ceased, and then thatof the lutes and harps on the car, and the figure in the robe rose up, and flinging it apart and removing the veil from its face, disclosed totheir eyes the shape of Death itself, fleshless and hideous, at whichsight Don Quixote felt uneasy, Sancho frightened, and the duke andduchess displayed a certain trepidation. Having risen to its feet, thisliving death, in a sleepy voice and with a tongue hardly awake, heldforth as follows:

I am that Merlin who the legends sayThe devil had for father, and the lieHath gathered credence with the lapse of time. Of magic prince, of Zoroastric loreMonarch and treasurer, with jealous eyeI view the efforts of the age to hideThe gallant deeds of doughty errant knights, Who are, and ever have been, dear to me. Enchanters and magicians and their kind

Are mostly hard of heart; not so am I;For mine is tender, soft, compassionate, And its delight is doing good to all. In the dim caverns of the gloomy Dis, Where, tracing mystic lines and characters, My soul abideth now, there came to meThe sorrow-laden plaint of her, the fair, The peerless Dulcinea del Toboso. I knew of her enchantment and her fate, From high-born dame to peasant wench transformedAnd touched with pity, first I turned the leavesOf countless volumes of my devilish craft, And then, in this grim grisly skeletonMyself encasing, hither have I comeTo show where lies the fitting remedyTo give relief in such a piteous case. O thou, the pride and pink of all that wear

The adamantine steel! O shining light, O beacon, polestar, path and guide of allWho, scorning slumber and the lazy down, Adopt the toilsome life of bloodstained arms!To thee, great hero who all praise transcends, La Mancha's lustre and Iberia's star, Don Quixote, wise as brave, to thee I say--For peerless Dulcinea del TobosoHer pristine form and beauty to regain, 'T is needful that thy esquire Sancho shall, On his own sturdy buttocks bared to heaven, Three thousand and three hundred lashes lay, And that they smart and sting and hurt him well. Thus have the authors of her woe resolved. And this is, gentles, wherefore I have come. 

"By all that's good, " exclaimed Sancho at this, "I'll just as soon givemyself three stabs with a dagger as three, not to say three thousand, lashes. The devil take such a way of disenchanting! I don't see what mybackside has got to do with enchantments. By God, if Senor Merlin has notfound out some other way of disenchanting the lady Dulcinea del Toboso, she may go to her grave enchanted. "

"But I'll take you, Don Clown stuffed with garlic, " said Don Quixote, "and tie you to a tree as naked as when your mother brought you forth, and give you, not to say three thousand three hundred, but six thousandsix hundred lashes, and so well laid on that they won't be got rid of ifyou try three thousand three hundred times; don't answer me a word orI'll tear your soul out. "

On hearing this Merlin said, "That will not do, for the lashes worthySancho has to receive must be given of his own free will and not byforce, and at whatever time he pleases, for there is no fixed limitassigned to him; but it is permitted him, if he likes to commute by halfthe pain of this whipping, to let them be given by the hand of another, though it may be somewhat weighty. "

"Not a hand, my own or anybody else's, weighty or weighable, shall touchme, " said Sancho. "Was it I that gave birth to the lady Dulcinea delToboso, that my backside is to pay for the sins of her eyes? My master, indeed, that's a part of her--for, he's always calling her 'my life' and'my soul, ' and his stay and prop--may and ought to whip himself for herand take all the trouble required for her disenchantment. But for me towhip myself! Abernuncio!"

