The SatyriconPetronius Arbiter

Translated by William BurnabyIntroduction by C. K. Scott Moncrieff

ON READING PETRONIUS

AN OPEN LETTER TO A YOUNG GENTLEMAN

My dear --------, On a bright afternoon in summer, when we stand on the high groundabove Saint Andrew's, and look seaward for the Inchcape Rock, we candiscern at first nothing at all, and then, if the day favours us, anoccasional speck of whiteness, lasting no longer than the wave that isreflecting a ray of sunlight upwards against the indistinguishabletower. But if we were to climb the hill again after dinner, you wouldhave something to report. So, in the broad daylights of humanity, such as that Victorian Age in which you narrowly escaped being (and Iwas) born, when the landscape is as clear as on Frith's Derby Day, theruined tower of Petronius stands unremarked; it is only when the darknight of what is called civilisation has gathered that his clear beamcan penetrate the sky. Such a night was the Imperial Age in Rome, when this book was written; such was the Renaissance Age in Italy, when the manuscript in which the greater part of what has survived isonly to be found was copied; such, again, was the Age of Louis XIV inFrance, of the Restoration, and the equally cynical Revolution inEngland, during which this manuscript, by the fortune of war, wasdiscovered at Trau in Dalmatia, copied, edited, printed, in rapidsuccession, at Padua, Paris, Upsala, Leipzig and Amsterdam, and, lastly, "made English by Mr. Burnaby of the Middle Temple, and anotherHand, " all between the years 1650 and 1700; such an Age wasemphatically not the nineteenth century, in which (so far as I know)the only appearance of Petronius in England was that renderednecessary--painfully necessary, let us hope, to its translator, Mr. Kelly, --by the fact that the editors of the Bohn Library aimed atcompleteness: but, as emphatically, such is the Age in which you and Iare now endeavouring to live. 

_O fortunate nimium_, who were not bred on the Bohn, and feel noinclination, therefore, to come out in the flesh: were you so foolishas to ask me for a proof that this Age is not like the last, what moreanswer need I give than to point to the edition after edition ofPetronius, text, notes, translation, illustrations, and even acollotype reproduction of the precious manuscript, that have beenpoured out upon us during the last twenty years. But you canread--and have read, I am sure--a whole multitude of stories in thenewspapers, which are recovering admirably the old frankness innarration, and have discarded the pose of sermonising rectitude whichled the journalists of a hundred years ago to call things (the namesof which must have been constantly on their lips) "too infamous to benamed"; and from these stories you must have become familiar with theexistence in our country to-day of every one of the types whom youwill discover afresh in Mr. Burnaby's and the "other Hand's" pages. It is customary to begin with Trimalchio, not that he is the chief, oreven the most interesting figure in the book, but because his is thetype most commonly mentioned in society. To name living examples ofhim would be actionable; besides, you are old enough, surely, toremember the Great War against Germany, and the host of Trimalchionesand Fortunatae whom it enknighted and endamed. But to go back toour hill above Saint Andrew's, Wester Pitcorthie yonder was thebirthplace of James, Lord Hay, of Lanley, Viscount Doncaster and Earlof Carlisle, the favourite of James VI and I, of whom the reverendhistorian tells us that "his first favour arose from a most strangeand costly feast which he gave the king. With every fresh advance hismagnificence increased, and the sumptuousness of his repasts seemed inthe eyes of the world to prove him a man made for the highest fortunesand fit for any rank. As an example of his prodigality andextravagance, Osborne tells us that he cannot forget one of theattendants of the king, who, at a feast made by this monster inexcess, 'eat to his single share a whole pye reckoned to my lord atL10, being composed of ambergris, magisterial of pearl, musk, ' etc. But, perhaps, the most notable instance of his voluptuousness, is thefact that it was not enough for his ambition that his suppers shouldplease the taste alone; the eye also must be gratified, and this washis device. The company was ushered in to a table covered with themost elegant art and the greatest profusion; all that thesilver-smith, the shewer, the confectioner, or the cook could produce. While the company was examining and admiring this delicate display, the viands of course grew cold, and unfit for such choice palates. The whole, therefore, called the _ante-supper_, was suddenly removed, and another supper quite hot, and forming the exact duplicate of theformer, was served in its place. 

So, in those days as in these, your Trimalchio was ennobled; though, to do King James justice, he had a string of coronets for his Gitonalso. The latter and his companions are still only emerging from along period of oblivion in literature and obscurity in life. Like thepagan deities who have shrunk in peasant mythology to be elves andpooks and suchlike mannikins, these creatures, banished from thepolite reading of the Victorians, reappeared instantly in thatgrotesque microcosm of life which the Victorians invented as an outletfor one of their tightest repressions, the School Story. I shall notpress the analogy between Lycas and Steerforth, but merely remind youhow, years before you ever heard the name (unless it is mentionedthere) of Petronius Arbiter, you welcomed Giton's acquaintance in thepages of _Eric, or Little by Little_, where he is known as Wildney, and painted in the most attractive colours, and were rather boredwhenever old Eumolpus walked into the School Library as Mr. Rose. Dear old Eumolpus, with his boring culture and shameless chuckle, noschool is complete without him; indeed, I have heard that theprincipal scholastic agents keep a section in their lists of"Appointments Required" headed, for private reference, with his solename. Ascyltos is generally the Captain of the XV or XI, sometimes ofboth, and represents the unending war of muscle against mind;Encolpius is, of course, the hero of every school story ever written, though (to be fair) the authors of most of them have never guessed it. Agamemnon is the sort of form-master whom it is conventional to rag. He may have told you already that Petronius is worth reading for itsadmirable literary criticism (contained in pages 1 to 4 and 189 and191 of this volume) and you may have listened, not knowing yet thatliterary criticism is rarely admirable, nor suspecting that those arethe pages which most people leave unread. But you are fortunate inhaving being born in a generation which is not afraid to say franklywhat it likes, and you will, I imagine, say frankly that you have readPetronius, and intend to read him again because he tells a rattlinggood story, and, unlike certain contemporary novelists whom you arecounselled to admire, tells it about people whose characters andmotives you have no difficulty in understanding. 

But all this time I have said nothing to you about Petronius "theman, " as literary critics say, and this, as you may have suspected, isbecause I know as little about him as anyone else. You have not longsince laid down your Tacitus: I need do no more than refer you to theSixteenth Book of the Annals, where, in the 17th, 18th, 19th and 20thchapters, you will find what is almost the only historical proof ofhis existence. 

A detailed account of him, which must be divinely inspired since thereis no human material for it, has been made popular in the lasthalf-century by the author--a foreign gentleman, whose name for themoment escapes me--of a novel entitled _Quo Vadis_. Fond as he musthave been of oysters, there is no evidence that Petronius ever visitedEngland, but it should be borne in mind that the law for which he isgenerally regarded as showing insufficient respect was not enactedhere until more than eighteen hundred years after his death. Moreover, suicide, the one offence with which he is definitelycharged, was not in his or his contemporaries' eyes the horrid felonywhich, I hope, it will always be in yours. That his work--of whichthis volume forms but a fragmentary part--had made its way into thiscountry, with unusual rapidity, in little more than ten centuries fromits publication, is shown by its being frequently quoted by theEnglish churchman John of Salisbury, the pupil of Abelard and friendand biographer of Becket (the Saint, not the boxer), who died (asBishop of Chartres) in the year 1180. We may suppose that John took acopy of the _Satyricon_ home with him from Paris, as undergraduates doto-day from Oxford and Cambridge. Two and a half centuries later, in1423 (I owe this display of erudition to Mr. Gaselee's collotypereproduction of the Trau manuscript), Poggio writes to NiccoloNiccoli that he has received from Cologne a copy recently ordered byhim, of the fifteenth book of Petronius, and asks his friend to returnthe extract from Petronius "which I sent you from Britain. " Thislast, Mr. Gaselee spiritedly assumes, was the part known as _CenaTrimalchionis_ (pages 41 to 118 in this volume) from which John ofSalisbury makes three separate quotations, but which is not otherwiseon record before the discovery of what may have been Poggio's ownmanuscript (for it also is dated 1423) at Trau in Dalmatia, in themiddle of the seventeenth century. 

This manuscript is described as "Fragments from the Fifteenth andSixteenth Books of the Satire of Petronius Arbiter"; we may assume, therefore, that the whole Satire was immensely long, a life-work, likeMarcel Proust's _A la Recherche du Temps Perdu_, and like that work, perhaps, fatal to its author. Indeed, since Proust's death last yearthe two have frequently been compared, and on more than the merealliterative ground that is in their names. Of Petronius we are told"illi dies per somnum, nox officiis et oblectamentis vitaetransigebatur; utque alios industria, ita hunc ignavia ad famamprotulerat, habebaturque non ganeo et profligator, ut plerique suahaurientium, sed erudito luxu. Ac dicta factaque eius quantosolutiora et quandam sui negligentiam praeferentia, tanto gratius inspeciem simplicitatis accipiebantur. " So far, this describes Proustalso, and the similarity extends to their work. In connexion withProust's, one of our youngest critics, your contemporary rather thanmine, raises the question: "how this titanic fragment can be trundledfrom age to age, " and answers himself with: "_A la Recherche du TempsPerdu_ is not one of those things which are replaced, like the novelof the moment, but exactly what part of it is most likely to be savedthe present cannot decide. " The better answer is, surely, that, ofProust as of his fore-runner Petronius, people will keep the thingsthey like best. There are many pages now in Proust that areboring--but even now a selected edition for schools and colleges is (Iam told) in the press: there is nothing in the surviving _Satyricon_that need bring a yawn to the lips of adolescence. 

If, as I may suppose, you have planned to translate some at least ofthe Greek and Latin classics, you can choose no more handy model thanMr. Burnaby. He is later, it is true, than the richest and bestexamples, but so much the nearer to you in speech. He is not alwaysscholarly--you can safely leave scholarship to others--but he uses anexcellent colloquial English with a common sense in interpretationwhich carries him over the many gaps in the story without any palpabledifference in texture. How fragmentary the latter part of the_Satyricon_ is you will see if you turn to the edition published lastyear in the Loeb Classical Library. The reading of fragments has afascination for the curious mind: you also, I think, must havedevoured those casual sheets of forgotten masterpieces in whichbook-sellers envelop their parcels, and have dignified the whole withan importance which it can never when in circulation have enjoyed. Balzac, you remember, plays on this weakness, which he must haveshared, in _La Muse du Departement_, where the great Lousteauexasperates a provincial audience, assembled to hear him talk, byreading to them the inconsequent pages of _Olympia, ou les Vengeancesromaines;_ it is rich comedy, but the fragment carries us away, and atthe beginning of page 209: "robe frola dans le silence. Tout acoup le cardinal Borborigano parut aux yeux de la duchesse--------" weexclaim, don't we, with Bianchon: "Le cardinal Borborigano! Par lesclefs du pape, si vous ne m'accordez pas qu'il se trouve unemagnifique creation seulement dans le nom, si vous ne voyez pasa ces mots: _robe frola dans le silence!_ toute la poesie durole de _Schedomi_ invente par madame Radcliffe dans _leConfessional des Penitents noirs_, vous etes indigne de lire desromans . . . " And these are fragments that have been deliberatelychosen for preservation. 

Since it is still safe to assume things, I will go on to suggest toyou that the _Satyricon_ was planned, on the Homeric model, intwenty-four books, and will leave you to--in the striking words usedrecently by _The Times_ of the Japanese earthquake--"grope foranalogies" between the text which follows and the fifteenth andsixteenth books of the Odyssey, which you have, doubtless, by heart. But, if I know you at all, you are more likely to be groping foranalogies between the characters in Petronius and those you will comeacross in the first months of your new London life. Quartilla youwill hardly escape, or Tryphoena either; Fortunata will pester youwith her invitations, and, if you visit the National Gallery (though Ihear they intend, now, to close it) or the Turkish Baths, you mustbeware of Eumolpus: while if the others cross your path by night youwill do well to bear in mind the warning given to an earlier poet by agreater Roman even than Petronius:

 Questi non hanno speranza di morte, E la lor cieca vita e tanto bassa, Che invidiosi son d'ogni altra sorte. Fama di loro il mondo esser non lassa, Misericordia e giustizia gli sdegna: Non ragioniam di lor, ma guarda e passa. 

On which high note I shall leave you to enjoy the _Satyricon_, andshall hope to hear from you, presently, what your opinion of it is. 

C. K. Scott Moncrieff. 

TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE HENRYEARL OF RUMNEY

_Master-General of Their Majesties Ordinance, and of Their Majestiesmost Honourable Privy-Council, Constable of Dover-Castle, and LordWarden of the Cinque-Ports. _

My Lord, Good men think the meanest friend no more to be dispis'd, than thepolitick the meanest enemy; and the generous would be as inquisitiveto discover an unknown esteem for 'em, as the cautious an unknownhatred: This I say to plead myself into the number of those you knowfor your admirers; and that the world may know it, give me leave topresent you with a translation of _Petronius_, and to absolve all myoffences against him, by introducing him into so agreeable company. You're happy, my Lord, in the most elegant part of his character, inthe gallantry and wit of a polite gentleman, mixt with the observationand conduct of a man of publik employments; And since all share thebenefit of you, 'tis the duty of all to confess their sence of it, Ihad almost said, to return, as they cou'd, the favour, and like a trueauthor, made that my gratitude which may prove your trouble: But whatflatters me most out of the apprehensions of your dislike, is thegentleman-like pleasantry of the work, where you meet with variety ofridicule on the subject of _Nero's_ court, an agreeable air of humourin a ramble through schools, bagnio's temples, and markets; wit andgallantry in armours, with moral reflections on almost every accidentof humane life. In short, my Lord, I shall be very proud to please a_Sidney_, an house fertile, of extraordinary genio's, whose everymember deserves his own Sir _Philip_ to celebrate him; whosecharacters are romances to the rest of mankind, but real life in hisown family. 

_I am, my Lord, __Your Lordships most devoted__Humble Servant, _W. BURNABY. 

THE PREFACE

The Moors ('tis said) us'd to cast their newborn children into thesea, and only if they swam would think 'em worth their care; but mine, with more neglect, I turn into the world, for sink or swim, I havedone all I design'd for't. I have already, with as much satisfactionas _Aeneas_ in a cloud heard _Dido_ praise him, heard the_Beaux-Criticks_ condemn this translation before they saw it, and withas much judgment as if they had: And after they had propheticallydiscover'd all the flaws in the turns of thought, the cadence ofperiods, and had almost brought in _Epick_ and _Drama_, they supttheir coffee, took snuff, and charitably concluded to send _Briscoe_the pye-woman to help off with his books. Well, I have nothing tosay, but that these brisk gentlemen that draw without occasion, mustput up without satisfaction. 

After the injury of 1700 years, or better, and the several editions in_Quarto_, _Octavo_, _Duodecimo_, etc. , with their respective notes tolittle purpose; for these annotators upon matters of no difficulty, are so tedious, that you can't get rid of their enlargements withoutsleeping, but at any real knot are too modest to interrupt any man'sCuriosity in the untying of it. After so many years, I say, ithappened upon the taking of _Belgrade_ this author was _made_ entire;made so because the new is suspected to be illegitimate: But it has somany features of the lawful father, that he was at least thought ofwhen 'twas got. Now the story's made out, the character of _Lycas_alter'd, and _Petronius_ freed from the imputation of not makingdivine or humane justice pursue an ill-spent life. 

As to the translation, the other hand, I believe, has been verycareful; but if my part don't satisfie the world, I should be glad tosee my self reveng'd in a better version; and though it may prove nodifficult province to improve what I have done, I shall yet have thecredit of the first attempt. 

If any of the fine gentlemen should be angry after they have read it, as some, to save that trouble, have before; and protest I've yetdebauch't _Petronius_, and robb'd him of his language, his onlypurity, I hope we shall shortly be reconciled, for I have some verypretty new songs ready for the press: If this satisfies them, I'llventure to tell others that I have drest the meaning of the originalas modestly as I could, but to have quite hid the obscaenity, Ithought, were to invent, not translate. 

As for the ladies, if any too-discerning antiquated hypocrite (foronly such I fear) shou'd be angry with the beastly author; let thework be my advocate, where the little liberties I take, as modestlybetray a broad meaning, as blushing when a man tells the story. 

Those who object, that things of this nature ought not to hetranslated, must arraign the versions of _Juvenal Suetonius_, etc. , but what _Suetonius_ thought excusable in _History_, any sober manwill think much more allowable in _Satyr_: Nor can this be offensiveto good-manners, since the gross part here is the displaying of vicesof that dye, that there's an abhorrence even in nature from 'em; noris it possible that any ill man can talk a good one into a new frameor composition; nay, perhaps it may be applicable to a good use, tosee our own happiness, that we know that to be opposite to humanity itself, which some of the ancients were deluded even to practise as witand gallantry, thus I'm so far from being toucht in expressing thosecrimes, that I think it makes the more for me, the more they'redetested. 

If I have alter'd or added to the author, it was either to renderthose customs of the _Romans_ that were analogous to ours, by what wasmore familiar to us, or to prevent a note by enlarging on others whereI found 'em. 

The verse of both parts are mine, and I have taken a great liberty in'em; and tho' I believe there I have not wrong'd the original, yet allwill not amount to call them _good_. 

The money at first I made _English_ coin, but not the exact worth, because it would have been odd in some places to have brought in penceand farthings; as when the thousand sesterces are offered for _Gito_, it would not be consistent with the haste they were in to offer somany pounds, so many shillings, and so many pence: I thereforeproportioned a sum to the story without casting up the sesterces; thusthey went to the press: But advis'd either to give the just value orthe _Roman_ coin, I resolv'd on the latter for the reasons I havegiven, and alter'd the summs as the proofs came to my hands; buttrusting the care of one sheet to a friend, the summ of 2000 crownspast unalter'd. 

W. B. 

THE SATYRICON OF PETRONIUS

THE SATYR OFTITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

_With its Fragments, recover'd at Buda_, 1688. 

PART ONE

"I promis'd you an account of what befel me, and am now resolv'd to beas good as my word, being so met to our desires; not only to improveour learning, but to be merry, and put life in our discourse withpleasanter tales. 

"Fabricius Vejento has already, and that wittily, handled the juggleof religion, and withal discover'd with what impudence and ignorancepriests pretend to be inspir'd: But are not our wrangling pleaderspossest with the same frenzy? who cant it? These wounds I receiv'd indefence of your liberty; this eye was lost in your service; lend me ahand to hand me to my children, for my faltering hams are not able tosupport me. 

"Yet even this might pass for tolerable, did it put young beginners inthe least way to well-speaking. Whereas now, what with the inordinateswelling of matter, and the empty ratling of words, they only gainthis, That when they come to appear in publick, they think themselvesin another world. And therefore I look upon the young fry ofcollegiates as likely to make the most helpful blockheads, becausethey neither hear nor see any thing that is in use among men: But acompany of pirates with their chains on the shoar; tyrants issuingproclamations to make children kill their fathers; the answers oforacles in a plague-time, that three or more virgins be sacrific'd toappease the gods; dainty fine honey-pellets of words, and everythingso said and done, as if it were all spice and garnish. 

"Those that are thus bred can no more understand, than those that livein a kitchin not stink of the grease. Give me, with your favour, leave to say, 'twas you first lost the good grace of speaking; forwith light idle gingles of words to make sport ye have brought it tothis, That the substance of oratory is become effeminate and sunk. 

"Young men were not kept to this way of declaiming when Sophocles andEuripides influenc'd the age. Nor yet had any blind alley-professorfoil'd their inclinations, when Pindar and the Nine Lyricks durst notattempt Homer's Numbers: And that I may not bring my authority frompoets, 'tis certain, neither Plato nor Demosthenes ever made it theirpractice: A stile one would value, and as I may call it, a chastoration, is not splatchy nor swoll'n, but rises with a natural beauty. 

"This windy and irregular way of babbling came lately out of Asia intoAthens; and having, like some ill planet, blasted the aspiring geniusof their youth, at once corrupted and put a period to all trueeloquence. 

"After this, who came up to the height of Thucydides? Who reach'd thefame of Hyperedes? Nay, there was hardly a verse of a right strain:But all, as of the same batch, di'd with their author. Painting alsomade no better an end, after the boldness of the Egyptians ventur'd tobring so great an art into a narrower compass. "

At this and the like rate my self once declaim'd, when one Agamemnonmade up to us, and looking sharply on him, whom the mob with suchdiligence observ'd, he would not suffer me to declaim longer in theportico, than he had sweated in the school; "But, young man, " said he, "because your discourse is beyond the common apprehension, and, whichis not often seen, that you are a lover of understanding, I won'tdeceive you: The masters of these schools are not to blame, who thinkit necessary to be mad with mad men: For unless they teach what theirscholars approve, they might, as Cicero says, keep school tothemselves: like flattering smell-feasts, who when they come to greatmen's tables study nothing more than what they think may be mostagreeable to the company (as well knowing they shall never obtain whatthey would, unless they first spread a net for their bars) so a masterof eloquence, unless fisherman like, he bait his hook with what heknows the fish will bite at, may wait long enough on the rock withouthopes of catching any thing. 

"Where lies the fault then? Parents ought to be sharply reprehended, who will not have their children come on by any strict method; but inthis, as in all things, are so fond of making a noise in the world;and in such haste to compass their wishes, that they hurry them inpublick e'er they have digested what they have read, and put childrene'er they are well past their sucking-bottle, upon the good grace ofspeaking, than which even themselves confess, nothing is greater:Whereas if they would suffer them to come up by degrees, that theirstudies might be temper'd with grave lectures; their affectionsfashion'd by the dictates of wisdom; that they might work themselvesinto a mastery of words; and for a long time hear, what they'reinclined to imitate, nothing that pleas'd children, wou'd be admir'dby them. But now boys trifle in the schools, young men are laugh'd atin publick, and, which is worse than both, what every one foolishlytakes up in his youth, no one will confess in his age. But that I maynot be thought to condemn Lucilius, as written in haste, I also willgive you my thoughts in verse. 

 "Who ere wou'd with ambitious just desire, To mastery in so fire an art aspire, Must all extreams first diligently shun, And in a settled course of vertue run. Let him not fortune with stiff greatness climb, Nor, courtier-like, with cringes undermine: Nor all the brother blockheads of the pot, Ever persuade him to become a sot; Nor flatter poets to acquire the fame Of, I protest, a pretty gentleman. But whether in the war he wou'd be great, Or, in the gentler arts that rule a state; Or, else his amorous breast he wou'd improve Well to receive the youthful cares of love. In his first years to poetry inclin'd, Let Homer's spring bedew his fruitful mind; His manlier years to manlier studies brought, Philosophy must next imply his thought. Then let his boundless soul new glories fire, And to the great Demosthenes aspire. When round in throngs the list'ning people come, T'admire what sprung in Greece so slow at home Rais'd to this height, your leisure hours engage In something just and worthy of the stage; Your choice of words from Cicero derive, And in your poems you design shou'd live, The joys of feasts, and terrors of a war, More pleasing those, and these more frightful are, When told by you, than in their acting were: And thus, enrich'd with such a golden store, You're truly fit to be an orator. "

While I was wholly taken up with Agamemnon, I did not observe howAscyltos had given me the slip, and as I continu'd my diligence, agreat crowd of scholars fill'd the portico, to hear, (as it appear'dafterwards) an extemporary declamation, of I know not whom, that wasdiscanting on what Agamemnon had said; while therefore they ridicul'dhis advice, and condemn'd the order of the whole, I took anopportunity of getting from them, and ran in quest of Ascyltos: Butthe hurry I was in, with my ignorance where our inn lay, so distractedme, that what way soever I went, I return'd by the same, till tir'd inthe pursuit, and all in a sweat, I met an old herb-woman: And, "Ibeseech ye, mother, " quoth I, "do you know whereabouts I dwell?"Pleas'd with the simplicity of such a home-bred jest, "Why should Inot?" answer'd she; and getting on her feet went on before me: Ithought her no less than a witch: but, having led me into a bye lane, she threw off her pyebal'd patch't-mantle, and "here, " quoth she, "youcan't want a lodging. "

While I was denying I knew the house, I observ'd a company of beauxreading the bills o'er the cells, on which was inscrib'd the name ofthe whore and her price; and others of the same function naked, scuttling it here and there, as if they would not, yet would be seen:When too late I found my self in a bawdy-house, cursing the jade thathad trapan'd me thither, I cover'd my head and was just making offthrough the midst of them, when in the very entry Ascyltos met me, butas tir'd as my self, and in a manner dead; you'd have sworn the sameold woman brought him. I could not forbear laughing, but havingsaluted each other, I ask'd what business he had in so scandalous aplace? He wip'd his face, and "if you knew, " said he, "what hashappened to me--" "As what?" quoth I. 

He faintly reply'd "When I had rov'd the whole city without findingwhere I had left the inn, the master of this house came up to me, andkindly profer'd to be my guide; so through many a cross lane and blindturning, having brought me to this house, he drew his weapon and prestfor a closer ingagement. In this affliction the whore of the cellalso demanded garnish-money; and he laid such hands on me, that had Inot been too strong for him, I had gone by the worst of it. "

While Ascyltos was telling his tale, in come the same fellow, with awoman, none of the least agreeable, and looking upon Ascyltos, entreated him to walk in and fear nothing, for if he would not bepassive he might be active: the woman on the other hand press'd me togo in with her. We follow'd therefore, and being led among thosebills, we saw many of both sexes at work in the cells, so much everyof them seem'd to have taken a provocative. 

Nor were we sooner discover'd than they wou'd have been at us with thelike impudence, and in a trice one of them, his coat tuck'd under hisgirdle, laid hold on Ascyltos, and threw him athwart a couch: Ipresently ran to help the undermost, and putting our strengthstogether, we made nothing of the troublesome fool. Ascyltos went off, and flying, left me expos'd to the fury; but, thanks to my strength, Igot off without hurt. 

I had almost traverst the city round, when through the dusk I saw Gitoon the beggars-bench of our inn; I made up to him, and going in, ask'dhim, what Ascyltos had got us for dinner? the boy sitting down on thebed, began to wipe the tears that stood in his eyes; I was muchconcern'd at it, and ask'd him the occasion; he was slow in hisanswer, and seem'd unwilling; but mixing threats with my intreaties;"'Twas that brother or comrogue of yours, " said he, "that coming erewhile into our lodging, wou'd have been at me, and put hard for it. When I cry'd out, he drew his sword, and 'if thou art a Lucreece, 'said he, 'thou hast met a Tarquin. '"

I heard him, and shaking my fist at Ascyltos; "What saist thou, " saidI, "thou catamite, whose very breath is tainted?"

He dissembled at first a great trembling, but presently throwing myarms aside, in a higher voice cry'd out: "Must you be prating, thouribaldrous cut-throat whom, condemn'd for murdring thine host, nothingbut the fall of the stage could have sav'd? You make a noise, thounight-pad, who when at thy best hadst never to do with any woman but abawd? On what account, think ye, was I the same to you in the aviary, that the boy here, now is!"

"And who but you, " interrupted I, "gave me that slip in the portico?""Why what, my Man of Gotham, " continu'd he, "must I have done, when Iwas dying for hunger? Hear sentence forsooth, that is, the ratling ofbroken glasses, and the expounding of dreams? So help me Hercules, asthou art the greater rogue of the two, who to get a meals meat wertnot asham'd to commend an insipid rhimer. " When at last, havingturn'd the humour from scolding to laughing, we began to talk soberly. 

But the late injury still sticking in my stomach, "Ascyltos, " said I, "I find we shall never agree together, therefore let's divide thecommon stock, and each of us set up for himself: Thou'rt a piece of ascholar, and I'll be no hindrance to thee, but think of some otherway; for otherwise we shall run into a thousand mischiefs, and becometown-talk. "

Ascyltos was not against it; and "Since we have promis'd, " said he, "as scholars, to sup together, let's husband the night too: andto-morrow I'll get me a new lodging, and some comrade or other. "

"'Tis irksome, " said I, "to defer what we like" (the itch of the fleshoccasion'd this hasty parting, tho' I had been a long time willing toshake off so troublesome an observer of my actions, that I might renewmy old intrigue with my Gito). 

Ascyltos taking it as an affront, without answering, went off in aheat: I was too well acquainted with his subtle nature, and theviolence of his love, not to fear the effects of so suddain a breach, and therefore made after him, both to observe his designs and preventthem; but losing sight of him, was a long time in pursuit to nopurpose. 

When I had search'd the whole town, I return'd to my lodging, where, the ceremony of kisses ended, I got my boy to a closer hug, and, enjoying my wishes, thought myself happy even to envy: Nor had I donewhen Ascyltos stole to the door, and springing the bolt, found us atleap-frog; upon which, clapping his hands, he fell a laughing, andturning me out of the saddle; "What, " said he, "most reverendgentleman, what were you doing, my brother sterling?" Not contentwith words only, but untying the thong that bound his wallet, he gaveme a warning, and with other reproaches, "As you like this, so be forparting again. "

The unexpectedness of the thing made me take no notice of it, butpolitickly turn it off with a laugh; for otherwise I must have been atloggar-heads with my rival: Whereas sweetening him with a counterfeitmirth, I brought him also to laugh for company: "And you, Encolpius, "began he, "are so wrapt in pleasures, you little consider how shortour money grows, and what we have left will turn to no account:There's nothing to be got in town this summertime, we shall havebetter luck in the country; let's visit our friends. "

Necessity made me approve his advice, as well as conceal the smart ofhis lash; so loading Gito with our baggage, we left the city, and wentto the house of one Lycurgus, a Roman knight; who, because Ascyltoshad formerly been his pathick, entertain'd us handsomly; and thecompany, we met there, made our diversions the pleasanter: For, firstthere was Tryphoena, a very beautiful woman, that had come with oneLycas, the owner of a ship, and of a small seat, that lay next thesea. 

The delight we receiv'd in this place was more than can be exprest, tho' Lycurgus's table was thrifty enough: The first thing was everyone to chuse his play-mate: The fair Tryphoena pleas'd me, andreadily inclin'd to me; but I had scarce given her the courtesie ofthe house, when Lycas storming to have his old amour slockt from him, accus'd me at first of under-dealing; but soon from a rival addressinghimself as a lover, he pleasantly told me, I must repair his damages, and plyed me hotly: But Tryphoena having my heart, I could not lendhim an ear. The refusal set him the sharper; he follow'd mewhere-ever I went, and getting into my chamber at night, when entreatydid no good, he fell to downright violence; but I rais'd such anoutcry that I wak'd the whole house, and, by the help of Lycurgus, gotrid of him for that bout. 

At length perceiving Lycurgus's house was not for his purpose, hewould have persuaded me to his own; but I rejecting the proffer, hemade use of Tryphoena's authority; and she the rather persuaded meto yield to him, because she was in hopes of living more at libertythere. I follow'd therefore whither my love led me; but Lycurgushaving renew'd his old concern with Ascyltos, wou'd not suffer him todepart: At last we agreed, that he shou'd stay with Lycurgus, and wego with Lycas: Over and beside which, it was concluded, that every ofus, as opportunity offer'd, should pilfer what he could for the commonstock. 

Lycas was overjoy'd at my consent, and so hasten'd our departure, that, taking leave of our friends, we arriv'd at his house the sameday. But in our passage he so order'd the matter that he sate nextme, and Tryphoena next Gito, which he purposely contriv'd to showthe notorious lightness of that woman; nor was he mistaken in her, forshe presently grew hot upon the boy: I was quickly jealous, and Lycasso exactly remark'd it to me, that he soon confirm'd my suspicion ofher. On this I began to be easier to him, which made him all joy, asbeing assur'd the unworthiness of my new mistress wou'd beget mycontempt of her, and resenting her slight, I shou'd receive him withthe better will. 

So stood the matter while we were at Lycas's: Tryphoena wasdesperately in love with Gito; Gito again as wholly devoted to her; Icar'd least for the sight of either of them; and Lycas studying toplease me, found me every day some new diversion: In all which alsohis wife Doris, a fine woman, strove to exceed him, and that so gayly, that she presently thrust Tryphoena from my heart: I gave her thewink, and she return'd her consent by as wanton a twinckle; so thatthis dumb rhetorick going before the tongue, secretly convey'd eachothers mind. 

I knew Lycas was jealous, which kept me tongue-ty'd so long, and thelove he bore his wife made him discover to her, his inclination to me:But the first opportunity we had of talking together, she related tome what she had learn'd from him; and I frankly confess'd it, butwithal told her how absolutely averse I had ever been to't: "Wellthen, " quoth the discreet woman, "we must try our wits, according tohis own opinion, the permission was one's, and the possessionanother's. "

By this time Gito had been worn off his legs, and was gathering newstrength, when Tryphoena came back to me, but disappointed of herexpectations, her love turn'd to a downright fury; and, all on firewith following me to no purpose, got into my intrigue both with Lycasand his wife: She made no account of his gamesomeness with me, as wellknowing it wou'd hinder no grist to her mill: But for Doris, she neverleft till she had found out our private amours, and gave a hint of itto Lycas; whose jealousie having got the upper hand of his love, ranall to revenge; but Doris, advertis'd by Tryphoena's woman, todivert the storm, forbore any such meetings. 

As soon as I perceiv'd it, having curs'd the treachery of Tryphoena, and the ingratitude of Lycas, I began to make off, and fortunefavour'd me: For a ship consecrated to the Goddess Isis, laden withrich spoils, had the day before run upon the rocks. 

Gito and I laid our heads together, and he was as willing as my selfto be gone; for Tryphoena having drawn him dry, began now not to beso fond of him. Early the next morning therefore we march'd tosea-ward, where with the less difficulty we got on board the ship, because we were no strangers to Lycas's servants then in wait uponher: They still honouring us with their company, it was not a time tofilch any thing; but, leaving Gito with them, I took an opportunity ofgetting into the stern, where the image of Isis stood, and strip'd herof a rich mantle, and silver taber, lifting other good booty out ofthe master's cabin, I stole down by a rope, unseen by any but Gito;who also gave them the slip and sculk'd after me. 

As soon as I saw him I shew'd him the purchase, and both of usresolv'd to make what haste we could to Ascyltos, but Lycurgus's housewas not to be reach'd the same day: When we came to Ascyltos we shew'dhim the prize, and told him in short the manner of getting it, and howwe were made a meer may-game of love: He advis'd us to prepossessLycurgus with our case, and make him our friend ere the others couldsee him; and withal boldly assert it, that the trick Lycas would haveserved them, was the only cause why they stole away so hastily; whichwhen Lycurgus came to understand, he swore he would at all timesprotect us against our enemies. 

