THE SLANT BOOKBy PETER NEWELL This uphill work is slow, indeed, But down the slant--ah! note the speed! HARPER & BROTHERSNEW YORK Copyright 1910, by Harper & BrothersPatented September 20, 1910Published November, 1910Printed in the United States of America THE SLANTBOOK Where Bobby lives there is a hill--A hill so steep and high, 'Twould fill the bill for Jack and JillTheir famous act to try Once Bobby's Go-cart broke awayAnd down this hill it kited. The careless Nurse screamed in dismayBut Bobby was delighted He clapped his hands, in manner rude, And laughed in high elation--While, close behind, the Nurse pursuedIn hopeless consternation [Illustration] An Officer slid off the lidAs Bobby hove in sight, And bellowed out, "You're scorchin', kid--I'll run you in all right!" But down the Go-cart swiftly spedAnd smashed that Cop completely, And as he sailed o'er Bobby's headBob snipped a button neatly! [Illustration] A funny Son of sunny GreeceWas standing near the curb, Beside his push-cart, wrapped in peace, That naught could well disturb But all at once he got a shock--The Go-cart speeding down, Collided with his fancy stockAnd littered up the town! [Illustration] The runaway then swerved a bitAnd snapped a Hydrant, short;Which accident proved quite a hitOf rather novel sort The Water spouted in a jetAs much as ten feet high, And all were soaked and nearly chokedWho chanced to be nearby! [Illustration] A farmer's wife, Miss' Angy Moore, Was trudging up the grade. A basketful of eggs she boreTo barter with in trade The Go-cart and the Lady met(Informally, no doubt)And made a sort of omeletteAnd spread it round about! [Illustration] A Painter on a ladder perched, Was working at his calling--Against its foot the Go-cart lurchedAnd sent the fellow sprawling His pot of paint came tumbling downAnd wrong side up, it settledAbout a Chappie's flaxen crown--Oh, my! but he was nettled! [Illustration] A German Band across the streetIts way was slowly wending, Which was a movement indiscreet, The way that things were tending The Go-cart struck the bass drum square, And passed completely through it. The Drummer madly tore his hairAnd said, "Vy did you do it?" [Illustration] Some Workingmen were putting inA heavy plate-glass front. The Go-cart then came rushing inAnd did its little stunt It smashed to bits a crystal paneTwo sweating men were bearing, And sped on down the slanting planeAnd left them mad and swearing! [Illustration] An automobile big and brownWas chugging up the hill, And met the Go-cart plunging downWith speed that boded ill At once there rose a noise and dinOf people in dismay. A Sandwich-man then butted inAnd opened up a way! [Illustration] A Lad was rushing with a HatSome Lady had been buying--The Go-cart caught--and laid him flat, And sent the hat-box flying The Hat fell out and settled downUpon our Bobby's head. "Say, I'm the swellest kid in town!"The precious rascal said [Illustration] A Newsboy next was somehow hit--The Go-cart, swift and dextrous, Contrived to muss him up a bitAnd fill the air with extras One copy Bobby neatly scooped, And saw this wild display, In type so bold it fairly whooped:"A GO-CART BREAKS AWAY!" [Illustration] Then as the Go-cart speeded by, A Bulldog, quite pugnacious, Seized on the handle on the flyAnd clung with grip tenacious The Go-cart's speed was so increasedThe Dog streamed out behind it, And Bobby turned to pet the beastWhich didn't seem to mind it! [Illustration] Perambulating down the streetWas Miss Lucile O'Grady--The Go-cart knocked her off her feetAnd took on board the Lady "Your fare!" said Bobby, with a shout, One chubby hand extending. But Miss O'Grady tumbled outWith shrieks the heavens rending [Illustration] A Herder up the weary gradeA yearling Calf was leading. The creature was a stubborn jadeAnd lunged about, unheeding The Go-cart caught the rope midwayBetween the Calf and Herder, And both fell in behind the shayWith cries of "Ba-a!" and "Murder!" [Illustration] Two Chappies at a tennis meetWere battling fast and hard--The Go-cart skidded off the streetAnd shot across the yard The game was "forty all, " but thenIt didn't end that day--The Go-cart dashed into the netAnd carried it away! [Illustration] On came the Go-cart down the grade(The town was now behind it)And ran into an orchard's shadeWhere Providence resigned it! But then it only grazed a treeAnd set it all a-shiver;The ripened fruit fell merrilyAnd likewise Sammy Sliver! [Illustration] Then through a Watermelon patchThis awful cart descended, And split the melons by the batch--The Farmer was offended And tried to stop its wild career, Which was a silly notion--It passed him promptly to the rearWith quite a rapid motion! [Illustration] A Picnic Party on the greenWere seated at their lunch--The Go-cart dashed upon the sceneAnd through the happy bunch! Sardines and pickles, ham and cake, Were jumbled in a mess, Then straightway rose these PicnickersAnd shouted for redress! [Illustration] An Artist sketching on the slopeA lively air was humming, And so absorbed was he, he failedTo note the Go-cart coming A crash! The circumambient airWas filled with miscellany, And damaged quite beyond repairWas Cremnitz White Mulvaney! [Illustration] A Damsel milked a brindled CowOut in a pasture green, The Birdies sang from bush and bough--All Nature was serene When suddenly a thunderboltDispelled the sweet illusion--The Go-cart gave the twain a jolt, And all was wild confusion! [Illustration] Upon a rustic bridge a ChapCast out a bait inviting, And presently he took a napAnd dreamed the fish were biting Then came the Go-cart like a galeAnd rudely him awakened--At first he thought he'd caught a whale, But found he was mistaken! [Illustration] The longest night must have an endAs well as a beginning;And so this Cart, you may depend, Was bound to cease its spinning It crashed into a hemlock StumpThat chanced to block its way, And Bobby made a flying jumpAnd landed in the hay! [Illustration]