As soon as Sancho had done speaking the nymph in silver that was at theside of Merlin's ghost stood up, and removing the thin veil from her facedisclosed one that seemed to all something more than exceedinglybeautiful; and with a masculine freedom from embarrassment and in a voicenot very like a lady's, addressing Sancho directly, said, "Thou wretchedsquire, soul of a pitcher, heart of a cork tree, with bowels of flint andpebbles; if, thou impudent thief, they bade thee throw thyself down fromsome lofty tower; if, enemy of mankind, they asked thee to swallow adozen of toads, two of lizards, and three of adders; if they wanted theeto slay thy wife and children with a sharp murderous scimitar, it wouldbe no wonder for thee to show thyself stubborn and squeamish. But to makea piece of work about three thousand three hundred lashes, what everypoor little charity-boy gets every month--it is enough to amaze, astonish, astound the compassionate bowels of all who hear it, nay, allwho come to hear it in the course of time. Turn, O miserable, hard-hearted animal, turn, I say, those timorous owl's eyes upon these ofmine that are compared to radiant stars, and thou wilt see them weepingtrickling streams and rills, and tracing furrows, tracks, and paths overthe fair fields of my cheeks. Let it move thee, crafty, ill-conditionedmonster, to see my blooming youth--still in its teens, for I am not yettwenty--wasting and withering away beneath the husk of a rude peasantwench; and if I do not appear in that shape now, it is a special favourSenor Merlin here has granted me, to the sole end that my beauty maysoften thee; for the tears of beauty in distress turn rocks into cottonand tigers into ewes. Lay on to that hide of thine, thou great untamedbrute, rouse up thy lusty vigour that only urges thee to eat and eat, andset free the softness of my flesh, the gentleness of my nature, and thefairness of my face. And if thou wilt not relent or come to reason forme, do so for the sake of that poor knight thou hast beside thee; thymaster I mean, whose soul I can this moment see, how he has it stuck inhis throat not ten fingers from his lips, and only waiting for thyinflexible or yielding reply to make its escape by his mouth or go backagain into his stomach. "

Don Quixote on hearing this felt his throat, and turning to the duke hesaid, "By God, senor, Dulcinea says true, I have my soul stuck here in mythroat like the nut of a crossbow. "

"What say you to this, Sancho?" said the duchess. 

"I say, senora, " returned Sancho, "what I said before; as for the lashes, abernuncio!"

"Abrenuncio, you should say, Sancho, and not as you do, " said the duke. 

"Let me alone, your highness, " said Sancho. "I'm not in a humour now tolook into niceties or a letter more or less, for these lashes that are tobe given me, or I'm to give myself, have so upset me, that I don't knowwhat I'm saying or doing. But I'd like to know of this lady, my ladyDulcinea del Toboso, where she learned this way she has of askingfavours. She comes to ask me to score my flesh with lashes, and she callsme soul of a pitcher, and great untamed brute, and a string of foul namesthat the devil is welcome to. Is my flesh brass? or is it anything to mewhether she is enchanted or not? Does she bring with her a basket of fairlinen, shirts, kerchiefs, socks-not that wear any--to coax me? No, nothing but one piece of abuse after another, though she knows theproverb they have here that 'an ass loaded with gold goes lightly up amountain, ' and that 'gifts break rocks, ' and 'praying to God and plyingthe hammer, ' and that 'one "take" is better than two "I'll give thee's. "'Then there's my master, who ought to stroke me down and pet me to make meturn wool and carded cotton; he says if he gets hold of me he'll tie menaked to a tree and double the tale of lashes on me. These tender-heartedgentry should consider that it's not merely a squire, but a governor theyare asking to whip himself; just as if it was 'drink with cherries. ' Letthem learn, plague take them, the right way to ask, and beg, and behavethemselves; for all times are not alike, nor are people always in goodhumour. I'm now ready to burst with grief at seeing my green coat torn, and they come to ask me to whip myself of my own free will, I having aslittle fancy for it as for turning cacique. "

"Well then, the fact is, friend Sancho, " said the duke, "that unless youbecome softer than a ripe fig, you shall not get hold of the government. It would be a nice thing for me to send my islanders a cruel governorwith flinty bowels, who won't yield to the tears of afflicted damsels orto the prayers of wise, magisterial, ancient enchanters and sages. Inshort, Sancho, either you must be whipped by yourself, or they must whipyou, or you shan't be governor. "

"Senor, " said Sancho, "won't two days' grace be given me in which toconsider what is best for me?"