Our fight was unknown till Tryphoena and Doris were got out of bed;for we daily attended their levy, and waited on them while they weredressing; but, when contrary to custom they found us missing, Lycastent after us, and especially to the sea-side, for he had heard wemade that way, but not a word of the pillage, for the ship laysomewhat to sea-ward, and the master had not yet return'd on board. 

But at last it being taken for granted we had run away, and Lycasbecoming uneasie for want of us, fell desperately foul on his wife, whom he suppos'd to be the cause of our departure: I'll take no noticeof what words and blows past between them; I know not everyparticular: I'll only say, Tryphoena, the mother of mischief, hadput Lycas in the head, that it might so be, we had taken sanctuary atLycurgus's, where she persuaded him to go in quest of the runnagates, and promis'd to bear him company, that she might confound ourimpudence with just reproaches. 

The next day they accordingly set forward, and came to his house; butwe were out of the way: For Lycurgus was gone to a festival in honourof Hercules, held at a neighbouring village, and had taken us withhim, of which when the others were inform'd, they made what haste theycould to us, and met us in the portico of the temple. The sight ofthem very much disordered us: Lycas eagerly complained of our flightto Lycurgus, but was received with such a bended brow, and so haughtya look, that I grew valiant upon't, and with an open throat charg'dhim with his beastly attempts upon me, as well at Lycurgus's as in hisown house; and Tryphoena endeavouring to stop my mouth, had hershare with him, for I set out her harlotry to the mob, who were gotabout us to hear the scolding: And as a proof of what I said, I shew'dthem poor sapless Gito, and my self also, whom that itch of the whorehad even brought to our graves. 

The shout of the mob put our enemies so out of countenance that theywent off heavily, but contriving a revenge; and therefore observinghow we had put upon Lycurgus, they went back to expect him at hishouse, and set him right again. The solemnity ending later than wasexpected, we could not reach Lycurgus's that night, and therefore hebrought us to a half-way house, but left us asleep next morning, andwent home to despatch some business, where he found Lycas andTryphoena waiting for him, who so ordered the matter with him, thatthey brought him to secure us. Lycurgus naturally barbarous andfaithless, began to contrive which way to betray us, and sent Lycas toget some help, whilst he secured us in the village. 

Thither he came, ard at his first entry, treated us as Lycas had done:After which wringing his hands together, he upbraided us with the lyewe had made of Lycas, and taking Ascyltos from us, lock'd us up in theroom where we were, without so much as hearing him speak in ourdefence; but carrying him to his house, set a guard upon us, tillhimself should return. 

On the road Ascyltos did what he could to mollifie Lycurgus; butneither entreaties, nor love, nor tears doing any good on him, it cameinto our comerades head to set us at liberty, and being all on fire atLycurgus's restiness, refus'd to bed with him that night, and by thatmeans the more easily put in execution what he had been thinking on. 

The family was in their dead sleep when Ascyltos took our fardels onhis shoulders, and getting through a breach in the wall, which he hadformerly taken notice of, came to the village by break of day, andmeeting no one to stop him, boldly enter'd it and came up to ourchamber; which the guard that was upon us, took care to secure; butthe bar being of wood, he easily wrenched it with an iron crow, andwaken'd us; for we snor'd in spight of fortune. 

Our guard had so over-watched themselves, that they were fall'n into adead sleep, and we only wak'd at the crack. To be short, Ascyltoscame in and briefly told us what he had done for our sakes: On this wegot up; and as we were rigging our selves, it came into my head tokill the guard, and rifle the village; I told Ascyltos my mind. Heliked the rifling well enough, but gave us a wish'd delivery withoutblood, for being acquainted with every corner of the house, he pick'dthe lock of an inner-room where the movables lay, and bringing us intoit, we lifted what was of most value, and got off while it was yetearly in the morning; avoiding the common road, and not resting tillwe thought our selves out of danger. 

Then Ascyltos having got heart again, began to amplifie the delight hetook in having pillag'd Lycurgus; of whose miserableness he, notwithout cause, complain'd; for he neither paid him for his nightsservice, nor kept a table that had either meat, or drink on't, beingsuch a sordid pinch-peny; that, notwithstanding his infinite wealth, he deny'd himself the common necessaries of life. 

 Unhappy Tantalus, amidst the flood, Where floating apple on the surface roll'd, Ever pursu'd them with a longing eye, Yet could not thurst nor hunger satisfie. Such is the miser's fate; who midst his store, Fearing to use, is miserably poor. 

Ascyltos would have been for Naples the same day, had I not told himhow imprudent it was to take up there, where, forasmuch as could beconjectur'd, we were most likely to be sought after: "And therefore, ''said I, "let's keep out of the way for the present, and, since we haveenough to keep us from want, stroul it about till the heat be over. "The advice was approv'd, and we set forward for a pleasantcountry-town, where we were sure to meet some of our acquaintance thatwere taking the benefit of the season: But we were scarce got halfway, when a shower of rain emptying it self upon us like buckets, forc'd us into the next village; where entring the inn, we saw a greatmany others that had also struck in, to avoid the storm. The throngkept us from being taken notice of, and gave us the opportunity ofprying here and there, what we might filch in a crowd, when Ascyltos, unheeded of any one, took a purse from the ground, in which he foundseveral pieces of gold; we leap'd for joy at so fortunate a beginning;but fearing, lest some or other might seek after it, we slunk out at aback-door, where we saw a groom saddling his horses; but, as havingforgotten somewhat, he run into the house leaving behind him anembroider'd mantle, mail'd to one of the saddles: In his absence I cutthe straps and under the covert of some out-sheds we made off with itto a neighbouring forest. Being more out of danger among the thicketswe cast about where we should hide the gold that we might not beeither charg'd with the felony, or robb'd of it our selves: At last weconcluded to sow it in the lining of an old patcht coat which I threwover my shoulders and entrusted the care of the mantle to Ascyltos, indesign to get to the city by cross-ways: But as we were going out weheard somewhat on our left hand to this purpose: "They shall notescape us; they came into the wood; let's separate ourselves and beatabout, that we may the better discover and take them. " This put usinto such a fright that Ascyltos and Gito fled through briars andbrambles to the city-ward; but I turn'd back again in such a hurrythat without perceiving it the precious coat drop'd from my shoulders:At last being quite tir'd and not able to go any further, I laid medown under the shelter of a tree where I first miss'd the coat: Thengrief restor'd my strength, and up I got again to try if I couldrecover the treasure; I ran hither and thither and every where but tono purpose; but spent and wasted between toil and heaviness, I gotinto a thicket, where having tarried four hours, and half dead withthe horror of the place, I sought the way out; but going forward, acountry-man came in sight of me: Then I had need of all my confidence, nor did it fail me: I went up roundly to him, and making my moan how Ihad lost my self in the wood, desir'd him tell me the was to the city:He pittying my figure (for I was as pale as death, and all bemir'd)ask'd me if I had seen any one in the wood? I answer'd, not asoul--on which he courteously brought me into the highway, where hemet two of his friends, who told him, they had travers'd the woodthro' and thro' but had light upon nothing but a coat, which theyshew'd him. 

It may easily be believed I had not the courage to challenge it, tho'I knew well enough what the value of it was: This struck me more thanall the rest; however, bewailing my treasure, the country-man notheeding me, and feebleness growing upon me, I slacken'd my pace, andjogg'd on slower than ordinarily. 

It was longer e're I reach'd the city than I thought of; but coming tothe inn, I found Ascyltos half dead, and stretcht on a straw pallet, and fell on another my self, not able to utter a word: He missing thecoat was in a great disorder, and hastily demanded of me, what wasbecome of it: I on the other hand, scarce able to draw my breath, resolv'd him by my languishing eyes, what my tongue would not give meleave to speak: At length recovering by little and little, I plainlytold him the ill luck I had met with: But he thought I jested, andtho' the tears in my eyes might have been as full evidence to him asan oath, he yet questioned the truth of what I said, and would notbelieve but I had a mind to cheat him. During this, Gito stood astroubled as my self, and the boy's sadness increased mine: But thefresh suit that was after us, distracted me most. I opened the wholeto Ascyltos who seem'd little concern'd at it, as having luckily gotoff for the present, and withal assur'd himself, that we were pastdanger, in that we were neither known, nor seen by any one: However, it was thought fit to pretend a sickness, that we might have thebetter pretext to keep where we were: But our monies falling shorterthan we thought of, and necessity enforcing us, we found it high timeto sell some of our pillage. 

It was almost dark, when going into the brokers market, we sawabundance of things to be bought and sold: of no extraordinary value, 'tis true; yet such whose night-walking trade, the dusk of the eveningmight easily conceal. We also had the mantle with us, and taking theopportunity of a blind corner, fell a shaking the skirt of it, to tryif so glittering a shew would bring us a purchaser; nor had we beenlong there, e're a certain country-man, whom I thought I had seenbefore, came up to us with a hussye that follow'd him, and began toconsider the mantle more narrowly, as on rhe other side did Ascyltosour country chapman's shoulders, which presently startled him, andstruck him dumb, nor could my self behold 'em without being concern'dat it, for he seemed to me to be the same fellow that had found thecoat in the wood, as in truth he was: But Ascyltos doubting whether hemight trust his eyes or not, and that he might not do any thingrashly, first came nearer to him as a buyer, and taking the coat fromhis shoulders, began to cheapen, and turn it more carefully. O thewonderful vagaries of fortune! for the country-man had not so much asexamined a seam of it, but carelessly exposed it as beggars-booty. 

Ascyltos seeing the coat unript, and the person of the sellercontemptible, took me aside from the crowd: And "Don't you see, brother, " said he, "the treasure I made such moan about is returned?That's the coat with the gold in't, all safe and untoucht: Whattherefore do we do, or what course shall we take to get our ownagain?"

I now comforted, not so much that I had seen the booty, but hadclear'd my self of the suspicion that lay upon me, was by no means forgoing about the bush, but down-right bringing an action against him, that if the fellow would not give up the coat to the right owner, wemight recover it by law:

 Laws bear the name, but money has the power; The cause is bad when e'er the client's poor: Those strickt liv'd men that seem above our world Are oft too modest to resist our gold. So judgment, like our other wares, is sold; And the grave knight that nods upon the laws, Wak'd by a fee, hems, and approves the cause. 

Ascyltos on the other side afraid of the law, "Who, " said he, "knowsus in this place, or will give any credit to what we say? I am clearfor buying it, tho' we know it to be our own, and rather recover thetreasure with a little money, than embroil our selves in an uncertainsuit"; but we had not above a couple of groats ready money, and thatwe design'd should buy us somewhat to eat. Least therefore the coatshould be gone in the mean time, we agreed, rather than fail, to sellthe mantle at a lower price, that the advantage we got by the one, might make what we lost by the other more easie. 

As soon therefore as we had spread open the mantle, the woman thatstood muffled by the country-man, having pryingly taken notice of sometokens about it, forceably laid both hands on't, and setting up herthroat, cryed out, "Thieves, thieves!"

We on the t'other part being disordered at it, lest yet he might seemto do nothing, got hold of the totter'd coat, and as spitefullyroar'd, they had robb'd us of it: But our case was in no wise liketheirs, and the rabble that came in to the out-cry, ridicul'd, as theywere wont, the weaker side, in that the others laid claim to so rich amantle, and we to a ragged coat, scarce worth a good patch. At thisAscyltos could hardly keep his countenance; but the noise being over, We see, said he, how every one likes his own best, give us our coat, and let them take the mantle. 

The country-man and the woman lik'd the exchange well enough, but asort of petty-foggers, most of whose business was such night practice, having a mind to get the mantle themselves, as importunately required, that both mantle and coat should be left in their hands, and the judgewould hear their complaints on the morrow: For it was not the thingsalone that seem'd to be in dispute, but quite another matter to beenquir'd into, to wit, a strong suspicion of robbery on both sides. 

At last it was agreed to put both into some indifferent hand, till theright were determin'd; when presently one, I know not who, with a baldpate, and a face full of pimples, he had been formerly a kind ofsolicitor, steps out of the rout, and laying hold on the mantle, saidhe'd be security it should be forth-coming the next day: when in truthhe intended nothing more, but that having gotten it into huckstershands, it might be smugled among them, as believing we would nevercome to own it, for fear of being taken up for it; for our part wewere as willing as he; and an accident befriended both of us: For thecountry-man thinking scorn of it, that we demanded to have the patchtcoat given us, threw it at Ascyltos's head, and discharging us ofeverything but the mantle, required that to be secur'd as the onlycause of the dispute. Having therefore recovered, as we thought, ourtreasure, we made all the haste we could to the inn, and having shutthe door upon us, made our selves merry, as well with the Judgment ofthe rabble as of our detractors, who with so much circumspection hadrestor'd us our money. 

While we were ripping the coat and taking out the gold, we overheardsomebody asking mine host, what kind of people those were that hadjust now come in, and being startled at it, I went down to see whatwas the matter, and understood that a city serjeant, who according tothe duty of his office, took an account of all strangers, and had seena couple come into the inn, whose names he had not yet registered, andtherefore, inquired of what country they were, and what way of livingthey had. 

But mine host gave me such a blind account of it, that I began tosuspect we were not safe there; whereupon for fear of being taken up, we thought fit to go off for the present, and not come back again tillit was in the night, but leave the care of our supper to Gito. 

We had resolv'd to keep out of the broad streets, and accordingly tookour walk thro' that quarter of the city where we were likely to meetleast company; when in a narrow winding lane that had not passagethro', we saw somewhat before us, two comely matron-like women, andfollowed them at a distance to a chappel, which they entred, whence weheard an odd humming kind of noise, as if it came from the hollow of acave: Curiosity also made us go in after them, where we saw a numberof women, as mad as they had been sacrificing to Bacchus, and each ofthem an amulet (the ensign of Priapus) in her hand. More than that wecould not get to see; for they no sooner perceived us, than they setup such a shout, that the roof of the temple shook agen, and withalendeavoured to lay hands on us; but we scamper'd and made what hastewe could to the inn. 

Nor had we sooner stuff'd our selves with the supper Gito had got forus, when a more than ordinary bounce at the door, put us into anotherfright; and when we, pale as death, ask'd who was there, 'twasanswer'd, "Open the door and you'll see:" While we were yet talking, the bolt drop'd off, and the door flew open, on which, a woman withher head muffl'd came in upon us, but the same who a little before hadstood by the country-man in the market: "And what, " said she, "do youthink to put a trick upon me? I am Quartilla's maid, whose sacredrecess you so lately disturb'd: she is at the inn-gate and desires tospeak with ye: not that she either taxes your inadvertency, or has amind to so resent it, but rather wonders, what god brought such civilgentlemen into her quarters. "

We were silent as yet, and gave her the hearing, but inclin'd toneither part of what she had said, when in came Quartilla herself, attended with a young girl, and sitting down by me, fell a weeping:nor here also did we offer a word, but stood expecting what thosetears at command meant. At last when the showre had emptied it self, she disdainfully turn'd up her hood and clinching her fingerstogether, till the joints were ready to crack, "What impudence, " saidshe, "is this? or where learnt ye those shamms, and that slight ofhand ye have so lately been beholding to? By my faith, young men, Iam sorry for ye; for no one beheld what was unlawful for him to see, and went off unpunisht: and verily our part of the town has so manydeities, you'll sooner find a god than a man in't: And that you maynot think I came hither to be revenged on ye, I am more concern'd foryour youth, than the injury ye have done me: for unawares, as I yetthink, ye have committed an unexpiable abomination. 

"For my part it troubled me all night, and threw me into such ashaking, that I was afraid I had gotten a tertian, on which I tooksomewhat to have made me sleep; but the god appeared to me, andcommanded me to rise and find ye out, as the likeliest way to take offthe violence of the fit. But I am not so much in pain for a remedy, as that a greater anguish strikes me to the heart, and willundoubtedly make an end of me, for fear in one of your youthfulfrolicks, you should disclose what you saw in Priapus's chappel, andutter the counsels of the gods among the people. Low as your knees, Itherefore lift my hands t'ye, that ye neither make sport of ournight-worship, nor dishonour the mysteries of so many years, which, 'tis not every one, even among our selves, that knows. "

After this she fell a crying again, and with many a pittiful groan, fell flat on my bed: when I at the same time, between pity and fear, bid her take courage and assure her self of both; for that we wouldneither divulge those holy mysteries; nor if the god had prescribedher any other remedy fot her ague, be wanting our selves to assistprovidence, even with our own hazard. 

At this promise of mine, becoming more chearful, she fell a kissing methick and threefold, and turning the humour of tears into laughing, she comb'd up some hair that hung over my face with her fingers, and, "I come to a truce with ye, " said she, "and discharge ye of theprocess I intended against you: but if ye shou'd refuse me themedicine I entreat of ye for the ague, I have fellows enough will beready by to morrow, that shall both vindicate my reputation, andrevenge the affront ye put upon me. 

 "Contempt's dishono'rable, and the giver rude, T'advise the doctor, speaks the patient proud: But l am mistress of my self so far, I can pay scorn with scorn without a war: The wise revenge is to neglect the ill, They're not the only conquerours that kill. "

Then clapping her hands together, she turn'd off to so violent alaughter, that made us apprehensive of some design against us; thesame also did the woman that came in first, and the girl that camewith her; but so mimically, that seeing no reason for so sudden achange, we one while star'd on one another, and otherwhile on thewoman. 

At length, quoth Quartilla, "I have commanded, that no flesh alive besuffered to come into this inn to day; that I may receive from you themedicine for the ague without interruption. "

At what time Ascyltos was a little amaz'd, and I so chill'd that I hadnot power to utter a word: But the company gave me heart not to expectworse, for they were but three women, and if they had any design, mustyet be too weak to effect it against us, who if we had nothing more ofman about us, had yet that figure to befriend us: We were all girt upfor the purpose, and I had so contriv'd the couples, that if it mustcome to a rancounter, I was to make my part good with Quartilla, Ascyltos with her woman, and Gito the girl. 

While I was thus casting the matter in my head, Quartilla came up tome, to cure me of the ague, but finding her self disappointed, flewoff in a rage, and returning in a little while, told us, there werecertain persons unknown, had a design upon us, and therefore commandedto remove us into a noble palace. 

Here all our courage fail'd us, and nothing but certain death seem'dto appear before us. 

Then I began, "If, madam, you design to be more severe with us, be yetso kind as to dispatch it quickly; for whate'er our offence be, it isnot so hainous that we ought to be rack'd to death for it": Upon whichher woman, whose name was Psyche, spread a coverlet on the floor, Sollicitavit inguina mea mille iam mortibus frigida. Ascyltos muffledhis head in his coat, as having had a hint given him, how dangerous itwas to take notice of what did not concern him. In the mean timePsyche took off her garters, and with one of them bound my feet, andwith the other my hands. 

Thus fetter'd as I lay, "This, madam, " said I, "is not the way to ridyou of your ague. " "I grant it, " answer'd Psyche, "but I have a Doseat hand will infallibly do it" and therefore brought me a lusty bowlof satyricon, (a love-potion) and so merrily ran over the wonderfuleffects of it, that I had well-nigh suck'd it all off; but becauseAscyltos had slighted her courtship, she finding his back towards her, threw the bottom of it on him. 

Ascyltos perceiving the chat was at an end, "Am not I worthy, " saidhe, "to get a sup?" And Psyche fearing my laughter might discoverher, clapped her hands, and told him, "Young-man I made you an offerof it, but your friend here has drunk it all out. "

"Is it so, " quoth Quartilla, smiling very agreeably, "and hasErcolpius gugg'd it all down?" At last also even Gito laught forcompany, at what time the young wench flung her arms about his neck, and meeting no resistance, half smother'd him with kisses. 

We would have cry'd out, but there was no one near to help us; and asI was offering to bid 'em keep the peace, Psyche fell a nipping andpricking me with her bodkin: on the other side also, the young wenchhalf stifled Ascyltos with a dish-clout she had rubb'd in the bowl. 

Lastly came leaping upon us a burdash, in a rough mantle stuck withmyrtle, girt about him; and one while almost ground our hipps topowder with his bobbing at us, and other while slobber'd us with hisnasty kisses; till Quartilla, holding her staff of office in her hand, discharg'd us of the service; but not without having first taken anoath of us, that so dreadful a secret should go no further than ourselves. Then came in a company of wrestlers, and rubb'd us over withthe yolk of an egg beaten to oil: When being somewhat refresh'd, weput on our right gowns, and were led into the next room, that hadthree beds in it, all well appointed, and the rest of theentertainment as splendidly set out. The word was given, and we satedown, when having whet our appetites with an excellent antipast, weswill'd our selves with the choicest of wine; nor was it long e'er wefell a nodding. "It is so, " quoth Quartilla; "can ye sleep when yeknow it is the vigil to Priapus?" at what time Ascyltos snor'd sosoundly, that Psyche, not yet forgeting the disapointment, he gaveher, all besooted his face, and scor'd down his shoulders with a burntsticks end. 

Plagu'd with these mischiefs, I hardly got the least wink of sleep, nor was the whole family, whether within doors or without, in a muchbetter condition, some lay up and down at our feet, others had runtheir heads against the walls, and others lay dead asleep cross thethreshold: The lamps also having drunk up their oil, gave a thin andlast blaze. 

At this instant got in a couple of pilfering rogues to have stollenour wine; but while they fell a scuffling among some silver vesselsthat stood upon the table, they broke the earthen pot that held thewine, and overthrew the table, with the plate on it, and at the sametime also, a cup falling off the shelf on Psyche's bed, broke her headas she lay fast asleep; on which he cry'd out, and therewithdiscovered the thieves, and wak'd some of the drunkards: The thieveson the other hand finding themselves in a pound, threw themselves onone of the beds, as some of the guests, and fell a snoring like therest. The usher of the hall being by this time got awake, put somemore oil in the dying lamps; and the boys, having rubb'd their eyes, return'd to their charge, when in came a woman that play'd on theharp, and ratling its strings, rous'd all the rest: On which thebanquet was renew'd, and Quartilla gave the word, to go on where weleft (that is drinking): The she harper also added not a little to ourmidnight revel. 

At last bolted in a shameless rascal, one of no grace either in wordsor gesture, and truly worthy of the house where he was; he also set uphis voice, 'till apishly composing himself, as if he intended somewhatto the company, he mouth'd out these verses:

 O yes! Now tumblers with your wanton tricks, Make haste, move your legs quick, make the ground drum; With wanton arms, soft thighs, and active hips, The old, the tender, and the sweetly young. 

Consumptis versibus suis immundissimo me basio conspuit. Mox et superlectum venit atque omni vi detexit recusantem. Super inguina mea diumultumque frustea moluit. Profluebant per frontem sudantem acaciaerivi, et inter rugas malarum tantum erat cretae, ut putares detectumparictum nimbo laborare. Non tenui ego diutius lacrimas, sed adultiman, perductus tristitiam. "Quaeso, " inquam, "domina, certeembasicoetan iusseras dari. " Complosit illa tenerius manus et "O"inquit "homincm acutum atque urbanitatis vernaculae fontem. Quid? tunon intellexeras cinaedum embasicoetan vocari?" Deinde utcontubernali meo melius succederet, "Per fidem" inquam "vestram, Ascyltos in hoc triclinio solus ferias aglt?" "Ita" inquit Quartilla"et Ascylto embasicoetas detur. " Ab hoc voce equum cinaedus mutavittransituque ad comitem meum facto clunibus eutn basiisque distrivit. Stabat inter haec Giton et risu disolvebat ilia sua. Itaqueconspicata eum Quartilla, cuius esset puer, diligentissimasciscitatione quaesivit. Cum ego fratrem meum esse dixissem, "Quareergo" inquit "me non basiavit?" Vocatumque ad se in osculumapplicuit. Mox manum etiam demisit in sinum et pertrectato vasculotam rudi "Haec" inquit "belle cras in promulside libidinis nostraemilitabit: hodie enim post asellum diari non sumo. " With that Psychecame tittering to her, and having whispered I know not what in herear, Thou art in the right, quoth Quartilla, 'twas well thought on;and since we have so fine an opportunity, why should not our Pannychislose her maidenhead? And forthwith was brought in a pretty younggirl, that seem'd not to be above seven years of age, and was the samethat first came into our room with Quartilla: All approv'd it with ageneral clap, ard next desiring it, a wedding was struck up betweenthe boy and her. For my part I stood amaz'd, and assur'd them, thatneither Gito, a bashful lad, was able for the drudgery, nor the girlof years to receive it. "Ita, " inquit Quartilla, "minor eat ista quamego fui, quum primum virum passa sum? Iunonem meam iratam habeam, siumquam me meminerim virginem fuisse. Nam et infans cum paribusinclinata sum, et subinde procedentibus annis maioribus me puerisapplicui, donec ad hanc aetatem perveni. Hinc etiam puto proverbiumnatum illud, ut dicatur posse taurum tollere, qui vitulum sustulerit. "

Least therefore my comrade might run a greater hazard, I got up to thewedding. 

And now Psyche put a flame-colour veil on the girl's head; the pathickled before with a flamboe, and a long train of drunken women, fell ashouting, and drest up the bride-chamber; Quartilla, all a-gog as therest, took hold of Gito and dragg'd him in with her: But truly the boymade no resistance; nor seem'd the girl frighted at the name ofmatrimony. When therefore they were lockt up, we sat without, beforethe threshold of the chamber; and Quartilla having waggishly slit achink thro' the door, as wantonly laid an ape's eye to it; nor contentwith that, pluck't me also to see that childs play, and when we werenot peeping, would turn her lips to me, and steal a kiss. 

The jade's fulsomeness had so tir'd me that I began to devise whichwas to get off. I told Ascyltos my mind, and he was well pleased withit, for he was a willing to get rid of his torment, Psyche: Nor was ithard to be done, if Gito had not been lockt up in the chamber; for wewere resolved to take him with us, and not leave him the mercy of abawdy-house. While we were contriving how to effect it, it sohappened that Pannychis fell out of bed, and drew Gito after her, without any hurt, though the girl got a small knock in the fall, andtherewith made such a cry, that Quartilla, all in a fright, ranheadlong in, and gave us the opportunity of getting off, and takingthe boy with us; when without more ado, we flew to our inn, andgetting to bed, past the rest of the night without fear. 

But going out the next day, whom should we meet but two of thosefellows that robb'd us of the mantle, which Ascyltos perceiving, hebriskly attack'd one of them, and having disarm'd and desperatelywounded him, came in to my relief; who was pressing upon the other, but he behav'd himself so well, that he wounded us both, altho' butslightly, and got off himself without so much as a scratch. 

And now came the third day, that is the expectation of anentertainment at Trimalchio's, where every one might speak what hewould: But having received some wounds, we thought flight might be ofmore use to us than sitting still: We got to our inn therefore, asfast as we could, and our wounds not being great, cured them as we layin bed, with wine and oyl. 

But the rogue whom Ascyltos had hewn down, lay in the street, and wewere in fear of being discovered, while therefore we were pensivelyconsidering which way to avoid the impending storm, a servant ofAgamemnon's interrupted our fears: "And do not ye know, " said he, "with whom we eat to-day? Trimalchio, a trim finical humorist has aclock in his dining-room, and one on purpose to let him know how manyminutes of his life he had lost. " We therefore drest our selvescarefully, and Gito willingly taking upon him the part of a servant, as he had hither to done, we bade him put our things together, andfollow us to the bath. 

Being in the mean time got ready, we walk'd we knew not where, orrather, having a mind to divert us, struck into a tennis-court, wherewe saw an old bald-pated fellow in a carnation-colour'd coat, playingat ball with a company of boys, nor was it so much the boys, tho' itwas worth our while, that engaged us to be lookers on as the master ofthe house himself in pumps, who altogether tossed the ball, and neverstruck it after it once came to the ground, but had a servant by him, with a bag full of them, ard enough for all that play'd. 

We observed also some new things; for in the gallery stood twoeunuchs, one of whom held a silver chamber-pot, the other counted theballs, not those they kept tossing, but such as fell to the ground. While we admir'd the humour, one Menelaus came up to us, and told uswe were come where we must set up for the night, and we had seen thebeginning of our entertainment. As he was yet talking, Trimalchiosnapp'd his fingers, at which sign the eunuch held the chamber-pot tohim as he was playing; then calling for water, he dipped the tips ofhis fingers in it, and dry'd them on the boys head. 'Twould be toolong to recount every thing: We went into the hot-house, and havingsweated a little, into the cold bath; and while Trimalchio wasanointed from head to foot with a liquid perfume, and rubb'd cleanagain, not with linnen but with finest flannen, his three chyrurgeonsply'd the muscadine, but brawling over their cups; Trimalchio said itwas his turn to drink; then wrapt in a scarlet mantle, he was laid ona litter born by six servants, with four lacqueys in rich liveriesrunning before him, and by his side a sedan, in which was carried hisdarling, a stale bleer-eyed catamite, more ill-favoured than hismaster Trimalchio; who at they went on, kept close to his ear with aflagellet as if he had whispered him, and made him musick all the way. Wondering, we followed, and, with Agamemnon, came to the gate, onwhich hung a tablet with this inscription:

WHAT EVER SERVANT GOES FORTH WITHOUT HIS MASTER'S COMMAND, HE SHALLRECEIVE AN HUNDRED STRIPES. 

In the porch stood the porter in a green livery, girt about with acherry-coloured girdle, garbling of pease in a silver charger; andover head hung a golden cage with a magpye in it, which gave us an AllHail as we entred: But while I was gaping at these things, I had liketo have broken my neck backward, for on the left hand, not far fromthe porter's lodge, there was a great dog in a chain painted on thewall, and over him written in capital letters, BEWARE THE DOG. Mycompanions could not forbear laughing; bur I recollecting my spirits, pursued my design of going to the end of the wall; it was the draughtof a market-place where slaves were bought and sold with bills overthem: There was also Trimalchio with a white staff in his hand, andMinerva with a train after her entring Rome: Then having learnt how tocast accompt, he was made auditor; all exquisitely painted with theirproper titles; and at the end of the gallery Mercury lifting him bythe chin, and placing him on a judgment-seat. Fortune stood by himwith a cornucopia, and the three fatal sisters winding a goldenthread. 

I observed also in the same place a troop of light-horsemen, withtheir commander exercising them, as also a large armory, in one of theangles of which stood a shrine with the gods of the house in silver, amarble statue of Venus, and a large golden box, in which it was saidhe kept the first shavings of his beard. Then asking the servant thathad the charge of these things, what pictures those were in themiddle? The Iliads and the Odysses, said he, and on the left-hand twospectacles of sword-playing. We could not bestow much time on it, forby this time we were coming to the dining-room, in the entry of whichsate his steward, taking every one's account: But what I most admir'd, were those bundles of rods, with their axes, that were fastned to thesides of the door, and stood, as it were, on the brazen prow of aship, on which was written, TO CAIUS POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO OF PRAETORIAN DIGNITY; CINNAMUS THESTEWARD. 

Under the same title also, hung a lamp of two lights from the roof ofthe room, and two tablets on either side of the door; of which one, ifI well remember, had this inscription, THE THIRD AND SECOND OF THE KALENDS OF JANUARY, OUR PATRON CAIUS EATSABROAD. 

On the other was represented the course of the moon, and the sevenstars; and what days were lucky, what unlucky, with an emboss'd studdto distinguish the one from the other. 

Full of this sensuality we were now entring the room, where one of hisboys, set there for that purpose, call'd aloud to us, "ADVANCEORDERLY. " Nor is it to be doubted, but we were somewhat concern'd forfear of breaking the orders of the place. But while we were footingit accordingly, a servant stript off his livery, fell at our feet, andbesought us to save him a whipping; for he said his fault was no greatmatter, but that some cloaths of the stewards had been stolen from himin the bath, and all of them not worth eighteen-pence. 

We returned therefore in good order, and finding the steward in thecounting-house telling some gold, besought him to remit the servant'spunishment: When putting on an haughty face, "It is not, " said he, "the loss of the thing troubles me, but the negligence of a carelessrascal. He has lost me the garments I sate at table in, and which aclient of mine presented me on my birth-day: no man can deny them tobe right purple, tho' not double dye; yet whatever it be, I grant yourrequest. "

Having receiv'd so great a favour, as we were entring the dining-room, the servant for whom we had been suitors, met us, and kissing us, whostood wondring what the humour meant, over and over gave us thanks forour civility; and in short told us we should know by and by, whom itwas we had oblig'd: The wine which our master keeps for his owndrinking, is the waiters kindness. 

At length we sate down, when a bigger and sprucer sort of boys comingabout us, some of them poured snow-water on our heads, and otherspar'd the nails of our feet, with a mighty dexterity, and that notsilently, but singing as it were by the bye: I resolved to try if thewhole family sang; and therefore called for drink, which one of theboys a readily brought me with an odd kind of tune; and the same didevery one as you asked for any thing: You'd have taken it for a Morrisdancers hall, not the table of a person of quality. 

Then came a sumptuous antepast; for we were all seated, but onlyTrimalchio, for whom, after a new fashion, the chief place wasreserv'd. Besides that, as a part of the entertainment, there was setby us a large vessel of metheglin, with a pannier, in the one part ofwhich were white olives, in the other black; two broad platterscovered the vessel, on the brims of which were engraven Trimalchio'sname, and the weight of the silver, with little bridges solderedtogether, and on them dormice strew'd over with honey and poppy: Therewere also piping-hot sausages on a silver gridiron, and under thatlarge damsons, with the kernels of pomegranats. 

In this condition were we when Trimalchio himself was waddled into theconsort; and being close bolster'd with neck-cloaths and pillows tokeep off the air, we could not forbear laughing unawares: For his baldpate peep'd out of a scarlet mantle, and over the load of cloaths helay under, there hung an embroidered towel, with purple tassels andfringes dingle dangle about it: He had also on the little finger ofhis left hand, a large gilt ring, and on the outmost joint of thefinger next it, one lesser, which I took for all gold; but at last itappeared to be jointed together with a kind of stars of steel. Andthat we might see these were not all his bravery, he stripp'd hisright arm, on which he wore a golden bracelet, and an ivory circle, bound together with a glittering locket and a meddal at the end of it:Then picking his teeth with a silver pin, "I had not, my friends, "said he, "any inclination to have come among you so soon, but fearingmy absence might make you wait too long, I deny'd myself my ownsatisfaction; however suffer me to make an end of my game": Therefollowed him a boy with an inlaid table and christal dice; and I tooknotice of one thing more pleasant than the rest; for instead of blackand white counters, his were all silver and gold pieces of money. 

In the mean time while he was squandering his heap at play, and wewere yet picking a relish here and there, a cupboard was brought inwith a basket, in which was a hen carved in wood, her wings lyinground and hollow, as sitting on brood; when presently the consortstruck up, and two servants fell a searching the straw under her, andtaking out some peahens eggs, distributed them among the company: Atthis Trimalchio changing countenance, "I commanded my friends, " saidhe "the hen to be set with peahens eggs; and so help me Hercules, amafraid they may be half hatcht: however we'll try if they are yetsuppable. "

The thing we received was a kind of shell of at least six poundsweight, made of paste, and moulded into the figure of an egg, which weeasily broke; and for my part, I was like to have thrown away myshare; for it seemed to me to have a chick in it; till hearing an oldguest of the tables saying, it was some good bit or other, I searchedfurther into it, and found a delicate fat wheatear in the middle of awell-pepper'd yolk: On this Trimalchio stopped his play for a while, and requiring the like for himself, proclaim'd, if any of us wouldhave any more metheglin, he was at liberty to take it; when of asudden the musick gave the sign, and the first course was scrabledaway by a company of singers and dancers; but in the rustle ithappening that a dish fell on the door, a boy took it up, andTrimalchio taking notice of it, pluck'd him by the ears, and commandedhim to throw it down again; on which the groom of the chamber camewith a broom and swept away the silver dish, with whatsoever else hadfallen from the table. 

When presently came in two long-hair'd blacks, with small leatherbottles, such as with which they strew sand on the stage, and gave uswine to wash our hands, but no one offered us water. We all admiringthe finicalness of the entertainment, "Mars, " said he, "is a lover ofjustice, and therefore let every one have a table to himself, forhaving more elbow-room, these nasty stinking boys will be lesstroublesome to us"; and thereupon large double-eared vessels of glassclose plaistered over, were brought up with labels about their necks, upon which was this inscription:

OPIMIAN MUSCADINE OF AN HUNDRED YEARS OLD. 

While we were reading the titles, Trimalchio clapped his hands, and"Alas, alas, " said he, "that wine should live longer than man! Wineis life, and we'll try if it has held good ever since the consulshipof Lucius Opimius, or not. 'Tis right Opimian, and therefore makeready; I brought not out so good yesterday, yet there were persons ofbetter quality sup'd with me. "

We drank and admired every thing, when in came a servant with a silverpuppet, so jointed and put together that it turned every way; andbeing more than once thrown upon the table, cast it self into severalfigures; on which Trimalchio came out with his poetry:

 Unhappy mortals, on how fine a thread Our lives depend! How like this puppet man, Shall we alas! be all when we are dead! Therefore let's live merrily while we can. 

The applause we gave him, was followed with a service, but respectingthe place not so considerable as might have been expected: However, the novelty of the thing drew every man's eye upon it; it was a largecharger, with the twelve signs round it; upon every one of which themaster cook had laid somewhat or other suitable to the sign. UponAries, chick-pease, (a pulse not unlike a ram's head); upon Taurus apiece of beef; upon Gemini a pair of pendulums and kidneys; uponCancer a coronet; upon Leo an African figg; upon Virgo a well-grownboy; upon Libra a pair of scales, in one of which was a tart, in theother a custard; upon Scorpio a pilchard; upon Sagittary a grey-hound;upon Capricorn a lobster; upon Aquarius a goose; upon Pisces twomullets; and in the middle a plat of herbs, cut out like a green turf, and over them a honey-comb. During this, a lesser black carry'd aboutbread in a silver oven, and with a hideous voice, forced a bawdy songfrom a buffoon that stunk like assa foetida. 

When Trimalchio perceived we look'd somewhat awkwardly on such coursefare, "Come, come, " said he, "fall to and eat, this is the custom ofthe place. "

Nor had he sooner said it, than the fourth consort struck up; at whichthe waiters fell a dancing, and took off the upper part of thecharger, under which was a dish of cramm'd fowl, and the hinder papsof a sow that had farrowed but a day before, well powdered, and themiddle a hare, stuck in with finns of fish in his side, that he look'dlike a flying horse; and on the sides of the fish four little images, that spouted a relishing sauce on some fish that lay near them, all ofthem brought from the river Euripus. 

We also seconded the shout begun by the family, and fell merrilyaboard this; and Trimalchio no less pleas'd than our selves, cryed"Cut"; at which the musick sounding again, the carver humour'd it, andcut up the meat with such antick postures, you'd have thought him acarman fighting to an organ. 

Nevertheless Trimalchio in a lower note, cryed out again "Cut:" Ihearing the word so often repeated, suspecting there might be somejoke in it, was not ashamed to ask him that sate next above me, whatit meant? And he that had been often present at the like, "You see, "said he, "him that carves about, his name is cutter; and as often ashe says 'Cut, ' he both calls and commands. "

The humour spoiled my stomach for eating; but turning to him that Imight learn more, I made some pleasant discourse to him at a distance;and at last asked him what that woman was that so often scutled up anddown the room. 

"It is, " said he, "Trimalchio's wife, her name Fortunata, she measuresmoney by the bushel; but what was she not long since? Pardon me sir, you would not have touch'd her with a pair of tongs, but now, no oneknows how, or wherefore she's got into heaven; and is Trimalchio's allin all: In short, if she says it is mid-night at mid-day, he'llbelieve her. He's so very wealthy, he knows not what he has; but shehas an eye every where; and when you least think to meet her: She'svoid of all good counsel, and withal of all ill tongue; a very pye athis bolster; whom she loves she loves; and whom she does not love, shedoes not love. 

"Then for Trimalchio, he has more lands than a crow can fly over;monies upon monies: There lies more silver in his porters lodge, thanany one man's whole estate. And for his family, hey-day, hey-day, there is not (so help me Hercules) one tenth of them that know theirmaster. In brief, there is not one of those fools about him, but hecan turn him into a cabbage-stalk. Nor is there any occasion to buyany thing, he has all at his own door; wooll, marte, pepper, nay hensmilk; do but beat about and you'll find it. In a word, time was, hiswooll was none of the best, and therefore he bought rams at Tarentumto mend this breed; an in like manner he did by his honey, by bringinghis bees from Athens. It is not long since but he sent to the Indiesfor mushroom-seed: Nor has he so much as a mule that did not come of awild ass. See you all these quilts? there is not one of them whosewadding is not the finest comb'd wooll of violet or scarlet colour, dy'd in grain. O happy man! but have a care how you put a slight onthose freed men, they are rich rogues: See you him that sits at thelower-end of the table, he has now the Lord knows what; and 'tis notlong since he was not worth a groat, and carried billets and faggotsat his back; it is said, but I know nothing of it myself, but as Ihave heard, either he got in with an old hog-grubbler, or had to dowith an incubus, and found a treasure: For my part, I envy no man, (ifGod gives anything it is a bit of a blow, and wills no evil to himself) he lately set up this proclamation:

 "C. POMPEIUS DIOGENES HAS SOME LODGINGS TO LET, FOR HE HATH BOUGHT A HOUSE. "

"But what think you of him who sits in the place of a late slave? howwell was he once? I do not upbraid him: He was once worth a hundredthousand sesterstias, but has not now a hair of his head that is notengaged; nor, so help me Hercules, is it his own fault: There is not abetter humour'd man than himself; but those rascally freed-men havecheated him of all: For know, when the pot boyls, and a man's estatedeclines, farewell friends. And what trade do you think he drove? Hehad the setting forth of grave men's funerals; and with that eat likea prince: He had his wild boars served up covered; pastry-meats, fowl-cooks, bakers: More wine was thrown under his table than most menhave in their cellars; a meer phantasm: And when his estate was going, and he feared his creditors might fall upon him, he made an auctionunder this title:

 "JULIUS PROCULUS WILL MAKE AN AUCTION OF SEVERAL GOODS HE HAS NO USE OF. "

The dish was by this time taken away, and the guests grown merry withwine, began to talk of what was done abroad, when Trimalchio broke thediscourse; and leaning on his elbow, "This wine, " said he, "is worthdrinking, and fish must swim; but do you think I am satisfied withthat part of your supper you saw in the charger? Is Ulysses no betterknown? what then; we ought to exercise our brains as well as ourchaps; and shew, that we are not only lovers of learning, butunderstand it: Peace rest my old tutor's bones who made me a manamongst men: No man can tell me any thing that is new to me; for, likehim, I am master of the practicks. 

"This heaven, that's inhabited by twelve gods, turns it self into asmany figures; and now 'tis Aries: He that's born under that sign hasmuch cattle, much wooll, and to that a jolt-head, a brazen-face, andwill be certainly a cuckold: There are many scholars, advocates, andhorned beasts, come into the world under this sign. We praised ournativity-caster's pleasantness, and he went on then again: The wholeHeaven is Taurus, and wonder it e'er bore foot-ball-players, herds-men, and such as can shift for themselves. Under Gemini arefoaled coach-horses, oxen calved, great baubles, and such as can clawboth sides are born. I was born my self under Cancer, and thereforestand on many feet, as having large possessions both by sea and land. For Cancer suits one as well as the other, and therefore I put nothingupon him, that I might not press my own geniture. Under Leo, spendthrifts and bullies: under Virgo, women, runagates, and such aswear iron garters: under Libra, butchers, slipslop-makers, and men ofbusiness: under Scorpio, empoisoners and cut-throats: under Sagittary, such as are goggle-ey'd, herb-women, and bacon-stealers: underCapricorn, poor helpless rascals, to whom yet Nature intended horns todefend themselves: under Aquarius, cooks and paunch-bellies: underPisces, caterers and orators: And so the world goes round like a mill, and is never without its mischief; that men be either born or perish. But for that tuft of herbs in the middle, and the honey-comb upon it, I do nothing without just reason for it: Our mother the earth is inthe middle, made round like an egg, and has all good things in herself, like a honeycomb. "

"Most learnedly, " we all cry'd; and lifting our hands, swore, neitherHipparebus nor Aratus were to be compared to him, till at last otherservants came in and spread coverlets on the beds, on which werepainted nets, men in ambush with hunting-poles, and whateverappertained to hunting: Nor could we yet tell what to make of it: whenwe heard a great cry without, and a pack of beagles came and ran roundthe table, and after them a large trey, on which was a boar of thefirst magnitude, with a cap on his head, (such as slaves at theirmaking free, had set on theirs in token of liberties) on his tuskshung two wicker baskets, the one full of dates, the other of almonds;and about him lay little pigs of marchpane, as if they were sucking:They signified a sow had farrowed, and hang there as presents for theguests to carry away with them. 

To the cutting up this boar, here came not he that had carried aboutthe fowl as before, but a swinging fellow with a two-handed beard, buskins on his leggs, and a short embroidered coat; who drawing hiswood-knife, made a large hole in the boar's side, out of which flew acompany of blackbirds: Then fowlers stood ready with their engines andcaught them in a trice as they fluttered about the room: On whichTrimalchio ordering to every man his bird, "See, " said he, "what kindof acorns this wild boar fed on:" When presently the boys took off thebaskets and distributed the dates and almonds among the guests. 

In the mean time, I, who had private thoughts of my own, was muchconcerned, to know why the boar was brought in with a cap upon hishead; and therefore having run out my tittle-tattle, I told myinterpreter what troubled me: To which he answered, "Your boy can eventell ye what it means, for there's no riddle in it, but all as clearas day. This boar stood the last of yester-nights supper, anddismiss'd by the guests, returns now as a free-man among us. " I curstmy dulness, and asked him no more questions, that I might not bethought to have never eaten before with men of sense. 

While we were yet talking, in came a handsome boy with a wreath ofvine leaves and ivy about his head; declaring himself one whileBromius, another while Lyccus, and another Euphyus (several names ofBacchus) he carried about a server of grapes, and with a clear voice, repeated some of his master's poetry, at which Trimalchio turning tohim, "Dionysius, " said he, "be thou Liber, " (i. E. ) free, (two othernames of Bacchus) whereupon the boy took the cap from off the boar'shead, and putting it on his own, Trimalchio added, "You will not denyme but I have a father, Liber. " We all praised the conceit, andsoundly kissed the boy as he went round us. 

From this up rose Trimalchio, and went to the close-stool; we alsobeing at liberty, without a tyrant over us fell to some table-talk. 

When presently one calling for a bumper, "The day, " said he, "isnothing, 'tis night e're the scene turn, and therefore nothing isbetter than to go straight from bed to board. We have had a greatdeal of frost, the bagnio has scarce heated me; but a warm drinking ismy wardrobe-keeper: For my part, I have spun this days thread; thewine is got into my noddle, and I am down-right--"

Selucus went on with the rest, "And I, " said he, "do not bathe everyday, for he where I use to bathe is a fuller: Cold water has teeth init, and my head grows every day more washy than others, but when Ihave got my dose in my guts, I bid defiance to cold: Nor could I welldo it to day, for I was at a funeral, a jolly companion, and a goodman was he, Crysanthus has breathed his last: 'Tis not long since wewere together, and methinks I talk with him now. Alas, alas! we arebut blown bladders, less than flies, yet they have somewhat in them:But we are meer bubbles. You'll say he would not be rul'd; not a dropof water, or crumb of bread went down his throat in five days: And yethe's gone, or that he died of the doctor. But I am of opinion histime was come; for a physician is a great comfort. However, he waswell carried out of his house upon a rich bed, and mightily lamented, he made some of his servants free; but his wife seem'd not muchconcerned for him. You'll say again he was not kind to her; but womenare a kind of kites; whatever good is done them, 'tis the same as ifit were thrown in a well; and old love is as bad as a goal. "

At this Philaos grew troublesome, and cryed out, "Let us remember theliving: He had what was due to him; as he liv'd so he dy'd; and whathas he now that any man moans the want of it? He came from nothing, and to his dying-day would have taken a farthing from a dunghil withhis teeth; therefore as he grew up, he grew like a honey-comb. Hedy'd worth the Lord knows what, all ready money. But to the matter; Ihave eaten a dog's tongue and dare speak truth: He had a foul mouth, was all babble; a very make-bate, not a man. His brother was a bravefellow, a friend to his friends, of an open hand, and kept a fulltable: He did not order his affairs so well at first as he might havedone; but the first vintage made him up again; for he sold what winehe would; and what kept up his chin was the expectation of areversion; the credit of which brought him more than was left him; forhis brother taking a pelt at him, devised the estate to I know notwhose bastard: He flies far that flies his relations. Besides, thisbrother of his had whisperers about him, that were back-friends to theother: but he shall never do right that is quick of belief, especiallyin matter of business; and yet 'tis true, he'll be counted wise whilehe lives, to whom the thing whatever it be is given, nor he that oughtto have had it. He was without doubt, one of fortune's sons; lead inhis hand would turn to gold, and without trouble too, where there arenot rubbs in the way. And how many years think ye he liv'd?Seventy-odd: but he was as hard as horn, bore his age well, and asblack as a crow. 

"I knew him some years ago an oilman, and to his last a good womansman; but withal such a miser, that (so help me Hercules) I think heleft not a dogg in his house. He was also a great whore-master, and ajack of all trades; nor do I condemn him for't, for this was the onlysecret he kept to himself and carry'd with him. "

Thus Phileros and Gammedes, as followeth: "Ye talk of what concernsneither Heaven nor Earth, when in the mean time no man regards whatmakes all victuals so scarce: I could not (so help me Hercules) get amouthful of bread to day: and how? The drought continues: For mypart, I have not fill'd my belly this twelve-month: A plague on theseclerks of the market, the baker and they juggle together; take nonotice of me, I'll take no notice of thee; which make the poorer sortlabour for nothing, while those greater jaw-bones make festival everyday. Oh that we had those lyons I now find here, when I first cameout of Asia, that had been to live: The inner part of Sicily had thelike of them, but they so handled the goblins, even Jupiter bore themno good-will. I remember Safinius, when I was a boy, he liv'd by theold arch; you'd have taken him for pepper-corn rather than a man;where-ever he went the earth parched under him; yet he was honest atbottom; one might depend on him; a friend to his friend, and whom youmight boldly trust in the dark. But how did he behave himself on thebench? He toss'd every one like a ball; made no starch'd speeches, but downright, as he were, doing himself what he would persuadeothers: But in the market his noise was like a trumpet, withoutsweating or spueing. I fancy he had somewhat, I know not what, of theAsian humour: then so ready to return a salute, and call every one byhis name, as if he had been one of us. In his time corn was as commonas loam; you might have bought more bread for half a farthing, thanany two could eat; but now the eye of an ox will cost you twice asmuch: Alas! alas! we are every day worse and worse, and grow like acows tail, downward: And why all this? We have a clerk of the marketnot worth three figgs, and values more the getting of a doit himself, than any of our lives: 'Tis this makes him laugh in his sleeve; for hegets more money in a day than many an honest man's whole estate: Iknow not how he got the estate he has; but if we had any thing of menabout us, he would not hug himself as he does, but now the people aregrown to this pass, that they are lyons at home, and foxes abroad: Formy part, I have eaten up my cloaths already, and if corn holds at therate it does, I shall be forc'd to sell house and all: For what willbecome of us, if neither gods nor men pity us? Let me never enjoy myfriends more, than I believe all this comes from Heaven; for no onethinks there is any such thing; no one keeps a fast, or value Jupitera hair, but shuts his eyes and reckons what he is worth. Time was, when matrons went bare-foot with dishevel'd hair, pure minds, andpray'd him to send rain, and forthwith it rained pitcher-fulls, orthen or never, and every one was pleased: Now the gods are no betterthan mice; as they tread, their feet are wrapt in wooll; and becauseye are not superstitious your lands yield nothing. "

"More civilly, I beseech ye, " said Echion the hundred-constable; "itis one while this way, and another while that, said the country-manwhen he lost his speckled hogg: What is not to day may be to morrow;and thus is life hurried about, so help me Hercules, a country is saidnot to be the better that it has many people in it, tho' ours atpresent labours under that difficulty, but it is no fault of hers: Wemust not be so nice, Heaven is equally distant every where; were youin another place you'd say hoggs walked here ready dress'd: And now Ithink on't, we shall have an excellent show these holy-days, afencing-prize exhibited to the people; not of slaves bought for thatpurpose, but most of them freemen. Our patron Titus has a large soul, but a very devil in his drink, and cares not a straw which side getsthe better: I think I should know him, for I belong to him; he's of aright breed both by father and mother, no mongril. They are wellprovided with weapons, and will fight it out to the last: the theatrewill look like a butchers shambles, and he has where-withal to do it;his father left him a vast sum, and let him make ducks and drakes withit never so much, the Estate will bear it, and he always carries thereputation of it. He has his waggon horses, a woman-carter, andGlyco's steward, who was taken a-bed with his mistress; what a busle'shere between cuckolds and cuckold-makers! But this Glyco amoney-broker, condemned his steward to fight with beasts; and what wasthat but to expose himself for another? where lay the servant's crime, who perhaps was oblig'd to do what he did: She rather deserv'd to bebrain'd, than the bull that tossed her; but he that cannot come at thearse, thrashes at the pack-saddle: yet how could Glyco expectHermogine's daughter should make a good end? She'd have pared theclaws of a flying kite; a snake does not bring forth a halter: Glycomight do what he would with his own; but it will be a brand on him aslong as he lives; nor can any thing but Hell blot it out; however, every man's faults are his own. I perceive now what entertainmentMammea is like to give us; he'll be at twopence charges for me and mycompany; which if he does, he will pull Narbanus clean out of favour;for you must know, he'll live at the full height; yet in truth whatgood has he done us? He gave us a company of gittiful sword-players, but so old and decrepid, that had you blown on them, they'd havefallen of themselves: I have seen many a better at a funeral pile; hewould not be at the charge of lamps for them; you'd have taken themfor dunghil cocks fighting in the dark; one was a downright fool, andwithal gouty; another crump-footed, and a third half dead, andhamstrung: There was one of them a Thracian, that made a figure, andkept up to the rule of fighting; but upon the whole matter, all ofthem were parted, and nothing came of this great block-headed rabble, but a downright running away: And yet, said he, I made ye a show, andI clap my hands for company; but cast up the account, I gave more thanI received; one hand rubs another. You Agamemnon seem to tell me whatwould that trouble some fellow be at; because you that can speak, anddo not, you are not of our form, and therefore ridicule what poor mensay; tho', saving the repute of a scholar, we know you are but a meerfool. Where lies the matter then? let me persuade you to take a walkin the country, and see our cottage, you'll find somewhat to eat; achicken, some eggs, or the like: The tempestuous season had like tohave broke us all, yet we'll get enough to fill the belly. Yourscholar, my boy Cicero, is mightily improved, and if he lives, you'llhave a servant of him; he is pretty forward already, and whateverspare time he has, never off a book: He's a witty lad, well-featur'd, takes a thing without much study, tho' yet he be sickly: I killedthree of his linnets the other day, and told him the weasels had eatenthem; yet he found other things to play with, and has a pretty knackat painting: He has a perfect aversion to Greek, but seems betterinclined to Latin; tho' the master he has now humours him in theother; nor can he be kept to one thing, but is still craving more, andwill not take pains with any. There is also another of this sort, notmuch troubled with learning, but very diligent, and teaches more thanhe knows himself: He comes to our house on holidays, and whatever yougive him he's contented; I therefore bought the boy some ruled books, because I will have him get a smattering in accounts and the law; itwill be his own another day: He has learning enough already, but if hetakes back to it again, I design him for a trade, a barber, a parson, or a lawyer, which nothing but the devil can take from him: How ofthave I told him, Thou art (Sirrah) my first begotten, and believe thyfather, whatever thou learnest 'tis all thy own: See there Philero thelawyer, if he had not been a scholar he might have starved; but nowsee what trinkums he has about his neck, and dares nose Narbanus. Letters are a treasure, and a trade never dies. "

Thus, or the like, we were bandying it about when Trimalchio return'd, and having wip'd the slops from his face, wash'd his hands, and in avery little time, "Pardon me, my friends, " said he, "I have beencostive for several days, and my physicians were to seek about it, when a suppository of pomegranate wine, with the liquor of a pine-treeand vinegar relieved me; and now I hope my belly may be ashamed if itkeep no better order; for otherwise I have such a rumbling in my guts, you'd think an ox bellowed; and therefore if any of you has a mind, heneed not blush for the matter; there's not one of us born without somedefect or other, and I think no torment greater than wanting thebenefit of going to stool, which is the only thing even Jupiterhimself cannot prevent: And do you laugh, Fortunata, you that break meso often of my sleep by nights; I never denyed any man do that in myroom might pleasure himself, and physicians will not allow us to keepany thing in our bodies longer than we needs must; or if ye have anyfarther occasion, every thing is ready in the next room: Water, chamber-pots, close-stools, or whatever else ye may need; believe me, this being hard-bound, if it get into the head, disturbs the wholebody; I have known many a man lost by it, when they have been somodest to themselves as not to tell what they ailed. "

We thank'd him for his freeness, and the liberty he gave us, when yetto suppress our laughter, we set the glasses about again; nor did weyet know that in the midst of such dainties we were, as they say, toclamber another hill; for the cloth being again taken away, upon thenext musick were brought in three fat hogs with collars and bellsabout their necks; and he that had the charge of them told us, the onewas two years old, the other three, and the third full grown. I tookit at first to have been a company of tumblers, and that the hogs, asthe manner is, were to have shewn us some tricks in a ring, tillTrimalchio breaking my expectation, "Which of them, " said he, "will yehave for supper? for cocks, pheasants, and the like trifles are butcountry fare, but my cooks have coppers will boil a calf whole;" andtherewith commanding a cook to be called for, he prevented our choiceby ordering him to kill the largest, and with a loud voice, asked him, Of what rank of servants in that house he was? to which he answering, of the fortieth: "Were you bought, " said the other, "or born in myhouse?" "Neither, " said the cook, "but left you by Pansa'stestament. " "See then, " said Trimalchio, "that you dress it as itshould be, or I'll send you to the galleys. " On which the cook, advertised of his power, went into the kitchin to mind his charge. 

But Trimalchio turning to us with a pleasanter look, asked if the winepleased us, "If not, " said he, "I'll have it changed, and if it does, let me see it by your drinking: I thank the gods I do not buy it, buthave everything that may get an appetite growing on my own groundswithout the city, which no man that I know but my self has; and yet ithas been taken for Tarracino and Taranto. I have a project to joynSicily to my lands on the continent, that when I have a mind to gointo Africa, I may sail by my own coasts. But prithee Agamemnon tellme what moot-point was it you argued to day; for tho' I plead nocauses my self, yet I have had a share of letters in my time; and thatyou may not think me sick of them now, have three libraries, the oneGreek, the other two Latin; therefore as you love me tell me what wasthe state of the question:" "The poor and the rich are enemies, " saidAgamemnon: "And what is poor, " answered Trimalchio? "Spoke like agentleman, " replyed Agamemnon. But making nothing of the matter, "Ifit be so, " said Trimalchio, "where lies the dispute? And if it be notso, 'tis nothing. "

While we all humm'd this and the like stuff, "I beseech ye, " said he, "my dear Agamemnon, do you remember the twelve labours of Hercules, orthe story of Ulysses, how a Cyclop put his thumb out of joint with amawkin? I read such things in Homer when I was a boy; nay, saw myself the Sybil of Curna hanging in a glass bottle: And when the boysasked her, 'Sybil, what wouldst thou?' She answered, 'I would die. '"

He had not yet run to the end of the rope, when an over-grown hog wasbrought to the table. We all wondered at the quickness of the thing, and swore a capon could not be dress'd in the time; and that the more, because the hog seemed larger than was the boar, we had a littlebefore: When Trimalchio looking more intent upon him, "What, what, "said he, "are not his guts taken out? No, (so help me Hercules) theyare not! Bring hither, bring hither this rogue of a cook. " And whenhe stood hanging his head before us, and said, he was so much in hastehe forgot it. "How, forgot it, " cry'd out Trimalchio! "Do ye thinkhe has given it no reasoning of pepper and cummin? Strip him:" Whenin a trice 'twas done, and himself set between two tormentors:However, we all interceded for him, as a fault that might now and thenhappen, and therefore beg'd his pardon; but if he ever did the like, there was no one would speak for him; tho' for my part, I think hedeserved what he got: And so turning to Agamemnon's ear, "Thisfellow, " said I, "must be a naughty knave; could any one forget tobowel a hog? I would not (so help me Hercules) have forgiven him ifhe had served me so with a single fish. " But Trimalchio it seems, hadsomewhat else in his head; for falling a laughing, "You, " said he, "that have so short a memory, let's see if you can do it now. " Onwhich, the cook having gotten his coat again, took up a knife, andwith a feigned trembling, ripp'd up the hog's belly long and thwart, when immediately its own weight tumbled out a heap of hogs-puddingsand sausages. 

After this, as it had been done of it self, the family gave a shout, and cry'd out, "Health and prosperity to Caius!" The cook also waspresented with wine, a silver coronet, and a drinking goblet, on abroad Corinthian plate: which Agamemnon more narrowly viewing; "I am, "said Trimalchio, ''the only person that has the true Corinthianvessels. "

I expected, that according to the rest of his haughtiness, he wouldhave told us they had been brought him from Corinth: But he better:"And perhaps, " said he, "you'll ask me why I am the only person thathave them. And why, but the copper-smith from whom I buy them, iscalled Corinthus? And what is Corinthian but what is made byCorinthus? But that ye may not take me for a man of no sence, Iunderstand well enough whence the word first came. When Troy wastaken, Hannibal, a cunning fellow, but withal mischievous, made a pileof all the brazen, gold and silver statues, and burnt them together, and thence came this mixt metal; which workmen afterwards carried off;and of this mass made platters, dishes, and several other things; sothat these vessels are neither this nor that metal, but made of all ofthem. Pardon me what I say; however others may be of another mind, Ihad rather have glass ware; and if it: were not so subject tobreaking, I'd reckon it before gold; but now it is of no esteem. 

"There was a copper-smith that made glass vessels of that pliantharness, that they were no more to be broken than gold and silverones: It so happened, that having made a drinking-pot, with a widemouth of that kind, but the finest glass, fit for no man, as hethought, less than Caesar himself; he went with his present toCaesar, and had admittance: The kind of the gift was praised, thehand of the workman commended, and the design of the giver accepted. He again, that he might turn the admiration of the beholders intoastonishment, and work himself the more into the Emperor's favour, pray'd the glass out of the Emperor's hand; and having received it, threw it with such a force against the paved floor, that the mostsolid and firmest metal could not but have received some hurt thereby. Caesar also was no less amazed at it, than concerned for it; but theother took up the pot from the ground, not broken but bulg'd a little;as if the substance of metal had put on the likeness of a glass; andtherewith taking a hammer out of his pocket, he hammer'd it as it hadbeen a brass kettle, and beat out the bruise: And now the fellowthought himself in Heaven, in having, as he fansied, gotten theacquaintance of Caesar, and the admiration of all: But it fell outquite contrary: Caesar asking him if any one knew how to make thismalleable glass but himself? And he answering, there was not, theEmperor commanded his head to be struck off: 'For, ' said he, 'if thisart were once known, gold and silver will be of no more esteem thandirt. '

"And for silver, I more than ordinarily affect it: I have severalwater-pots more or less, whereon is the story how Cassandra killed herson's, and the dead boys are so well embossed, you'd think them real. I have also a drinking cup left me by an advocate of mine, whereDaedalus puts Niobe into the Trojan horse, as also that other ofHermerotes; that they may stand as a testimony, there's truth in cups, and all this massy; ror will I part with what I understand of them atany rate. "

While he was thus talking, a cup dropt out of a boy's hand; on which, Trimalchio looking over his shoulder at him, bad him begone, and killhimself immediately; "for, " said he, "thou art careless and mind'stnot what thou art about. " The boy hung his lip, and besought him; buthe said, "What! dost thou beseech me, as if I required some difficultmatter of thee? I only bid thee obtain this of thy self, that thou benot careless again. " But at last he discharged him upon our entreaty. On this the boy run round the table and cry'd, "Water without doors, and wine within. " We all took the jest, but more especiallyAgamemnon, who knew on what account himself had been brought thither. 

Trimalchio in the mean time hearing himself commended, drank all themerrier, and being within an ace of quite out, "Will none of you, "said he, "invite my Fortunata to dance? Believe me, there's no oneleads a country dance better:" And with that, tossing his hands roundhis head, fell to act a jack-pudding; the family all the whilesinging, 'youth it self, most exactly youth it self ;' and he hadgotten into the middle of the room, but that Fortunata whispered him, and I believe told him, such gambols did not become his gravity. Norwas there any thing more uneven to it self; for one while he turned tohis Fortunata, and another while to his natural inclination: But whatdisturbed the pleasure of her dancing, was his notaries coming in;who, as they had been the acts of a common council, read aloud:

'VII. Of the Calends of August born in Trimalchio's manner of cumanum, thirty boys and forty girls, brought from the threshing-floor into thegranary, five hundred thousand bushels of wheat. The same day brokeout a fire in a pleasure-garden that was Pompey's, first began in oneof his bayliffs houses. '

"How's this, " said Trimalchio: "When were those gardens bought forme?" "The year before, " answered his notary, "and therefore not yetbrought to account. "

At this Trimalchio fell into a fume; and "whatever lands, " said he, "shall be bought me hereafter, if I hear nothing of it in six months, let them never, I charge ye, be brought to any account of mine. " Thenalso were read the orders of the clerks of the markets, and thetestaments of his woodwards, rangers, and park-keepers, by which theydisinherited their relations, and with ample praise of him, declareTrimalchio their heir. Next that, the names of his bayliffs; and howone of them that made his circuits in the country, turned off his wifefor having taken her in bed with a barber; the door-keeper of hisbaths turn'd out of his place; the auditor found short in hisaccounts, and the dispute between the grooms of his chamber ended. 

At last came in the dancers on the rope, and a gorbelly'd blockheadstanding out with a ladder, commanded his boy to hopp every roundsinging, and dance a jigg on the top of it, and then tumble throughburning hoops of iron, with a glass in his mouth. Trimalchio was theonly person that admir'd it, but withal said, he did not like it; butthere were two things he could willingly behold, and they were theflyers on the high rope, and quails; and that all other creatures andshows were meer gewgaws: "For, " said he, "I bought once a sett ofstroulers, and chose rather to make them merry-andrews than comedians;and commanded my bag-piper to sing in Latin to them. "

While he was chattering all at this rate, a boy chanced to stumbleupon him, on which the family gave a shriek, the same also did theguests; not for such a beast of a man, whose neck they could willinglyhave seen broken, but for fear the supper should break up ill, andthey be forc'd to wail the death of the boy. 

Whatever it were, Trimalchio gave a deep groan; and leaning upon hisarm as if it had been hurt, the physicians ran thick about him, andwith the first, Fortunata, her hair about her ears, a bottle of winein her hand, still howling, miserable unfortunate woman that she was!Undone, undone. The boy on the other hand, ran under our feet, andbeseeched us to procure him a discharge: But I was much concern'd, lest our interposition might make an ill end of the matter; for thecook that had forgotten to bowel the hog was still in my thoughts. Ibegan therefore to look about the room, for fear somewhat or othermight drop through the ceiling; while the servant that had bound uphis arm in white, not scarlet-colour flannen, was soundly beaten: Nowwas I much out, for instead of another course, came in an order ofTrimalchio's by which he gave the boy his freedom; that it might notbe said, so honourable a person had been hurt by his slave. We allcommended the action, but chatted among our selves with what littleconsideration the things of this world were done. "You're in theright, " said Trimalchio; "nor ought this accident to pass withoutbooking;" and so calling for the journal, commanded it to be entered;and with, as little thought, tumbled out these verses:

 "What's least expected falls into our dish, And fortune's more indulgent than our wish: Therefore, boy, fill the generous wine about. "

This epigram gave occasion to talk of the poets, and Marsus, theTrachian, carry'd the bays a long while: till Trimalchio (turning tosome wit amongst them) "I beseech ye, master of mine, " said he, "tellme what difference take ye between Cicero the orator, and Publius thepoet? for my part I think one was more eloquent, the other thehonester man; for what could be said better than this. "

 "Now sinking Rome grows weak with luxury, To please her appetite cram'd peacocks die: Their gaudy plumes a modish dress supply. 

 For her the guinnea hen and capon's drest: The stork it self for Rome's luxurious taste, Must in a caldron build its humbl'd nest. 

 That foreign, friendly, pious, long-leg'd thing, Grateful, that with shrill sounding notes dost sing All winter's gone; yet ushers in the spring. Why in one ring must three rich pearls be worn, But that your wives th' exhausted seas adorn, Abroad t' increase their lust, at home their scorn?