"No, certainly not, " said Merlin; "here, this minute, and on the spot, the matter must be settled; either Dulcinea will return to the cave ofMontesinos and to her former condition of peasant wench, or else in herpresent form shall be carried to the Elysian fields, where she willremain waiting until the number of stripes is completed. "

"Now then, Sancho!" said the duchess, "show courage, and gratitude foryour master Don Quixote's bread that you have eaten; we are all bound tooblige and please him for his benevolent disposition and lofty chivalry. Consent to this whipping, my son; to the devil with the devil, and leavefear to milksops, for 'a stout heart breaks bad luck, ' as you very wellknow. "

To this Sancho replied with an irrelevant remark, which, addressingMerlin, he made to him, "Will your worship tell me, Senor Merlin--whenthat courier devil came up he gave my master a message from SenorMontesinos, charging him to wait for him here, as he was coming toarrange how the lady Dona Dulcinea del Toboso was to be disenchanted; butup to the present we have not seen Montesinos, nor anything like him. "

To which Merlin made answer, "The devil, Sancho, is a blockhead and agreat scoundrel; I sent him to look for your master, but not with amessage from Montesinos but from myself; for Montesinos is in his caveexpecting, or more properly speaking, waiting for his disenchantment; forthere's the tail to be skinned yet for him; if he owes you anything, oryou have any business to transact with him, I'll bring him to you and puthim where you choose; but for the present make up your mind to consent tothis penance, and believe me it will be very good for you, for soul aswell for body--for your soul because of the charity with which youperform it, for your body because I know that you are of a sanguine habitand it will do you no harm to draw a little blood. "

"There are a great many doctors in the world; even the enchanters aredoctors, " said Sancho; "however, as everybody tells me the samething--though I can't see it myself--I say I am willing to give myselfthe three thousand three hundred lashes, provided I am to lay them onwhenever I like, without any fixing of days or times; and I'll try andget out of debt as quickly as I can, that the world may enjoy the beautyof the lady Dulcinea del Toboso; as it seems, contrary to what I thought, that she is beautiful after all. It must be a condition, too, that I amnot to be bound to draw blood with the scourge, and that if any of thelashes happen to be fly-flappers they are to count. Item, that, in case Ishould make any mistake in the reckoning, Senor Merlin, as he knowseverything, is to keep count, and let me know how many are still wantingor over the number. "

"There will be no need to let you know of any over, " said Merlin, "because, when you reach the full number, the lady Dulcinea will at once, and that very instant, be disenchanted, and will come in her gratitude toseek out the worthy Sancho, and thank him, and even reward him for thegood work. So you have no cause to be uneasy about stripes too many ortoo few; heaven forbid I should cheat anyone of even a hair of his head. "

"Well then, in God's hands be it, " said Sancho; "in the hard case I'm inI give in; I say I accept the penance on the conditions laid down. "

The instant Sancho uttered these last words the music of the clarionsstruck up once more, and again a host of muskets were discharged, and DonQuixote hung on Sancho's neck kissing him again and again on the foreheadand cheeks. The duchess and the duke expressed the greatest satisfaction, the car began to move on, and as it passed the fair Dulcinea bowed to theduke and duchess and made a low curtsey to Sancho. 

And now bright smiling dawn came on apace; the flowers of the field, revived, raised up their heads, and the crystal waters of the brooks, murmuring over the grey and white pebbles, hastened to pay their tributeto the expectant rivers; the glad earth, the unclouded sky, the freshbreeze, the clear light, each and all showed that the day that cametreading on the skirts of morning would be calm and bright. The duke andduchess, pleased with their hunt and at having carried out their plans socleverly and successfully, returned to their castle resolved to follow uptheir joke; for to them there was no reality that could afford them moreamusement.