 Why is the costly emerald so desir'd, Or richer glittering carbuncle admir'd, Because they sparkle, is't with that you're fir'd? Well, honesty's a jewel. Now none knows A modest bride from a kept whore by 'er cloaths; For cobweb lawns both spouse and wench expose. "

"But, now we talk after the rate of the learned, which, " said he, "arethe most difficult trades? I think a physician and a banker: aphysician, because he know's a man's very heart, and when the fits ofan ague will return; tho' by the way, I hate them mortally; for bytheir good will I should have nothing but slubber-slops: And a banker, because he'll find out a piece of brass money, tho' plated withsilver. 

"There are also brute beasts, sheep and oxen, laborious in their kind:Oxen, to whom we are beholding for the bread we eat; and sheep, forthe wooll, that makes us so fine. But O horrid! we both eat themutton, and make us warm with the fleece. I take the bees for divinecreatures; they give us honey, tho' 'tis said they stole it fromJupiter, and that's the reason why they sting: For where-ever ye meetany thing that's sweet you'll ever find a sting at the end of it. "

He also excluded philosophers from business, while the memoirs of thefamily were carrying round the table, and a boy, set for that purpose, read aloud the names of the presents, appointed for the guests, tocarry home with them. Wicked silver, what can it not? Then a gammonof bacon was set on the table, and above that several sharp sauces, anight-cap for himself, pudding-pies, and I know not what kind ofbirds: There was also brought in a rundlet of wine, boiled off a thirdpart, and kept under ground to preserve its strength: There were alsoseveral other things I can give no account of; besides apples, scallions, peaches, a whip, a knife, and what had been sent him; assparrows, a flye-flap, raisons, Attick honey, night-gowns, judgesrobes, dry'd paste, table-books, with a pipe and a foot-stool: Afterwhich came in an hare and a sole-fish: And there was further sent hima lamprey, a water-rat, with a frog at his tail, and a bundle ofbeets. 

Long time we smiled at these, and five hundred the like, that have nowslipt my memory: But now when Ascyltos, who could not moderatehirnself, held up his hands and laught at every thing; nay sodownright, that he was ready to cry: A free-man of Trimalchio's thatsate next above me, grew hot upon't; and "What, " said he, "thou sheep, what dost thou laugh at? does not this sumptuousness of my masterplease you? you're richer (forsooth) and eat better every day; so maythe guardian of this place favour me, as had I sate near him, I'd hithim a box on the ear ere this: A hopeful cullion, that mocks others;some pitiful night-walker, not worth the very urine he makes; andshould I throw mine on him, knows not where to dry himself. I am not(so help me Hercules) quickly angry, yet worms are bred even in tenderflesh. He laughs! what has he to laugh at? what wooll did his fathergive for the bantling? Is he a Roman knight? I am the son of a king. How came I then, you'll say, to serve another? I did it of my self, and had rather be a citizen of Rome, than a tributary king, and nowhope to live so, as to be no man's jeast. I walk like other men, withan open face, and can shew my head among the best, for I owe no man agroat; I never had an action brought against me, or said to me on theexchange, Pay me what thou owest me. I bought some acres in thecountry, and have everything suitable to it: I feed twenty mouths, besides dogs: I ransomed my bond-woman, lest another should wipe hishands on her smock; and between our selves, she cost me more than I'lltell ye at present. I was made a captain of horse gratis, and hope soto die, that I shall have no occasion to blush in my grave: But artthou so prying into others, that thou never considerest thy self?Canst thou spy a louse on another man's coat, and not see the tyck onthy own? Your master then is ancienter than your self, and 't pleasehim; but yet thou, whose milk is not yet out of thy nose; that can'stnot say boh to a goose; must you be making observations? Are you thewealthier man? If you are, dine twice, and sup twice; for my part, Ivalue my credit more than treasures: Upon the whole matter, where'sthe man that ever dunn'd me twice? Thou pipkin of a man, more limber, but nothing better than a strap of wet leather, I have served fortyyears in this house, came into it with my hair full grown; this palacewas not then built, yet I made it my business to please my master, aperson of honour, the parings of whose nails are more worth than thywhole body. I met several rubs in my way, but by the help of my goodangel, I broke through them all: This is truth; it is as easie to makea hunting-horn of a sow's tail, as to get into this company. Whatmake ye in a dump now, like a goat at a heap of stones?"

On this Gito, who stood behind him, burst out a laughing; which theother taking notice of, fell upon the boy; and, "Do you, " said he, "laugh too, you curl-pated chattering magpye? O the Saturnals! Whyhow now, sirrah! is it the month of December? When were you twenty, Ipray? What would this collop dropt from the gibbet, this crows-meat, be at? I'll find some or other way for Jupiter to plague thee, andhim that bred thee no better, or never let me eat a good meals-meatagain: I could, sirrah, but for the companies sake, I spare thee; tho'either we understand not aright, or they are sots themselves thatcarry no better a hand over thee; for without doubt it is true, likemaster like man. I am hot by nature, and can scarce contain my self;give me but a mess of peaseporridge, and I care not two-pence for mymother. Very well, I shall meet thee abroad, thou mouse; nay, rathermole-hill. May I never thrive more, but I'll drive that master ofthine into a blade of rue; nor shalt thou (so help me Hercules) 'scapeme, tho' thou couldst call in Jupiter to thy aid: I shall off withthose locks, and take thee when that trifling master of thine shall beout of the way; thou wilt certainly fall into my hands, and either Iknow not my self, or I'll make thee leave that buffoonry: Tho' thybeard were of gold, I'll have thee bruised in a mortar, and him thatfirst taught thee: I never studied geometry, criticism, and meer wordswithout sence, but I understand the fitting of stones for buildings;can run you over a hundred things, as to metal, weight, coin, and thatto a tittle; if you have a mind you and I will try it between us: I'lllay thee a wager, thou wizard, and tho' I am wholly ignorant ofrhetorick, thou'lt presently see thou hast lost: Let no one run aboutthe bush to me; I come up to him: Resolve me, I say, 'which of usruns, yet stirs not out of his place: which of us grows bigger, andyet is less. ' Do you scamper? Can't you tell what to make of it, thatyou look so like a mouse in a trap? Therefore either hold thy tongue, or don't provoke a better man than thy self, who does not think theefram'd of nature, unless thou fansiest me taken with those yellowcurl'd locks, which thou hast already vowed to some whore or other. Olucky opportunity! Come, let's walk the exchange, and see which of uscan take up money: You'll be satisfied then, this iron has creditupon't; a pretty thing, is it not! a drunken fox. So may I gain whileI live, and die well; but the people will brain me if I follow notthat coat on thy back, which is not for thy wearing, where-ever thougoest: He's a precious tool too, whoever he were, that taught thee; apiece of green cheese, no master. I have learn'd as well as anotherman, and my master said it would be my own another day. Save yourworship! get home as fast as you can, but look well about you, andhave a care how you speak irreverently of your betters, or vie estateswith them; he that does it, his purse shall feel it: For my self, thatyou see me as I am, I thank my stars for the art I have. "

Ascyltos was making answer to his railing; when Trimalchio, pleasedwith that good grace of speaking, "Go to, " said he, "no more of thiswild talk, let us rather be pleasant: And you Hermeros, bear with theyoung-man, his blood boils; be thou the soberer man; he that isovercome in this matter, goes off conqueror: Even thy self, when thouwert such another capon, hadst nothing but coco, coco, and no heart atall. Let us therefore, which is the better of the two, be heartilymerry, and expect some admirers of Homer, that will be herepresently. "

Nor were the words scarce out of his mouth, when in came a band ofmen, and made a rustling with their spears and targets. Trimalchioleaned on his pillow, the Homerists ratled out Greek verses, as, arrogantly enough, they were wont to do, and he read a Latin book witha loud voice: whereupon silence being made, "Know ye, " said he, "whatfable they were upon?

"Diomedes and Ganymede were two brothers, and Helen was their sister;Agamemnon stole him away, and shamm'd Diana with a hind in his room, as says Homer in this place; and how the Trojans and the Parentinesfought among themselves; but at last he got the better of it, andmarried his daughter Iphigenia to Achilles; on which Ajax run mad. And there's an end of the tale. "

On this the Homerists set up a shout, and a young boiled heifer withan helmet on her head, was handed in upon a mighty charger: Ajaxfollowed, and with a drawn sword, as if he were mad, made at it, nowin one place, then in another, still acting a Morris-dancer; tillhaving cut it into joints, he took them upon the point of his sword, and distributed them. Nor had we much time to admire the conceit; forof a sudden the roof gave a crack, and the whole room shook: For mypart, I got on my feet, but all in confusion, for fear some tumblermight drop on my head; the same also were the rest of the guests;still gaping and expecting what new thing should come from the clouds:when straight the main beams opened, and a vast circle was let down, all round which hung golden garlands, and alabaster pots of sweetointments. 

While we were required to take up these presents, I chanced to cast aneye upon the table, where there lay a fresh service of cheese-cakesand tarts, and in the midst of them a lusty rundlet, stuck round withall sorts of apples and grapes, as they commonly draw that figure. 

We greedily reached our hands towards it, when of a sudden, a newdiversion gave us fresh mirth; for all the cheese-cakes, apples andtarts, upon the least touch, threw out a delicious liquid perfurne, which fell upon us. 

We judging the mess to be sacred, that was so gorgeously set out, stood up and began a health to the august founder, the father of hiscountry: After which reverence, failing to catch that catch could, wefilled our napkins and I chiefly, who thought nothing too good for myboy Gito. 

During this, in came three boys in white, their coats tuck'd aboutthem; of whom, two set on the table three household gods with broachesabout their necks, and the other bearing round us a goblet of wine, cry'd aloud, "Be the gods favourable!" "The name of this, " said he, "is cobler, that other's good-luck, and the third's spend-all:" And asthe image of Trimalchio was carryed round, and every one kiss'd it, wethought it a shame not to do as the rest of the company. 

After this, when all of us had wished him health and happiness, Trimalchio, turning to Niceros, "You were wont, " said he, "to be agood companion, but what's the matter we get not a word from ye now?Let me entreat ye, as you would see me happy, do not break an oldcustom. "

Niceros, pleased with the frankness of his friend: "Let me neverthrive, " said he, "if I am not ready to caper out of my skin, to seeyou in so good a humours; therefore what I say shall be all mirth;tho' I am afraid those grave fopps may laugh: but let them look to 't, I'll go on nevertheless; for what am I the worse for any one swearing?I had rather they laugh at what I say, than at my self. "

Thus when he spake---- ----he began this tale:--

"While I was yet a servant we liv'd in a narrow lane, now the house ofGavilla: There, as the gods would have it, I fell in love withTarentius's wife; he kept an eating-house. Ye all knew MelissaTarentina, a pretty little punching-block, and withal beautiful; but(so help me Hercules) I minded her not so much for the matter of thepoint of that, as that she was good-humour'd; if I asked her anything, she never deny'd me; and what money I had, I trusted her withit; nor did she ever fail me when I'd occasion. It so happened, thata she-companion of hers had dy'd in the country, and she was gonethither; how to come at her I could not tell; but a friend is seen ata dead lift; it also happened my master was gone to Capua to dispatchsomewhat or other: I laid hold of the opportunity, and persuaded minehost to take an evenings walk of four or five miles out of town, forhe was a stout fellow, and as bold as a devil: The moon shone asbright as day, and about cock-crowing we fell in with a burying-place, and certain monument of the dead: my man loitered behind mea-star-gazing, and I sitting expecting him, fell a singing andnumbering them; when looking round me, what should I see but mine hoststript stark-naked, and his cloaths lying by the high-wayside. Thesight struck me every where, and I stood as if I had been dead; but hepiss'd round his cloaths, and of a sudden was turned to a wolf: Don'tthink I jest; I value no man's estate at that rate, as to tell a lye. But as I was saying, after he was turned to a wolf, he set up a howl, and fled to the woods. At first I knew not where I was, till going totake up his cloaths, I found them also turn'd to stone. Another manwould have dy'd for fear, but I drew my sword, and slaying all theghosts that came in my way, lighted at last on the place where mymistress was: I entered the first door; my eyes were sunk in my head, the sweat ran off me by more streams than one, and I was justbreathing my last, without thought of recovery; when my Melissa comingup to me, began to wonder why I'd be walking so late; and 'if, ' saidshe, 'you had come a little sooner, you might have done us a kindness;for a wolf came into the farm, and has made butchers work enough amongthe cattle; but tho' he got off, he has no reason to laugh, for aservant of ours ran him through the neck with a pitchfork. ' As soon asI heard her, I could not hold open my eyes any longer, and ran home bydaylight, like a vintner whose house had been robb'd: But coming bythe place where the cloaths were turned to stone, I saw nothing but apuddle of blood; and when I got home, found mine host lying a-bed likean oxe in his stall, and a chirurgeon dressing his neck. I understoodafterwards he was a fellow that could change his skin; but from thatday forward, could never eat a bit of bread with him, no, if you'dhave kill'd me. Let them that don't believe me, examine the truth ofit; may your good angels plague me as I tell ye a lye. "

The company were all wondring, when, "Saving what you have said, "quoth Trimalchio, "if there be faith in man, my hair stands on end, because I know Niceros is no trifler; he's sure of what he says, andnot given to talking: Nay, I'll tell ye as horrible a thing my self;but see there, what's that behind the hangings?

"When I was yet a long-hair'd boy, for even then I liv'd a pleasantlife, I had a minion, and he dy'd: He was (so help me Hercules) apearl, a paragon, nay perfection it self: But when the poor motherlamented him, and we also were doing the same, some witches got roundthe house on a sudden, you'd have taken them for hounds hunting ahare. We had then in the house a Cappadocian, a tall fellow, stoutand hardy, that would not have stept an inch out of his way forJupiter. He boldly drew his sword, and wrapping his coat about hisleft arm, leaped out of the house, and as it might be here, (no hurtto the thing I touch) ran a woman clean through. We heard a pitifulgroan, but not to lye, saw none of them. Our champion came in andthrew himself on a bed, but all black and blue, so he had been trosh'dwith flails; for it seems some ill hand had touched him. We shut thedoor, and went on with our mourning; but the mother taking her son inher arms, and stroaking him, found nothing but a bolster of straw; ithad neither heart, entrals, nor any thing, for the fairies belike hadstollen him out of his cradle, and left that of straw instead of him. Give me credit, I beseech ye, women are craftier than we are, playtheir tricks by night, and turn every thing topsy-turvy. After thisour tall fellow never came to his colour again, but in a few days diedraving-mad. "

We all wondred, as not doubting what he said, and kissing the table inreverence to him, pray'd the privilege of the night, and that ourplaces might be kept till we returned. 

And now we thought the lamps look'd double, and the whole room seem'dquite another thing, when Trimalchio again, "I speak to you Plorimus, won't you come in for a share? Will ye entertain us with nothing, thou usedst to be a pleasant companion, couldst sing a song and tell atale with the best; but alas! alas! the sweetmeats are gone. " "Myhorses, " said the other, "ran away with my coach, I have been troubledwith the gout ever since. When I was a young fellow, I sung so long Ihad well nigh brought my self into a consumption. What do ye tell meof songs, tales, or barber shops? Who ever came near me but one, onlyApelles;" and with setting his hand to his mouth, whistled outsomewhat, I know not what, which afterwards he swore was Greek. Trimalchio also when he mimicked the trumpets, looked on his minionand called him Croesus: Yet the boy was blear-eye'd, and swathing upa little black bitch with nasty teeth, and over-grown with fat, ingreen swadlingclouts, he set half a loaf on the table, which sherefusing, he cram'd her with it: on which Trimalchio commanded theguardian of his house and family, Scylax, to be brought; whenpresently was led in a beautiful mastiff in a chain, who having a hintgiven him by a knock of the porter's foot, lay down before the table:whereupon Trimalchio throwing him a manchet; "There's no one, " saidhe, "in this house of mine, loves me better than this dog. " The boytaking it in dudgeon that Scylax should be so commended, laid thebitch on the floor, and challenged the dog to have a rubber with him. On this Scylax, after the manner of dogs, set up such a hideousbarking, that it fill'd the room; and snapping at him, almost rent offa brooch that hung on Croesus's breast; nor did the scuffle endhere, for the great candle being overturn'd on the table, broke allthe chrystal glasses, and threw the scalding oil on the guests. 

Trimalchio, not to seem concerned at the loss, kissed the boy, andcommanded him to get on his back; nor was it long e're he was acock-horse, and slapping his masters shoulders, and laughing, cry'dout, "Fool, fool, and how many of them have we here?"

Trimalchio thus kept under for a while, commanded a bumper to befill'd and given round to the waiters, with this further, thatwhosoever refused it should have it poured down his collar. Thus onewhile we were grave, and other while merry. 

After this came junkets and made dishes, the very remembrance ofwhich, if I may be believed, will not yet down with me; for there wereseveral cram'd hens given about under the notion of thrushes, andgoose eggs with caps upon them; which Trimalchio, nor withoutostentation press'd us to eat; adding withal, that their bones weretaken out. 

Nor were the words scarce out of his mouth, when a beadle rapp'd atthe door, and one in white, with a company of roisters following him, came in upon us: For my part I was not a little surprized; and by hislordliness taking him for the Mayor of a town, and our selves withinhis liberties, was getting upon my feet. Agamemnon laught to see meso concerned, and bade me sit still; "for, " said he, "this Habinas isa captain of horse, a good mason, and has a special faculty in makingmonuments. "

Recovered again with his words, I kept my seat, and wholly fix'd myeye on Habinas: He came in drunk, and lolling on his wife's shoulders, with some garlands about him, his face all trickling down withointment, he seated himself at the head of the table, andincontinently called for wine and hot water. 

Trimalchio was pleased with the humour, and calling for a biggerglass, asked him what entertainment he had whence he came?

"Every thing, " said the other, "but thy self; for my inclination washere; tho' (so help me Hercules) it was all well. Scissa kept anine-days feast for his servant Miscellus, whom he infranchised afterhe was dead: It is said he had a round sum in the chequer, for theyreckon he died worth 50, 000 sesterces; yet this was all done in goodorder; tho' every one of us were obliged to pour half his drink on thegrave. "

"But, " said Trimalchio, "what had ye to eat?" "I'll tell ye, " quothHabinas, "as near as I can, for my memory is not so good, but thatsometimes I forget my own name: However, for the first dish we had agoodly porker, with a garland upon him, and puddings, goose giblets, lamb-stones, sweetbreads, and gizzards round him; there were alsobeets and houshold-bread of his own baking, for himself, which I wouldrather have than white; it makes a man strong, and I never complain ofwhat I like. The next was a cold tart, with excellent warm honey, andthat Spanish, running upon it. I eat little of the tart, but more ofthe honey; I tasted also the red pulse, and lupines, by the advice ofCalvus, and several apples, of which I took away two in myhandkerchief: for if I bring home nothing to my little she slave, Ishall have snubs enough: this dame of mine puts me often in mind ofher. We had also on a side-table the haunch of a bear, whichScintilla tasting ere she was aware, had like to have thrown up herguts: I on the other hand eat a pound of it or better, for methoughtit tasted like boars flesh; and said I, if a bear eats a man, why maynot a man much more eat a bear? To be short, we had cream cheese, wine boil'd off to a third part, fry'd snails, chitterlings, livers, eggs, turneps, mustard, and a bowl that held a gallon. Don't disturbme, Palamedes; there were also handled about a basket of sugar-cakes, of which we wantonly took some, and sent away the gammon of bacon. But tell me Caius, I beseech you, what's the matter that Fortunatasits not among us?" "How came you to know her?" quoth Trimalchio;"for till she has gotten her plate together, and distributed what weleave among the servants, not a sip of any thing goes into her mouth. "

"But unless she sits down, " replied Habinas, "I'll be gone"; and wasgetting up, but that the word being four times given about for her, she came at last in a greenish gown and a cherry-colour'd stomacher, beneath which might be seen her petticoat and embroidered garters;then wiping her hands on her neckcloth, she sate on that bed whereonScintilla the wife of Habinas was; and having given her a kiss, toldher it was in compliment to her that she was there. At length it cameto this, that she took off her weighty bracelets, and shewed them toScintilla, which she admiring, she also unbuckled her garters and anet-work purse, which she said was of the finest gold. 

Trimalchio observed it, and commanding all to be laid before him, "See, " said he, "this womans finery, and what fools our wives make us;they should be six pound and a half; yet I've another of Mercury'smaking, that weighs ten": And that he might not be thought to tell alye, called for his gold scales, and commanded them to be weighed: Norhad Scintilla more wit than t'other, for pulling a golden box out ofher bosom, which she called good luck, she took out of it two largepearl pendants, giving them in like manner to Fortunata to view:"See, " quoth she, "what 'tis to have a kind husband, I am sure nowoman has better. " "What, " said Habinas, "hast thou put the sham onme? thou toldst me thou couldst be contented with glass beads; and forthis trick, if I had a daughter I'd cut off her ears; tho' were thereno women what were the rest worth? This is to piss warm and drinkcold. "

Mean time the women perceiving they were toucht, twitter'd amongthemselves, and being got drunk, fell to kissing one another; onecommended the mistress of the house, t'other the master: when duringthis chatter, Habinas stealing behind Fortunata, gave her such a tosson the bed, that her heels flew as high as her head, on which she gavea squeak or two, and finding her thighs bare, ran her head underScintilla's smock. 

This held a while, till Trimalchio calling for a second service toentertain his new guests, the servants took away the tables that werebefore us, and having brought others, strew'd the room with pin-dust, mixt with vermillion and saffron; and what I never saw before, thedust of a looking-glass ground to powder. 

When immediately, quoth Trimalchio, "I could have been contented withthose first dishes; but since we have got other tables, we must alsohave another service; and if there be any thing worth our having, bring it. "

On which, a spruce boy that served us with warm water, began toimitate a nightingale; till Trimalchio giving the word, a servant thatwaited on Habinas, set up another humour, and, as I believe, commandedby his master, nois'd out;

 "Mean time AEneas had put off to sea. "

Nor was there ever a harsher sound yet pierced my ears; for besideshis disordered country tone, his pitiful and starvling way ofdelivery, he so stufft it with scraps of verses, that even Virgil thenfirst disrelished me; till at last so tyr'd, that he could hold nolonger; "D'ye think, " said Habinas, "this boy has learn'd nothing? Ibred him with juglers that follow the fair: Nor has he his fellow, whether he humours a muliteer or a jester. This never-be-good hasabundance of wit; he's a taylor, a cook, a baker, a jack of alltrades, and but for two faults, were exact to a hair: He'scrack-brain'd, and snores in his sleep: For that cast of his eye Ivalue it not, he looks like Venus, and therefore his tongue is everrunning; and were that eye out he were worth the money I gave forhim. "

On which Scintilla interrupting him, told him he was a naughty man, for not telling all his servant's good qualities: "He's a pimp, " saidhe, "if not worse, but I'll take care he be branded for that. "

Trimalchio laught, and said he knew he was a Cappadocian that neverbeguiled himself of any thing, and "(so help me Hercules) I commendhim for 't: when will you find such another, but Scintilla, you mustnot be jealous! Believe me, and I know you too; may I so enjoy thehealth you wish me, as I play'd at leap-frog so long with our boy, that my master grew jealous, and sent me to dig in the country: Buthold thy tongue and I'll give thee a loaf. " I marvel, " said I, "whether they be all mash'd together or made of loam; for in aSaturnal at Rome, my self saw the like imaginary shew of a supper. "

Nor had I scarce said it, when--quoth Trimalchio, "Let me so grow inestate, not bulk, as my cook made all of this out of one hog; there isnot an excellenter fellow than himself; he shall, if he please, makeye a poll of ling of a sows tripe; a wood-culver of fat bacon; aturtle of a spring of pork; and a hen of a collar of brawn; andtherefore of my own fancy, I gave him a name proper to him, for he iscalled Daedalus: And because he understands his business, I hadchopping-knives of the best steel brought him from Rome"; and withthat, calling for them, he turn'd them over, and admiring them, offered us the liberty of trying their edge on his cheek. 

On this came in two servants as quarrelling about their collars, atwhich each of them had a large earthen pot hanging; and whenTrimalchio determined the matter between them, neither of them stoodto his sentence, but fell to club-law, and broke each others pots. 

This drunken presumption put us out of order; yet casting an eye onthe combatants, we saw oisters and scallops running from the pots, andanother boy receiving them in a charger, which he carried round theguests. 

Nor was the cook's ingenuity short of the rest, for he brought us adish of grill'd snails on a silver gridiron, and with a shrillunpleasant voice, sang as he went. I am asham'd of what follow'd;for, what was never heard of till then, the boys came in with a basonof liquid perfumes, and first binding our legs, ancles and feet, withgarlands, anointed them with it, and put the rest into the wine vesseland the lamps. 

And now Fortunata began to dance, and Scintilla's hands went fasterthan her tongue; when, quoth Trimalchio, "Sit down Philargyrus; I giveye leave, and you Carrio, because you are a green-ribbon-man, and youMinophilus bid your comrade do the like"; what shall I say more? Thefamily so crowded upon us, that we were almost thrust off our beds;and who should be seated above me, but the cook who had made a gooseof a hog, all stinking of pickle and kitchen-stuff; nor yet contentthat he sate amongst us, he fell immediately to personate Thespis thetragedian, and dare his master to a wager which of them two should winthe prize next wrestling. 

Trimalchio abash'd at the challenge; "My friends, " said he, "evenservants are men; and however oppress'd by ill luck, sucked the samemilk our selves did; and for mine, it shall not be long e're I makethem free without prejudice to my self: to be short, I enfranchise allof them by my last will and testament. 

"I give Philargus a country farm, and his she-comrade; to Carrio anisland, with a twentieth part of my moveables, a bed and itsfurniture; for I make Fortunata my heiress, whom I recommend to all myfriends, and publish what I have done, to the end my family may solove me now, as if I were dead. "

All thanked their master for his kindness; and he, as having forgottentrifles, called for a copy of his will, which he read from one end tothe other, the family all the while sighing and sobbing; afterwardsturning to Habinas, "Tell me, my best of friends, " said he, "do you goon with my monument as I directed ye, I earnestly entreat ye, that atthe feet of my statue you carve me my little bitch, as also garlandsand ointments, and all the battles I have been in, that by yourkindness I may live when I am dead: Be sure too that it have anhundred feet as it fronts the highway, and as it looks towards thefields two hundred: I will also, that there be all sorts of fruit andvines round my ashes, and that in great abundance: For it is a grossmistake to furnish houses for the living, and take no care of those weare to abide in for ever: And therefore in the first place, I willhave it engraven--

'LET NO HEIR OF MINE PRETEND TO THIS MONUMENT. '

"And that I may receive no injury after I am dead, I'll have a codicilannext to my will, whereby I'll appoint one of my freed-men the keeperof this monument, that the people make not a house-of-office of it. Make me also, I beseech you, on this my monument, ships under fullsail, and my self in my robes sitting on the bench, with five goldrings on my fingers, and scattering moneys among the common people;for you know I have ordered ye a funeral feast, and two-pence a-piecein money. You shall also, if you think fit, shape me some of thesebeds we now sit on, and all the people making their court to me. Onmy right hand place my Fortunata's statue, with a dove in one hand, and leading a little dog in her girdle with the other: As also myCicero, and large wine vessels close cork'd that the wine don't runout, and yet carve one of them as broken, and a boy weeping over it;as also a sun-dial in the middle, that whoever comes to seewhat's-a-clock, may read my name whether he will or no. And lastly, have a special consideration whether you think this epitaph sufficientenough:

'HERE RESTS CAIUS POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO, PATRON OF THE LEARNED. A TROOPOF HORSE WAS DECREED HIM, WITHOUT SUING FOR, AND MIGHT HAVE BEEN ASENATOR WOULD HE HAVE ACCEPTED IT. A PIOUS MAN, HONEST, VALIANT, ANDTRUE TO HIS FRIEND. HE RAISED HIMSELF FROM LITTLE OR NOTHING, BUTLEFT BEHIND HIM A PRODIGIOUS ESTATE, YET NEVER HEARD A PHILOSOPHER. FAREWELL TO YOU ALSO. '"

This said, Trimalchio wept plentifully, Fortunata wept, Habinas wept, and the whole family set up a cry as it had been his funeral; nay, Ialso whin'd for company: when, quoth Trimalchio, "Since you know wemust die, why don't we live while we may? so let me live my self tosee you happy; as, if we plunge our selves in the bath we shall notrepent it: At my peril be it; I'll lead the way, for this room isgrown as hot as an oven. " "Say you so, " quoth Habinas, "nor am Iafraid to make two days of one"; and therewith got up barefoot andfollow'd Trimalchio. 

I on the other hand turning to Ascyltos, asked him what he thought ofit, for "if I but see the bath I shall swoon away. "

"Let's lagg behind then, " said he, "and whilst they are getting in, we'll slip off in the crowd. "

The contrivance pleased us; and so Gito leading the way through theportico, we came to the last gate, where a chained dog bolted upon usso furiously, that Ascyltos fell into the fishpond. I, who had beenfrighted at the painted dog, and now gotten as drunk as Ascyltos, while I endeavoured to get hold of him, fell in my self; at last theporter's coming in saved us, for he quieted the dog and drew us out;but Gito, like a sharp rascal, delivered himself, for whatever hadbeen given him at supper to carry home with him, he threw it the dog, and that mollified him. 

But, when shivering with cold, we desired the porter to let us out:"You're mistaken, " said he, "if ye think to go out the same way yecame in, for no guest ere yet did; they came in at one gate and arelet out by another. "

In this sad pickle, what should we do? we found ourselves in a newkind of labyrinth, and for bathing, we'd enough of it already:However, necessity enforcing us, we pray'd him to show us the way tothe bath: and Gito having hung out our cloaths a drying in the porch, we entred the bath, which was somewhat narrow, and sunk in the earth, not unlike a rainwater cistern; in this stood Trimalchio stark-naked:Nor could we avoid his filthy tricks; for he said, nothing was betterthan to bathe in a crowd; and that every place had in times past beena grinding-house. Being weary at length, he sate down, and provok'dby the noisiness of the bath, set up his drunken throat, and fell amurdering some songs of Menecrates, as they that understood him toldus. 

Other guests ran round the cistern with their arms across, and made aclamorous slap with their mouths; others either try'd to take up aring from the pavement, with their hands bound behind them, or puttingone knee to the ground, to kiss their great toes backward. 

While they thus entertained one another, we went into the hot-housethat had been heated for Trimalchio; and being now recovered of ourdrunkenness, were brought into another room, where Fortunata had setout a fresh entertainment. Above the lamps I observed some women'sgewgaws. The tables were massy silver, the earthen ware double gilt, and a conduit running with wine; when, quoth Trimalchio, "This day, myfriends, a servant of mine opened a barber's shop; he's well to pass, a thrifty fellow, and a favourite of mine: Come, let the floor have adrink as well as our selves; and for our part, we'll sit to it tillday-light. "

While he was yet speaking, a cock crow'd, at which Trimalchio grewdisordered, and commanded the wine to be thrown under table, andsprinkle the larnps with it; then changing a ring to his right hand, "it is not for nothing, " said he, "this trumpeter has given us notice;for either the house should be on fire, or one of the neighbourhoodwill kill himself: Far from us be it, and therefore, whoever brings methis discoverer I'll give him a reward. "

When immediately a cock was brought in, and Trimalchio, commanding tohave him drest he was torn in pieces by that exquisite cook, who alittle before had make us fish and fowl of a hog, and put in astew-pan, and while Daedalus was taking a lusty draught, Fortunataground pepper. 

After which Trimalchio taking some of the banquet, bid the waiters goto supper, and let others supply their places. 

Whereupon came in another rank of servants, and as the former goingcry'd out, "Farewell, Caius, " those coming in cry'd out, "Sit thoumerry, Caius. "

And here our mirth first began to be disturb'd; for a beautiful boycoming in among those new servants, Trimalchio plucked the boy to him, and did nothing but kiss him over and over: Whereupon Fortunata tomaintain her right, began to rail at Trimalchio, called him pitifulfellow, one that could not bridle his lust, shame and dishonour to anhonest woman, and a very dog. Trimalchio on the other hand, allconfounded and vex'd at her taunts, threw a goblet at her head: Shefell a roaring as if she had lost an eye, and clapt both her handsbefore it. 

Scintilla also stood amazed, and covered Fortunata all trembling asshe was, in her bosom; the boy also put a cold pitcher to her cheek, on which she leaned and made a lamentable wailing and blubbing. 

But Trimalchio quite contrary; "for, " said he, "what am I the betterfor this graceless buttock? 'Tis well known I took her out of abawdy-house, and made her an honest woman, but now blown up like afrog she bespatters herself; a very block, no woman: But this poor boyborn in a hovel, never dreams of palaces. May my good genius sobefriend me, as I'll bring down this seeming saint, but in her actionsa whore rampant: As inconsiderable as she makes me, I might have had awife with two hundred and fifty pistols; you know I don't lye; but shewas somewhat in years, and Agatho the sweet oilman, persuaded me notto let my name run out, when instead of doing good to her, I have puta thorn in my own foot: but I'll have a care that she dig me not outof my grave with her nails: And that she may know what I'll do atpresent, I will not, Habinas, have you put her statue in my monument, that I have no words with her when I am dead: Nay, that she may know Iam able to plague her, she shall not so much as kiss me when I die. "After this ratling, Habinas entreated him to give over his anger;"There's none of us all, " said he, "but some time or other does amiss;we are but men, not gods. " Weeping Scintilla said the same, calledhim Caius, and by his own good nature, besought him to be pacified. 

Trimalchio not able to hold tears any longer, "I beg of you, Habinas, "said he, "and as you wish to enjoy what you have gotten, if I havedone any thing without cause, spit in my face: I kiss'd the boy 'tistrue, not for his beauty, but that he's a hopeful thrifty lad: He hasseveral sentences by heart, can read a book at first sight; savesmoney out of his days provision; has a binn of his own to keep it, andtwo drinking cups; and does he not deserve to be in my eye? butFortunata, forsooth, will not have it so; your bandy legs won't awaywith it. Be content with your own, thou she-kite, and don't disquietme, thou harlotry, or otherwise thou'lt find what I am; thou knowestwell enough, if I once set on't, 'tis immoveable. But we'll rememberthe living. 

"Come, my friends, let's see how merry ye can be, for in my time Ihave been no better than your selves, but by my own industry I am whatI am: 'Tis the heart makes a man, all the rest is but stuff. I buycheap and sell dear; another man may sell ye other things, but I enjoymy self; and thou dunghillraker, are thou yet gruntling, I'll make yehereafter do it for somewhat. 

"But as I was saying my frugality brought the fortune I have: I cameout of Asia no taller than this candlestick, and daily measured myself by it: and that I might get a beard the sooner, rubb'd my lipswith the candle-grease; yet I kept Ganymede to my master fourteenyears (nor is any thing dishonourable that the master commands) andthe same time contented my mistress: Ye know what I mean, I'll say nomore, for I am no boaster. By this means, as the gods would have it, the governing the house was committed to me, and nothing was done butby my guidance: What need many words? He made me joint-heir withCaesar, and I had by it a Senator's estate; but no man thinks he hasenough, and I had a mighty desire to turn merchant. Not to detain youlonger; I built five ships, freighted them with wines, which at thattime were as dear as gold, and sent them to Rome; you'll think Idesir'd to have it so: All my ships founder'd at sea; 'tis a greattruth, no story; Neptune swallowed me in one day three hundredthousand sesterties. Do ye think I broke upon 't, (so help meHercules) no; the loss was but a flea-bite: For, as if there had beenno such thing, I built others, larger, better, and more fortunate thanthe former; so that every one called me a man of courage. As you knowa great ship carries a great deal of force, I loaded them again withwine, bacon, beans, unguents, planes: And here Fortunata shewed heraffection; for she sold what she had; nay, her very cloaths, and put around sum in my pocket; tho' yet it was but a pig of my own sow. Whatthe gods will is quickly done; I got an hundred thousand sesterties bythe voyage, and forthwith redeemed the lands my patron had left me, built me a house, bought cattle to sell them again, and whatever Iwent about gathered like a snow-ball: But when I grew richer than allthe country besides, I took up; and from a merchant turn'd usurer, andbought servants. 

"Thus resolved to give over trading, a certain astrologer that chanc'dto light on this village, would have persuaded me to the contrary. Hewas a Graecian, his name Soerapa, one that held correspondencewith the gods. He told me a deal that I had forgotten, and laideverything before me from top to bottom: He knew all I had within me, and told me what I had the night before to supper; you'd have thoughthe had liv'd with me all his life. 

"I beseech you, Habinas, for I think you was there; he told me theintrigue between my mistress and me; that I had but ill luck atfriends; that no one ever made me a return of my kindnesses: That Ihad large possessions, but nourished a viper in my bosom: Why should Inot tell you all? I have by his account, thirty years, four months, and two days yet to live; and in a short time shall have anotherestate left me. 

"Thus my fortune-teller. But if I can join my lands here to those inApulia, I shall do well enough: in the mean, and while Mercury is myguardian, I have built this house: it was once you know, a pitifulcabin, but now as magnificent as a temple: it has four dining rooms, twenty bed-chambers two marble porticoes, a gallery above stairs, myown apartment, another for this viper; a very good porter's lodge, andthe house capable of receiving a thousand guests: To be short, whenever Scaurus comes this way, he had rather lodge here than at his ownhouse, tho' it lie to the seaward: and many other conveniences it has, which I'll shew you by and by. Believe me, he that has a penny in hispurse, is worth a penny: Have and you shall be esteemed. And so yourfriend, once no better than a frog, is now a king. 

"And now Stichus bring me the furniture in which I design to becarried to my funeral pile; bring also the unguent, and some of thatpot, which I ordered for the cleansing my bones. "

Stichus lingered not, but brought in a white coverlet, and robe ofstate, and pray'd us to try if they were not fine wooll, and wellwoven. "And see you Stichus, " said Trimalchio smiling, "that neithermice nor moths come at them, for if they do I'll burn you alive. Iwill be brought out in pomp, that all the people may speak well ofme. "

With that opening a glass bottle of spicknard, he caused us all to beanointed; and "I hope, " said he, "it will do as much good when I amdead, as it does while I am living": Then commanding the wine vesselsto be filled again; "Fausie, " said he, "you are invited to my funeralfeast. " We by this time nauseated, were ready to vomit; Trimalchioalso was gotten confoundedly drunk, when behold, a new interlude; hecalled for the coronets to come in; and, underset with pillows, andstretching himself at length on the bed, "suppose me, " said he, "nowdead, say somewhat, I beseech you, in praise of me. "

Whereupon the coronets sounded as it had been at a funeral; but oneabove the rest, a servant of that freed-man of Trimalchio's, that wasbest condition'd of 'em all, made such a thundring, that it rais'd theneighbourhood: On which the watch thinking the house was on fire, broke open the gate, and making an uproar after their manner, ran inwith water and hatchets: When finding so fair an opportunity, we gaveAgamemnon the slip, and scamper'd off, as if it had been a real fire. 

PART TWO

Not a star appear'd to direct us in our way, nor would the dead of thenight give us hopes of meeting a stranger that could; with these, thewine we had drank, and our ignorance of the place, even in the daytime, conspir'd to mis-direct us. When we had wander'd almost anhour, with our feet all bloody, over sharp pebbles and broken hills ofgravel, Gito's diligence at last deliver'd us: for the day before, fearing we might be at a loss, tho' we had the sun to our help, he hadprovidently mark'd every post and pillar with a chalk, the greatestdarkness was not able to obscure, by whose shineing whiteness we foundour way. But we had as many fears after we got to an inn; for thehostess, having drank a little too long with her guests, had sointirely lost her senses, a burning could not have made her feel; thatperhaps, we had been forc'd to have taken up our lodging in thestreet, if a letter-carrier that belong'd to Trimalchio, with tencarriages of his master's revenue, had not come in the mean time; whowithout much ado beat down the door, and let us in at the same gap. 

After we enter'd the bed-chamber, having plentifully feasted; prest byimpatient nature, I took my Gito aside; and wrapt in pleasures, spentthe night. 

 Who can the charms of that blest night declare, How soft ye gods! our warm embraces were? We hugg'd, we cling'd, and thro' each other's lips, Our souls, like meeting streams, together mixt; Farewell the world, and all its pageantry! When I, a mortal! so begin to dye. 

'Tis without reason I hug myself; Ascyltos, omnis iniuriae inventor, subduxit mihi nocte puerum et in lectum transtulit suum, volutatusqueliberius cum fratre non suo, sive non sentiente iniuriam sivedissimulante, indormivit alienis amplexibus oblitus iuris humani. Itaque ego ut experrectus pertrectavi gaudio despoliatum torum. Siqua est amantibus fides, ego dubitavi, an utrumque traicerem gladiosomnumque morti iungerem. Tutius dein secutus consilium Gitona quidemverberibus excitavi, and looking as sternly as I cou'd upon Ascyltos, thus address'd my self: "Since you've play'd the villain by yourtreachery, and breaking the common laws of friendship, pack up yourmatters quickly, and find another comrade to abuse. "

Ascyltos consented; and, after we had made an exact division of ourbooty; "Now, " says he, "let's share the boy too": I believ'd it a jestat parting, but, he with a murderous resolution, drew his sword; "norshall you, " added he, "think to ingross this prize, which should, likethe rest, be common to us both. I must have my share, or with thissword will be content to take it. " Upon which, on the other side, having twisted my gown under my arm, I made advances to ingage. 

The unhappy boy rush'd between, and kissing both our knees, withtears, entreated that we would not expose our selves in a pitifulalehouse, nor with our blood pollute the rites of so dear afriendship: but, raising his voice, says he, "if there must be murder, behold my naked bosom, hither direct your fury: 'Tis I deserve death, who violated the sacred laws of friendship. "

Upon which we sheath'd our swords; and first Ascyltos, "I'll, " sayshe, "end the difference: Let the boy himself follow the man he likes, that, in chusing a friend, at least, he may have an unquestion'dliberty. "

I, that presum'd so long an acquaintance, had made no slightimpressions on his nature, was so far from fearing, that with an eagerhaste I accepted the proffer, and to the judge committed the dispute:Gito, that he might not seem to consider, at my consent jump'd up, andchose Ascyltos. 

I, like one thunderstruck, at the sentence, void of defence, fell uponthe bed, and had not surviv'd the loss, if envy of my rival had notstopp'd my sword. 

Ascyltos, proud of the conquest, goes off with the prize, leaving meexpos'd in a strange place, that before he caress'd as a friend andsharer of his fortune:

 'Tis in the world, as in a game of chess; We serve our friends but where our profit is. When fortune smiles, we're yours, and yours alone; But when she frowns, the servile herd are gone. So, in a play, they act with mimick art, Father, or son, or griping miser's part: But when at last the comic scenes are o'er, They quit the visards they assum'd before. 

Nor did I there very long complain, for fearing one Menelaus, an usherof a school, might, among other misfortunes, find me alone in the inn, I made up my wallet, and, very pensive, took me a lodging in a privateplace near the sea: there, after I had been mewd up for three days, reflecting afresh on my despis'd and abject condition, I beat mybreast, as sick as it was; and, when my deep sighs would suffer me, often cry'd out; "Why has not the earth burst open, and swallow'd me?Why has not the sea o'erwhelm'd me that respects not even the innocentthemselves? Have I been a murderer? when I had violated Lycas's wife, have I fled justice? have I escap'd even when I was condemn'd to dye, to live in a strange place, to have my name recorded only amongbeggars and vagabonds? and who condemn'd me to this solitude?--A boy!One who is a prostitute to all manner of lust; and by his ownconfession deserves to dye; whom vice has enobl'd from a slave; whowas publickly contracted with as a girl, by one that knew he was ofthe other sex: and what a wretch is that other, ye gods! whom, when hemight have writ man, his mother perswaded even out of his sex, andputting on petty-coats, was condemn'd to a maids office in a prison:who, after he had spent what he had, and chang'd the scene of hislust; having contracted an old friendship, basely left it; and, frontless impudence! like a hot whore, for one night's pleasure, soldhis friend. Now the lovers lye whole nights lockt in each other'sarms, and who knows but in those intervals they recruit their weary'dstrength, may laugh at me: but they shan't go off so, for if I'm aman, or a free-born one at least, I'll make their blood compensate theinjury. "

Having thus said I girt on my sword; and lest I shou'd be too weak tomaintain the war, encourag'd my self with a lusty meal, and making outof doors, like one possesst, search'd every place: but whilst, with awild distracted countenance, I thought of nothing but blood andslaughter; and oft with execrations laying my hand on my sword, asouldier, perhaps some cheat or padder, observ'd me, and making up tome, askt to what regiment or company I, his brother souldier, belong'd? when, with a good assurance, I had cheated him into a beliefof the regiment and company; well, but friend, said he, looking down, doe the souldiers of your company walk in such shoes? I began to lookguilty, and by my trembling discover'd the lye I had told him: uponwhich he made me lay down my arms, and bid me take care of the worst. Thus stript, nay and thus rob'd of my revenge, I return'd to mylodging, where by degrees my fears abating, I began in my mind tothank the robber. 

But finding it difficult to wean my self from the love of revenge, Ispent half the night very pensively; and rising by day-break, to easeme of my grief, and thoughts of my injury, I rov'd about every where, till at last going in to a publick gallery, very wonderful for severalsorts of excellent painting; I saw some by Zeuxy's hand, that had notyet yielded to the injuries of time: And, not without an awfulreverence, behold others by Protogenes, which tho' they were firsttryals, yet disputed for exactness, even with nature it self: but onthe other side viewing a celebrated piece drawn by Apelles; I evenador'd the work of so great a master: 'twas so correctly finisht tothe life, you'd have sworn it an image of the soul too. One side gavethe story of the eagle bearing Jupiter to heaven, the other the fairHylas repelling the addresses of the lew'd naiad: in another part wasApollo, angry at himself for killing his boy Hyacinth; and, to shewhis love, crown'd his harp with the flower that sprung from his blood. 

In this gallery, as in a vision of living images, I cry'd out; and arenot the gods themselves secure from love? Jupiter in his seraglioabove, not finding one that can please his appetite, sins upon earth, yet injures nobody: the nymph wou'd have stifl'd her passion forHylas, had she believ'd the lusty Hercules wou'd have been his rival:Apollo turns Hyacinth into a flower: and every image enjoy'd itswishes without a rival: but I have caress'd, as the dearest friend, the greatest villain. 

While I was thus talking to my self, there enter'd the gallery an oldman, with a face as pale as age had made his hair; and seem'd, I knownot how, to bring with him the air of a great soul; but viewing hishabit, I was easily confirm'd in my opinion, since fortune seldomdeals favourably with learned men. In short, he made up to me, andaddressing himself, told me he was a poet; and, as he hop'd, above thecommon herd: if, added he, my merrit don't suffer by applause that'spromiscuously given, to the good and bad. 

Why, therefore, interrupted I, are you so meanly clad? On thisaccount return'd he, because learning never made any man rich. 

 The merchant's profit well rewards his toil: The souldier crowns his labours with the spoil: To servile flattery we altars raise: And the kind wife her stallion ever pays: But starving wit in rags takes barren pain: And, dying, seeks the muses aid in vain. 

"'Tis certain, " added he, "that a lover of virtue, on account of hissingularity, meets with contempt; for who can approve what differsfrom himself? And that those who admire riches, wou'd fain possessevery body, that nothing is more reasonable than their opinion; whencethey ridicule, as well as they can, the learned few; that they, likethemselves, might seem within the power of money. "

"I don't know, how learning and poverty became relations, " said I, andsigh'd: "You justly lament, " return'd he, "the condition of scholars. "

"You mistake me, " said I, "that's not the occasion of my sighs, there's another and much greater cause:" And, as all men are naturallyinclin'd to communicate their grief; I laid open my case to him, beginning with Ascyltos's treachery, which I aggravated; and, withrepeated sighs, often wisht his injustice to me might have deserv'dpardon: but that now he was a staunch villain, and in lust more subtlethan the bawds themselves. 

The old man, seeing me sincere, began to comfort me; and the better toeffect it, told me what formerly had happen'd to himself on the likeoccasion. 

"In Asiam cum a quaestore essem stipendio eductus, hospitium Pergamiaccepi. Ubi cum libenter habitarem non solum propter cultumaedicularum, sed etiam propter hospitis formosissimum filium, excogitavi rationem, qua non essem patri familiae suspectus amator. Quotiescunque enim in convivio de usu formosorum mentio facta est, tamvehementer excandui, tam severa tristitia violari aures meas obscenosermone nolui, ut me mater praecipue tanquam unum ex philosophisintueretur. Iam ego coeperam ephebum in gymnasium deducere, egostudia eius ordinare, ego docere ac praecipere, ne quis praedatorcorporis admitteretur in domum. . . . 

"Forte cum in triclinio iaceremus, quia dies sollemnis ludum artaveratpigritiamque recedendi imposuerat hilaritas longior, fere circa mediamnoctem intellexi puerum vigilare. Itaque timidissimo murmure votumfeci et 'domina' inquam 'Venus, si ego hunc puerum basiavero, ita utille non sensiat, cras illi par columbarum donabo. ' Audito voluptatispretio puer stertere coepit. Itaque aggressus simulantem aliquotbasiolis invasi. Contentus hoc principio bene mane surrexi electumquepar columbarum attuli expectanti ac me voto exsolvi. 

"Proxima nocte cum idem liceret, mutavi optionem et 'si hunc' inquam'tractavero improba manu, et ille non senserit, gallos gallinaceospugnacissimos duos donabo patienti. ' Ad hoc votum ephebus ultro seadmovit et, puto, vereri coepit, ne ego obdormiscerem. Indulsi ergosollicito, totoque corpore citra summam voluptatem nne ingurgitavi. Deinde ut dies venit, attuli gaudenti quicquid promiseram. Ut tertianox licentiam dedit, consurrexi . . . Ad aurem male dormientis 'dii'inquam 'immortales, si ego huic dormienti abstulero coitum plenum etoptabilem, pro hac felicitate cras puero asturconem. Macedonicumoptimum donabo, cum hac tamen exceptione, si ille non senserit. 'Nunquam altiore somno ephebus obdormivit. Itaque primum implevilacentibus papillis manus, mox basio inhaesi, deinde in unum omniavota coniunxi. Mane sedere in cubiculo coepit atque expectareconsuetudinem meam. Scis quanto facilius sit, columbas gallosquegallinaceos emere quam asturconem, et praeter hoc etiam timebam, netam grande munus suspectam faceret humanitatem meam. Ego aliquothoris spatiatus in hospitium reverti nihilque aliud quam puerumbasiavi. At ille circumspiciens ut cervicem meam iunxit amplexu, 'rogo' inquit 'domine, ubi est asturco?'

"Cum ob hanc offensam praeclusissem mihi aditum, quem feceram, iterumad licentiam redii. Interpositis enim paucis diebus, cum similiscasus nos in eandem fortunam rettulisset, ut intellexi sterterepatrem, rogare coepi ephebum, ut reverteretur in gratiam mecum, id estut pateretur satis fieri sibi, et cetera quae libido distenta dictat. At ille plane iratus nihil aliud dicebat nisi hoc: 'aut dormi, aut egoiam dicam patri. ' Nihil est tam arduum, quod non improbitasextorqueat. Dum dicit: 'patrem excitabo, ' irrepsi tamen et malerepugnanti gaudium extorsi. At ille non indelectatus nequitia mea, postquam diu questus est deceptum se et derisum traductumque intercondiscipulos, quibus iactasset censum meum, 'videris tamen' inquit'non ero tui similis. Si quid vis, fac iterum. ' Ego vero depositaomni offensa cum puero in gratiam redii ususque beneficio eius insomnum delapsus sum. Sed non fuit contentus iteratione ephebus planaematuritatis et annis ad patiendum gestientibus. Itaque excitavit mesopitum et 'numquid vis?' inquit. Et non plane iam molestum eratmunus. Utcunque igitur inter anhelitus sudoresque tritus, quodvoluerat, accepit, rursusque in somnum decidi gaudio lassus. Interposita minus hora pungere me manu coepit et dicere: 'quare nonfacimus?' tum ego totiens excitatus plane vehementer excandui etreddidi illi voces suas: 'aut dormi, aut ego iam patri dicam. '"

This discourse diverting my grief, I began to question the oldgentleman about the antiquity of some pieces, the stories of others Iwas not acquainted with, the reason why this age don't come up to theformer, and why the most excellent arts are lost, of which paintinghas not left the least sign of its being? "Our love of riches, "reply'd he, "has been the only occasion: for in old time, when virtuewas admir'd for its own sake, all liberal arts flourisht, and the onlyemulation among men, was to make discoveries that might profit theage. 'Twas in those times Democritus, content with poverty, found outthe vertue of most herbs; and lest there might be any hiddenexcellence in stones and trees, spent the rest of his life inexperiments about them: 'Twas then Eudoxus abandon'd the world, tolive on the top of a high mountain, to discover the motions of theheavens and Crisippus, the better to qualify his mind for invention, went thrice through a course of physick. 

"But to return to imagery, Lysippus with that diligence imploy'dhimself about one statue, that, neglecting his living, he dyed, forwant: and Myron, whose brazen images of men and beasts, you might havemistaken for living ones, dy'd very poor: but our age is so whollydevoted to drinking and whoring, we're so far from inventing, that wedon't acquaint our selves even with those arts that are found to ourhands: But, accusing antiquity, our schools become seminaries of viceonly: what's our logick? How little do we know of astronomy? Where'sour philosopher? What master of eloquence could indure to hear it somurdred in a pulpit? What wise man cou'd suffer the noise? Ourbusiness in the temple is not to inform our minds, or correct ourlives; but as soon as we enter the place, one out of love to hisfriend, being made his heir, promises a sacrifice to the gods, ifthey'd please to take him out of this troublesome world; another, ifthey'd direct him to a treasure: the like a third promises if they'dmake him happy in a small estate of 300l. Per an. Or so: The verySenate that shou'd show an exemplary conduct, in occasions of doubtfulevents, have devoted mighty sums of gold to religious uses: And whowou'd not but admire, that, he is perswaded hath charms enough to makethe gods themselves comply! You need not wonder why painting is lost, when gold appears more beautiful both to gods and men, than any thingApelles or Phidias are now esteem'd madly to have spent their timeabout: But seeing your curiosity is wholly taken up with that piece, that shews you a contracted history of the Siege of Troy: I'll try togive you the story more at large in verse. 

 "Now Troy had felt a siege of ten long years, Concern and sorrow in each face appears: The Grecian prophet too, with terrour fill'd, What fate decree'd, but doubtfully reveal'd: When thus Apollo---- From the proud top of Ida's rising hill A lofty pile of mighty cedars fell, Whose trunks into a dreadful fabrick force, And, let it bear the figure of a horse: The spacious hollows, of whose mountain-womb, The choice and flower of your troops entomb. The Greeks, enrag'd to be so long repell'd, With their chief troops the beasts vast bowel's fill'd, And thus their arms and all their hopes conceal'd. Strange was the fate the rul'd unhappy Troy, Who thought them gone, and lasting peace t'enjoy, So the inscription of the machine said, And treacherous Synon, for their ruin made. All from their arms at once, and troubles run To view the horse, and left th' unguarded town So over-joy'd they wept: Thus even fears When joy surprizes, melt away in tears. Enrag'd Laocoon, with prophetick beat, Prest thro' the crowd, that on his humour wait; And with a javelin pierc'd the fatal horse, But fate retards the blow, and stopt its force: The spear jumpt back upon the priest, so nigh, It gave new credit to the treachery. Yet to confirm how weak was the attempt 'Gainst what the gods will have, his javelin sent, Resum'd with double fury, thro' his side, And the large concave of the machine try'd: When from within the captive Grecians roar; And the beast trembles with another's fear. Yet to the town the present they convey, Thus a new stragem does Troy betray; While to the taken, she becomes a prey. But other monsters there enform our eyes, What mighty seas from Teuedos arise! The frighted Neptune seems to seek the shore, With such a noise, with such a dreadful roar: As in a silent night, when, from afar, The dismal sound of wrecks invades the ear: When rolling on the waves two mighty snakes, Unhappy Troy descry'd; whose circling stroaks, Had drove the swelling surges on the rocks. Like lofty ships they on the billows ride, And with rais'd breasts the foaming flood divide: Their crests they brandish and red eye-balls raise, That all around dispence a sulphurous blaze. To shore advancing, now the waves appear All fire; unwonted ratlings fill the air. The ocean trembles at their dreadful hiss; All are amaz'd: When in a Trojan dress; And holy wreaths their sacred temples bind, Laocoon's sons were by the snakes entwin'd: Now t'wards heaven their little hands are thrown Each for his brother, not himself does moan, And prays to save his ruin by his own. Both dye at last, thro' fear each other shou'd, And to give death a greater pomp, the good Laocoon to their rescue vainly run, Now gorg'd with death, they drag him on the ground Up to the altar, where devoted lies The priest himself, a panting sacrifice. Thus with his blood the temple they prophane; Losing their gods; Troy's ruin thus began: Now the bright taper of the night appears, Gayly attended with a train of stars: When midst the Trojans, dead in sleep and wine, The Grecians execute their dire design: When from the open'd caverns of the horse, Like a large flood, their hidden troops did gush; And now deliver'd, leave their horse and fear, With the same wanton motions colts appear: When from the plow, and heavy collar freed, They shake their rising crests, and try their speed. Their swords they brandish, and their shields they rear, And fix their helmets, then begin the war: A party here o' th' drunken Trojans light, And send them snoring to eternal night; Another there now made their altars smoke, And against Troy, Troy's guardian gods invoke. "

When Eumolpus had gone thus far in his story, the people that werewalking there, began to fling stones at him: But he, conscious of hismerit, cover'd his head, and took up his heels: I, fearing they wou'dhave taken me for a poet too, made after him: When we were out ofstone shot of the enemy, "I beseech you, sir, " said I, "what will youdo with this disease of yours? I don't wonder at the peoples humour, since I have hardly been acquainted with you two hours, and yourentertainment has been more poetry than the conversation of a man. Ithink I must fill my pocket with stones, that when I perceive yougoing into a fit, I may bleed you in the head for it, with one of'em. "

He turn'd to me, and, "Dear child, " said he, "I rose to day withoutconsulting my fortune; tho' 'tis confest I seldom appear even on thestage, but such a mobb as this are laughing at me: But that I may notbe at difference with you too, I'll tye my self up from this humour ofpoetry:" "Well, well, " said I, "on that condition I sup with you;"upon which, going into the poor cottage I lodg'd at, we order'd themaster of it to get us a supper, and in the mean time we went to thebagnio, where I saw Gito standing against the wall, with towels andrubbing brushes in his hand; his troubl'd countenance easily perswadedme he serv'd on compulsion: As soon as he saw me, with joy addressinghimself, he told me, that since I was not in that martial posture thatonce frighted him to belye his affections, he cou'd freely speak tome, upon which he entreated me to pity his circumstances; and, if Icou'd but deliver him from so barbarous a master, since he was nowsorry he was forc'd to be my judge, I might take my satisfaction inany punishment I'de please to inflict; "for, " added he, "if I mustdye, 'twill be comfort enough to so unhappy a wretch to think that youare pleas'd in 't. "

I desir'd him wave his complaints, lest our design shou'd bediscover'd, and leaving Eumolpus (for in the bath he was versifying)we made off thro' a dirty back-entry, as privately as we could to mylodgings: Where, shutting the door, I threw my arms about his neck, and, tho, he was all in tears, half smother'd him with kisses: Thus wecontinu'd without a word from either side: Gito's repeated sobs sodisturb'd him, he could not speak: When after a long time spent inthat posture, "how unaccountable is it, " began I, "to love him thatonce forsook me! And that in this breast I shou'd feel so great awound, yet have no sign of its being there! what's you' pretence forchusing Ascyltos? Have I deserv'd such usage?"

After he found I still had love for him, he began to look lessconcerned: "When, " added I, "I'm so far from desireing an umpire tojudge of th' ingratitude of your choice, that I neither complain of, or design to remember it; if I find you sincere. "

I cou'd not tell him this without a tear: When, wiping his face, sayshe, "Encolpius, I appeal to your memory, whether I left, you, or youbetray'd me. I must confess, and hope you can't blame me; when I sawtwo at daggers-drawing, that I ran to the strongest. "

I cou'd not but admire his wit, and to convince him of a perfectreconciliation, sealed it with repeated kisses. 

'Twas now quite dark, and our supper was dishing up, when Eumolpusknock'd at the door: I ask'd how many there was of 'em: And took anopportunity through a chink, to see whether Ascyltos was with him: Butfinding him alone, I soon open'd the door: He had hardly fixt himselfon his couch, when seeing Gito in waiting, "on my word, " said he, "avery Gannymed; sure Encolpius, you'll have no reason to complain today. "

I did not like to observing an entry; and was afraid I had entertain'danother Ascyltos. Eumolpus pursuing his humour, when the boy fill'dhim a glass, "I had rather, " said he, "be in possession of thee, thanthe whole bagnio"; and greedily drinking it off, "the heat I've beenin, " added he, "made this the pleasantest draught I ever took: For todeal freely with ye, I narrowly scap'd a beating, for attempting, whenI was in the bath, to deliver my thoughts of it in verse: And after Iwas turn'd out of the bagnio, as I us'd to be out of the theatre; Isearch'd every place, crying as loud as I cou'd, 'Encolpius, Encolpius. ' A naked youth that had lost his cloaths, as stronglyecho'd back to me, 'Gito, Gito': The boys, believing me mad, ridicul'dme with their mimikry: But the other was attended with a greatconcourse of people, that with an awful admiration prais'd the youth:For nature had so largely qualify'd him for a lover, his body seem'dbut as the skirt of the mighty member it bore: A lusty rogue! I'llwarrant, he'd maintain the field four and twenty hours! He thereforesoon found relief, for some debauch'd spark, a Roman knight, as wasreported, flung his cloak over him, and took him home, with hopes, Ipresume to engross so great a prize: But I was so far from meetingsuch civility, that even my own cloaths were kept from me, till Ibrought one that knew me, to satisfie 'em in my character: So muchmore profitable 'tis to improve the body than the mind. "

Whilst Eumolpus was telling his story, I often chang'd countenance:Looking glad at the ill fortune of my rival, but troubled at his good:yet did not interrupt him, lest he shou'd discover my concern: andwhen he had done, I told him what we had for supper. 

I had hardly given him an account, e're our entertainment came in:'Twas common homely food, but very nourishing: Our half starv'd doctorattacqu'd it very briskly, but when he had well fill'd himself, beganto tell us, philosophers were above the world, and to ridicule thosethat condemn every thing, because 'tis common, and only to admirethose things that are difficult to be had: "These vicious appetites, "added he, "that despise what they can cheaply come by, never taste anything pure, but, like sick men, love only those things that arehurtful to 'em. 

 "What's soon obtain'd, we nauseously receive, All hate the victory that's got with leave: We scorn the good our happy isle brings forth, But love whatever is of foreign growth: Not that the fish that distant waters feed, Do those excel that in our climate breed; But these are cheaply taken, those came far, With difficulty got, and cost us dear: Thus the kind she, abroad, we admire above Th' insipid lump, at home of lawful love: Yet once enjoy'd, we strait a new desire, And absent pleasures only do admire. "

"Is this, " said I, interrupting him, "what you promis'd, that youwou'd not versifie to day agen? I beseech you, sir, at least spare usthat never pelted you: For if any of the inn shou'd find we have apoet in our company, the whole neighbourhood wou'd be rais'd, and weshou'd dye martyrs for a wrong opinion: If nothing else will make youpity us, think of the galery and bath you came from": when I hadtreated him after this rate, the good natur'd Gito, correcting me, said, I did very ill to rail at a man so much my elder; and thathaving offer'd a gentleman the curtsie of my table, I shou'd not sofar forget good breeding, to affront him when he came: With many thelike expressions, attended with a blush at their delivery, thatextreamly became him. 

"Happy the woman, " said Eumolpus, "that's blest with such a son!Heaven encrease your virtue: so much sense, and so much beauty weseldom meet with in any one person: But, lest you shou'd think yourcivility thrown away, you have found a lover for it: I'll give theworld your praises in verse: I'll be your servant, your gardian, andwill follow you every where: Nor can Encolpius think himself injur'd, he loves another. "

Eumolpus was oblig'd to the souldier that robb'd me of my sword, elseI had turn'd the fury upon him I meant for Ascyltos: Gito reading itin my countenance, under pretence of fetching water, prudentlywithdrew: And allay'd my heat, by removing one cause of it: But myrage reviving, "Eumolpus, " said I, "I had rather have heard even yourverses, that you propose to your self such hopes: I am verypassionate, and you are very lustful: Consider how improbable 'tis weshou'd agree; believe therefore I am mad, and humour the phrenzy; thatis, be gone immediately. "

At this Eumolpus was in great confusion, and, without asking theoccasion of my passion, presently made out: But drawing the door afterhim, what I did not in the least suspect, he lock'd me in, andstealing the key out of the door, ran in pursuit of Gito. 

The rage I was in to be so abus'd, put me upon hanging my self; andhaving ty'd an apron, I found in the room, to the bed-stead, committedmy neck to the noose I had made with its strings: When Eumolpus andGito came to the door, and entering, prevented my design: Gito, hisgrief growing to a rage, made a great out-cry, and forcing me on thebed, "You're mistaken, " said he, "Encolpius, if you fancy it possiblefor you to dye before me: I was first in the design, and had notsurviv'd my choice of Ascyltos; if I had met with an instrument ofdeath: But had not you come to my relief in the bath, I had resolv'dto throw my self out of the window: And that you may know how readydeath is to wait those that desire it: see--I've got what you solately endeavour'd. "

Upon which, having snatch'd a rasor from Eumolpus's servant, he struckthree or four times 't his throat, and fell down before us: frightenedat the accident, I cry'd out, and falling upon him e're he had reachedthe ground, with the same weapon, endeavoured to follow him: Butneither had Gito any appearance of a wound, nor did I feel my selfhurt: For it happen'd to be a dull rasor, design'dly made so, toprepare learners of the art to handle a sharper which was the reasonEumolpus did not offer to prevent our mimick deaths, nor his man lookconcern'd when the rasor was snatch'd from him. 

While this scene was acting, the inn-keeper came in upon us, with theother part of our supper; and viewing the obscene posture we were in, "I beseech you, sirs, " said he, "are ye drunk, or have fled justice, and are acting it on your selves, or both? ho! who was going to make agibet of the bed? What private designs are here on foot? What--wasyour going out but now with intent to bilke me? But you shall feelfo't: I'll soon make ye know who rules here. "

"What, you rascal, " crys Eumolpus, "do you threat too?" And withoutmore ado flung his fist in his face: The inn-keeper took up an earthenpitcher we so oft had empty'd, and sending it at Eumolpus, broke hisforehead, and immediately ran down stairs: Eumolpus, impatient ofrevenge, snatching up a great wooden candlestick, made after him; andpouring his blows very thick on the inn-keeper, repair'd the injurywith interest: This alarm'd the whole house, and whilst the rest ofhis guess, that by this time were most of 'em drunk; ran to see whatwas the matter, taking an opportunity to revenge the injury Eumolpushad offer'd me, I lock'd him out; and turning thus his trick uponhimself, at once, enjoy'd the bed and board without a rival. 

In the mean time, the islanders (that came in at the bustle) and cookswith all their kitchin artillery set upon Eumolpus: One throws at hishead a hot spit with the meat on't; another with a pitchfork putshimself in a martial posture against him; but especially a blear-ey'dold woman, who tucking up the dirty apron she had about her, with oneshoe on, and another off, hall'd a great mastiff and set him atEumolpus: But with the wooden candlestick he defended himself againstall his enemies. 

We saw all through a hole they had made by wrenching the latch fromthe door: I wish'd him well you may imagine; but Gito had compassionand wou'd have succour'd the distrest Eumolpus; upon which, my ragecontinuing, I gave his pitying head two or three blows with my fist;he sate down on the bed and cry'd: but I so eagerly ply'd the hole, Imade my eyes relieve each other; and, encouraging the people againsthim, with great satisfaction beheld the conflict: when the bailiff ofthe island, one Bargates, whom the scuffle had rais'd from supper; wasbrought into the room, supported by others legs, for he was troubl'dwith the gout, he cou'd not use his own: And having in his clownishmanner, with a great deal of heat, made a long harangue againstdrunkards and vagabonds, looking on Eumolpus, "ha! what is it you, "says he, "the excellent poet? What--has these rogues been abusing youall this while?" At what time he goes up to Eumolpus, and in awhisper, "I have a maid, " says he, "that flouts at me when I ask herthe question; prithee, if you have any love for me, abuse her in acopy of verses till she's ashamed of her self. "

While Eumolpus was thus ingag'd with Bargates, the cryer of the town, and some other officer, attended with a great concourse of people, entred the inn; and, shaking a smoaky rather than lighted torch hecarried, mouths out this; viz. 

NOT LONG AGO, RUN AWAY FROM THE BATH, A VERY PRETTY BOY, WITH CURL'DHAIR, BY NAME, GITO. 

IF ANY MAN, OR WOMAN, IN CITY, OR COUNTRY CAN TELL TALE OR TIDINGS OFHIM, SHALL HAVE FOR HIS REWARD 1000 SESTERCES. 

Not far from the cryer, stood Ascyltos, clad with a coat of manycolours; who, to incourage any discoverer, held the reward in a silvercharger before him. 

Upon this, I order'd Gito to steal under the bed, and thrust his feetand hands through the cords that, as Ulysses formerly hid in a sheepshide, so extended he might cheat the searchers. 

Gito immediately obey'd the motion, and fixing himself, as I directed, out-did Ulysses in his native art: But, that I might leave no room forsuspicion, I so disposed the bed-cloaths, that none could believe morethan my self had lain there. 

We had just done, when Ascyltos, with a beadle, having search'd theother chambers, came to ours, which gave him greater hopes, because hefound the door so barr'd: But the petty officer he brought, with aniron crow, forc'd it open. 

Upon Ascyltos's entry, I threw my self at his feet, and beseech'd him, if he had any memory of our past friendship; or any respect for onethat had shar'd misfortunes with him, he wou'd at least let me see thestill dear Gito: And to give my sham-intreaties a better colour, "Isee, " says I, "Ascyltos, you are come with designs on my life; for towhat other end could you bring those ministers of justice? Thereforesatisfie your rage, behold my naked bosom, let out that blood, which, under pretence of a search, you come to seek. "

Ascyltos, now laying aside his old grudge to me; profess'd he came inpursuit of nothing but Gito, that had run from him; nor desir'd thedeath of any man, much more of one that falls before him; and whom, after a fatal quarrel with him, he held most dear. 

The petty officer was not so easie to me, for taking a stick out ofthe inn-keeper's hand, he felt under the bed with it, and run it intoevery hole he found in the wall: Gito drew his body out of the stick'sway, and, breathing as gently as fear cou'd make him, held his mouthclose to the cords. 

They were hardly gone, e're Eumolpus bounc'd in upon us, for thebroken door cou'd stop nobody, and, in a great heat, cry'd out, "I'llearn the reward: I'll make after the Cryer, and let him know how soonGito may be in his custody. "

Eumolpus pursuing his design, I kist his knees, and intreated him notto anticipate the end of dying men; "you wou'd be justly angry, " addedI, "if you shou'd discover to 'em how you are deceiv'd: The boy runinto the crowd undiscovered, and where he is gone, my self can'tsuspect. I beseech you, Eumolpus, bring back the boy, or at leastrestore him even to Ascyltos. "

Just as I had worked him to a belief, Gito, with restraining hisbreath, snees'd thrice so thoroughly, that he shook the bed; at whichEumolpus, turning about, saluted him with, "God bless you, sir;" and, taking the bedding aside, saw the little Ulysses, who might haveraised compassion, even in a blood-thirsty Cyclops: then looking uponme, "Thou villain, " says he, "how have you shamm'd me? Durst you nottell truth, even when you was catch'd in a roguery? If some god, thathas the care of humane affairs, had not forc'd the boy to discoverhimself, I had wander'd in search of him to a fine purpose. " ButGito, that cou'd fawn much better than I, took a cobweb dipt in oyl, and apply'd to the wound in his forehead: And changing his torn coatfor his own mantle, imbrac'd the now reconcil'd Eumolpus, and stuck tohis lips: at last he spoke, and, "Our lives, " said he, "most indulgentfather, our lives are in your power; if you love your Gito, convincehim that you do, by preserving him: O! could I now meet a grave inflames or waves, that I, the only cause of all, might end yourquarrels. "

Eumolpus, concern'd at our grief, and particularly mindful of Gito'stenderness to him; "surely, " says he, "y'are the greatest of fools, who have souls enrich'd with virtues, that may make ye happy, yet livea continu'd martyrdom, raising to your selves every day new occasionsof grief; I, wherever I am, make my life as pleasant and free fromtrouble, as if I expected no more of it: If you'll imitate me, neverlet cares disturb your quiet. And to avoid Ascyltos that haunts ye inthese parts, I am taking a voyage to a foreign country, and shou'd beglad of your company: I believe to morrow night I shall go on boardthe vessel: I am very well known there, and you need not doubt of acivil entertainment. "

His advice appear'd to me both wise and profitable; for at once itdeliver'd me from Ascyltos, and gave me hopes of living more happy:Thus oblig'd by Eumolpus's good nature, I was sorry for the lateinjury I had done him, and began to repent I appear'd his rival, sinceit had occasion'd so many disasters. 

At last, with tears, I beseech'd him to be friends with me too, forthat it was not in a rival's power to bound his rage; yet, that Iwou'd try neither to say, or do any thing that may offend him: andhop'd so wise and good a man as he, wou'd leave in his mind no sign ofa former quarrel: for 'twas with men as with countrys, on rudeneglected grounds snows lay very long, but where the fruitful earthwas improv'd by culture, they presently melt off, and hardly leave aprint behind: Thus unfashion'd minds can't discharge their passionssuddenly, but where souls are inrich'd with instruction, they butappear and vanish. 

"And to confirm the truth of what you say, " return'd Eumolpus, "all myheat expires in this kiss; but, to prevent the designs of yourenemies, hasten with your wallets, and either follow me, or, if yelike it, act the leaders. "

He had not done speaking, when, hearing the door move, we turn'dabout, and saw a seaman, with a beard that made him appear terriblygrim: who saluted Eumolpus with a "Why dy'e stay, as if you did notknow how near the time 'twas?"

All immediately prepared for the march, Eumolpus loads his servants, who had been all this while asleep; I, and Gito, pack'd our thingstogether, and, thanking our stars, enter'd the vessel. 

We fixt our selves, as much out of the way as we could, under deck:and it being not yet day, Eumolpus fell a-sleep: I, and Gito, cou'dnot take a wink: when reflecting afresh, that I had harbour'd in myacquaintance, a rival more powerful than Ascyltos; I began to be muchtroubled: but wisely allaying my grief, I thus reason'd with my self:Is it so troublesom to share what we love? when the best of nature'sworks are in common? The sun throws his rays on all. The moon, withher infinite train of stars, serves to light even beasts to theirfodder: What below can boast an excellence of nature above the waters?Yet they flow in publick for the use of all: only love seems sweeterstol'n than when it's given us: so it is, we esteem nothing, unless'tis envy'd by others; but what have I to fear in a rival, that ageand impotence conspire to render disagreeable? Who, when he has aninclination, his body jades under him before he can reach the goal. 

When I had cheated my self with this assurance, I muffled my head inmy coat, and feign'd my self asleep: but on a sudden, as if fortunehad resolv'd to ruin my quiet; I heard one above deck groaning out:"And has he scorn'd me?" This struck me with a trembling, for it wasa man's voice, and one I was afraid I knew: but at a greater distance, with the same heat, I heard a woman lamenting: "O that some god, " saidshe, "wou'd bring my Gito to my arms; tho' he banish'd himself thence;how kindly wou'd I receive him!"

So unexpected a thing drove the colour from our cheeks; I especially, as in a trance, was a long time speechless; when, trembling with fear, I pull'd Eumolpus by the coat, who was now asleep; and "I beseech you, father, " said I, "do you know the owner of this vessel, or who thepassengers are?" He was very angry to be disturbed: "And was it forthis reason, " said he, "that we chose the most private place in theship; that none but your self might disturb us: or what will itsignifie if I tell you, that one Lycas a Tarentine owns her, and iscarrying one Tryphoena to Tarentum?"

For a while I stood like one thunder-struck, when opening my bosom, Itrembling, cry'd out; "At last, Fortune, you have ruin'd every part ofme:" for Gito, my better half, lean'd on my breast, as if he hadbreath'd his last: when our sweating through fear, had a littlerecover'd our spirits: I fell at Eumolpus feet, and intreated him tohave compassion of two dying wretches: that is, to assist us in themeans of escaping the impending mischief: "Tho' death, " I added, "wou'd be more grateful to us, if the happiness of enjoying you, didnot make us envy life. "

Eumolpus was glad to serve us, and swore by all that's sacred, he wasprivy to no design against us; and that he had very innocently broughtus hither, for no other end, than for our company, having hir'd thevessel before he was acquainted with us: "But what designs on yourlives are here?" added he, "Or have we a pyrate Hannibal on board?""Lycas, " continued he, "a very honourable man, is not only master andowner of this vessel, but of a good estate, and having inclinations totraffick, freights his vessel himself: Is this the terrible Cyclops?Is this the dreadful cut-throat, we must pay our carriage to? Andbesides him, is the beautiful Tryphoena that other emblem ofterrour, who for her pleasure only goes with Lycas. "

"These are the very two, " reply'd Gito, "we strove to avoid": and, ina low voice, made Eumolpus, that trembled at the story, at onceunderstand the occasions of their malice to us, and our presentdanger. 

Eumolpus was so distracted in his thoughts, he cou'd not advise, butbid each of us give him his opinion; "And presume, " says he, "we hadjust enter'd the Cyclops den, where Jove's thunderbolts are made. Wemust seek a means of delivery, except we design to free us from alldanger, by sinking the vessel. "

"No, no, " began Gito, "rather offer the pilot a reward, to direct thevessel to some port: and affirm the sea so disagrees with your friend, that if he is not so kind, you fear he'll dye: you may colour thepretence with tears, and appear much concern'd, that, mov'd withcompassion, the pilot may befriend you. "

Eumolpus reply'd, that could not be effected, for not only thedifficulty of guiding so great a ship to a port, but a suspicion hewou'd necessarily have, that his friend cou'd not be so suddenly veryill, conspir'd against it: Then next perhaps, Lycas wou'd have acuriosity to visit his sick passenger: "Can you propose to escape by ameans that will discover ye to him ye'd avoid? But presuming the shipcou'd be stopt in her rapid course, and that Lycas shou'd not visithis sick on board: How can we get out, but all must see us? With ourheads muffled, or bare? If cover'd, we move every one to lend a handto sick persons; if bare, we discover our selves. "

"A desperate disease, " said I, "must have a desperate cure; I know nobetter expedient of our delivery, than to slide into the long boat, and cutting the cord, leave the rest to Fortune: Nor do I desireEumolpus to share the danger: For what wou'd it signifie to involve aninnocent person in other mens deserv'd misfortunes? We shall thinkour selves happy, if Fortune be kind. "

"'Twas not ill advised, " said Eumolpus, "if it cou'd be done; for doyou think to stir in the ship unobserved, when the distant motion ofthe stars themselves can't escape the pilot's diligence? You mustpass the only guarded part of the ship near which place the rope thatholds the boat is tyed: Besides, Encolpius, I wonder you did notremember that one seaman was upon constant duty night and day in theboat it self; nor will be mov'd from his post, without you cut histhroat, or fling him overboard; which consider whether you can dareattempt; for my part, to go with you I would refuse no danger thatcould give me the least hopes of getting off; but to put so low avalue on life, to throw it away as a useless thing, I believe evenyour selves are unwilling: Hear whether you like my proposal; I'll putye into two mantles I have here, and making holes to breathe and eatthrough, will place you amongst my other goods for baggage, nextmorning I allarm the whole ship, crying out, my servants, fearing agreater punishment, in the night jump into the sea; that when the shipmade to land, I might carry you off for baggage. "

"Very well, " said I, "but do you design to tye us as stocks, withinwhich nature does not labour to be freed; or as those that use tosneeze and snore? Or, because I once succeeded in a like deceit? Butsuppose we cou'd hold out a day so ty'd up, what shall we do if we'reput to't longer? Will the thoughts of a quiet life without cares, orof our adverse fortune entertain us most? our very cloaths long boundup will rot upon our backs: Can we, d'ye think, that are young, andnot inur'd to labour, endure to be clad like statues, and wear ourcords as insensibly? Since we are yet to seek a way of escape, for noproposal has been made without an objection; see what I have thoughton: The studious Eumolpus, I presume, never goes unfurnisht with ink;is there a better expedient, than washing our hands, face, and hair, with that, to appear like AEthiopian slaves? when without wringingour limbs, we can't but be merry, to act a cheat, that so nearlyimposes on our enemies?"

"And why would you not have us circumcis'd too, " interrupted Gito, "that we may appear like Jews; and have our ears bor'd, to persuadethem we came from Arabia? and why did not you advise our faces to bechalk'd as well as ink'd, that we might pass for Frenchmen, as if ourcolour would make such a mighty alteration? Has a foreigner but onemark of distinction? Can you think anybody so ignorant to mistake youfor one, by that sign only? Grant our dawb'd faces wou'd keep theircolour: Suppose it wou'd not wash off, nor our cloaths stick to theink, how can we imitate their black swollen lips? the short curl oftheir hair? the seams on their foreheads? their circular way oftreading? their splay feet? or the mode of their beards? an artificialcolour rather stains than alters the body; but, if you'll be rul'd bya madman, let's cover our heads, and jump into the sea?"

"Nor Heaven nor man, " cry'd Eumolpus, "cou'd suffer ye make so ill anend; rather pursue this advice: My slave, as you may imagine by hisrasor, is a piece of a barber; let him shave not only your heads, but, as a mark of greater punishment, your eye-brows too, and Ill finishyour disguise with an inscription on your foreheads, that you mayappear as slaves branded for some extraordinary villany: Thus the sameletters will at once divert their suspicion, and conceal yourcountenance under the mask of punishment. "

We lik'd the advice, and hasten'd the execution, when stealing to theside of the vessel, we committed our heads and eye-brows to thebarber: Eumolpus in the meantime fill'd our foreheads with greatletters, and very liberally dispenc'd the known marks of fugitivesthrough the other parts of our faces; one of the passengers, easinghis o're-charg'd stomach o're the side of the ship, by the moonperceiving the reflection of a barber busie at so unseasonable a time, and, cursing the omen that he thought presag'd a shipwreck, ran to hishammock, upon which we dissembled the same, but indeed had an equalthough different concern; and the noise over, we spent the rest of thenight without resting much. 

The next day Eumolpus, when he found Tryphoena was stirring, went tovisit Lycas; and after he had talk'd with him about the happy voyagehe hop'd from the clearness of the heavens, Lycas, turning toTryphoena, "Methoughts, " said he, "about midnight the vision ofPriapus appear'd to me, and told me, he had lately brought into myship Encolpius that I sought for": Tryphoena was startl'd, "Andyou'd swear we slept together, " reply'd she, "for methoughts the imageof Neptune having struck his trident thrice against the Bajoe, toldme that in Lycas' ship I shou'd meet my Gito. "

"Hence, proceeds, " said Eumolpus, interrupting 'em, "that veneration Ipay the divine Epicurus, who so wittily has discovered such illusions. 

 "When in a dream presented to our view, Those airy forms appear so like the true; Nor heaven nor hell the fancy'd visions sends, But every breast its own delusion lends: For when soft sleep the body wraps in ease, And from th' unactive mass our fancy frees, Whatever 'tis in which we take delight, And think of most by day, we dream at night. Thus he, the now sackt city justly fear'd, Who all around had death and ruin shar'd. From fancy'd darts believes a darkned sky, And troops retreating in confusion fly: There the sad funeral pomp of kings; here Conscious plains, half drown'd in blood, appear He that by day has nois'd it at the bar, Of knaves and fools now sees the great resort, And to meet justice vainly fears in court. Misers amidst their heaps are raising new, And think they oft their old hid treasure view. And huntsmen the imagin'd chace pursue. The merchant dreams of wrecks, the ship wou'd save, Or now, by sinking it, himself preserve. The mistress to her distant lover writes; And, as awake, with flames and darts indites: The good wife dreaming of her stallion's charms, Oft seeks the pleasure in her cuckold's arms. Dogs on full cry, in sleep, the hare pursue, And hapless wretches their old griefs renew. "

But Lycas, when he had thank'd his stars for their care of him, "Thatwe may not seem, " said he, "to condemn the divine powers, what hindersbut we search the vessel?"

Upon which one AEsius, the passenger that had discover'd us by ourreflection in the water, cry'd out, "these are the men that wereshav'd by moonshine to night. Heaven avert the omen! I thought theceremony of cutting the nails and hair, was never perform'd but as asolemn sacrifice to appease a storm. "

"Is 't so, " says Lycas, in a great heat, "did any in the ship offer toshave themselves, and at midnight too? Bring 'em quickly hither, thatI may know who they are that deserve to die a sacrifice for oursafety. "

"'Twas I, " quoth Eumolpus, "commanded it, not wishing ill to the ship, but ease to my self; for they are my slaves, and having long staringhairs, I order'd the uncomely sight to be taken away; not only that Imight not seem to make a prison of the ship; but that the mark oftheir villany might more plainly appear; and to let you know howrichly they deserve the punishment; among other rogueries, they rob'dme of a considerable sum of money, and spent it with all the luxury ofrich debauches, on a trull that was at both their services, whom Icatcht them with last night. In short, they yet smell of the winethey profusely gave themselves with my money. "

Lycas, that the offenders might atone for their crime, order'd each ofthem forty stripes; we were immediately brought to the place ofexecution; where the enrag'd seamen set upon us with ropes-ends, andtry'd to offer our blood a sacrifice for their safety. I bore threestripes very heroically. Gito, who had not so much passive valour atthe first blow, set up such an out-cry that the known sound of hisvoice reach'd Tryphoena's ear; who in great disorder attended withher maids, that were all like her self surpriz'd at the voice, run tothe sufferer. 

Gito's admirable beauty had soften'd their rage, and seem'd withoutspeaking to intreat their favour; when the maids unanimously cry'dout, "'tis Gito, 'tis Gito; hold your barbarous hands, help madam, 'tis Gito!"

Tryphoena to their cry inclin'd her ears, that already hadanticipated her belief, and with eager haste flew to the boy. 

Upon which Lycas that knew me very well, as much satisfied as he hadheard my voice, ran to me, and taking my other parts on content, sedcontiguo ad inguina mea luminibus deflexis movit officiosam manum"your servant Encolpius, " says he, "'twill be no wonder how Eurycleathat nurs'd Ulysses, at his return after twenty years absence, shou'dknow him by a scar on his forehead, when 'tis consider'd, the mostdiscreet Lycas, not beholden to the marks of any seen part of thebody, so judiciously discover'd me by the most hid:" Tryphoena, having cheated herself into a belief that those marks of slavery wewore on our foreheads were real, wept; and began in a low voice, toinquire what prison cou'd stop us in our rambles; or whose cruel handscou'd finish such a punishment without reluctancy. "I confess, " addedshe, "they deserve some punishment with whom their masters are sojustly angry. "

Lycas was in great heat at Tryphoena's tenderness. "And thoufoolish woman, " said he, "can you believe, those marks were cut beforethe ink was laid? We should be too happy were those stains not to berub'd off, and had justly been, as they design'd us, the subject oftheir laughter, if we had suffer'd our selves to be so grossly impos'don in a sham inscription. "

Tryphoena, who was not yet unmindful of our former amours, wou'dhave pity'd us. When Lycas, still resenting the abuse he received inhis vitiated wife, and the affronts at the porch of Hercules' temple, with greater rage cry'd out, "I thought you had been convinc'd, Tryphoena, that Heaven has the care of humane affairs, when it notonly brought our enemies into our power, which they strove to avoid, but reveal'd it in a vision to us both; see what you'l get bypardoning them, whom Heaven it self has brought to punishment, for mypart, I am not naturally so cruel, but am afraid the judgment I shou'dprevent from justly falling upon others, may light on my own head. "

This superstitious harangue, turn'd Tryphoena from hindring ourpunishment to hasten its execution. When she began afresh as highlyto resent the former affronts that was offer'd her, as Lycas did therepute of his modesty that he had lost in the peoples esteem. 

When Lycas found Tryphoena was with himself eagerly inclin'd torevenge, he order'd to increase our punishments, which when Eumolpusperceiv'd, he endeavour'd to mitigate after this manner. 

"I pity the wretches, " said he, "that lie at your mercy. Lycas, theyimplore your compassion, and choosing me as a man not altogetherunknown to 'em to perform the office, desire to be reconcil'd to themthey once held most dear. Can you believe, 'twas by accident theyfell into your hands, when all passengers make it their chief businessto enquire to whose care they are to trust themselves? When you aresatisfied of their intentions, can you be so barbarous to continueyour revenge, but suffer free-born men to go uninjur'd where they havedesign'd. Even barbarous and implacable masters allay their crueltywhen their slaves repent; and all give quarter to the enemy thatsurrenders himself. What can you, or will you desire more? You haveat your feet repenting supplicants; they're gentlemen, and men ofworth; and what's more prevailing than both, were once caress'd asyour dearest friends. Had they rob'd you of your money, or betray'dyour trust, by Hercules the punishment they've inflicted on themselvesmight have satisfied your rage; don't you see the marks of slaves ontheir faces; who, though free, to attone their injuries to you, proscrib'd themselves. "

"To avoid confusion, " interrupted Lycas, "give me a reason for allparticulars as I shall ask you; and first, if they came with design tosurrender themselves, why did they cut off their hair? for alldisguises are assum'd rather to deceive than satisfie the injur'd. 

"Next, if they expected to ingratiate them selves by theirembassadour, why have you endeavoured in everything, to conceal themyou were to speak for? whence it plainly appears, 'twas by accidentthe offenders were brought to punishment, and that you have us'd thisartifice to divert our suspicion. Sure you thought to raise our envy, by ringing in our ears, that they were gentlemen, and men of worth;but have a care their cause don't suffer by your impudence; whatshou'd the injur'd do when the guilty come to 'em to be punisht? Andif they were my friends, they deserve to be more severely treated; forhe that wrongs a stranger is call'd a rogue, but he that serves afriend so, is little less than a parricide. "

"I am sencible, " said Eumolpus, answering this dreadful harangue, "that nothing cou'd happen to these unhappy young men more unfortunatethan the cutting their hair off at midnight, which is the onlyargument that may perswade you to mistake their voluntary coming here, for accidental; but I shall as candidly endeavour to undeceive you, asit was innocently acted: before they imbarkt they had designs to easetheir heads of that, as troublesome as useless weight, but theunexpected wind that hasten'd us on board, made 'em defer it; nor didthey suspect it to be of any moment where 'twas done, being equallyignorant of the ill omen, and customs of mariners. "

"What advantage, " reply'd Lycas, "cou'd they propose to themselves bythe loss of their hair? unless they thought baldness might soonerraise our compassion: Or can you believe I wou'd be satisfy'd in yourrelation? when addressing himself to me, What poyson, said he, thouvillain, has eat your hair off? To what god have your sacrilegioushands offer'd it?"

The fear of punishment struck me speechless; nor cou'd I find anything to urge in my defence against so plain an accusation. Then theconfusion I was in, my disfigur'd face, with the equal baldness of myhead and eye-brows, gave a ridiculous air to everything I said or did;but when they wip'd us with a wet spunge, the letters melting intoone, spread o'er our faces such a sooty cloud that turn'd Lycas's rageto a perfect loathing. Eumolpus cou'd not endure to see free-born menagainst all law and justice so abus'd, and returning their threatswith blows, not only was our advocate but champion too. He wasseconded by his man, and two or three sick passengers appear'd ourfriends, that serv'd rather to encourage us, than encrease our force. 

Upon which I was so far from begging pardon, that without any respectI held my fists at Tryphoena, and plainly told her she shou'd feelme, if her lecherous ladiship, who only in the ship deserv'd to bepunisht, was not content to decline her pretentions to Gito. 

The angry Lycas was all rage at my impudence; and very impatient ofrevenge when he found, without any concern for my own cause, I stoodup for another's. 

Nor was Tryphoena less disturb'd at my contempt of her; at what timeevery one in the vessel choose his side and put himself in a postureof defence. 

On our side Eumolpus's slave distributed the instruments of his trade, and reserv'd a razor to defend his own person; on the other, Tryphoena and her attendants advanc'd, armed with nothing but theirnails and tongues; which last supply'd the want of drums in theirarmy; when the pilot, crying out, threaten'd he wou'd leave the shipto the mercy of the waves if they continued the bustle rais'd aboutthe lust of two or three vagabonds. 

This did not in the least retard the fight; they pressing for revenge, we for our lives: in short, many fell half dead on both sides; otherswithdrew, as from greater armies, to be drest of their wounds; yetthis damps not the rage of either side. 

Then the bold Gito, drawing out that part of him Tryphoena mostadmired, clapt a bloody razor to't, and threaten'd to cut away thecause of all our misfortunes, but Tryphoena did not faintly send toprevent so cruel an act: I often offer'd at my throat too, but with aslittle design to kill my self as Gito to do what he threaten'd: he themore boldly handl'd his because he knew it to be the same blunt razorhe had us'd before; which made Tryphoena very apprehensive of histragic intentions. 

Upon this, both sides drew up their ranks, when the pilot perceivinghow commical a war it was, with much ado was perswaded to letTryphoena dispatch an herald to capitulate: Articles immediatelyaccording to the custom of countries being mutually agreed off on bothsides; Tryphoena snatcht an olive-branch, the ensign of peace, thatstuck to the image of prosperity pictur'd in the ship, and holding itin the midst of us, thus addrest her self. 

 "What fury did these sudden broils engage, How have their guiltless hands deserv'd your rage? No Paris a stol'n dame to Troy conveys, No witch Media here her brother slays: But slighted love must needs resenting be: And midst the waves who is the raging he Now rob'd of arms that can attempt my fate? By whom is simple death so little thought? Let not your murderous rage out storm the seas, And dangers of the angry waves increase. "

When in a great heat Tryphoena had thus said, both armies stoodstill a while, and reviving the treaty of peace, put a stop to thewar. Our captain Eumolpus prudently us'd the occasion of herrepentance, and having first severely chastiz'd Lycas, sign'd thearticles, which were as follow. 

"Tryphoena, you do from the bottom of your heart, as you are inperfect mind, promise never to complain of any injury you havereceiv'd from Gito; nor mention, upbraid him with, or study to revengedirectly or indirectly any action of his before this day; and toprevent your forcing him to an unwilling compliance, be it furtheragreed, that you never kiss, coll, or bring him to a closer hug, without the forfeiture of 100 denarii: And for better security, thatyou always pay your mony, before you have your ware. 

"Item, you Lycas, from the bottom of your heart, as you are in perfectmind; do promise never to reproach, or insultingly treat Encolpius, either in words, or gestures: But, on the forfeiture of 200 denariifor each time you abuse him, behind his back. "

Conditions thus agreed on, we laid down our arms: And, least anygrudge might still remain, wipe off the memory of all things past, inrepeated kisses. 

All quarrels expir'd in universal shouts, and a sumptuous banquet thatfollowed, spread equal mirth through the whole company: The vesselrung with songs, the ensigns of their joy: and the occasion of asudden calm, gave other diversions: Here a little artist bob'd forfish, that rising, seem'd with haste to meet their ruin: There anotherdraws the unwilling prey, that he had betray'd on the hook, with aninviting bait: When looking up, we saw sea-birds sitting on thesail-yard, about which, one skill'd in that art having plac'dlime-twigs, made 'em his booty. Their downy feathers, the air whirl'dabout: The other, the sea vainly tost too and fro. 

Now Lycas began to be friends with me: and Tryphoena, as a mark ofher love, threw the bottom of her wine upon Gito: At what time, Eumolpus, quite drunk, aim'd at rallery on those that were bald andbranded; till having spent his life-less stock, he return'd to hisverses; and designing an elegy on the loss of hair, thus began. 

 Nature's chief ornament, the hair is lost, Those vernal locks, feel winter's blast: Now the bald temples mown their banish'd shade, And bristles shine o' the sun-burnt head. The joys, deceitful nature does first pay Our age, it snatches first away. Unhappy mortal, that but now The lovely grace of hair, did'st know: Bright as the sun's or Cynthia's beams, Now worse than brass, and only seems Like th' mushroom, that in gardens springs. From sporting girls, you'll frighted run, And that death will the sooner come: Know that part of your head is gone. 

He wou'd have condemn'd us to hear more, and I believe worse than theformer; if an attendant of Tryphoena, had not disturb'd him: whotaking Gito aside, dress'd him up in her mistresses tower; and torestore him perfectly to his former figure, drawing false eye-browsout of her patch-box, placed 'em so exactly, Nature might havemistaken 'em for her own work. 

At the sight of the true Gito, Tryphoena wept for joy: Who, notbefore, cou'd hug him with so real a satisfaction. 

I was glad to see his loss so well repair'd: Yet, often hid my head, as sensible I appear'd with no common deformity, whom even Lycasthought not worth speaking to: But 'twas not long e'er the same maidcame to my relief, and calling me aside, dress'd me in a peruke noless agreeable: for being of golden locks, it rather improv'd mycomplexion. 

But, Eumolpus, our advocate, and reconciler, to entertain the company, and keep up the mirth, began to be pleasant on the inconstancy ofwomen: how forward they were to love, how soon they forgot theirsparks: and that no woman was so chast, but her untry'd lust, might berais'd to a fury: nor wou'd he bring instances from ancient tragedies, or personages celebrated in antiquity: but entertain us, if we wou'dplease to hear, with a story within the circle of his own memory: uponwhich the eyes and ears of all were devoted to him: who thus began. 

"There was at Ephesus a lady, of so celebrated virtue, that the womenof neighbouring nations came to join their admiration with that of herown country: This lady at the death of her husband not content withtearing her hair, or beating her breast, those common expressions ofgrief; but following him into the vault, where the body plac'd in amonument, she, after the Graecian custom, watch'd the corps, andwhole nights and days continu'd weeping; the perswasions of parentsnor relations cou'd divert her grief, or make her take anything topreserve life, the publick officers at last, she guarding the body for'em, left the vault; and lamented by all for so singular an example ofgrief, liv'd thus five days without eating. 

"All left her but a faithful maid, who with tears supply'd herafflicted lady, and as often as the lamp they had by, began to expire, renew'd the light; by this time she became the talk of the whole town;and all degrees of men confest, she was the only true example of loveand chastity. 

"In the meantime there happening a trial of criminals, the condemn'dwere order'd to be crucify'd near the vault in which the lady wasweeping o're the corps of her late husband. The soldier that guardedthe bodies lest any might be taken from the cross and bury'd, thenight after observ'd a light in the vault, and hearing the groans ofsome afflicted person, prest with a curiosity common to mankind, hedesired to know, who, or what it was? Upon which he enter'd thevault, and seeing a very beautiful woman, amaz'd at first, he fancy'd'twas a spirit, but viewing the dead body, and considering her tearsand torn face, he soon guest, as it was, that the lady cou'd not bearthe loss of her husband: he brings his supper with him into the vault, and began to perswade the mournful lady not to continue herunnecessary grief, nor with vain complaints consume her health: Thatdeath was common to all men; and many other things he told her, thatuse to restore afflicted persons to that calmness they before enjoy'd:But she mov'd anew at the comfort a stranger offer'd, redoubl'd hergrief, and tearing her hair, cast it on the body that lay before her. 

"The souldier however did not withdraw, but with the like invitationsoffer'd her somewhat to eat, till her maid o'recome, I presume, by thepleasing scent of the wine, no longer cou'd resist the soldier'scourtesie. When refresht with the entertainment she began to join herperswasions to win her lady; 'and what advantage, ' began she, 'wou'dyou reap in starving your self? in burying your self alive? Whatwou'd it signifie to anticipate your fate?'

"'D'ye think departed souls will value it?'

"'Will you, madam, in spite of Fate, revive your husband? Or will youshake off these vain complaints, the marks of our sex's weakness, andenjoy the world while you may? The very body that lyes there mightmake you envy life. We don't unwillingly obey when we're commanded toeat or live. ' The lady now dry with so long fasting, suffer'd her selfto be o'recome; nor was she less pleas'd with her entertainment, thanher maid, that first surrendered. You know with what thoughtsencouraging meats inspire young persons. With the same charms oursouldier had won her to be in love with life, he addrest himself as alover; nor did his person appear less agreeable to the chaste lady, than his conversation; and the maid, to raise her opinion of him, thusapply'd her self:

 "And arm'd with pleasing love dare you ingage, E're you consider in whose tents you are?"

"To make short; nor even in this cou'd the lady deny him any thing:Thus our victorious souldier succeeded in both; she receiv'd hisimbraces; not only that night they struck up the bargain, but the nextand third day: Having shut the door of the vault, that if any of heracquaintances or strangers had come out of curiosity to see her, theymight have believ'd the most chaste of all women, had expir'd on thebody of her husband. Our souldier was so taken with his beautifulmistress, and the privacy of injoying her, that the little money hewas master of, he laid out for her entertainment, and, as soon as'twas night, convey'd it into the vault. 

"In the mean time the relations of one of the malefactors, finding thebody unguarded, drew it from the cross and bury'd it. The souldierthus rob'd while he was in the vault, the next day, when he perceiv'done of the bodies gone, dreading the punishment, he told the lady whathad happened; and, added that with his sword he wou'd prevent thejudges sentence; if so be she wou'd please to give him burial, andmake that place at once the fatal monument of a lover and a husband. 

"'The lady, not less merciful than chast; 'Nor wou'd Heaven allow, 'said she, 'that I shou'd at once feel the loss of the only two in theworld I hold most dear; I'd rather hang up the dead body of the one, than be the wicked instrument of the other's death. ' Upon which sheorder'd her husband's body to be taken out of the coffin, and fixt tothe cross, in the room of that which was wanting: Our souldier pursuedthe directions of the discreet lady, and the next day the peoplewonder'd for what reason that body was hung on the cross. "

The seamen were pleas'd with the story. Tryphoena not a littleasham'd, lovingly apply'd her cheek to Gito's, and hid her blushes:but Lycas wore an air of displeasure, and knitting his brows, said he, "if the governour had been a just man, he ought to have restor'd thehusband's body to his monument, and hung the woman on the cross. " Idon't doubt it made him reflect on his own wife, and the whole sceneof our lust when we rob'd his vessel. But the articles he agreed to, oblig'd him not to complain; and the mirth that ingag'd us gave him noopportunity to vent his rage. 

Tryphoena entertain'd her self in Gito's arms, pressing oft his neckwith eager kisses, and oft disposing his new ornament, to make itappear more agreeable to his face. 

At this I was not a little out of humour, and impatient of our newleague, cou'd neither eat nor drink any thing: but with side-lookswisht a thousand curses on them both; every kiss and every look shegave him, wounded me. Nor did I yet know whether I had more reason torepent the loss of my mistress, or my comrade; he having rob'd me ofher; and she deluded him from my arms: Both were worse than death tome. And to compleat my misery, neither Tryphoena spoke to me as heracquaintance, and once grateful lover; nor did Gito think me worthdrinking to; or what's the least he cou'd, common discourse with him:I believe he was tender of the new return of her favours, and afraidto give her another occasion to fall out with him: Grief forc'd aflood of tears from my eyes, and I stifl'd my complaints, till I wasready to expire. 

When Lycas perceiv'd how well, tho' in this trouble my yellow ornamentbecame me, he was inflam'd afresh; and viewing me with lovers eyes, addressed himself as such, when laying aside the haughty brow of amaster, he put on the tender complacency of a friend: but hisendeavours were fruitless. At last meeting with an intire repulse, his love turning to a fury, he endeavour'd to ravish the favours hecould not win by intreaty; at what time Tryphoena unexpectedly camein, and observing his wantonness; in the greatest confusion he hid hishead, and ran from her. 

Upon which the more lustful Tryphoena askt, and made me tell her, what those wanton caresses meant; she was inspired with new heat atthe relation; and mindful of our old amours, offer'd to revive ourformer commerce; but worn off my legs with those employments, I gaveher invitations but an ill return; yet she with all the desires of awoman transported by her passion, threw her arms about me, and soclosely lockt me in her imbraces, I was forc'd to cry out; one of hermaids came in at the noise, and easily believing I wou'd force fromher the favours I had deny'd her mistress, rusht between, and loos'dthe bands: Tryphoena meeting with such a repulse, and even ragingwith desire, took it more grievous at my hands, and with threats ather going off, flew to Lycas; not only to raise his resentmentsagainst me, but to join with him in pursuit of revenge. 

By the way observe, I had formerly been well receiv'd by thisattendant of Tryphoena, when I maintain'd a commerce with hermistress, upon that score she resented my converse with Tryphoena, and deeply sighing, made me eager to know the occasion; when she, stepping back, thus began, "If you had any sparks of the gentleman inyou, you'd value her no more than a common prostitute; if you were aman you wou'd not descend to such a jakes. " These thoughts not alittle disturb'd her; but I was asham'd of nothing more, than thatEumolpus, suspecting the occasion, shou'd in his next verses make oursuppos'd quarrel the subject of his drollery; and lest my care toavoid it shou'd prove no means of discovering it. 

When I was contriving how to prevent his suspicion, Eumolpus himselfcame in, already acquainted with what was done; for Tryphoena hadcommunicated her grief to Gito, and endeavour'd at his cost tocompensate the injury I had offer'd her. Upon which Eumolpus was onfire, and the more, because her wantonness was an open breach of thearticles she had sign'd. 

When the old doctor saw me, pitying my misfortune, he desir'd to knowthe whole scene from my self; I freely told him of the gamesomeness ofthe lewd Lycas, and Tryphoena's lustful assault, that he was alreadywell inform'd of; upon which, in a solemn oath, he swore to vindicateour cause, and that Heaven was too just to suffer so many crimes to gounpunisht. 

While we were thus ingag'd a storm arose; now thick clouds, and th'inrag'd flood eclypst the day, the seamen fly to their posts as fastas fear cou'd make 'em; and, pulling down the sails, leave the vesselto the mercy of the tempest; for the uncertain winds made themhopeless of any direct course; nor did the pilot know which way tosteer; sometimes the unguided ship was forc'd on the coast of Sicily, often by contrary winds 'twas tost near Italy; and what was moredangerous than all, on a sudden the gathering clouds spread suchhorrid darkness all around, that the pilot cou'd not see over thefore-castle; upon which all despair'd of safety; when Lycas threwhimself before me, and lifting up his trembling hands, "I beseech youEncolpius, " began he, "assist the distress'd, that is restore thesacred vest and timbrel you took from the image of the goddess Isis;be merciful as you are wont. '' At what time a whirlwind snatcht himup, and threw him howling midst the flood, and soon a spiteful wavejust shew'd him us, and drew him back again. 

Tryphoena, hastily taken up by her faithful attendants, and plac'dwith her chief goods in the skiff, avoided a most certain death. 

I, lockt in Gito's arms, not without tears, cry'd out, "And this wehave merited of Heaven, that only death should joyn us; but even now Ifear fortune will be against it; for see the waves threaten too'erturn the vessel; and now the tempest comes to burst the lov'dbands that unite us; therefore if you really love Encolpius, let'skiss while we may, and snatch this last joy even in spite of ourapproaching fate. "

When I had thus said, Gito threw off his mantle, and getting undermine, thrust his head out at top to reach my lips; but that the mostmalicious wave might not ravish us asunder, he girt himself to me withthe thong that bound his wallet; and "'tis some comfort, " said he, "tothink that by this the sea will bear us longer e're it can divorce usfrom each other's arms. Or, if in compassion it shou'd throw us onthe same shore, either the next that passes by wou'd give us amonument of stone, that by the common laws of humanity he wou'd castupon us; or at least the angry waves, that seem to conspire ourseparation, wou'd unwittingly bury us in one grave, with the sandtheir rage wou'd vomit up. " I was satisfy'd with my chain, and, as onmy death-bed, did now contentedly expect the coming hour. 

In the mean time the tempest, acting the decrees of Fate, had rent allthe rigging from the vessel; no mast, no rudder left, not a rope orplank, but an awkward shapeless body of a ship tost up and down theflood. 

The fisher-men that inhabited the sea-side, expecting a booty, in allhaste put out with their boats; but when they saw those in the vesselthat cou'd defend their own; they chang'd their design of pillaging tosuccouring. 

After a salute on both sides, unwonted murmurs, lilre that of somebeast, labouring to get out, proceeded from beneath the master'scabin; upon which, following the sound, we found Eumolpus sittingalone, and in his hand a large scroll of paper that he was filling, even to the margent, with verses; we all were amaz'd to see a manamuse himself with poetry, at a time when he had reason to think eachminute wou'd be his last, and having drawn him, malcing a great noise, from his hole, we endeavour'd to recover him from his frenzy; but hewas in such a heat to be disturb'd, that "'Sdeath, " said he, "let memake an end of this couplet, it finishes the poem;" on which I tookhold of the mad man, and order'd the still murmuring poet to be hall'don shore. 

When with some trouble we had got him on shore, we very pensivelyenter'd one of the fishermen's huts, and howe're we feasted on ourmeats the sea had corrupted, we had no comfortable night of 't. 

The next day, as we were proposing how to bestow our selves, wediscover'd an human body floating on a little wave that made to shore:I stood still concern'd, and began with more diligence to see, if whatwas presented to our view was real. 

When, finding it to be a man's: and "who knows, " I cry'd out, "butthis wretch's wife, in some part of the world, secure at home, mayexpect his coming; or perhaps a son, ignorant of the fatal storm, maywait the wisht arrival of his father; who with so many kisses seal'dhis unwilling parting: These are our great designs! vain mortals swellwith promising hopes, yet there's the issue of them all! see themighty nothing how it's tost!"

When I had thus bemoan'd the wretch, as one unknown, the sea cast himon land with his face, not much disfigur'd, toward Heaven; upon whichI made up to it, and easily knew that the but now terrible andimplacable Lycas was lying at my feet. 

I could not restrain my tears; but, beating my breast, "Now where's, "said I, "your rage? where your unruly passions? now you're expos'd aprey to fish and beasts; and the poor shipwrackt wretch, with all hisboasted power, now has not one plank of the great ship he proudlycall'd his own. After this, let mortals flatter themselves withgolden dreams, let the weary miser heap up ill-got wealth for manyyears; 'twas but yesterday this lifeless thing was priding in itsriches, and had fixt the very day he thought to return. How short, alas! eyes the poor wretch of his design! but 'tis not the sea only weshould fear: one the wars deceive; another by some accidental ruin, even at the altar, meets a grave; third by a fall in runninganticipates his arrival to the goal; eating oft kills the greedy; andabstinence the temperate. If we rightly consider it in this sea oflife we may be shipwrackt every where; but we vainly lament the wantof burial to a wretch that's drowned; as if it concern'd the perishingcarcass, whether flames, worms, or fishes were its cannibals. Whatever way you are consum'd, the end of all 's the same. But fish, they object, will tear their bodies; as if their teeth were lessgentle than the flames; a punishment that we believe is the highest wecan inflict on slaves that have provok'd us; therefore what madness is't to trouble our lives with the cares of our burial after we're dead;when the best of us may meet the fate he vainly strives with so muchdiligence to avoid?"

After these reflections, we perform'd the last office for the dead, and tho' his enemies, honour'd him with a funeral pile; but whileEumolpus was making an epitaph, his eyes roam'd here and there, tofind an image that might raise his fancy. 

When we had willingly acquitted our selves of this piece of humanityto Lycas, we pursu'd our design'd journey, and all in a sweat soon. Reacht the head of a neighbouring hill, from whence we discovered atown seated on the top of a high mountain; we did not know it, till ashepherd inform'd us 'twas Crotona; the most ancient and once mostflourishing city of Italy; when we enquir'd of him what sort of peopleinhabited this renown'd place, and what kind of commerce they chieflymaintain'd, since they were impoverish'd by so many wars?

"Gentlemen, " said he, "if you have designs of trading, you must goanother way; but if you're of the admir'd sort of men, that have thethriving qualifications of lying and cheating, you're in the directpath to business; for in this city no learning flourisheth, eloquencehas not a room here; temperance, good manners, nor any virtue can meeta reward; assure your selves of finding but two sorts of men, and theyare the cheated, and those that cheat. A father takes no care of hischildren, because the having of heirs is such a mark of infamy, thathe who is known in that circumstance, dares not appear at any publickgame or show, is deny'd all publick priviledges, and only herds amongthose that all men piss upon. But single men, who have no tyes ofnature that oblige the disposal of their wealth, are caress'd by all, and have the greatest honours confer'd on 'em; they are the onlyvalorous, the only brave; nay, and only innocent too. You're going toa city, " added he, "like a field in a plague-time, where you canobserve nothing but one man devouring another, as crows deadcarcasses. "

The prudent Eumolpus, as a thing so surprizingly new, began to bethoughtful, and confest that way to riches did not displease him. Ibeliev'd it the effect of a poetick gaiety, that had not left hisyears. When, "I wish, " continued he, "I cou'd maintain a greaterfigure, as well in habit as attendants, 'twou'd give a better colourto my pretences: By Hercules, I'd throw by the wallet, and soonadvance all our fortunes. "

Promising therefore to supply his wants, "we have with us, " said I, "the sacred vest of Isis, and all the booty we made at Lycurgus'svillage; and you have given me such hopes, Eumolpus, " added I, "thatwere the goddess her self in my power, I'd pawn her for money to carryon the design. "

Upon which, said Eumolpus, "why delay we the bringing of our hands inuse? and if you like the proposal let me be called your master. "

None e're condemned a project that was no charge to him; therefore tobe true to his interests, we engag'd in an oath before we wou'ddiscover the cheat to suffer ten thousand racks; and thus likefree-born gladiators selling our liberty, we religiously devoted bothsoul and body to our new master. 

After the solemn ceremonies of our oath were ended; like slaves, at adistance, we salute the master of our own making. When beginning toexercise his authority, he commanded us to report that our ancientlord (meaning him) griev'd at the loss of a son, who was a greatorator and comfort to his age, was unhappily forc'd to quit the placeof his abode, lest the daily salutes of those that expected prefermentunder him, or visits of his companions, might be the continualoccasions of tears; and the late shipwrack had added to his grief, having lost to the value of twenty thousand crowns; tho' he was not somuch concern'd at the loss of his money, as of his large retinue;that, he fear'd, would make them not proportion their thoughts to hisgreatness; and to add, that our lord had mortgages on half the estatesin Africa, and mighty sums at use on personal security; and cou'draise of his own gladiators, disperst about Numidia, a force able toplunder Carthage. 

After this, that his actions might agree with his condition, 'twasconcluded necessary to wear an air of discontent; that he should witha stately stiffness, like quality, often cough, and spit about theroom; that his words might come the more faintly from him; that in theeye of the world he shou'd refuse to eat or drink; ever talking ofriches, and sometimes, to confirm their belief, shou'd break intothese words; Strange that such or such a seat shou'd disappoint myexpectation, that us'd to be blest with so large an increase! Andthat nothing might be wanting to compleat the humour, as often as hehad occasion to call any of us, he shou'd use one name for another;that it might easily appear how mindful the lord was even of thoseservants he had left in Africk. 

Matters thus order'd, having, as all that wou'd thrive in the world, implor'd the assistance of Heaven, we began our march, but both Gitodid not like his new slavery, and Eumolpus's hir'd servant, bearingmost of our baggage, in a little time beginning to be uneasie in hisservice, wou'd often rest his burden; and with ten thousand wry looks, and as many curses for our going so fast, at last swore he wouldeither leave his charge, or go quite away with 't. "'Sdeath, " saidhe, "d'ye think I'm a pack-horse, or a dray, that you load me thus? Iwas hir'd for a man, not a horse; nor am I less a gentleman by birththan any of you all; tho' my father left me in a mean condition. " Norcontent with reproaches, but getting before us, he lift up one leg, and, venturing his choler at the wrong end, filled our nostrils with abeastly scent. 

Gito mockt his humour, and for every crack he gave, return'd the like, that one ill-scent might stifle another. 

But, even here, Eumolpus returning to his old humour: "Young men, "began he, "this poetry deceives many; for not only every one that isable to give a verse its numbers, and spin out his feble sence in along train of words, has the vanity to think himself inspir'd; butpleaders at the bar, when they wou'd give themselves a loose frombusiness, apply themselves to poetry, as an entertainment withouttrouble; believing it easier to compile a poem than maintain acontroversie, adorn'd with a few florid sentences. But neither will agenerous spirit affect the empty sound of words; nor can a mind, unless enricht with learning, be deliver'd of a birth of poetry; theremust be the purity of language, no porterly expression, or meanness, as I may call it, of words is to be admitted; but a stile perfectlyabove the common, and with Horace, --

 "'Scorn the unletter'd herd, And drive 'em from you. '

"Besides, you must be strictly diligent, that your expressions appearof a piece with the body of the discourse, and your colours so laid, that each may contribute to the beauty of the whole. Greece has givenus a Homer and the Lyricks for example; Rome a Virgil and an Horace;the purity of whose language is so happily correct, others eithernever saw the path that leads to poetry, or seeing, were afraid totread it. To describe the civil wars of Rome would be a master-piece, the unletter'd head that offers at it, will sink beneath the weight ofso great a work; for to relate past actions, is not so much thebusiness of a poet, as an historian; the boundless genius of a poetstrikes through all mazes, introduces gods, and puts the invention onthe rack for poetick ornaments; that it may rather seem a prophetickfury, than a strict relation, with witnesses of meer truth. As forexample, this rapture, tho' I have not given it the last hand. 

 "Now Rome reign'd Empress o're the vanquished ball, As far as earth and seas, obey'd by all: Uneasie yet, with more desires she's curst, And boundless, as her empire, is her thirst. In burden'd vessels now they travelled o're The furrow'd deep to seas unknown before: And any hidden part of land or sea, That gold afforded, was an enemy. Thus fate the seeds of civil fury rais'd, When great in wealth no common pleasure pleas'd. Delights more out of fashion by the town: Th' souldiers scarlet now from Spain must come; The purple of the sea contemn'd is grown. India with silks, Africk with precious stone, Arabia with its spices hither come, And with their ruin raise the pride of Rome. But other spoils, destructive to her peace, Rome's ruin bode, and future ills encrease: Through Libyan desarts are wild monsters chas'd. And the remotest parts of Africk trac'd: Where the unwieldy elephant that's ta'en, For fatal value of his tooth is slain. Uncommon tygers are imported here, And triumphant in the theatre; Where, while devouring jaws on men they try, The people clap to see their fellows die. But oh! who can without a blush relate The horrid scene of their approaching fate? When Persian customs, fashionable grown, Made nature start, and her best work disown, Male infants are divorc'd from all that can, By timely progress ripen into man. Thus circling nature dampt, a while restrain Her hasty course, and a pause remains; Till working a return t'her wonted post, She seeks her self, and to her self is lost. The herd of fops the frantick humour take, Each keeps a capon, loves its mincing gate, Its flowing hair, and striving all it can, In changing mode and dress, t' appear a man. Behold the wilder luxury of Rome, From Africk furniture, slaves, tables come, And purple carpets made in Africk loom. Thus their estates run out, while all around The sot-companions in their wine are drown'd; The souldier loads, neglected is his sword, With all his spoils the dearly noble board: Rome's appetite grows witty, and what's caught In Sicily, to their boards are living brought: But stomachs gorg'd, (a dearer luxury) Must with expensive sauce new hunger buy. The Phasian banks, the birds all eaten, gone, With their forsaken trees in silence moan, And have no musick but the winds alone. In Mars's Field no less a frenzie reigns, Where brib'd assemblies make a prey of gains. Their servile votes obey the chink of gold, A people and a senate to be sold! The senate's self, which should our rights maintain, From their free spirits, stoop to sordid gain, The power of right by gold corrupted dies, And trampled majesty beneath it lies: Cato's pretence the giddy rout neglect, Yet did not him, but him they rais'd deject: Who, tho' he won, with conscious blushes stands, Asham'd o' th' Power he took from worthier hands. O manners, ruin, and the people's shame! He suffer'd not alone, the Roman name, Virtue and honour to their period came. Thus wretched Rome does her own ruin share, At once the merchant, and at once the ware, All lands are mortgag'd, and all persons bound, And in the use the principal is drown'd. Thus debt's a feaver, and like that disease, Bred in our bowels, by unfelt degrees Will through our thirsty vitals ev'ry member seize Wild tumults now to arms for succour call, (For what may dare and never fear a fall. ) Wasted by riot, wealth's a putrid sore, That only wounds can its lost strength restore. What rules of reason, or soft gentle ways, Rome from this lethargy of vice can raise? Where such mild arts can no impression make, War, tumult, noise and fury must awake. Fortune one age with three great chiefs supply'd, Who different ways, by the sword that rais'd 'em dy'd; Crassus's blood, Asia; Africk, Pompey's shed; In thankless Rome, the murder'd Caesar bled. Thus as one soil alone too narrow were, Their glorious dust, and great remains to bear, O're all the earth their scatter'd ruin lyes; Such honours to the mighty dead arise. 'Twixt Naples and Puteoli there is, Deep in the gaping earth, a dark abys, Where runs the raging black Cocytus stream, That from its waters sends a sulphurous stream, Which spreads its fury round the blasted green, O're all the fatal compass of its breath, No verdant autumn crowns the fruitful earth; No blooming woods with vernal songs resound, Nothing but black confusion all around, There lonely rocks in dismal quiet mourn, Which aged cypress dreadfully adorn. Here Pluto rais'd his head, and through a cloud Of fire and smoke, in this prophetick mood, To giddy fortune spoke, -- All ruling Power, You love all change, and quit it soon for more; You never like what too securely stands; Does Rome not tire your faint supporting hands? How can you longer bear the sinking frame, The Roman youth now hate the Roman name. See all around luxuriant trophies lye, And their encreasing wealth new ills supply. Golden aspiring piles here heav'n invade, There on the sea encroaching bounds are made. Where fields contriving as from waters sprung, Inverted nature's injur'd laws they wrong. So deep the caverns in the earth some make, They threat my empire, and my regions shake; While to low quarries others sink for stone; And hollow rocks beneath their fury groan. Proud with the hopes to see another day, M'infernal subjects 'gin to disobey: Fortune be kind, still I'le their fure dare, Turn all your smiles, and stir up Rome to war, And a new colony of souls prepare. Our sooty lips no blood have taste, With thirst Tisiphone's dry throat does wast. Since Sylla's sword let out the purple flood, And guilty earth grew fruitful from the blood. The black grim god did thus to Fortune say, Reaching her hand, the yielding earth gave way The fickle goddess, thus returning, said, Father, by all beneath this earth obey'd, If dangerous truths may be with safety told, My thoughts with yours a just proportion hold: No less a rage this willing breast inspires, Nor am I prest with less inflam'd desires; I hate the blessings that to Rome I lent, And of my bounty, now abus'd, repent: Thus the proud height of Rome's aspiring wall, By the same dreadful god 'twas rais'd, shall fall. Their blood I'll offer as a sacrifice, T' appease the ghost of their departed vice. I already see Pharsalian armies slain, The funeral piles of Thessaly and Spain: Egypt and Libya's groans methinks I hear, The dismal sound of arms now strikes my ear, An Actian sea-fight, and retreating fear. Make wide the entrance of your thirsty soil, New spirits must i' th' mighty harvest toil; Charon's too narrow boat can ne're convey, Scarce a whole fleet will waft the souls away; Pale furies be with the vast ruin crown'd, And fill'd with blood, remangle every wound. The universal fabrick of the world, Rent and divided, to your empire's hurl'd. She scarce had spoke; e'er from a cloud there flyes A blasting flame, that bursting shook the skyes; At Jove's avenging thunder, to his hell, From the clos'd earth, affrighted Pluto fell. When soon the angry gods their omens show, That bode destruction and approaching woe: Astonishment surpriz'd the darkned sun, As if the war already were begun; Approaching ills the conscious Cynthia knew, And blushing, from impiety withdrew. With hideous noise the falling mountains cleave; And streams repulst their usual courses leave. Ingaging armies in the clouds appear, And trumpets raising Mars himself to war. Now AEtna's flames with an usual roar Vomit huge bolts of thunder in the air, Amidst the tombs and bones without their urns, Portending spirits send up dismal groans: A comet's seen with stars unknown before, And Jove descending in a bloody show'r: The god these wonders did in short unfold, Caesar their ills no longer shou'd with-hold. Impatient of revenge, quit Gallick jars, And draw his conquering sword for civil wars. In cloudy Alps, where the divided rock To cunning Grecians did its nerves unlock, Altars devoted to Alcides smoke. The temple with eternal ice is crown'd, Whose milky top so far in clouds is drown'd; You'd think its shoulders in the heavens bound Not the warm rays of a meridian sun, Or the hot southern winds can melt it down. So fixt with ice and snows it did appear, That its aspiring top the globe might bear. Here conquering Caesar leads his joyful bands, And on the proudest cliff consid'ring stands. The distant plains of Italy surveys, And, hands and voice to heaven directed, says Almighty Jove and you, Saturnia, found, Safe by my arms, oft with my triumph's crown'd. Witness these arms unwillingly I wear, Unwillingly I come to wage this war, Compell'd by injuries too great to bear. Banisht my country, while I make the flood, That laves the Rhine, run purple all with blood. While the Gauls, ripe our Rome to re-invade, I force to skulk behind their Alps afraid: By conquering my banishment's secur'd. Are sixty triumphs not to be endur'd? A German conquest reckon'd such a fault? By whom is glory such a monster thought? Or who the vile supporters of this war? A foreign spawn, a mobb in arms appear, At once Rome's scandal, and at once her care. No slavish soul shall bind this arm with chains, And unreveng'd triumph it o're the plains. Bold with success still to new conquests lead, Come, my companions, thus my cause I'le plead, The sword shall plead our cause, for to us all Does equal guilt, and equal danger, call: Oblig'd by you I conquer'd, not alone. Since to be punisht is the victor's crown, Fortune invokt begin the offer'd war, My cause is pleaded when you bravely dare, With such an army, who success can fear. Thus Caesar spoke: from the propitious sky Descending eagles, boding victory, Drive the slow winds before 'em as they fly. From the left side of a dark wood proceed Unwonted crys, which dying, flames succeed. The sun-beams with unusual brightness rise And spread new glories round the gilded skies. New fir'd with omens of the promis'd day, Caesar o're untrod mountain leads the way; Where th' frozen earth o're-clad with ice and snows, At first not yielding to their horses blows, A dreadful quiet in dull stiffness shows. But when their trembling hoofs had burst the chain, And soften'd milky clouds of hardned rain; So quick the melted snows to rivers run, That soon a deluge from the mountains sprung. But thus you'd think 'twere done by fates decrees, For the flood stopt, and billows rising freeze, And yielding waves but now are rocks of ice. The slippery passage now their feet betray, When soon in miserable heaps o' th' way, Men, horse, arms, in wild confusion lay. Now pregnant clouds, with whirling blasts are torn, And, bursting, are deliver'd of a storm: Large stones of hail the troubl'd heavens shoot, That by tempestuous winds are whirl'd about; So thick it pours, whole clouds of snow and hail, Like frozen billows, on their armour fall: The earth lay vanquished under mighty snow, An icy damp the vanquisht heavens know, And vanquisht waters now no longer flow. Thus all but Caesar yield; on his huge lance The hero leaning, did secure advance. Alcmena's son did less securely rush, From the proud height of rising Caucasus; Or Jove himself, when down the steep he prest Those sons of earth, that durst his heaven molest. While raging Caesar scales th' aspiring height, Big with the news, fame takes before her flight; And from Mount Palatine approaching ills, To frighted Rome, thus dreadfully she tells: A numerous fleet is riding o'er the main, The melted Alps are hid with Caesar's train. That reeking from a German conquest come, And with a like destruction threaten Rome. Now arms, blood, death, and dismal scenes of war, Are to their eyes presented by their fear; With dreadful thoughts of coming war possest, A wilder tumult raigns in every breast. This flys by land, and that the sea prefers, And thinks his native soil less safe appears, The souldier trusts the fortune of the wars. Prest by their fate, thus as they fear they run. 'Midst these disorders, through th' abandon'd town: A moving sight, wild tumults here and there, Follow the blind impulses of their fear. Vanquisht by rumour all, prepar'd for flight, Their much lamented habitations quit: Trembling, this takes his children in his arms, And that protects his guardian gods from harm. Scar'd from their homes, unwillingly they go, And in their wishes stab the absent foe. Some bear their wives, amidst ten thousand fears, In sad imbrace; and some their aged sires: The tender youth, unus'd to burdens, bear Only that with 'em for which most they fear: Some less discreet, strive to bear all away, And only for the foe prepare the prey. So in a storm when no sea-arts avail To guide the ship with any certain sail; Some bind the shatter'd mast, with thoughts secure, Others are swimming t'ward the peaceful shore; While with full sails kind fortune these implore. But why do we of such small fears complain, With both the consuls greater Pompey ran, That Asia aw'd, in dire Hydaspes grown The only rock, its pyrates split upon; Whose third triumph o're earth made Jove afraid, Proud with success he'd next his Heaven invade: To whom the ocean yielding honours gave, And rougher Bosphorus humbly still'd his wave. Yet he, of empires and of men the shame, Quitting the honour of a ruler's name, Meanly at once abandon'd Rome and fame. Now this to Heaven it self does fears impart, And the mild train of quiet gods depart; Frighted with wars they quit the impious world, And leave mankind in wild confusion hurl'd. Fair Peace, as leader of the goodly train, Beating her snowy arms, did first complain; A wreath of olives bound her drooping head, And to Hell's dark insatiate realms she fled. Justice and Faith on her attending went, And mournful Concord, with her garment rent. On th' other side from Hell's wide gaping jaws, A train of dire inhabitants arose: Dreadful errings, fierce Bellona there, Fraud, and Megera arm'd with brands of fire, And th' gastly image of pale death appear: Disorder'd Rage from all her fetters freed, Proudly 'midst these lifts her distracted head, And her hackt face with bloody helmet hid. On her left arm a target old and worn, Pierc'd with innumerable darts was born, And brands of fire supported in her right, The impious world with flames and ruin threat. The gods descending, leave their still abode, And the stars wondring miss their usual load; For all the inhabitants of Heaven come, Choosing their sides, with factious fury down. For Caesar first Dione does appear, Pallas and Mars with his huge brandisht spear; Phoebe and Phoebus too for Caesar came, And with Cyllenius, to fill the train, Alcides went, in all his acts the same. The trumpets sound, when from the Stygian shade Wild Discord raises her disorder'd head; From whose swoln eyes there ran a briny flood, And blood congeal'd otre all her visage stood; Her hideous rows of brazen teeth were furr'd, A filthy gore there issu'd from her tongue, With snaky locks her guarded head was hung; Rent and divided did her garb betray The image of the breast on which it lay; And brandisht flames her trembling hand obey. Thus from Hell's deeps she past with dire design, Up to the top of noble Appennine, From whose proud height she all the world descri'd, Earth, seas, and armies march on every side, And bursting out at length, with fury cry'd, Let murderous rage the world to arms inspire, That every nation may appear a fire: No age or sex shall from the war be free, No subtle fear be a security. The earth it self shall tremble, and the shock Make mountains cleft against each other knock. Marcellus guide the laws, Curior the crowd, Let Lentulus inspire the warlike god. But why is't Caesar such slow measures takes? Not scale the walls? Nor force th' aspiring gates, Nor to the town, nor to the treasure makes? At Rome, if Pompey fears th' approaching foe, Let him to fatal Epidamnum go: Fill all its plains with blood. Thus Discord said, And impious earth her black decrees obey'd. "

When Eumolpus, with his usual freedom, had deliver'd himself of this, we arrived at Crotona, where having refresht our selves in a littleinn, we took up at the next day, designing an enlargement of our houseand fortune, we fell into the company of some parasitical Corbacchio'swho immediately enquir'd what we were and whence we came? When, according to our contrivance, prudently advancing our characters, wetold the credulous parasites whence we came, and who we were. Uponwhich, immediately all their fortunes were at Eumolpus's feet, andeach, to ingratiate himself into his favour, strove to exceed the restin presenting him. 

While this flood of fortune was for a long time flowing on us, Eumolpus, 'midst his happiness, having lost the memory of his formercondition, so boasted his interest, that he affirm'd none in Crotonacou'd resist his desires; and that what e're crime any of us shou'dact, he had friends enough to wipe off the guilt. 

But, tho' our daily increasing riches, left my pamper'd body no desireunsatisfy'd; and tho' I flatter'd my self into an opinion that illfortune had taken her last leave of me, yet not only the thoughts ofmy present condition, but the means of getting to 't, wou'd oft breakin upon my joys, and bitter all the sweet. "And what, " said I tomyself, "if some one, wiser than the rest, shou'd dispatch a messengerfor Africk; shou'd not we soon be discover'd? What if the slaveEumolpus, pickt up, glutted with his present happiness, shou'd betrayus to his companions, and maliciously discover the whole cheat? Weshould then be put upon the strole again, and be oblig'd with shame torenew our former beggary. Heavens, how ill it fares with wickedlives! they ever expect the punishment they deserve. "

Going out full of these thoughts to divert my concern, I resolv'd on awalk, but I had scarce got into a publick one, e're a pretty girl madeup to me, and calling me Polyaemus, told me her lady wou'd be proudof an opportunity to speak with me. 

"You're mistaken, sweet-heart, " return'd I, in a little heat, "I'm buta servant, of another country too, and not worthy of so great afavour. "

"No, sir, " said she, "I have commands to you; but because you knowwhat you can do, you're proud; and if a lady wou'd receive a favourfrom you, I see she must buy it: For to what end are all thoseallurements, forsooth? the curl'd hair, the complexion advanc'd by awash, and the wanton roll of your eyes, the study'd air of your gate?unless by shewing your parts, to invite a purchaser? For my part I amneither a witch, nor a conjurer, yet can guess at a man by hisphysiognomy. And when I find a spark walking, I know hiscontemplation. To be short, sir, if so be you are one of them thatsell their ware, I'll procure you a merchant; but if you're acourteous lender, confer the benefit. As for your being a servant, and below, as you say, such a favour, it increases the flames of herthat's dying for you. 'Tis the wild extravagance of some women to bein love with filth, nor can be rais'd to an appetite but by thecharms, forsooth of some slave or lacquy; some can be pleased withnothing but the strutting of a prize-fighter with a hackt-face, and ared ribbon in his shirt: Or an actor betray'd to prostitute himself onth' stage, by the vanity of showing his pretty shapes there; of thissort is my lady; who indeed, " added she, "prefers the paultry lover ofthe upper gallery, with his dirty face, and oaken staff, to all thefine gentlemen of the boxes, with their patches, gunpowder-spots, andtooth-pickers. " When pleas'd with the humour of her talk, "I beseechyou, child, " said I, "are you the she that's so in love with myperson?" Upon which the maid fell into a fit of laughing. "I wou'dnot, " return'd she, "have you so extreamly flatter your self. I neveryet truckl'd to a waiter, nor will Venus allow I shou'd imbrace agibbet. You must address your self to ladies that kiss the ensigns ofslavery; be assur'd that I, though a servant, have too fine a taste toconverse with any below a knight. " I was amaz'd at the relation ofsuch unequal passions, and thought it miraculous to find a servant, with the scornful pride of a lady, and a lady with the humility of aservant. 

Our pleasant discourse continuing, I desir'd her to bring her lady:she readily consented, and taking hold of her petticoats, tript itinto a lawrel labyrinth, that border'd on the walk; 'twas not longe're she usher'd her lady to me; a beauty excelling even the flatteryof painters; words can't express so perfect a creature; whatever Ishou'd say of her wou'd fall short of what she was. Her hair spreadall o're her shoulders, and seem'd in easie curls to wanton in theair. Her forehead oval, and that naturally inclin'd the hair to itsadvantage. The proportion of her eye-brows was most correct. Hereyes eclypst the glory of the brightest star. Her nose had an easieturn, and mouth was such Pragiteless believ'd Venus had. Then herchin, her neck, her arms, and feet, gently girt with embroider'dsandals, to whose whiteness the Parian marble wou'd serve but as afoil. 'Twas then I began to despise my old mistress Doris. And thusbroke out:

 "Sure amorous Jove's a holy tale above; With fancy'd arts that wait upon his love, When we are blest with such a charm as this, And he no rival of our happiness: How well the bull wou'd now the god become: Or his grey-hairs to be transform'd to down? Here's Danae's self, a touch from her wou'd fire And make the god in liquid joys expire. "

She was pleas'd, and smil'd with such an air, that, she seem'd likethe moon in all her glories breaking through a cloud, when addressingher self, her pretty fingers humouring the turn of her voice, "If afine woman, and that but this year, has been acquaint'd with a man, "said she, "may deserve your love, let me commend a mistress to you. Iam sensible you have a comrade already, nor have I thought it below meto inquire it: But why not a mistress too? I enter the list on thesame bottom with your comrade; nor do I desire to engross all thecaresses; only think me deserving, and confer them as you please. "

"Let me beseech you, madam, " return'd I, "by all those cupids in yourface and meen, not to scorn to admit a stranger into the number ofyour admirers. You'l find him most religious, if you accept hisdevotions, and that you shou'd not suspect I believe the way to thisheaven, unlike all others, may be trod gratis, I present you with mycomrade. "

"What?" said she, "do you give him without whom you cou'd not live?On whose lips your very being hangs? Whom you so love, as I cou'dyou. " Her words were attended with such a grace at their delivery, and the sweet sound so, charm'd the yielding air, you wou'd havesworne some syren had been breathing melodies. Thus rapt with everything so amazing, and fancying a glory shin'd in every part, Iventur'd to enquire what name the goddess own'd? "My maid, Iperceive, " said she, "has not inform'd you, I am call'd Circe; I wouldnot have you believe tho, I bear that name, that I derive my originalfrom Apollo; nor that my mother, while she lay in the god's imbraces, held the fiery steeds: Yet I shall know enough of heaven, if fate willgive you to my arms. And who knows the dark decrees? Therefore come, my dear, and crown my wishes. Nor need you fear any maliciousdisturbance of our joys. Your comrade is far enough from hence. "

Upon which she threw her downy arms about me, and led me to a plat ofground, the pride of nature, deckt with a gay variety of everypleasing object. 

 On Ida's top, when Jove his nymph carest, And lawless in open view exprest: His Mother Earth in all her charms was seen, The rose, the violet, the sweet jessamin, And the fair lily smiling on the green. Such was the plat on which my Venus lay, But secret our love, more glorious the day, When all around was bright, and as the nymph as gay. 

Here we prepar'd for battel, and through ten thousand kisses prest toa closer engagement; but a sudden weakness rob'd me of my arms. Thuscheated in her expectations, she highly resenting it, asks whether herlips, her breath, or some ill scent of any part of her, offended me. Or, if none of those, whether I fear'd Gito?

I was so asham'd of my self, that if there was any spark of the manleft in me, I lost it. And finding every part of me feeble, and as itwere lifeless: "I beseech you, madam, " said I, "don't triumph over mymisery; I'm surely bewitcht. "

So slight an excuse could not allay her resentment, but giving me adisdainful glance, she turn'd to her maid, and, "I prithee Chrysis, "said she, "be free with me, don't flatter your mistress. Is there anything misbecoming or ungentle about me? Or have I us'd art to hideany natural deformity? I don't know how you've drest me to-day. "

Upon which, e're Chrysis cou'd make a return, she snatcht apocket-glass from her, and after she had practis'd all her looks, totry if any appear'd less charming than before, she took hold of herpetticoats that were a little rumpled with lying on, and immediatelyran to a neighbouring temple dedicated to Venus. 

I could not tell what to say or do, but as if I had seen a vision, atlast began with horror to consider whether I had been rob'd of anyreal joy. 

 So when a dream our wandring eyes betrays, And to our side some hidden gold conveys; Our busie hands the inviting treasure seize, And hid in guilty folds the fancy'd prize. Sweating we fear lest any conscious spy, Might search our bosom, and the theft descry. But with our sieep when all our joys are o're, And minds restor'd to what they were before, Concern'd, we wish the fancy'd loss regain'd, And with the image still are entertain'd. 

This misfortune might make me justly think it not only a true vision, but real witchcraft; for I had so long lost my strength I cou'd notrise: My mind at last, a little freed, began by degrees to recover itsvigour, upon which I went to my lodging, and dissembling a faintness, lay down on the bed. A little after Gito, being inform'd I was ill, came to me, much troubl'd; but to allay his concern, I told him I wasonly a little weary, and had a mind for a nap. Several things I talktto him of, but not a word of my last adventure, for I was afraidbecause I knew he envy'd every one that had a charm for me, and toprevent his suspicion, throwing my arms about him, I endeavour'd togive a proof of my love; but disappointed of the expectation I hadrais'd him to, he rose very angry from my side, and accusing myweakness, and strange behaviour to him, told me that of late he hadfound my chief favours were bestow'd in another's arms. 

"My love to you, Gito, " said I, "has ever been the same, but now mydancing-days submit to reason. "

"Therefore, " said he, laughing at me, "in the name of Socrates, Ithank you, because like him, you propose to love me: Alcibiades, Encolpius, did not rise a virgin from that philosopher's side. "

"Then, " added I, "believe me, Gito, I hardly know I've any thing ofman about me, how useless lyes the terrible part, where once I wasAchilles. "

When he found how unfit I was to confer the favours he wanted, and toprevent suspicion, of his privacy with me, he jumpt up and ran toanother part of the house. 

He was hardly gone, e're Chrysis enter'd my chamber, and gave me abillet from her mistress, in which I found this written:

"Had I rais'd my expectation, I might deceiv'd complain; now I'mobliged to your impotence, that has made me sensible how much too longI have trifl'd with mistaken hopes of pleasure. Tell me, sir, how youdesign to bestow your self, and whether you dare rashly venture homeon your own legs? for no physician ever allow'd it cou'd be donewithout strength. Let me advise your tender years to beware of apalsie: I never saw any body in such danger before. On my conscienceyou are just going! and shou'd the same rude chilliness seize yourother parts, I might be soon, alas! put upon the severe trial ofweeping at your funeral. But if you would not suspect me of not beingsincere, tho' my resentment can't equal the injury, yet I shall notenvy the cure of a weak unhappy wretch. If you wou'd recover yourstrength, ask Gito, or rather not ask him for't--I can assure a returnof your vigour if you cou'd sleep three nights alone: As to myself Iam not in the least apprehensive of appearing to another less charmingthan I have to you. I am told neither my glass nor report doesflatter me. Farewell, if you can. "

When Chrysis found I had read the reproach, "This is the custom, sir, "said she, "and chiefly of this city, where the women are skill'd inmagick-charms, enough to make the moon confess their power, thereforethe recovery of any useful instrument of love becomes their care; 'tisonly writing some soft tender things to my lady, and you make herhappy in a kind return. For 'tis confest, since her disappointment, she has not been her self. " I readily consented, and calling forpaper, thus addrest myself:

"'Tis confest, madam, I have often sinned, for I'm not only a man, buta very young one, yet never left the field so dishonourably before. You have at your feet a confessing criminal, that deserves whateveryou inflict: I have cut a throat, betray'd my country, committedsacrilege; if a punishment for any of these will serve, I am ready toreceive sentence. If you fancy my death, I wait you with my sword;but if a beating will content you, I fly naked to your arms. Onlyremember, that 'twas not the workman, but his instruments that fail'd:I was ready to engage, but wanted arms. Who rob'd me of them I knownot; perhaps my eager mind outrun my body; or while with an unhappyhaste I aim'd at all; I was cheated with abortive joys. I only know Idon't know what I've done: You bid me fear a palsie, as if the diseastcou'd do greater that has already rob'd me of that, by which I shou'dhave purchas'd you. All I have to say for my self, is this, that Iwill certainly pay with interest the arrears of love, if you allow metime to repair my misfortune. "

Having sent back Chrysis with this answer, to encourage my jaded bodyafter the bath and strengthening oyles, had a little rais'd me, Iapply'd my self to strong meats, such as strong broths and eggs, usingwine very moderately; upon which to settle my self, I took a littlewalk, and returning to my chamber, slept that night without Gito; sogreat was my care to acquit my self honourably with my mistress, thatI was afraid he might have tempted my constancy, by tickling my side. 

The next day rising without prejudice, either to my body or spirits, Iwent, tho' I fear'd the place was ominous, to the same walk, andexpected Chrysis to conduct me to her mistress; I had not been longthere, e're she came to me, and with her a little old woman. Aftershe had saluted me, "What, my nice Sir Courtly, " said she, "does yourstomach begin to come to you?"

At what time, the old woman, drawing from her bosome, a wreath of manycolours, bound my neck; and having mixt spittle and dust, she dipt herfinger in't, and markt my fore-head, whether I wou'd or not. 

When this part of the charm was over, she made me spit thrice, and asoften prest to my bosom enchanted stones, that she had wrapt inpurple; Admotisque manibus temptare coepit inguinum vives. Dictocitius nervi paruerunt imperio manusque aniculae ingenti moturepleverunt. At illa gaudio exsultans, "vides, " inquit, "Chrysis mea, vides quod aliis leporem excitavi?"

 Never despair; Priapus I invoke To help the parts that make his altars smoke. 

After this, the old woman presented me to Chrysis; who was very gladshe had recover'd her mistress's treasure; and therefore hastening toher, she conducted me to a most pleasant retreat, deckt with all thatnature cou'd produce to please the sight. 

 Where lofty plains o're-spread a summer shade, And well-trimm'd pines their shaking tops display'd, Where Daphne 'midst the cyprus crown'd her head. Near these, a circling river gently flows, And rolls the pebbles as it murmuring goes; A place design'd for love, the nightingale And other wing'd inhabitants can tell. That on each bush salute the coming day, And in their orgyes sing its hours away. 

She was in an undress, reclining on a flowry bank, and diverting herself with a myrtle branch; as soon as I appear'd, she blusht, asmindful of her disappointment: Chrysis, very prudently withdrew, andwhen we were left together, I approacht the temptation; at what time, she skreen'd my face with the myrtle, and as if there had been a wallbetween us, becoming more bold; "what, my chill'd spark, " began she, "have you brought all your self to day?"

"Do you ask, madam, " I return'd, "rather than try?" And throwing myself to her, that with open arms was eager to receive me, we kist alittle age away; when giving the signal to prepare for other joys, shedrew me to a more close imbrace; and now, our murmuring kisses theirsweet fury tell; now, our twining limbs, try'd each fold of love; now, lockt in each others arms, our bodies and our souls are join'd; buteven here, alas! even amidst these sweet beginnings, a suddenchilliness prest upon my joys, and made me leave 'em not compleat. 

Circe, enrag'd to be so affronted, had recourse to revenge, andcalling the grooms that belong'd to the house, made them give me awarming; nor was she satisfi'd with this, but calling all theservant-wenches, and meanest of the house, she made 'em spit upon me. I hid my head as well as I cou'd, and, without begging pardon, for Iknew what I had deserv'd, am turn'd out of doors, with a large retinueof kicks and spittle: Proselenos, the old woman was turn'd out too, and Chrysis beaten; and the whole family wondering with themselves, enquir'd the cause of their lady's disorder. 

I hid my bruises as well as I cou'd, lest my rival Eumolpus mightsport with my shame, or Gito be concern'd at it; therefore as the onlyway to disguise my misfortune, I began to dissemble sickness, andhaving got in bed, to revenge my self of that part of me, that hadbeen the cause of all my misfortunes; when taking hold of it, With dreadful steel, the part I wou'd have lopt, Thrice from my trembling hand the razor dropt. Now, what I might before, I could not do, For cold as ice the fearful thing withdrew; And shrunk behind a wrinkled canopy, Hiding his head from my revenge and me. Thus, by his fear, I'm baulkt of my design, When I in words more killing vent my spleen. 

At what time, raising myself on the bed, in this or like manner, Ireproacht the sullen impotent: With what face can you look up, thoushame of heaven and man? that can'st not be seriously mention'd. HaveI deserv'd from you, when rais'd within sight of heavens of joys, tobe struck down to the lowest hell? To have a scandal fixt on the veryprime and vigour of my years, and to be reduc'd to the weakness of anold man? I beseech you, sir, give me an epitaph on my departedvigour; tho' in a great heat I had thus said, He still continu'd looking on the ground, Nor more, at this had rais'd his guilty head, Than th' drooping poppy on its tender stalk. 

Nor when I had done, did I less repent of my ridiculous passion, andwith a conscious blush, began to think, how unaccountable it was, thatforgetting all shame, I shou'd contend with that part of me, that allmen of sence, reckon not worth their thoughts. A little after, relapsing to my former humour: But what's the crime, began I, if by anatural complaint I was eas'd of my grief? or how is it, that we blameour stomachs or bellies, when 'tis our heads that are distemper'd?Did not Ulysses beat his breast, as if that had disturb'd him? Anddon't we see the actors punish their eyes, as if they heard thetragick scene? Those that have the gout in their legs, swear at them;Those that have it in their fingers, do so by them: Those that havesore eyes, are angry with their eyes. 

 Why do the strickt-liv'd Cato's of the age, At my familiar lines so gravely rage? In measures loosly plain, blunt satyr flows, And all the people so sincerely shows. For whose a stranger to the joys of love? Who, can't the thoughts of such lost pleasures move? Such Epicurus own'd the chiefest bliss, And such lives the gods themselves possess. 

There's nothing more deceitful than a ridiculous opinion, nor moreridiculous, than an affected gravity. After this, I call'd Gito tome; and "tell me, " said I, "but sincerely, whether Ascyltos, when hetook you from me, pursu'd the injury that night, or was chastlycontent to lye alone?" The boy with his finger at his eyes, took asolemn oath, that he had no incivility offer'd him by Ascyltos. 

This drove me to my wits end, nor did I well know what to say: Forwhy, I consider'd, shou'd I think of the twice mischievous accidentthat lately befell me? At last, I did what I cou'd to recover myvigour: and willing to invoke the assistance of the gods, I went outto pay my devotions to Priapus, and as wretched as I was, did notdespair, but kneeling at the entry of the chamber, thus beseecht thegod:

 "Bacchus and Nymphs delight, O mighty God! Whom Cynthia gave to rule the blooming wood. Lesbos and verdant Thasos thee adore, And Lydians, in loose flowing dress implore, And raise devoted temples to thy power. Thou Dryad's joy, and Bacchus's guardian, hear My conscious prayer, with an attentive ear. My hands with guiltless blood I never stain'd, Or sacrilegiously the gods prophan'd. To feeble me, restoring blessings send, I did not thee, with my whole self offend. Who sins thro' weakness is less guilty thought, Be pacify'd, and spare a venial fault. On me, when smiling fate shall smiling gifts bestow, I'll not ungrateful to thy godhead go. A destin'd goat shall on thy altar lye, And the horn'd parent of my flock shall dye. A sucking pig appease thy injur'd shrine, And hallow'd bowls o're-flow with generous wine. Then thrice thy frantick votaries shall round Thy temple dance, with youth and garlands crown'd, In holy drunkenness thy orgies sound. "

While I was thus at prayers, an old woman, with her hair about hereyes, and disfigur'd with a mournful habit, coming in, disturb'd mydevotions; when taking hold of me, she drew all fear out of the entry;and "what hag, " said she, "has devour'd your manhood? Or what ominouscarcase have you stumbl'd over in your nightly walks? You have notacquitted your self above a boy; but faint, weak, and like a horseo'recharg'd in a steep, tyr'd have lost your toyl and sweat; norcontent to sin alone, but have unreveng'd against me, provokt theoffended gods?"

When leading me, obedient to all her commands, a second time to thecell of a neighbouring priestess of Priapus, she threw me upon thebed, and taking up a stick that fastened the door, reveng'd her selfon me, that very patiently receiv'd her fury: and at the first stroak, if the breaking of the stick had not lessned its force, she might havebroke my head and arm. 

I groan'd, and hiding with my arm my head, in a flood of tears lean'don the pillow: Nor did she then, less troubled, sit on the bed, andbegan in a shrill voice, to blame her age, till the priestess came inupon us; and "what, " said she, "do you do in my chappel, as if somefuneral had lately been, rather than a holy-day, in which, even themournful are merry?"

"Alas, my Enothea!" said she, "this youth was born under an ill star;for neither boy nor maid can raise him to a perfect appetite; youne're beheld a more unhappy man: In his garden the weak willow, notthe lusty cedar grows; in short, you may guess what he is, that cou'drise unblest from Circe's bed. "

Upon this, Enothea fixt her self between us, and moving her head awhile; "I, " said she, "am the only one that can give remedy for thatdisease; and not to delay it, let him sleep with me to night; and nextmorning, examine how vigorous I shall have made him. 

 "'All Nature's works my magick powers obey, The blooming earth shall wither and decay, And when I please, agen be fresh and gay. From rugged rocks, I make sweet waters flow, And raging billows to me humbly bow. With rivers, winds, when I command, obey, And at my feet, their fans contracted lay, Tygers and dragons too, my will obey. But these are small, when of my magick verse, Descending Cynthia does the power confess. When my commands, make trembling Phoebus reign, His fiery steeds, their journey back again. Such power have charms, by whose prevailing aid The fury of the raging bulls was laid. The Heaven-born Circe, with her magic song, Ulysses's men, did into monsters turn. Proteus, with this assum'd, what shape he wou'd. I, who this art so long have understood, Can send proud Ida's top into the main, And make the billows bear it up again. '"

I shook with fear at such a romantick promise, and began moreintensively to view the old woman: Upon which, she cry'd out, "OEnothea, be as good as your word"; when, carefully wiping her hands, she lay down on the bed, and half smother'd me with kisses. 

Enothea, in the middle of the altar, plac'd a turf-table, which sheheapt with burning coals, and her old crack cup (for sacrifice)repair'd with temper'd pitch; when she had fixt it to thesmoaking-wall from which she took it; putting on her habit, she plac'da kettle by the fire, and took down a bag that hung near her, inwhich, a bean was kept for that use, and a very aged piece of a hog'sforehead, with the print of a hundred cuts out; when opening the bag, she threw me a part of the bean, and bid me carefully strip it. Iobey her command, and try, without daubing my fingers, to deliver thegrain from its nasty coverings; but she, blaming my dullness, snatchtit from me, and skilfully tearing its shells with her teeth, spit theblack morsels from her, that lay like dead flies on the ground. Howingenious is poverty, and what strange arts will hunger teach? Thepriestess seem'd so great a lover of this sort of life, that herhumour appear'd in every thing about her, and her hut might be trulyterm'd, sacred to poverty. 

 Here shines no glittering ivory set with gold, No marble covers the deluded mold, By its own wealth deluded; but the shrine With simple natural ornaments does shine. Round Cere's bower, but homely willows grow, Earthen are all the sacred bowls they know. Osier the dish, sacred to use divine: Both course and stain'd, the jug that holds the wine. Mud mixt with straw, make a defending fort, The temple's brazen studs, are knobs of dirt. With rush and reed, is thatcht the hut it self, Where, besides what is on a smoaky shelf, Ripe service-berries into garlands bound, And savory-bunches with dry'd grapes are found. Such a low cottage Hecale confin'd, Low was her cottage, but sublime her mind. Her bounteous heart, a grateful praise shall crown, And muses make immortal her renown. 

After which, she tasted of the flesh, and hanging the rest, old as herself, on the hook again; the rotten stool on which she was mountedbreaking, threw her into the fire, her fall spilt the kettle, and whatit held put out the fire; she burnt her elbow, and all her face washid with the ashes that her fall had rais'd. 

Thus disturb'd, I arose, and laughing, took her up; immediately, lestany thing shou'd hinder the offering, she ran for new fire to theneighbourhood, and had hardly got to the door, e're I was set upon bythree sacred geese, that daily, I believe, about that time were fed bythe old woman; they made an hideous noise, and, surrounding me, onetears my coat, another my shoes, while their furious captain madenothing of doing so by my legs; till seeing my self in danger, I beganto be in earnest, and snatching up one of the feet of our littletable, made the valiant animal feel my arm'd hand; nor content with aslight blow or two, but reveng'd my self with its death. 

 Such were the birds Alcides did subdue, That from his conquering arm t'ward Heaven flew: Such sure the harpyes were which poyson strow'd, On cheated Phineus's false deluding food. Loud lamentations shake the trembling air, The powers above the wild confusion share, Horrours disturb the orders of the sky, And frighted stars beyond their courses fly. 

By this time the other two had eat up the pieces of the bean that layscatter'd on the floor, and having lost their leader, return'd to thetemple. When glad of the booty and my revenge, I heal'd the slightold woman's anger, I design'd to make off; and taking up my cloaths, began my march; nor had I reacht the door, e're I saw Enothea bringingin her hand an earthen pot fill'd with fire; upon which I retreated, and throwing down my cloaths, fixt my self in the entry, as if I wereimpatiently expecting her coming. 

Enothea, entring, plac'd the fire, that with broken sticks she had gottogether, and having heapt more wood upon those, began to excuse herstay, that her friend wou'd not let her go before she had, against thelaws of drinking, taken off three healths together. When lookingabout her, "What, " said she, "have you been doing in my absence?Where's the bean?"

I, who thought I had behav'd my self very honourably, told her thewhole fight; and to end her grief for the loss of her bean, presentedthe goose: when I shew'd the goose, the old woman set up such anout-cry, that you wou'd have thought the geese were re-entring theplace. 

In confusion and amaz'd at so strange a humour, I askt the meaning ofher passion? or why she pity'd the goose rather than me. 

But wringing her hands, "you wicked wretch, " said she, "d'ye speaktoo? D'ye know what you've done? You've killed the gods delight, agoose the pleasure of all matrons: And, lest you shou'd think yourself innocent, if a magistrate shou'd hear of it, you'd be hang'd. You have defil'd with blood my cell, that to this day had beeninviolate. You have done that, for which, if any's so malicious, hemay expel me my office. "

 She said, and trembling, rends her aged hairs, And both her cheeks with wilder fury tears: Sad murmurs from her troubl'd breast arise, A shower of tears there issu'd from her eyes. And down her face a rapid deluge run, Such as is seen, when a hills frosty crown, By warm Favonius is melted down. 

Upon which, "I beseech you, " said I, "don't grieve, I'll recompencethe loss of your goose with an ostrich. "

While amaz'd I spoke, she sat down on the bed, lamented her loss; atwhat time Proselenos came in with the sacrifice, and viewing themurder'd goose, and enquiring the cause, began very earnestly to cryand pity me, as it had been a father, not a goose I had slain. Buttired with this stuff, "I beseech ye, " said I, "tell me, tho' it hadbeen a man I kill'd, won't gold wipe off the guilt? See here are twopieces of gold: with these you may purchase gods as well as geese. "

Which, when Enothea beheld, "Pardon me, young man, " said she, "I amonly concern'd for your safety, which is an argument of love, nothatred; therefore we'll take what care we can to prevent a discovery:You have nothing to do, but intreat the gods to forgive the sin. "

 "Who e're has money may securely sail, On all things with all-mighty gold prevail. May Danae wed, or rival amo'rous Jove, And make her father pandar to his love. May be a poet, preacher, lawyer too: And bawling win the cause he does not know: And up to Cato's fame for wisdom grow. Wealth without law will gain at bar renown, How e're the case appears, the cause is won, Every rich lawyer is a Littleton. In short of all you wish you are possest, All things prevent the wealthy man's request, For Jove himself's the treasure of his chest. "

While my thoughts were thus engag'd, she plac'd a cup of wine under myhands, and having cleans'd my prophane extended fingers with sacredleeks and parsley, threw into the wine, with some ejaculation, hazel-nuts, and as they sunk or swam gave her judgment; but I wellknew the empty rotten ones wou'd swim, and those of entire kernels goto the bottom. 

When applying herself to the goose, from its breast she drew a lustyliver, and then told me my future fortune. But that no mark of themurder might be left, she fixt the rent goose to a spit, which, as shesaid, she had fatten'd a little before, as sensible it was to die. 

In the mean time the wine went briskly round, and now the old womengladly devour the goose, they so lately lamented; when they had picktits bones, Enothea, half drunk, turn'd to me; "and now, " said she, "I'll finish the charm that recovers your strength": When drawing outa leathern ensign of Priapus, she dipt it in a medley of oyl, smallpepper, and the bruis'd seed of nettles, paulatim coepit inserere anomeo. Hoc crudelissima anus spurgit subinde umore femina mea. Nasturcii sucum cum abrotano miscet perfusisque inguinibus meisviridis urticae fascem comprehendit, omniaque infra umbilicum coepitlenta mann caedere. Upon which jumping from her, to avoid the sting, I made off. The old woman in a great rage pursu'd me, and tho' drunkwith wine, and their more hot desires, took the right way: andfollow'd me through two or three villages, crying stop thief; but withmy hands all bloody, in the hasty flight, I got off. 

When I got home, to ease my wearied limbs, I went to bed, but thethoughts of my misfortunes would not let me sleep; when consideringhow unparallel'd a wretch I was, I cry'd out, "Did my ever cruelfortune want the afflictions of love to make me more miserable? Ounhappiness! Fortune and love conspire my ruin. Severer love sparesme no way, or loving, or belov'd a wretch: Chrysis adores me, and isever giving me occasion to address: She, that when she brought me toher mistress, despis'd me for my mean habit as one beneath herdesires; that very Chrysis that so scorn'd my former fortune, pursuesthis even with the hazard of her own; and swore, when she firstdiscover'd to me the violence of her love, that she wou'd be ever trueto me. But Circe's in possession of my heart, I value none but her, and indeed who wears such charms? Compar'd to her, what was Ariadneor Lyda? what Helen, or even Venus? Paris himself the umpire of thewanton nymphs, if with these eyes he had seen her contending for thegolden apple, wou'd have given both his Helen and the goddesses forher. If I might be admitted to kiss her sweet lips again, or oncemore press her divinely rising breasts, perhaps my vigour wou'drevive, which now I believe lyes opprest by witchcraft. I shou'ddispense with my reproaches, shou'd forget that I was beat; esteem mybeing turn'd out of doors, a sport; so I might be again happy in herfavours. "

These thoughts and the image of the beautiful Circe so rais'd my mind, that I oft, as if my love was in my arms, with a great deal offruitless ardour, hug'd the bed-cloaths, till out of patience with thelasting affliction I began to reproach my impotence; yet recovering mypresence of mind, I flew for comfort to the misfortunes of ancienthero's, and thus broke out:

 "Not only me th' avenging gods pursue, Oft they their anger on their hero's throw; By Juno's rage Alcides Heaven bore, And Pelia's injur'd Juno knew before. Leomedon Heaven's dire resentments felt, And Telephus's blood washt out his guilt. We cannot from the wrathful godhead run Crafty Ulysses cou'd not Neptune shun. Provokt Priapus o're the land and sea, Has left his Hellespont to follow me. "

Full of anxious cares I spent the night: and Gito, inform'd that I layat home, enter'd my chamber by day-break, when having passionatelycomplain'd of my loose life, he told me the family took much notice ofmy behaviour, that I was seldom in waiting, and that perhaps thecompany I kept wou'd be my ruin. 

By this I understood he was inform'd of my affairs; and that some onehad been in pursuit of me; upon which I ask't my Gito whether any bodywas to enquire for me. "Not this day, " said he, "but yesterday therecame a very pretty woman, who, when she had tir'd me with a longsifting discourse; at last told me you deserv'd to be punisht, andshou'd as a slave, if you longer complain'd. "

This so sensibly touch'd me, that I began afresh to reproach fortune:Nor had I done, e're Chrysis came in, and wildly throwing her armsabout me: "Now, " said she, "I'll hold my wish, you're my love, my joy;nor may you think to quench this flame, but by a more close embrace. "

I was much disturb'd at Chrysis's wantonness, and gave her fairlanguage, to get rid of her; for I was very apprehensive of the dangerof Eumolpus's hearing it, since his good fortune had made him soproud. I did therefore what I could to appease her rage; I dissembl'dlove, whisper'd soft things, and in short manag'd it so like a lover, that she believ'd me one. I made her understand in what danger weboth were, if she shou'd be found with me in that place, and that ourlord Eumolpus punisht the least offence. Upon which she immediatelymade out, and the more hastily, because she saw Gito returning, whohad left me a little before she came. 

She was scarce out, when on a sudden one of the slaves came to me, andtold me that our lord so highly resented my two days absence, thatunless, as he advised me, I invented a good excuse to allay his heat, I shou'd certainly be punish'd. 

Gito perceiving how concern'd I was, spoke not a word of the woman, but advis'd me to behave myself merrily to Eumolpus, rather thanserious. I pursu'd the counsel, and put on so pleasant a face that hereceiv'd me in drollery, without the grave stiffness of a master. Hewas pleasant on the success of my amours; prais'd my meen and wit thatwas so agreeable to the ladies: and "I'm no stranger, " said he, "toyour love of a very beautiful lady. But now, Encolpius, that rightlymanag'd, may turn to our advantage; therefore do you personate thelover, I'll continue the character I've begun. "

Matrona inter primas honesta, Philomela nomine quae multas saepehereditates officio aetati extorserat, tum anus et floris extincti, filium filiamque ingerebat orbis senibus, et per hanc successionemartem suam perseverabat extendere. Ea ergo ad Eumolpum venit etcommendare liberos suos eius prudentiae bonitatique . . . Credere seet vota sua. Illum esse solum in toto orbe terrarum, qui praeceptisetiam salubribus instruere iuvenes quotidie posset. Ad summam, relinquere se pueros in domo Eumolpi, ut illum loquentem audirent:quae sola posset hereditas iuvenibus dari. Nec aliter fecit acdixerat, filiamque speciosissimam cum fratre ephebo in cubiculoreliquit simulavitque se in templum ire ad vota nuncupanda. Eumolpus, qui tam frugi erat ut illi etiam ego puer viderer, non distulitpuellam invitare ad pigiciaca sacra. Sed et podagricum se esselumborumque solutorum omnibus dixerat, et si non servasset integramsimulationem, periclitabatur totam paene tragoediam evertere. Itaqueut constaret mendacio fides, puellam quidem exoravit, ut sederet supercommendatam bonitatem, Coraci autem imperavit ut lectum, in quo ipseiacebat, subiret positisque in pavimento manibus dominum lumbis suiscommoveret. Ille lente parebat imperio puellaque artificium pari moturemunerabat. Cum ergo res ad affectum spectaret, clara Eumolpus voceexhortabatur Coraca, ut spissaret officium. Sic inter mercennariumamicamque positus senex veluti oscillatione ludebat. Hoc semeliterumque ingenti risu, etiam suo, Eumolpus fecerat. Itaque egoquoque, ne desidia consuetudinem perderem, dum frater sororis suaeautomata per clostellum miratur, accessi temptaturus, an patereturiniuriam. Nec se reiciebat a blanditiis doctissimus puer, sed menumen inimicum ibi quoque invenit. 

I was not so concern'd at this as the former; for a little after mystrength return'd, and finding my self more vigorous, I cry'd out, thecourteous gods are greater that have made me whole again. ForMercury, that conveys and reconveys our souls, by his favours hasrestor'd what his anger had seiz'd: Now I shall be in as great esteemas Protesilaus or any of the antients. Upon which taking up mycloaths, I shew'd my whole self to Eumolpus, he startl'd at first, butsoon, to confirm his belief, with both hands chaf'd the mighty favourof the gods. 

This great blessing makes us merry, we laughed at Philumene's cunning, and her childrens experience in the art, which wou'd profit 'em littlewith us; for to no other end were they left, but to be heirs to whatwe had. When reflecting on this sordid manner of deceiving childlessage, I took occasion to consider the condition of our present fortune, and told Eumolpus that the deceivers might be deceiv'd, that thereforeall our actions shou'd be of a piece with the character we bore. "That Socrates, the wisest of men, us'd to boast he never saw atavern, nor ever had been in the common company that frequents suchplaces. That nothing was more convenient than a discreet behaviour. All these are truths, nor shou'd any sort of men, " added I, "moreexpect the sudden assaults of ill fortune, than those that covetwhat's other men's. But how should pick-pockets live, unless, by somewell order'd trick, to draw fools together, they get imployment? Asfish are taken with what they really eat, so men are to be cheatedwith something that's solid, not empty hope; thus the people of thiscountry have hitherto receiv'd us very nobly: but when they find thearrival of no ship from Africk, laden, as you told 'em, with riches, and your retinue, the impatient deceivers, will lessen their bounty;therefore, or I'm mistaken, our fortune begins to repent her favours. "

"I have thought of a means, " said Eumolpus, "to make our deceiverscontinue their care of us. " And drawing his will out of his purse, thus read the last lines of it. 

"All that have legacies in this my last will and testament, my freedmen excepted, receives 'em on these conditions, that they divide mybody, and eat it before the people. And that they may not think it anunjust demand, let them know, that to this day 'tis the custom of manycountries, that the relations of the dead devour the carcase; and forthat reason they often quarrel with their sick kindred, because theyspoil their flesh by lingering in a disease. I only instance this tomy friends, that they may not refuse to perform my will; but with thesame sincerity they wisht well to my soul, they might devour my body. "

When he had read the chief articles, some that were more intimatelyacquainted with him, enter'd the chamber, and viewing the will, earnestly intreated him to impart the contents of it; he readilyconsented and read the whole. But when they heard the necessity ofeating the carcass, they seem'd much concern'd at the strangeproposal; but their insatiate love of the money made 'em stifle theirpassion, and his person was so awful to 'em, they durst not complain. But one of 'em, Gorgias by name, briskly told him he was willing toaccept the conditions, so he might not wait for the body. 

To this Eumolpus, "I'm not in the least apprehensive of yourperformance, nor that your stomach wou'd refuse the task, when torecompense one distasteful minute you promise ages of luxury. 'Tisbut shutting your eyes, and supposing instead of man's flesh you wereeating an hundred sesterces. Some sauce may be added to vary thetast; for no flesh pleases alone, but is prepar'd by art to commend itto the stomach. If you desire instances of this kind, to make yeapprove my advice; the Saguntines when they were besieg'd by Hannibaleat humane bodies, without the hopes of an estate for doing it. ThePetavii reduc'd to the last extremity did the like; nor had theyfurther hopes in this banquet than to satisfie nature. When Scipiotook Numanita, mothers were found with their children half eaten intheir arms. But since the thoughts only of eating man's flesh createthe lothing; 'tis but resolving, and you gain the mighty legacies Ileave you. "

Eumolpus recounted these shameless inhumanities with so muchconfusion, that his parasites began to suspect him, and more nearlyconsidering our words and actions, their jealousie encreas'd withtheir observation, and they believ'd us perfect cheats. Upon whichthose who had receiv't us most nobly, resolv'd to seize us, and lustlytake their revenge; but Chrysis, privy to all stratagems, gave menotice of their designs; the frightful news so struck me, that I madeoff with Gito immediately, and left Eumolpus to the mercy of hisenemies; and in a few days we heard the Crotonians raging, that thatold rascal shou'd live so long at such a sumptuous rate on the publickcharge, sacrific'd him the Massilian way. Whenever the Massilianswere visited with a plague, some one of the poorest of the people, forthe sake of being well fed a whole year at the publick charge, wou'doffer himself a sacrifice to appease the gods: He after his year wasup, drest in holy wreath and sacred garment, was led about the citywith invocations on the gods that all the sins of the nation might bepunisht in him; and so was thrown from a precipice.